Well some time ago my friend said she thought I had body dysmorphic disorder (bdd for short). I was actually looking up something else when I came across things they say indicate you have it. Here is my list:Moles and freckles being too large or noticeable, Minor scars or skin aberrations, Too much facial or body hair, Breast size and Overall size, shape and/or symmetry of the face or another body part. She is the only one who knows because I go into detail with her what I don't see in myself and what I find flawed and gross. This all came to the surface again last night when I was showing some people my pic. They were all saying how hot I am. I dont' see it at all. I never have. Most people have no idea how self loathing I can be. I do believe I hide it rather well though and com off more as someone fishing for complimants than resurance. I have also come to realize that me always having to make some change to myself is related to this. I keep making changes to myself in hopes that for once I will see what others do and feel it also. I truely do want to see this person everyone else does. I get so many compliments and some times I actually believe them but only for a short time. I find ways to pick it all a part. Like they are just to nice to say you are ugly. I can never truely make myself believe what is said. I mean if I could afford to I would get my breast inlarged not with implants though. Yet in my research I guess alot of people with BDD get plastic surgery in hopes to feel better about themselves. So even if I could get them done I still would most likely not be happy with myself still. The thought of being naked in front of some one just terrifys me. I hate being looked at when I'm naked. I don't like having the lights on nor having sex during the day. I feel best when covered up by a sheet or the room is really dark. Then my flaws are hidden. Which is what I'm going to go do now is hide in the dark where I feel safest any more.