FUCK YOU that covers it. see, i'm all of a sudden thining i need cash, and i figure the tax dept. has been taking mine for enough years (they say "pay" tax, but making payments is a choice, they just take it. a55holes.) so yeah, i'm deciding a rebate of all the tax i paid before the tender age of 19 should be given back to me ( i dont get to vote, i shouldn't pay tax. to these fucking politiians who just waste it all. fuckers, each and every one.) that's near enough 10k$. so i go online, check it out, website is fucking useless, i need to go to an independant website to find out they're legally obliged to give my money back. i call teh up and ask for a tax summary. well. no. i call and listen to a machine for 8 minutes before the phone is answered, speak for 30 seconds, then get put on hold for 3 minutes, converse for another minute and that's the call over. i'm promised to have the form within 10 days (i give them the leisure of 10 working days. 2 weeks late, it arrives. it says i owe them 1.09c, though they over charged me 180$ riiight. it gets better, i fill in one of the rainforests they carved up, and put it in the envelope they provide, only to find.. hey wait on. i have to put my own stamp on the 'lope. my own 45c stamp. MY OWN 45C STAMP. what the fuck, all the money they take off me, and they can't even provide freepost envelopes. jesus. jesus help us all. i've worked for companies with less than 100 staff, who dont steal money off the entire population, who could manage to provide freepost envelopes. wow. how the government steals and wastes all my money. so yes. this is much lie banging my head against a brick wall, but i feel better for having expressed myself. FUCK YOU HELEN, LABOUR, NATIONAL, EVERY MOFO IN PARLIAMENT AND EVERYONE GETTING A SALARY OUT OF MY TAX. *sigh* i want rachel. i miss her terribly. all for tonight. _R0b 2257|150606

well. i shall start 00:01, monday 12. 2 hours sleep. (continiuing from 2hours sleep on sunday, total=4) 19 hour day: up, drinks with sister, dropped at bus stop, miss bus, picked up by sister and dropped at work, sit for 3 hours doing sfa, powercut, walk in the rain to staci's house, swap wet shirt for dry hoodie i cleverly took off before it started rainging, falling out with staci, sit and watch tv until nigh on 1500 (about 5 hours worth), walk home, shower, get changed, drive self to AN classes, sit in class while staci evil's me for 3 hours, get dropped home about 10, bed/sleep at 11. doesn't sound stressful, but a 19 hour day after 4 hours sleep and 32 of drinking is, hmke? tuesday 13, 0330 up, lie in bed till alarm goes off at 0445, bike to mates house, walk to bus stop, miss bus, walk to mates house, bike to work, job starts at 0730, i arrived there at 0830, work till 1600, wait for 1645 bus, ride bike from depot to mate's house (1800ish) mate arrives home 1900ish, drink, watch tv, ride home bed/sleep by 2200. today, 14 0430 up, wait for alarm, ((as per tuesday to 1800)) bike home from mate's house, do laundry, tidy room, vacum, make bed, clean up friend's/sister's mess, eat, filing, arrange computer again, shuffle the growing stack of paper in my room, reply to emails, and now. 2015ish let's calculate, 19hrs+18.5hrs+16hours and still counting=53.5 hours awake, leaving 14.5 hours sleep out of the last 68 hours, meaning i have been awake 79% of that time, that's mearly 80%, which is 4/5ths, which is insane, because after all that i can still do math. nothing of interest to report. bleh _R0b 2017|140606

why i continiue to bother with this is beyond my reckoning. i have little to say now, if ever. cold meat sandwhiches for dinner. this reminds me of a long time ago. it has been raining something crazy. it slows everything down (for me) and to-day my hearing went beserk. i was working on the mill at work and i could her every gear inside it spinning. painful, to say the least. i've started hallucinating more and more. it's not intollerable yet, though people look rather oddly at you when you flinch from something they can't see or feel. and they talk. worst of all the sounds. random, incomplete, psychotic, sporadic. irritating and frightful. it seems a terrible state of affairs at this moment. and i have nought else ot say. _R0b 2127|270306

