Life sucks. I hate it

I woke up it was 7 I waited till 11 just to figure out that no one would call I think i got a lot of friends but I don't hear from them What's another night all alone? When your spending everyday on your own and here it goes I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me tonight And maybe when the night is dead, I'll crawl into my bed I'm staring at these 4 walls again I'll try to think about the last time, I had a good time Everyone's got somewhere to go And they're gonna leave me here on my own and here it goes I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me What the fuck is wrong with me? don't fit in with anybody How did this happen to me? Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep and every night is the worst night ever I'm just a kid I'm just a kid I'm Just a kid (I'm just a kid) Yeah, I'm just a kid (I'm just a kid, I'm just a kid) Yeah, I'm just a kid (I'm just a kid, I'm just a kid) I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is nobody wants to be alone in the world I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is nobody wants to be alone in the world Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me tonight I'm all alone tonight Nobody cares tonight Cause I'm just a kid tonight

hey, everything that I do, i see, i read, listen to or watch pisses me off. Or it depreses me. you, you think that you can walk all over me. well fuck you! I am sick of you telling me what to do and then actually expeceting me to do it. Im sick of you asking me to go with you places but then when i do you blow me off. Sick of you bitching and complaining about everything. the world does NOT revolve around you and you can go screw yourself if you think I am ever doing anything with you or for you ever again. When I ask you to do something for me, you pretend not to hear me. fuck you man you really have no idea how much i want to just blow up in your face. You think that everyone cares about every little thing you do or want. Well guess what, everyone else might feel sorry for you - but i dont. I know what you are doing. You are trying to make everyone your best firend but then once they consider themselves one of your firends, you are going to ditch them and just use them for shit you want. You were a total bitch to me then when i gave you a souvenier, you were all goody goody with me. You can go fuck yourself - because im sick of your shit. And all your friends shit too. I constantly have that little lump in my throat making me want to cry. But Im am sick and tired of crying over people that dont care. Why is it that I always screw up? Every decision I make turns to shit, everything i say backfires. I wish i could just lay in my bed and rot away. I see a knife, or a razor and I wonder if I cut myself, will all my inside pain go away? If people see my scars, will they finally realize just how selfish they are? If i cut myself, would people start to care? So many questions and only one way to find out. But I cant do it to myself, because then people will as soo many questions, hark so many lectures, tell so many people. I sit in my house all day long, and when i talk to people, it is always about them. Noone ever says, "how come, or is there anything i can do?" it is always, "yeah, imagine how i felt when...", or "you have no idea, when _______ ignores me ..." Shut up! I am sick of noone asking, sick of people pretending to care, then when i begin to explain, it always turns into "me me me" Go to hell!! Fuck you all! Go and pretend to care about someone else, because I dont need you anymore. Courtney. >>e.g.>bffl<<

Hey everyone! Not much going on today... I talked to Brandi and Deena today on the phone for over 3 hours ... I love those guys so much! Things are on the path to better with Katelynn - FINALLY! Not going to get into it because that is mine and her business .. sorry! I miss everyone so much! And thats pretty sad cuz it hasnt even been a week!!! well - dont really know what I wanna say .. As Always courtney

Hey everyone .. Today was the first day on finals... English and Science were today .. almost didnt have enought time to finish my Science one . Today also made me realize that today started my final days at elklake. Im not going to miss the school - but I am going to miss MOST of the people in it. But it isnt goodbye guys! I am gunna be coming to Homecoming next year and all your other BIG activities. Im going to miss you guys so much - or at least the people I like .. because why would I be sad that Im leaving the people I dont like ..that wouldnt really make any sense. So yep .. like the quote on the english final ... the end to my time at elklake is also my beginning at a new place. Well - I am off to study for my final day at elk lake ... Im Going to miss you guys! (you know who you are) As Always Courtney

Hey everyone .. First - I hafta say R.I.P to Jesse Hallock. I wasnt that close to him - but I knew him enough to care. Jesse was always smiling and making people laugh and everyone is going to miss him so much .. we love you! Now - people are so inconsiderate! When you are having a moment of silence for a classmate - you dont laugh.. thats just flat out rude! I dont care if you didnt know him - you at least need to have a little respect for those of us that did. And please dont go around talking about it like it wasnt even a big deal.. if you do feel the need to tell people how you found out .. or anything like that .. dont do it with a smile on your face .. that just shows that you didnt even care. Say it with a little concern .. just incase someone that did actually care is sitting right near you .. As Always Courtney

hey everyone. Had work today - pretty tired. didnt make much $ ... but oh well - it was worth it. How? you ask?. Because when i was working I wasnt thinking about anything that is going on in my life ... i was just trying to make some money. It was so niice not to think about everything .. it made me see what my life is going to be like when I eliminate the drama ... SO MUCH BETTER! I just dont even care anymore .. people can read whatever teh fuck they want and say whatever they want ... I dont effing care anymore. So yeah - Katelynn - that means you too. I really dont care anymore! Go ahead and say whatever the fuck you want because you arent worth me crying over everynight anymore ... not that now I know how you really feel about me. Why should I cry over someone being mad at me who doesnt even fucking like me? Fuckyou. Emily.Gillian - I love ya! Life is great with you two. As Always Courtney

Hey So yeah today was field day and I had alot of fun. I went into bouncy boxing and I beat Gillian!!! Tee hee! Like I didnt want to hurt her - but I really wanted to win ... so I was like "well - if she didnt want me to hurt her then she wouldnt have agreed to box me!" And I did the obstacle course ... I WON! oh yeah! Aaron almost caught up to me and almost beat me. But then at the end instead of putting the mat inunder me to stop me from gettin brush burn I just jumped down the bid slide ... then that made me win. So yeah - sorry I made my last entry private ... but There is someone that really cant read it cuz if she does then me, and two other people are going to be in LOTS of trouble. So I figured I should make it private ... As Always (but a little larger ego) Courtney

