ok so my mom and randy just got in a fight, about the fact that randy never spends family time...hes just always on the computer or the phone, and then the next thing that happens is that my mom is talking on the phone....figure that one out the thingt that bugs me, they don't even pay attention to moi..its just them, its as if i don't belong....i can't talk to them anymore..they either want to know to much or, i just get a i'd just quiet at life i'd just drop out...i hate it... so i just got asked what i was doing, and i said nothing so now their prolly talking about me..see this is my life, the upstaris, grrr... i talked to ym aunt lisa last night i vented to her about ym brother.. thats it, gotta go watch t.v. with them so i can "spend some time" with them

ok so its almost been a month since my aunt gails death, and today at 9:00a.m. my grandma sherwood passed away.... i'm going to camp, but her funeral is wednesday so i'm leaving camp wednesday morning, and go back down thursday morning if they will let me, which i hope they do and by them i mean my mom and randy, and sky lake, which i know they will let me... so thats my story..and when aunt dee told me i tryed to call KATe, and she wasn't home, so then i tryed to call meagan and she wasnt' home so i called GILLIAN and she was...man i love and miss that girl... well thats all R.I.P. Grandma The time has come when we all must say bye but its not forever, and we all know why the momorys we all have is whats going to keep us strong.. grandpa with your beautiful smile when he saw you walk down the aisle. your son and daughter with your screaming face as they started to give you some more space. all you grandchildren with your wonderful stories but the one thing we wll all treasure most is your love for each and everyone of us!! so although the time has come its not really goodbye its more of a reunion of all the wonderful times, you have tought me oh so much, how to be strong, and caring .... how to finish it

ok so today was the viewing/funeral ..... and i must sa it was really hard... first i have to say...i'm bad with viewings, and secound i loved the hat they threw on her, it was deffinetly her...pink, with pretty flowers around it...she was so beautiful secound at the baccaloria thingy the school had to do we sang the song on eagles wings and it reminded me of my aunt gail,and before the church service thing started i told my aunt dee that,a nd then at the end of the service they played my aunt gails secound song and it was on eagles wings...i cryed like a little baby.... her other favorite song was the state of liberty which is a pretty good song let me tell you... so that was the that, then after we got done at the cemetary we went to my aunt maries where i saw a picture of me and my brother in a basket with aunt gail right next to us watching and smiling....hmmmm so thats it... R.I.P. aunt gail forever in our hearts <3 6/17/07 2:00p.m.

so today was the last day of school its kinda yay and kinda nay so first today was my last day i got to see alan..wich is good seems how i liked him all year.... i found out that my one friend Samiloo is moving to dallas yet again..and i'm going to miss her dearly... some of my friends are flat out annyoing... they change around everyone,a nd i'm tired of watching it with my eyes. there never themselves and it make you kinda not want to trust them..... so the last couple of months have been crazy,a nd pretty messed up... i usually spend most of my life upstairs....because my mom either works or is halping and or talking to randy..so yea i do kinda feel like i don't belong sometimes...and my brtoher is hardly ever around and when he is my mom talks to him so its just me yet again... oh and randys starting to drive me crazy with the whole pickign on me..hes always hitting me (jokingly) and asks me so many questions that are so random, and sometimes "stupid" that you can't even answer...then when you can't answer them he just keeps asking you more questions I'm sick of my mom and randy always talking down about my brother...i mean sure i'm kinda diss apointed in him to, but that doesn't mean i'm always going to say how hes back with kara, i know it, and i can't beleieve hes doing this, and this...hes not doing anythign right in his life...urg oh and i can't tell either of them anything anymore not even my own mom...if i tell her she tells randy, and if i tell randy i just get i'd just give up, i just drop out of school...oh man you have it bad.... I"M finally sick of all of it... wanna know more.... chat it up!!! Gotta love my friends -- kate, court, and aunt dee

i think my knee might be getting alittle better...YAY...FINALLY!!!! First i must say that some people are driving me in sane, but i come to just ignore them and act like nothings wrong.... and yes kate its not you, but it is prolly who your thinking of.... Anyways... schools a pain, and its hard, and i'm hoping to pass everything for the report cards if not then i don't know what to do... i have to help my aunt tomorrow with the Daisys then come come and see if greys anantomy is a rerun,....guess what i'm bring to school 2morrow to start reading...thats right Everwood...WOOT!!! thanks to my katelynn YAY... ok so thats it with my boring and fullfilled life :/

i'm sick of feeling like i always have to prentend to make it so you don't call me emo, to make it seem like i'm the girl who has it all so you can continue to feel sorry for yourself... so for now on i'm gonna be me...so call me emo if you want, but i no that i'm not, and if you weren't so cought up on yourself you'd open your eyes to relieze that everyone is different....... we aren't all going to walk down the hallways with a smile on our face, and pretend that we are the only nonemos in the building... so call me whatever you want sweet heart, but i'm tired of hiding the me inside, the sad girl who only wants alittle happiness at home, and school...and if it takes all her life shes gonna wait...for that perfect friend who will love her for her, and she'll wait for that perfect guy who won't care how she acts, what she shows, or how she talks.... so listen up sweety you can call me emo, or a hoe bag, or a spoiled brat, or whatever else you or anyone else calls me or thinks.... but for now i'm gonna me wiether its a sad and "depressed" or happy and "excited" or a snobby bitch.......... I JUST DON"T CARE... I'M GONNA BE ME,AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN I GUESS IT JUST SUCKS TO BE "YOU" SO IF you don't like go find some new friends who will put up with everything that you do or say and or think cuzz i'm sick of it... this is not just directed to one person..there are multiply people involved, and if you think its you, please dont' just freak out on me, cuz you may not be one of the people...

