It's odd writing in here. Seems years ago that everything happened. Years it was. I used to be so concerned with how I was in the world. How I appear to people. I care for nothing of the sort now. I don't even know where everyone is anymore. I certainly don't know whats happened to Chelsea. I guess I should update. Brendon dumped me. HE dumped me. Yes. I don't know if it matters who dumped who. So many entries of break ups/arguments and make-ups. I don't know if that sounds bitchy? I care. I've always cared about him and I don't think I'll ever stop. He wanted nothing to do with me. He [We] wanted another people. He [We] gave up on us. I gave up. Gave in. I can't write of being in Christchurch. Of time in Auckland. The good and the bad. It just happened. I want things to be okay again. I suppose none of that matters now. I've just become invisible. I no longer exist. Lies. Fuck it. I know I'm guilty. I'm hanging out with Michelle again. She's my past. She's everything I used to be. I don't know if I'm ready to go back alone. Things are weird without Brendon. We were the gang. Now, they've taken pity. Set-ups with random guys who can't even hold an intelligent conversation.. I don't want anyone else but him. I'm okay though. 6 months ago I would have been a depressed mess. Not now. I'm alive. Alone, but alive. And that's all that really matters.