keith &i have been together for awhile now. we live together, in my fathers house, with christina. when we were up in New York, Keith &i would never fight. living with him now, i see the real him. he's not the person i started dating months ago. he doesn't do anything. hes lazy. he doesn't work. he had a job @ casabellas, he acted like he worked. Christina came home &told me how he did nothing. i work all the time. so that means i'm tired. &since keith &i ever started having sex- he's obsessed with it. i'm not. we fight all the time. he gets mad @me constantly. 24/7. chris thinks i'm wipped. i don't think so. he used to make me happy all the time. now i'm thinking what michelle said is true. he has a terrible temper. when he gets mad he calls me heartless, &selfish, &immature. those are things girls usually don't like hearing. i'm pretty sure i don't. i miss my mom. i miss lauren. i miss my home. june 15th i am going home. only for a few days. just to see the family. this is something i have to do. keith gets pissed off everytime i bring it up. he doesn't trust me @all. he thinks i'm going up to new york &staying up there. personally, fuck him. its my life. its my family. family will always come first for me. why? because they have ALWAYS been there for me. i really miss my mom i miss waking up on thursday nights with her &watching sopranos til 2am. &then we'd talk for hours. summertime is coming around &i can just picture her sitting out by the cabana watching tv; or gardening with mulch on her knees and her dirty sneakers, her hair is a mess, and her face is soaked from swet. but somehow, she still looks beautiful. i never wanted to leave you please understand that. i love you & i will always love you. i want to be with you so bad. but we both know that is not happening. we would go golfing right before the sun would go down. &then go to the clubhouse for dinner. i listen to meatloaf now, &its not the same. the words don't mean as much as when we would listen to it. it doesn't make me smile anymore, it makes me cry.