Hey everyone Today was probably the most shitty day I've had in a really long time. Weel, today and last night anyway. Katelynn: ...So yeah - I asked you if there was anything you wanted to say to my face and then you tell me that you have nothing to say to me. That really doesnt make any sense to me. Because you can say shit ABOUT me in your diary - yet you have nothing to say to my face?! And you said online that you didnt regret saying any of that stuff about me and you would say it to my face ... yeah. See how well that worked out for you. I ask you if you are going to sayit to my face and all of a sudden you have nothing to say? OKay then... -------------------------------------------- Okay ... I told my mom last night about almost everything that has been going thru my head. She now knows that I am moving ... which makes things alot easier on me. Yep. ---------------------------------------- I hate how people pretend to care ... if you are just going to pretend to care then dont even bother. Because when I find out that you are only pretending ... it hurts more than knowing in the first place. I am just so sick of people walking all over me then getting all pissed off when i confront them about it. UGH!!! Then you go and turn it around so Im the bad one just because I am the one that read it ... I cant wait .. only like 13 more days of this shit then I am outty! All of your problems will be solved because the 'bitch' will be gone then everything will be picture perfect just like everyone wants it to be. Because once Im gone - there wont be anyone to stick up for other people, or themselves for that matter ... so yeah - once im gone i wish you all the best! As Always Courtney

hey had my first day of practice yesterday .. i am so sore!!! I have a scrimage today - really nervous since i dont know anything about soccer ... suck at throw-ins .. and cant kick with my left foot .... got alot of improving to do ... so im really hoping that he doesnt put me on the game field since its only my second day in the soccer world. missing all my friends so much! SO happy to have made new ones! I love yo soccer girls - so much fun together even when we arent at practice!!! a different county shouldn’t mean a kick to the curb a long distance number shouldn’t mean no phone call and a different school shouldn’t mean losing all your friends .. but i guess nothing is ever what it should be .. cell it 267-6627 love Courtney ♥

i just fucking love being dicked over ... fuck you

i miss him. i dont want him back - but i miss him. I just want him to be happy and have everything he ever wanted - even if its not me.

Hey peoples tomorrow is my birthday!!! YYAAYYYY thats it for now Courtney

Hey everyone. Sittin here hangin out at my house. Happy Belated Easter to everyone! Picked out the paint color to my room at my dads house this last time I was down there. Got a whole bunch of summer clothes too. When I go down there I love how I can be myself. Yes - when Im here i am mostly myself at school - but not at home. I feel so trapped and lonely it isnt even funny. This past time I was down at my dads I made up my mind about alot of things. Things that have been on the back burner for so long people know about now. The only problem is that the person that needs to know these things the most doesnt. She doesnt know them because I am afraid of her. I am scared to tell her and get a reaction from her. I know that once I tell her things are going to be different and awkward. I wish I could just do what I am planning to do without having to tell her. I want her to just know. I have been thinking about it and working myself up over it. I am expecting the absolute worst. I think of things now that I have never thought about before. I think of how I am going to talk to people. I think of how I am going to look people in the face and tell them the truth. I am scared to think of these things now knowing that these things are soon to come. I want to do this on my own. I dont want people to help me ... I just want them to be there for me once I do it on my own. I want people to understand and not hold any gurdges against me. But I know that this will never happen. Once I tell her - things will be different between us - and I dont think I can face it. Until Next time Courtney

Hey everyone! Not really doin much of anything ... sorry I havent written in a while - Ive been really super busy. Some news thats not ok for me to write in here cuz i dont want everyone to kno. Well, I went down to my Dads house a few weeks ago and I got a job offer .. then a couple days ago I was talkin to my stepsister and she told me that her boss would hire me. Its called the Alora room. So yeah - once school is out I am going to start working there. I think it will pay better than my other job offer. SO yeah - go me! Well, nothing else really to talk about ... leave mt some comments! As Always - Courtney

hey everyone! sittin here at Brandi's not really doing much of anything. I am listening to LOST - The First Season and everyone else is in the living rooom watching it. Last night Brandi got her new bedroom set and Deena and I worked really hard on it cuz like - thre was nothing in her room - all her stuff was in garbage bags cuz she had to take it all out of her room. So Deena and I made it all better. I put all her pictures back up on her new mirror and folded her clothes and put them in her new drawers. We cleaned out the closet and reorganized it for her. It was alot of hard work but it deffinetely paid off in the end. She was so excited about it. I have a thing over at the school tomorrow - and I hafta be over there by like 8:15 in the morning. It is called MatMan Wrestling and I am gunna be over there till like 4 but i have a feeling that I am gunna be roped into helping to clean up afterwards. So I dunno. Well - LOST sounds like it is getting interesting so I am gunna go. Love yas! Courtney* p.s. If you read this then please leave comments on the entrys you read.

hey everyone! waiting to go to brandi's - but my brother and stepdad are outside messin around with the snowmobiles. So they are gunna bring me over there on the sleds cuz the roads are pretty bad. STUPID SNOW! Oh - and if you guys are gunna leave comments - thats great - but if you are going to leave nasty ones, at least have the courtesy to sign them. THere is nothing more annoying than getting a nasty comment from some that seems to be mad at you and then not knowing who it is so you can make them not mad at you.