it would seem i have faded out, as much so as i faded into, the 'south crew's' lives. that would include sammyt, dvc, lili, and several others. terrible shame, i'm sure. anyway, mood has swung. let's us see how long it lasts. life is loloking up at the mo. have not talked to the pregnant one in ages, it's been good. did talk to rachel. man. i love her. she's great. and i have a weird feeling she will read this. i dont know how. or why. but hm. so yeah, you should know it already, but if you dont: (rach) i do love you. fucking pilarva. plenty of things, i shallnt go into them. for now, adieu. _R0b 1953|140306

grrrrrrrrrrrr. rar. geeeeehrrr. mreow. hurrumf. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggH. i'm so sick of shit.

Trip. Headtrip. i used to know a guy called trip. i think he was me. anyway i just read through a diary of someone (on blogspot), and it ionly comes up with like, one entry per month. and there used to be entries about me there. but they weren't. so i was getting upset. but then i looked at all the entries, and there i was. now. pick the peculiar part out of that sentence: A) i read someone's diary B) someone wrote about me C) i got upset at the thought that someone would delete entries about me D) All of the above. D it is. but mainly C. that means i care. damnit. anyway. got me a car. check it out (i'm not linking this. copy and paste, lazy shit.) http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=47044503 anyway. i'm going to go. i have.. to do with my time. adieu _RAKzle 1811|220206

well fuck. i'm getting a bit irregular on here ehh. oh well, for those of you that care, or pretend to, i am still alive. buying myself a car hooefully this evening. auction. if i dont get it i will be much cranky. work sucks balls. life sucks balls. end.

every day i think "shit, i must do this, i must do that, and i must do the other thine" and not a lot of it gets done. meh. i have started packing up my stuff (pre-moving out), fully packed a 5'6"x4'x3' crate and have started on another. (then i got distracted and decided to sit down an finish one job before continiuing the other., that job being sitD, e-mail, and other net stuff.) checking it off... " hmm, life i suppose is okay, blaine and kat broke up and un broke up. again. they're such a cute couple. but those tits go to waste. terrible. arrrgh. mutilated my face. eyebrow, actually. oh fuck it, i can't keep my concentration long enough to focus on this, bugger it. i'm off _R0b 1948|230106

***Your IQ Is 110*** Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional Your General Knowledge is Above Average A Quick and Dirty IQ Test http://www.blogthings.com/quickanddirtyiqtest/ Your Life Path Number is 3 Your purpose in life is to express your unique self. You are a creative and artistic person with an interesting view on life. Witty and outgoing, you enjoy sharing your crazy ideas with anyone who will listen. A total social butterfly, you're the life of any party. In love, you inspire and enchant your partner. You are often an object of fantasy and desire. While you are very talented, you sometimes lack the ambition to put your talents in play. And while your wit carries you a long way, you occasionally use it to mask your true feelings. Your natural abilities can bring you all the success in the world ... if you let them What Is Your Life Path Number? Your Birthdate: October 7 You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy. And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you. Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights. You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice! Your strength: Your self sufficiency Your weakness: You despise authority Your power color: Maroon Your power symbol: Hammer Your power month: July What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

okay. recent radio survey's i'm forced to listen to in the morning because i car pool with a philipino, have stated that 17% of us good kiwis, think of their ex on a daily basis. too bad they didn't give an hourly %. minutes. even. *roar* i am trying to think of things that i can complain about, but none come to mind, thusly i deduce that i am more or less content. i'm too much, sometimes. aint life grand. (the answer is actually no, it aint. it will kick you in the arse time and time again. but it's one of the things i've got and i'll (apparently, not let it go to waste. though i am right now) profound words, too bad they're tripe. meh the sunset is absolutely fantasmic tonight, well overcast and very dark, but awesome colours, pinks and purples, the usual for a sunset really, but all very dramatic. very nice. i want to share this sunset with so many people that i cannot. terrible. ahh yes, the title of this entry, i just saw, again. kat. that would be kathleen. beans, as she is most affectionately known to blaine. jelly beans, that would be, not green beans. that would be weird. anyway. she's grande, and i dont have nearly enough to do with her, but blaine does so i dont want to stick my nose in tooooooo far. (notice how i used more 'o's than the word too really has, that means i'm emphasising it.) and i dont want her to end up thinking i'm a dick, which wouldn't be untrue, but i dont want her knowing that. meh. have i said she's grande. yeah. she is. and that sums her up. "her" there are far too many "her"s in my life If it were not for vaginas, women would be hunted and shot and on that note i shall end this. _R0b 2049|120106 and why does sammyT all of a sudden hate me ehh?

