Yeah, those of you who read this, you should probably stop, because I think I'm done with it. Sorry, bye bye!

Poem: "Newsphoto: Basra, Collateral Damage" By Steve Kowit. Published in The Sun literary journal. Used by permission of the author. (buy now) Newsphoto: Basra, Collateral Damage Our armies do not come into your cities and lands as conquerors or enemies, but as liberators. --General F.S. Maude, commander of the British colonial forces in Iraq, 1914 Apparently the little girl is dead. In Basra, bombed to rubble by the Yanks, her stricken father cradles her small head. Her right foot dangles, ghastly, by a thread. Cluster bombs & F-16s & tanks. That is to say the little girl is dead whose fingers curl (small hand brushed with blood) as if to clutch his larger hand. He drinks her -- sobbing -- in, & cradles her small head, & rocks her in his arms, the final bed but one in which she'll lie. The father clings, as if his broken daughter were not dead, her face, as if in sleep, becalmed, but red, bloodied, bruised. At bottom left, the ranks of those still dying die beneath her head. Legions of the Lords of Plunder: the dread angel of empire offers you thanks! Look, if you dare! See? The child is dead. Her stricken father cradles her small head.

two things have happened, both cool, but one is awesome and the other kinda creepy. ready? awesome: I went to NYC yesterday with the drama club to shop, do a workshop, and watch a play... The play was: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and guess who was in it? That's right... LUCIE ARNEZ, the daughter of Lucile Ball and Dezi Arnez. So, I have seen her live. Oh yeah baby, it rocks... cool but kinda scary: I was bored with doing yard work today so I went frog hunting in our pond. I found one and started throwing bits of grass at it to make it go under water or move. It didn't work, so then I got a really long piece of grass, 4-5 feet long, and I started trying to hit it on the head. When I finally managed this, the frog opened its mouth really wide and tried to bite the grass. At this point I was kind of freaked out and a little purturbed, so I said, "you're a vicious little froggy, aren't you?" Then I tried to hit the frog again. When I did, the frog bit the grass and started to climb up it towards me. I screamed, dropped the grass, and ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction trying to get away. It was scary and I now have a permanent phobia of frogs. That thing was not normal, frogs don't bite do they? What if it's out to get me now? Eeeeek... Love ya! Love, ME!!!! What if that freaky frog attacks me in my sleep? At least you'll know what happened to me.

Court-I'm gunna miss you. We got so much closer this year than any other and I'm glad, because I actually know you now. I would be really sad if I had never gotten to know you because you are a great friend. On a sadder note, I just wanted to say that even though I didn't know Jesse, I do know those that did and I feel terribly for them. I didn't know him but I mourn him just the same. There are some people who will never forget this and have been greatly effected by it. I am so sorry for those people. I cannot imagine what that is like. My deepest respect for Jesse Hallock and all those who knew him. Rest in peace Jesse.

Here, guys. At least I'm not mad this time, just extremely depressed. I feel like such a liar, I told Katelynn today when I saw her that I was getting my belly button pierced today. First I was going home and then my mom was taking me down to Marks to get it done, however, the stupid state of Pennsylvania has a retarded law stating that 15 year olds are not to get their navels perced with or without their parent's permission or even with them. So, after I'd worked myself all up into a tizzy and was super excited, I realized it was not to be. Then my parents were going to take me to the mall to make up for the disappointment and they said I could take a friend. I called every single one of my friends, and believe it or not, they were all busy. Emily wasn't home-I think she's at her brother's graduation. Katelynn was at her aunts. Courtney was no where to be found. Kryssie was going to a wedding and Monica was missing. So I decided to stay home and curl up on the couch, give myself a semi manicure, read a book and watch a movie. Maybe then I'll forget why I'm unhappy. I had my heart set on this and was looking forward to it so much, but it was not to be. I even cried I had my hopes up so high just to be let down. The upside is that I am getting it done. However, that will be on my 16th birthday which is in exactly 7 MONTHS and 5 DAYS. Pretty exciting, huh? I really wanted it done before I go camping this summer. Oh, well, unless I go to Twisted Ink (which I definately will not) then I have to wait for over half a year. It sucks and I am really upset. I have been looking forward to this since February and now I have to wait for a really long time. I never get what I want. Oh, well. ~Sigh~ At least this is one of the worst things that ever really happens to me. So, I guess I'm pretty lucky overall. tootles- Me {:-(

