So today was....horrible to say the least. I stayed up till 1:30 this morning talking to seth and heather, and of all people, tyler. And so, it helped a bit. Seth was able to make me laugh. Heather gives logical advice. And yet, well, never mind. So on to the rest of the day. I got up early today, surprisingly i wasnt rele that tired. So i got ready, cried a bit, and then waited for dustin. He came and got me, then we went to get heather. Then i bribed him and said i'd buy him coffee if he took us to wawa. So he did. and we saw seth. and then went to school. and i had a mob around me. i felt loved for once. it was cool. then i go to throw my coffee cup away and get glared at. that wasnt so cool. then i went to homeroom, was a shaky hungry mess. Went to spanish. Had a conversation with some people i didnt even know. Went to geometry. Did a worksheet. Told lesley what happened. Went to driver's ed. kelsey found out too. she agrees it was gay. went to PE, listened to some random career day guy. Wasn't rele paying attention though. Basically spilled my entire life story to harrison when asked why i was blue. he's a cool guy. Then went to lunch. That was a drag. didnt eat anything. Sat down and the second i did kevins instantly like whats wrong? So i tell him. He also agrees with the gayness theory. Sat there and waited to see if lj would bother to talk to me. he didnt. so i went and sat in the bathroom to calm myself down, i was attempting to refuse to cry at school (something that didnt last very long). So i go back to the table. Talk a bit. Take off my ring and put it in my wallet. Decide a lot of stuff is bullshit. Lj finally comes to talk to me. Not much. I couldnt look at him. Couldnt talk without crying so i was mostly quiet. Left as soon as the bell rang, uttered a small bye. Kevin walked me to class, and i cried. Went into class, billy asked why i was crying. Explained. Bad idea. Fixed that. Took some random assignment to get out of class. Went out to b lunch and talked to liz and olivia. That was nice. C lunch i culdnt take much more, went back to class. Went to bathroom with krystin, talked about moser not coming back next year. Spent directed study out in the hall with lauren, nolly, and krystin. Took some pics also. Went to english. Saw LJ. Went to class. Poetry sucks. Went to science, saw LJ again. Was going to say something important, then though better of it. Wasn't worth more crying. Got to class. Cried of course. Not obviously though. Bao asked if i was ok, i said no. He told me things would be ok. I said they wouldnt. Then he decided to mention LJ is going to ask ashley out. What a perfect way to cheer me up. Went to bus ramp, avoided looking at LJ. Watched dustin and julie be all lovey. I couldnt watch so i headed to the car. Went over his house to work on my spanish project with heather. Was actually having fun, but we all know thats just not allowed. So lj calls, and says joy wants me to stop asking people to talk to her (which i didnt do), make julie stop telling her friend not to talk to her (which also didnt happen....julie doesnt know any of her friends), and says to leave her alone. Then someone adds and leave LJ alone too, or else. I so love being threatened. At this point, im thinking bring it on. But instead i screamed i cant deal with this bullshit i love you but i have to go. I hate how they make him do their dirty work. If you have a problem with me, have the balls to say it to me yourself or back the fuck up off of me cuz i never did a goddamn thing to you. EVER! But hey, you're getting very good at making me fucking despise you. I have seriously never had so much hatred for someone in my entire life. Ok. random outburst over. I'm just sick of being treated like shit when i didnt even do anything, and having no one bother to stick up for me. So anyways...that put me in a bad mood for awhile. Then we went back to the project, and finished. Oh yeah. I made a new friend today, his name is, dustins dad. lol. i had fun over there, except for...well yeah. So then i came home. Talked to seth. Did another one outfit load of clothes. Ive been so lazy lately. But i dont care. So ive been home. Talking to people, thinking about things. A lot of things. And i've made a few decisions. But they're too personal to post. So maybe i'll just make a private entry later. I do have one last thing to say though: I'm sick of fighting it. I give up.