me: what kind of god would do such things to you? "christian": there are people worse off than me... me: yes, that's another good point. what kind of god would do so much to cause so many people suffering? "christian": the lord works in mysterious ways me: who does he work for,what is the point in senseless trauma? "christian": this is all just a test. me: a test of what?? faith? "christian": it's a test to see whether i am worthy of god's love. --meanwhile-- paedophile: i have candy in my station wagon... paed: mommy says i'm not allowed to talk to strangers paedophile: well i'm not a stranger, mommy sent me to pick you up. she said you should come with me and told me just to say that your name is [insert name written in large black marker on back of child bag] and you should trust me --later, after paed has been philed-- paedophile: now, you can't tell mommy or daddy about this or they wont love you anymore. and thusly i conclude that the christian god is a paedophile. also: " This man truly believed Jesus is the Son of God but refused to turn His life over to the Lord, instead, continuing a crime spree including rape, child molestation and murder." now going by the book this guy's got his ticket to heaven. WHO LOVES CHRIST? god's kill tally. part one: And he smote the men of Bethshemesh, because they had looked into the ark of the Lord, even he smote of the people fifty thousand and threescore and ten men: and the people lamented, because the Lord had smitten many of the people with a great slaughter” (1 Samuel 6:19) 50,070 Who is on the Lord's side? let him come unto me. And all the sons of Levi gathered themselves together unto him. And he said unto them, Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbor. And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men” (Exodus 32:26-28) about 3000 And when Phinehas, the son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron the priest, saw it, he rose up from among the congregation, and took a javelin in his hand; And he went after the man of Israel into the tent, and thrust both of them through, the man of Israel, and the woman through her belly. So the plague was stayed from the children of Israel. And those that died in the plague were twenty and four thousand” (Numbers 25:6-9) 24,000 And Solomon offered a sacrifice of peace offering, which he offered unto the Lord, two and twenty thousand oxen, and an hundred and twenty thousand sheep. So the king and all the children of Israel dedicated the house of the Lord” (1 Kings 8:63) 120thou sheep, 22thou oxen, no people but hey. smited they were. And Abijah and his people slew them with a great slaughter: so there fell down slain of Israel five hundred thousand chosen men. Thus the children of Israel were brought under at that time, and the children of Judah prevailed, because they relied upon the Lord God of their fathers” (2 Chronicles 13:15-18) 500thou Zera the Ethiopian with an host of a thousand thousand . . . Asa cried unto the Lord his God, and said Lord, it is nothing with thee to help, whether with many, or with them that have no power, help us, O Lord our God . . . So the Lord smote the Ethiopians” (2 Chronicles 14:8-12) one mill. Threescore and ten kings, having their thumbs and their great toes cut off, gathered their meat under my table: as I have done, so God hath requited me” (Judges 1:5-7) 70 And the fire of God came from heaven, and consumed him and his fifty . . . And he sent again a captain of the third fifty . . . Behold, there came fire down from heaven, and burnt up the two captains of the former fifties with their fifties” (2 Chronicles 1:10-14) one hundred and fifty, ladies and gents and god innt through with you fuckers yet, i'll leave you with this charming verse..: And the slain of the Lord shall be at that day from one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth that's right. dead bodies covering the earth, in the name of god. (the actual number is 1839220 w00pw00p christ loves, really. anyway. thanks muchly, again, to www.landoverbaptist.com you people rock my sock. anyway, enough. i am tired. bed is horisontal and i did not sleep last night. adieu friends. _R0b 2138|090106

