I am in such a fucke up mood right now. De-brief: Friday consisted of drinks at mates place in the name of a housewarming. got fucked, barfed on train tracks. Saturday went to big boy's toys (cars/boats/bikes/motors/technology expo), then proceeded to get wasted at my place, drinks, bbq, popped off a few rounds with the 12. timmo, never fired a gun before, slugged a few bottles with the .22, then i grabbed by shotty. i dropped one off, he was like "i wanna go", i gave him the gun, he was like "wykked" gave it to darlios, he's a skinny afrikan fellow, he flew backwards. laughter ensued. shot the fuck out of my deck's railing. Anyway, this morning i tidied up last night's carnage, all was well until about 3 this arvo hen i snapped and have been bipolar ever since. went and saw staci. it's weird, i want to say what she wants to hear. i haven't writ in here in a while, so you people dont know the story, shit. o you even know i have a job? probably, but my job doesn't matter muchly. anyway. i want her to be happy.. but... i dont know, i have to ask myself why i'm in this, i blammed the aforesaid darlios for just using her to get his dick wet (he actually loved her though so..), i guess that could be what i'm doing. but i care, so i guess wrong. I miss rachel. still. always. i miss my samma. always. been talking to little miss, she's getting on.. surviving better than i expected, but she is (in the words of sylvia) a strong person. head like a hole. that phrase is in my head. i can't continiue, too tired, too inexpressive i want the old days back, when i had no future to look foreward to. just lived out life not giving a fuck, no responsibility etcetera quotation: patience is living day by day, letting go of yesterday and waiting till tommorow comes. not the original, but as best as i can remember. moi. Susse traume all. _R0b 2056|121105