GILLIAN RUTH CLARKE G is for Glorious I is for Industrious L is for Legendary L is for Lively I is for Industrious A is for Astounding N is for Nutty R is for Revolutionary U is for Unnatural T is for Tricky H is for Humorous C is for Classy L is for Loud A is for Articulate R is for Revolutionary K is for Kinky E is for Entertaining

I hate life I hate my parents I hate everything I was all happy when I got home and then my mom decided that she needed to tell me that since someone spotted a coyote around here today and my cat has been missing since this morning, Tamsen is never coming back because she is dead. When I told her Tamsen is fine, she insisted she is dead. Then my dad started in on me because I was yelling at my mother. They piss me off so much. Now, apparently my mother has decided that she doesn't want me to go on exchange. If she doesn't let me go after me looking forward to going for, oh, I don't know, 5 years, I may just shoot her. That makes me so upset. Heather and Hilary get to go, but no, Gillian isn't allowed. I have had my heart set on this ever since Heather signed up. She has no right to do that. God, I thought this was a good day. I just noticed that I usually write on here when I'm mad. That's probably because its when I'm mad that I have things to write about. Oh, and to make matters worse, I cut my self on the trampoline. Actually, with my nail while on the trampoline. This has to be one of the worse afternoons of my life. I can't wait until tomorrow, I won't see either of my parents until about 9 at night. Then on Saturday I won't have to see them until Sunday because of the cast party. I can't deal with them lately. OFFICIAL NOTICE: PARENTS FOR SALE IF YOU HAVE GREAT PARENTS AND WANT TO TRADE, I'LL PAY YOU. ACTUALLY, I'LL PAY YOU TO TAKE THEM ANYWAY. When will this shitty day end? kisses, gilligan

I know, I know... It's been a long time... But now everyone can get off my back because I am finally on here! Hooray! My mom needs the computer now, so this won't be very long ( plus I have nothing to say except that I hate having the flu) but I will try to say something. I don't know what to say... Ahhhh... I am home alone again tonight. Lucky me. Actually, heather will be here at around 9 cuz she got fired. So... I lied. Someone will be here. Maybe I should stop talking-scratch that-writing. I haven't eaten anything for 2 days, and I think that that is starting to affect me. Man, am I hungry. and thirsty, but I cant eat or drink without puking it up half an hour later. It kinda sucks. anywaaaaay. I am going to shut up now. abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz now I know my abc's next time won't you sing with me. buh-bye

I feel like I am dying. That is the reason I am not at school. I thought about it because there was a two hour delay this morning but I changed my mind. Its a good thing that I did. I am really not in any mood to be around people. Colds will be the death of me. My head feels like it is going to explode. On another topic, I am going to have to get Emily to help me with my myspace tomorrow because I can't figure it out. I am technilogically challenged. The only thing I really know how to do is check my email. You know what, nobody cares. Why am I telling you this, oh dear reader? I will stop now. Maybe my cold will kill me and I won't have to suffer anymore. Oodles of bugs and sometimes hugs~ XOXOXO Love me, Gillian

He just came in and asked me why I am being bitchy and I told him I wasn't. Then, he asked me if it was giving me some kind of power trip or something. I nodded and sarcastically said that it was. So once again he told me to smarten up. I hate it when he works nights. I just want to kill him sometimes. I need a beer.