i like her kiss but her sex. i like her smell but her prescence. i love her mind, but not her language. i like her family and her whanau. and you know what? i dont really like her at all. i dont want staci any more. i dont know why. we dont work. *when i come, and you dont come, i wonder just how i should feel* aside from sex, whatever initial spark there was is dead. she used to love being at my place, now it's just something to bide the time she'll still argue with anything i say. she says she loves me (no, she wont even say it, but has implied many times, if you can't say it, do you really mean it? i think not) but words fall hollow (who coined that cliche?) actions speak louder than words, etc. and i so don't feel it. got some grass the other day for the first time in ages. and i dont miss it. i dont want to be drunk, or high, or fucked off my nut on some rather tasty little pills. argh, cannot begin to explain this, i need to rant and rave and do some shit but grrrrr arrrr grrr hurrumf. bob. mark this down as a first and last, that i do not use my signoff.

fuck me. today i added a hundred and fourty odd dollars worth of music to my collection. christmas rocks. no. christmas sucks. but being given music vouchers rocks. not least of my new additions is fall out boy, which i am listening to presently. Are we growing up or just going down It's just a matter of time until we're all found out Take our tears and put them on ice 'Cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light loving it. i'm over rachel. no. i'm not, but i'm going to pretend i am, and hopefully if i do that long enough i can fool myself. i found a whole lot of letters she wrote to/for/me. only 40 pages. there must be more. anyway, as is our love-to-hate relationship, i am going to return them to her, along with a farewell from myslf, and a box of matches. nicely wrapped, of course. i would include a bottle of schnapps, but. yeah. but. i've given up getting over sam. i never will. y'know, the worst two christmases ever. and i realise i've never actually spent christmas day with her. but she was always there. ahh fuck, i've run out of caring. kings of leon rock. queens of the stone age rock. rock rocks! joan rocks my sock. _R0b 2053|261205 oh yeah, what happened to 2005?

Hold me close, but do not hold me tight... i dont know why i am writing. i sleeped all this arvo, so i probably wont tonight. see if we can beat last weeks' three-days-no-sleep. i have an insane desire to write (pen and paper-wise). Frankie bought me a nifty writing folder thing. i want to update my website. i want to feel well. i want to listen to music forever. did anyone from godzone watch Chicago on TV last night? anyone seen it? it's a great movie. i want a soundtrack. the soundtrack of B0b. featuring jimi hendrix, the doors, system of a down and more. i went to a party the other day at mattys. saw so many of my old friends. heart longs for them still. hayley, rachel, sianatu, christine. ah. oh well, from not knowing why i was writing that turned out informative enough. always. -R0b 2111|191205

i was going through all my old files and deleting all the pics that i dont want that are filling ym tiny HDD. i found one that said i was an owl. i went back and took this test again and now i am a snake: Your soul is bound to the Tenth Totem, Yen:The Snake. Yen appears as a vermillion colored cobra. Heembodies passion, rapture, zeal, anddesire. He is associated with the colorvermillion, the season of summer, and theelement of fire. His downfall is indulgence. You are most compatible with Bears and White Stags. Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You? brought to you by Quizilla so, what can be concluded from this? i ate my old self? it isn't out of the questioin you know. and, well, sam. no-one paid me ten bucks to lay the bitch.... anyway, life goes on. for now. i've done my christmas shop(lift)ing. well. most of it anyway. what do you want for christmas? oooh. new pic at the top. very porno isnt it? the answer is yes. okay. i will leave as i have nothing of importance to say. R0b 1320|181205

