Lookie lookie who is updating. Im offline right now that is why I have not been posting any thing. I miss talking to you on here who are on my friends list and not actually in the same state as me. My life is still not so great but fuck I have had it. I'm about to fucking go nuts. Things seem to look up for me for awhile then it goes to hell in a hand basket again. Whats a girl to do. I have not been able to talk to two people who mean alot to me for some time now. That has taken a toll on my heart and soul. I want to know when my brother is going to move out here (my good friend). I miss my friend Morna also. She has always been there for me and I neede her more now then ever. I hope to talk to her soon. Now for some new that has been looming over my head for some time now. My blood brother is in the Army. He goes over in Sept. I hope and pray all the shit over there will be taken care of before then but I know it won"t be. He tries to make me feel better by saying he will be far away from all the bad shit going on over there but he can't promise me that. Even though I hate that he inlisted I,m very proud of him from becoming and emt. He passed his test with flying colors. The more I thing about him going the more I cry. I started crying while I was driving the other day because I thought about him going there. If any thing happens to him when he gets there I will lose my fucking mind. Im really trying not to think of all the bad things, but some times they just take over all other thoughts. I wish I could just get away, or have some one come along who could help me get things off my mind. I have so much on my mind and don't want to bother you all with all of it. I just figured I would hit a few that were really getting to me. I hope to write soon again but not sure when that will be. To all that have kept checking my diary thanks for missing me and checking back to see if I'm writing. hugs to you all