Normally I would say that I love my parents and that they are the best, but today I am just so mad. I just got in trouble because my mother didn't want to go outside in the 20 degree weather but she decided I could do it so she told me to go outside and brush the dog to get the mud off her so she could come in. I, not wanting to get cold ether, said no. This ruined her plan so she had to play marter and said that she would do it. She does that all the time and I am sick of it. So, so she wouldn't have the pleasure of "making me feel badly" I did it. I came in and my dad was all nice and told me thank you and everything. I didn't say anything, which I guess got to him because after I had hung up the bag of dog brushes he started yelling at me and saying that I need to smarten up. I hadn't done anything, said anything, nothing. He just wanted to make me mad. You know what is really great? When he yells, actually it is screaming. However, if you tell him to stop yelling at you, he will get all mad and explain to you like a three year old that it is only yelling if your voice is raised. Guess what 9 times out of 10 when you accuse him of yelling, his voice is raised. I am sick and tired of it. Sometimes I wish he weren't so big so I could hit him. He deserves it sometimes. I can't wait for him to go to work. God D** Father.

I haven't written on here in so long. It's amazing. I am quite disgusted because neither Hilary or Nathan will email me. I have been bugging them to, but of course they won't. Maybe Nathan has changed his email address, who knows, I can't get in touch with him. Hilary however, she should email me. I took two hours and email her about 15 pictures, but does she say anything no. That's not all together true. She emailed me a two sentence email about a week ago that said: Thanks for the pictures Gillian. I love you. I am... GRRRRRRR,,,,,,,,,, People irritate me. Plus, myspace has gotten rid of me so I can't get on. I was trying to because I decided that I would finally start keeping it up, but could I get on? What's the obvious answer? NOOOOO! of course not. Nobody wants poor little Gillian to do anything or hear from anyone. Humph.

There is nothing like sitting and drinking coffee on a Saturday morning. Plus, I am typing on a new keyboard because Heather dumped coffee on the last one. I have half an hour left before I have to start getting ready to go see Blast. I can't wait. It will be so awesome. (Em, I would bring a tape recorder but I just remembered that they check your purses at things like this. I would get caught and charged with preemptive pirating. Sorry!) Anyway, I can't wait. My only problem is that I don't know where I have to go to meet up with everyone else. I should be able to see the bus. Hopefully. We should be getting the Christmas Package from Procter and Gamble any day now. They always send them out early. I love getting them. It makes me feel special, plus they always have chocolate in them, which is awesome. I love free chocolate. Who am I kidding? I love any kind of chocolate. My email address is pnutbttercup For those who know me, you know it is spelled differently than that. However, I don't want spam emails. Well I have to go. I am going to check my emails before I leave for the school. Hugs and Kisses. I love you. Tchao, Gillian

Let America Be America Again By Langston Hughes Let America be America again. Let it be the dream it used to be. Let it be the pioneer on the plain Seeking a home where he himself is free. (America never was America to me.) Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed-- Let it be that great strong land of love Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme That any man be crushed by one above. (It never was America to me.) O, let my land be a land where Liberty Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath, But opportunity is real, and life is free, Equality is in the air we breathe. (There's never been equality for me, Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.") Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?  And who are you that draws your veil across the stars? I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart, I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars. I am the red man driven from the land, I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek-- And finding only the same old stupid plan Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak. I am the young man, full of strength and hope, Tangled in that ancient endless chain Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land! Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need! Of work the men! Of take the pay! Of owning everything for one's own greed! I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil. I am the worker sold to the machine. I am the Negro, servant to you all. I am the people, humble, hungry, mean-- Hungry yet today despite the dream. Beaten yet today--O, Pioneers! I am the man who never got ahead, The poorest worker bartered through the years. Yet I'm the one who dreamt our basic dream In the Old World while still a serf of kings, Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true, That even yet its mighty daring sings In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned That's made America the land it has become. O, I'm the man who sailed those early seas In search of what I meant to be my home-- For I'm the one who left dark Ireland's shore, And Poland's plain, and England's grassy lea, And torn from Black Africa's strand I came To build a "homeland of the free." The free? Who said the free?  Not me? Surely not me?  The millions on relief today? The millions shot down when we strike? The millions who have nothing for our pay? For all the dreams we've dreamed And all the songs we've sung And all the hopes we've held And all the flags we've hung, The millions who have nothing for our pay-- Except the dream that's almost dead today. O, let America be America again-- The land that never has been yet-- And yet must be--the land where every man is free. The land that's mine--the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME-- Who made America, Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain, Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain, Must bring back our mighty dream again. Sure, call me any ugly name you choose-- The steel of freedom does not stain. From those who live like leeches on the people's lives, We must take back our land again, America! O, yes, I say it plain, America never was America to me, And yet I swear this oath-- America will be! Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death, The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies, We, the people, must redeem The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers. The mountains and the endless plain-- All, all the stretch of these great green states-- And make America again! 