for those clever bastards who understood the title: congrats. for the rest of you dumb arses it is "just in case" get it? the just is incase and just in case of what? just incase you didn't know enough about me already: have you ever.. (x) smoked a cigaretteregularly (x ) smoked a cigar (x ) smoked anything else (x) kiss a member of the same sex ( ) crashed a friend's car (x) stolen a car (x) been in love (x) been dumped (x) shoplifted ( ) been fired (x) been in a fist fight (x)snuck out of parent's house (x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (x ) been arrested regularly (x) made out with a stranger ( ) gone on a blind date ( ) lied to a friend (x) had a crush on a teacher yes, my cousin has a hot teacher. hot. ( ) skipped school no, never. surprisingly ( ) slept with a co-worker (x) seen someone die (?) had/have a crush on one of your MYSPACE/LJ friends ( ) been to Canada ( ) been to Mexico (x) been on a plane (x) thrown up in a bar.. (x) purposely set a part of yourself on fire (x) eaten Sushi (x) been snowboarding (? ) met someone BECAUSE of myspace/LJ (x) been moshing at a concert (x) been in an abusive relationship (x) taken painkillers (x) love someone right now (x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by (x) made a snow angel ( ) had a tea party (x) flown a kite kites rule (x) built a sand castle (x) gone puddle jumping (x) played dress up ( ) jumped into a pile of leaves (x) gone sledding ( ) cheated while playing a game (x) been lonely (x) fallen asleep at work/school (x) used a fake ID (x) watched the sun set sunsets rock (x) felt an earthquake (x) touched a snake snakes like me (x) been tickled (x) been robbed ( ) robbed someone (x) been misunderstood (x) pet a reindeer/goat yes. because they're entirely similar aren't they. (x) won a contest (x) ran a red light (x) been suspended from school regualrly (x) had detention (x) been in a car accident ( ) had braces (?) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night (x) had deja vu (x)danced in the moonlight ( ) hated the way you look (x) witnessed a crime created more than i've seen =p ( ) questioned your heart (x) been obsessed with post-it notes (x) squished barefoot through the mud (x) been lost (x) been to the opposite side of the country (x) swam in the ocean ocean rules. (x) felt like dying (x) cried yourself to sleep ( ) played cops and robbers (x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers ( ) sung karaoke (x) paid for a gas with only coins (x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't (x) made prank phone calls (x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose MILK (x) caught a snowflake on your tongue (x) kissed in the rain (x) written a letter to Santa Claus ( ) been kissed under a mistletoe (x) watched the sun set with someone you care about i want to. i want to now. (x) blown bubbles (x) made a bonfire on the beach (x) crashed a party (x) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people (x) gone rollerskating/blading (x) had a wish come true ( ) worn pearls (x) jumped off a bridge (x) screamed "penis" (x) ate dog food ( ) told a complete stranger you loved them ( ) sang in the shower ( ) have a little black dress (x) fucked in a park (x) fucked in the bathoom (x) had a dream that you married someone ( ) glued your hand to something (x) got your tongue stuck to a pole yes. fuck it hurts. ( ) kissed a fish (x) worn the opposite sexes clothes ( ) been a cheerleader (x) sat on a roof top (x) had sex at a church (x) screamed at the top of your lungs (x) done a one-handed cartwheel lisa ricks. (x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours (x) stayed up all night ( ) didn't take a shower for a week (x) pick an ate an apple right off the tree (x) climbed a tree (x) had a tree house ( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone (x) believe in ghosts ( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes (?) worn a really ugly outfit to school ( ) gone streaking (?) played ding-dong-ditch (x) played chicken fight (x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on (x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger (x) broken a bone plenty. of mine and other peoples'. (x) been easily amused (x) caught a fish then ate it i love seafood (x) made porn (x) caught a butterfly nicely, though (x) laughed so hard you cried ( ) cried so hard you laughed ( ) mooned/flashed someone (x) had someone moon/flash you ( ) cheated on a test (x) forgotten someone's name (x) slept naked regularly ( ) French braided someones hair (x) gone skinny dippin in a river (x) been kicked out of your house i've done a lot. priviledged life, woop. love all. R0b. 1854|041205

