It still feels like yesterday that you left, but eternity since I last heard your voice.

I got a chilling phone call that will stay with me forever from my mother.

She called me and told me Grammy had atleast 2 weeks left to live. How do you get off of the phone and face that? How does it process in my brain? It doesn't.

I flew home for a few days, Gram was weak, but strong enough to stick around to tell me she loved me. We all knew that she didn't think this was it.

I spent everyday, as much time as I could with her. The day came when I needed to fly back to Florida. I knew just by the way my stomach wasn't agreeing with me that I shouldn't have left. But I did.

Pop was driving, Grammy was in the front seat, I was in the back with Mom. I took my last picture with Grammy, and its one of the most beautiful pictures right next to the day I was born and Grammy is holding me. I got out of the car and hugged Grammy, knowing this was the last time I would ever hug my best friend again. I told her I'd always be her baby and she said the same. I told her I loved her more than anything and we both cried as I held her in that passengers seat.

I walked into the airport with Mom, crying. Poppy stayed with Grammy in the car parked on the curb. As I grabbed my ticket and was about to go upstairs and go through security, I turned around and all I saw was Grammy crying in the car, she didn't see me, she probably thought I had already left.

Something came over me, all I could think about was "is this really it? is this how I am going to say goodbye to her? I can't do this" then my mind went blank, I needed her, my love craved for hers, I could feel my body go numb from all the pain my breaking heart was causing. I ran to her. She didn't even see me coming, I startled her when I opened her door. My arms flew around her, I held her so tight to me that there wasn't room to breathe. We both break down, in the mist of my cry for her I could hear Poppy crying in the backgroud, the sound was so fant that at first I thought it was just her and I. I told her that she'd always be my best friend, that I'd make her proud of me, and shortly enough I will come home to her.

And then I left. I couldn't bare to look back, knowing that she was watching me walk in to the airport, watching her baby leave her forever, watch me walk away from her, watch me give up.

A week passed when I finally got the phone call, telling me that Grammy was going on morphine, and she only had days.

It was a rainy Thursday, I went to work early, but didn't punch in. I called Mom's house, but there was no answer, so I called Grammy's, hoping to hear that beautiful voice say Hello.

Aunt Kathy answered the phone, and then I found out that I won't be hearing that beautiful voice anymore. "Would you like to talk to Grammy Nei? She won't be able to talk, but I'll put you on speaker phone so that she can hear you". I told her I loved her and that I was coming home to be with her, and to stay strong. I tried so hard to not fall apart on the phone with her but I couldn't resist. Aunt Kathy got back on the phone and told me that she was booking a ticket for me and I'd be home in a couple days for the funeral.

It was a Monday morning, I didn't sleep at all the night prior, and I worked all weekend. I figured I was flying home for a week, little did I know, a week was nothing compared to how long I was really home. The trip home felt like forever, I made time go by a little faster by talking to a few people on the plane. When I saw Mom at the airport, I asked her a million questions, what should I say? do? Who's at Grammy's? what's going on?

I got to Gram's and Uncle Pete was there along with Jimmy and Aunt Kathy. I hadn't ate in days, yet I was so nervous to see her, I could feel vomit in my throat. I walked in to her room, not expecting what I saw, I had to take a deep breath. Uncle Pete and Pop walked in with Mom and I. They both said "Your buddy is here, Lynnae is here". I saw my best friend lying there, in her bed, the bed that we both used to nap in, where I used to sleep when I was sick and I stayed at her house, I saw my Grammy lying there, dying before my eyes. I went up to her to give her a hug, and told her I was home, and I wasn't leaving her, I told her I missed her, and then I could hear a little whisper, "missed you". I knew she could hear me.

That Friday was Mom's birthday, a day that will stay with me until the moment my heart stops beating.

Majority of the family was at Pop's, having dinner and celebrating Mom's birthday. As the night was ending, we all went in Grammy's room to talk to her, we could see by the look on her face that she was getting irritated with us, so we all said goodnight to her.

I was left in the room with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jimbo. I went up to her, sat next to her on her bed and hugged her, and said to her "Grammy I love you so much, I'll always be your baby" and then God gave me faith, Grammy shook her head to say No, and then I said to her "No? I'm not your baby?" and then God gave me hope, I heard that beautiful voice I've been wanting to hear say to me, "yes you are". I could not believe my ears. All I could do was hug her, I felt like greatest person in the world. So I ran into the living room and into my mother's arms and I immediately needed to tell her.

Shortly after that Grammy had left. Everything I knew about love and hope and faith had left me too. I felt my world just come to an end. Even though I know she won't be there to give me advice, or answer the phone when I call, I won't be able to get anymore kisses from her, I know that she is still her, and not just her memory, but she is with me wherever I go. I see her when I sleep, I get to tell her I miss her, and love her, majority of the time she doesn't say the same back, I know she does though. She is my angel, my guardian angel, she is the light in my life, she is the heat from the sun, she hugs me when I feel the wind on my skin, she is everywhere I turn, when I blink, I see that beautiful face I've always grown up to see and grown so immune to seeing all the time. Her laugh lingers with me, I hear her call me her baby when I'm feeling lonely. She is my best friend, and always will be. She is that warm, comfortable, amazing feeling that I get. I miss her terribly, but her love is always with me, and I know that's what matters the most.

38th