2 more days till my sweet 16, i'm so excited, i can't wait....lol i know i know you guys are prolyl all just like shut up, but ok,...its exciting...except for the fact that i may not get to get my permit due to house hold rules...ugh...well anyways... for my birthday this year, i'm not doing much...the most i'll be doing is hanging out with my family, and haveing my friends over at different times due to their schedule not working with mine....i love you all no matter how much you think i don't Kate- yes you are deffinetly one of the greatest....you may get mad at me, but i get mad at you to...so we are kinda neutral...lol ps. you will come to my dad sometime, and we will have fun...and it;ll be me making it all up to....lol ^not that, that made much sense... well i shall go now ttfn-- ta ta for now love always Moi

kate- i'm sorry i don't tell you stuff and i do no that i can, and that you will help me....yes i know you wrote those comments in my last entry :D ok... so i don't tell my friends stuff, because they haveit worse then me, and i know they don't want to hear all my problems...cuz apparently my life is better then theres....but i guess they just don't really know..and yes that is one of my reasons why i don't tell you guys stuff...i know you guys care, and i know you worry but just stop...i'm cable of doing this... ok so i also don't like to tell people stuff because i don't like to share things, because it just causes problems, drama, or somthing to that effect... UGH.... my brothers an ass and he doesnt' care about anyone in his familys, he only cares about karas fuckin family...we are chop liver to him, and most of all his sister......who never gets to se him anymore, and never gets to spend time with him, talk, any of the things we use to do....its as if i'm invisable....like i am to everyone else...i'm just . well thats it for now.... Random Thought: if i leave him.....will he just get up and leave, or would he stay around for when i need someone... why do i date jerks, and guys that have problems which makes me not want to break up with them at any point in time... UGH!!!

lol.... life is full of odd things, theres sadness, happiness, scary thoughts, happy thoughts, a mixture of junk...check it out.. lol well kate your not the only one who still goes on it..lol can't wait till homecomming, its gonna be so f-in awesome....hehe actually the bonfire is going to be even better, we get to see courtney...lol can't wait... hey guess what Kate-- we get our class rings 2morrow...hehe love ya hun-- and i'll always be here for you!!!! *muah*

GRR... ok so i guess i'm the only freak who still writes on here, but its ok, cuz soon you;ll all be back, and i won't haha...suckers anyways...school sucks i have no classes with anybody i have one class with kate, and one with gill, and one with meg, oh and lunch.... but thats it...gym is gay without one of my gals, and of course in all the other classes i feel like a big fat loser because i don't talk to anybody cuz i either don't like them or they have there own little group that they chill out with.. school would prolly be better if i actually slept at night, but i haven't slept good in like forever........all summer i slept like crap and now i still sleep like fuckin crap...i hate it....the last time i slept good was the first night i slept at my own house when i got back from the wonderful state of florida...so yea...i'm so tired, and misserable, and i'm sick of people, and life, and school...i no i no its like the first week of school how can i be sick of it already...you have no idea... at times i jus want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out, but i tell myself not to and to look on the brightside of things, and maybe things will get better...but they don't seem like they are they seem like their getting worse..i just want to scream everything from a frickin mountaintop....GRRR WHY? this? Why? now? why? me? GOODBYE....SO LONG!!!

well first i went to church to talk about my wonderful weeks at sky lake... .........ok so it was my last day of summer and guess what i did..?????????? thats right i went to aarons family reunion with who else but katelynn...me and her had alot of fun...aaron got mad at us a couple of times but we had a blast..... near the end we hung out with jake, and that was kinda cool.....we deffinetly don't think hes gay anymore...oh and i spilt aarons cookies on the grass and me and kate picked them up and put them back in the container...and the cookies weren't the greatest they tasted kinda burnt...oh and we got one of aarons family members to pick on him about being gay, and he put pudding in kates face so she dumped soda all over him...it was funny.....then we talked to jake about how he hates gay people, and so on and so forth.. the food was good, me and kate like ate a bunch even tho we both weren't hungry..so that was kinda kewl.....well i think this is long enoguh and you guys are prolyl bored... oh and i finally was able to give kate her b-day present...i think she liked it, but i'm not 100% sure...anyways that was my wonderful day... so see ya!! i'm so not looking forward to school tomorrow....UGH

i cant' do this anymore.... how do i say it, how do i explain, how do i do it...ahhh help someone..... i want it all to go away....just for it all to vanish...all to fade...all to drowned in my tears... i don't know what to do.... i really don't!!!!