the reason. more like. the reason i am getting off my unmotivated arse and going flatting is: well. i'm not entirely sure i'm ready to write what it is. but i will. staci is pregnant. joy of all joys. known her 6 months. and who says smoking pot makes you infertile? anyway, this is new of last week, but confirmed today with the sentiment: i'm having your baby yeah well. that's me fucked for the next decade. and that's far too much excitement for one entry. _R0b1706|291105

had a look on my shelf, couldn't find my anthology. flipped sideways. but it was there, i just wasn't looking hard. found ramblings, will write some here: only love can conquer hate all today's kids are tortured, and instead of a moral family to support, they turn to influences like TV. which gives them stupid violent ideas of suicide and stuff, in the old days you had to be crazy to do it. now days you're crazy to not, at least, try. wandering insanity's depth hither and yon dislocated thoughts arcing to eachother for a semblance of normalcy one true love, been and gone, nothing to live for =fatalism entertaining a paranoid delusional fantasy dry cereal - milk was expensive thinly spread jam sandwhiches on wholemeal bread for desert makes you appreciate what you've got. always slashing at my wrists, lengthways, but hiding it, doing it in public (under desks etc) i'm not supposed to have knives, i'm far too dangerous with them entire body screaming, stabbing pain in my neck hand on a weapon, my eyes are bleeding the knife is for me and there isn't much time. how's that for a random insight into my psychoticness. some are memories, some just quips that i thought up, others just random. anyway. uneventful week really, work's been going quickly which is good, been sleeping well, bike not running, mission with the front caliper, thinks fork's twisted. better not be. no big plans, movies and piss at blaine's this w/end. buying new stereo on saturday meh. life goes on as per normal i guess. _R0b1801|231105

way way wayyy too much money this wweekend. i'm still drunk so you'll have to excuse the slurr that will prossibly appear in my typing. on friday i took staci out to dinner. 160$ yesterday i bought -a bottle of scotch 40$ -a few rounds of drinks 60$ -brake pads 70$ -brake fluid 10$ -vaarious other things unkonwn$ waking up with a small chiuaua in my bed - priceless. no. no canines. but that's 340$ in a weekend. not keen. not keen at all. did get to catch up wth matty and warren though so all good. but then i realise i'm poor. not all good. oh well, life rolls on.as it has ahabit of doing. staci's at work today so can;t just mung with her. i want jandals, so i need to drink beer. long story. all for this morning. i'm still pi55ed _R0b 0836|201105

I am in such a fucke up mood right now. De-brief: Friday consisted of drinks at mates place in the name of a housewarming. got fucked, barfed on train tracks. Saturday went to big boy's toys (cars/boats/bikes/motors/technology expo), then proceeded to get wasted at my place, drinks, bbq, popped off a few rounds with the 12. timmo, never fired a gun before, slugged a few bottles with the .22, then i grabbed by shotty. i dropped one off, he was like "i wanna go", i gave him the gun, he was like "wykked" gave it to darlios, he's a skinny afrikan fellow, he flew backwards. laughter ensued. shot the fuck out of my deck's railing. Anyway, this morning i tidied up last night's carnage, all was well until about 3 this arvo hen i snapped and have been bipolar ever since. went and saw staci. it's weird, i want to say what she wants to hear. i haven't writ in here in a while, so you people dont know the story, shit. o you even know i have a job? probably, but my job doesn't matter muchly. anyway. i want her to be happy.. but... i dont know, i have to ask myself why i'm in this, i blammed the aforesaid darlios for just using her to get his dick wet (he actually loved her though so..), i guess that could be what i'm doing. but i care, so i guess wrong. I miss rachel. still. always. i miss my samma. always. been talking to little miss, she's getting on.. surviving better than i expected, but she is (in the words of sylvia) a strong person. head like a hole. that phrase is in my head. i can't continiue, too tired, too inexpressive i want the old days back, when i had no future to look foreward to. just lived out life not giving a fuck, no responsibility etcetera quotation: patience is living day by day, letting go of yesterday and waiting till tommorow comes. not the original, but as best as i can remember. moi. Susse traume all. _R0b 2056|121105