Well, I got home and was talking to my dad and eating cookies when I looked out of the window and saw my bus in the road in front of my house. I decided if it was still there once I had changed, I would go see what was the matter. Turns out it broke down. As I am typing bus 18 is delivering the rest of the kids at their place of residence. My dad just went out to see if he could be of assistance. Who knows, maybe he will be. This is my way of NOT doing my geometry. Delano is evil. He makes me work, especially when I don't want to. God, these are good cookies. I could probably say just about anything at this point and no one would read it because they got so bored reading this such a long time ago that they are never going to see this part for the sake of quiting or dieing of boredom. (that was a big runon. Transue would yell at me) Anyway, here goes, I did miss Heather when she was in France and I am looking forward to my dinner with her tonight. If anyone read that, you must tell me or you will prove my point that I am boring. See, I am boring you right now, I can tell. You know what, bite me. He, he, he! Hugs n Kisses! XOXOXOXO, Gillian

Hilary just called. I picked up the phone and heard Spanish and someone laughing. I was like "HILARY!!!!". More laughing. I do miss her. You must tell NO one. She says that she can understand people now. That makes me so happy. You don't know how jealous I am of her. I didn't even ask and she answered the question that I had been meaning to ask her. She has not gained any weight, even though she eats the "best chocolate ice cream in the world" every day. I'm glad. That gives me hope for when I go. She says that she excercizes every day. Apparently, she really likes Rodrigo. I guess that's good but it makes me worry. Not much I can do from here. I am going to give this address to her though so she can kind of see what is going on here. Hilary has now finished grade 11 and is on summer vacation. She will be out of school until February. Lucky. I have gotta go check my emails now so I can email her. Tchao <3, Bolivian Girl's Sister

I was just looking stuff up for my health proj. and I got kind of bored. I'll do that later if I remember. At least this gives me something to do. With this kind of thing I never know what to write about. I don't even write personal stuff in my journal 'cause I'm afraid someone will read it (hem, hem, heather). How much you wanna bet that all my entries will be reeeeaaaaaaaaaalllllllllyyyyy, really boring. Ahhhhh, what to write about. Alas, I don't know. My dad is being funny right now. We are going trick or treating tonight at the nursing home where my grandma lives and he has his costume on, which consists of an old goaly mask (like Freddy Kruger) and an old hoody. He actually looks pretty creepy. Anyway, he just had my mom pretend like she was answering the door and he turned around really slowly to look at her. If he came to my door, I would run away screaming. I'm going tonight as a gypsy. I have a mask so it shouldn't be too hard. My mom bought a lot of masks a while ago. We have about 3 gypsies, 2 pirates, and 3 clear ones that make you look really wierd when you wear them. It makes Hallowe'en a lot easier when you have masks, let me tell you. O.K. now that I have exhausted that subject, I once again have no idea what to write. Da, de, da, de, da. Oh, I know. I know I said I wouldn't but I am kind of copying Hilary's old health proj.. It's just so much easier. Plus, it isn't word for word, I change each sentence a little. I just hope that Mrs. Farr doesn't recognize it. I'm getting my own pictures too. I will tell you, I love haveing older sisters. O.K. I leave in half an hour so I had better go get ready. love yal, Gill P.S. Court and Em, you had better not pick on my style of writing. I'm not saying you will, it just crossed my mind so I thought I'd mention it. I like my writing. (Hallowe'en is traditionally spelled w/ an appostraphie too.)

Hey everyone!! guess what!! ... blah! b.t.w. ... this is courtney! love you! smurfy*