katelynn-- i love you hun, and i just wanted you to know that you are the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for, and i wanted you to know that i will always be here for you whenever you need me for anything don't beafraid to come to emily...cuz emily has no life, and her goal is to make her friends happy...anyways...i love ya hun, we have some many wonderful times together tlike waking up at 6:15 in the morning to go to the end of the drive way...love ya Spk gillain- hey hun i love you to, its nice to have someone on the field hockey team to talk to so i don't look like a big fat loser...tomorrow is going to be awesome....3hr. practice followed by a car wash....fun fun... court- hey hunny..i miss ya tons..we dont' really talk much anymore, but i guess its all cool...i mean we both have a life it happens..lol...so many mems...love ya who else can i shout out to... even tho they'll never get it:: Ali- hey i love ya bud....your the awesomest friend ever..we are so much alike its creppy...specially when it comes to complaining about our friends-- j/k..lol... even tho we get in trouble like everyday i still have a blast... ashley- i love you to my bus buddy..lol even to you sometimes annoy the crap out of me with you and brain and the other ashley drama...i still love ya, and no matter what i will always tell you how i feel about it weither you want to hear it or not.. meagan- i love you hun.....we've been through alot together...so many great mems, and so much awesome times togther with our boyfriends....i love you hun, and i wish you and john the best of luck, and i hope you guys can work things out...:-*

wow...i never knoew how much fun i could have with my aunt dee....we went to go see the devil wears prada, and that was a pretty kewl movie, then we went to aunt dee dee's house where we looked at my brothers old photos, and that brought back alot of memories, and then we wated till uncle joe got there then we went to the fire place to eat, and then me and dee dee got a death by chocolate for dessert to share of course cuz thats why to much for one person,...then i came home, but i rather not tell ya what happened on the way, thats between me and my wonderful aunt dee, and plus none of you will care or understand, and i don't want the whol f-in word to find out... YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T FEEL SORRY!!!

My childhood is back to haunt me.... i won't go in to telling you why, cuz you prolyl don't wanna to listen, just like every other time i try to tell someone something, alls they want to talk about is themselves which is fine with me (honestly) but can't i say one thing that isn't all ways about "you" ok so yea i spend my whole day upstairs away from my mom and randy, and yea i tend to be quiet alot but when i actually want to say something, does it matter nope, do they listen nope, does anyone care....PROLLY NOT so if you care let me know besides i'm always here for you...

yes you said...LIFE SUCKS......... but it turns out we all have a different deffanition for that...only because we have something different going on in our lives.... just because we are all sometimes happy doesn't mean that we don't have those days when we wonder what the world would be like without us there...think about....we all have thought it, or dreamed about it...its just apart of life. Just think if we all had a good life, would there be anything worth living for.....The part of haveing a bad day is awesome because when we have a good day its better then ever.. Just to let you all know its good to talk to people about your problems even the ones that you think won't care, cuz if you tell them the truth on how your feeling they may do something to help................ .....YOU NEVER KNOW TILL YOU TRY!!! so if your having a crappy day, and you just want to pass over and die,....just think about the ones that love you the most, think of what they'll be like when your gone.... LOVE YOU ALL and if anyone needs someone to talk to i'll alwyas be here for you... i may not always say what you want to hear, but its always the truth, and i'm just trying to help....so bare with me :-D

field hockey started, and its only the 2nd day man am i out of shape...this is crazyness.. well i have nothing exciting to say so see ya

for those of you who didn't know i was at camp all week...i'm back a day early, and it was a blast i had a lot of fun, and although i'm not going to write alot i just wanted to let you guys no i'm back, and i'm so happy... well i shall go and pack for florida... I'll be back from florida around the12th of Aug.!!!!....leave me lots of lovins wherever i can possibly find them... MUAH

i love you so mucho... KATELYNN ...... CHAMBERS i love ya hun, i don't know what i would do without you.... i'd be lonely, i'd have no1 to do the demented birdy with me, no1 to want a filing cabnet, no1 to want to steal stuff from the school, no1 to talk about people 2, no1 to complain 2.... NO1 to have a BLAST with no matter what we are doing.. No1 to share my secrets with no1 to listen to me, or me listen to them without getting annoyed..LoL so i just wanted to say without you i prolly wouldn't have a great time doing NOTHING i love you katelynn and i couldn't ask for a better friend then you...kinda like you said i am the pee in your pants...lol hun i want you to know that i will always be here for you no matter what...even if you just want some1 to listen i will just listen...if you need advise or just need to talk to someone i'm here for you.... I LOVE YOU SPK

well i went to Ed's yesturday he came back from arizona in the morning.. when i got there he gave me a bear.. its white, and he named it snowball... its so cute Then i met some of his famiyl members ok maybe not some, cuz there was alot of people there. Well thats about it on that well i'm missing my friends dearly... katelynns leaving friday, and courtneys still at ocean city, and gillian isn't home right now, and meagan of course is with JOHN...so i'm sitting here doing absolutly nothing, and it sucks very much so badly.. so yes i know what a boring entry, but i must say that i'm done with it... KATELYNN M. CHAMBERS- i love you with all my little heart......i'll miss ya tones when you go on your mission trip....