so much has changed... yet it didn't

ugh this love shit is soo fucken complicated.

He says he loves me and for a good 30 mins he's the sweetest guy ever.

BAM he's the biggest jerk you have ever met.

I guess I should start from the begging huh? hmm idk, its gonna be a long one.... plus I still have hw to do before my afternoon class starts. Â¬Â¬ fucken CK

fuck it

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The following has been hidden... I dare you to try and find it tho.

C had asked me to move in with him and his roomies in March, bc their lease to the place they are at now is gonna end in march. and everything has been going great between us both. Hell even for awhile thats all he could talk about, and he was worried that I was gonna be hesitant. Then he began to plan out how we would want our room, he would ask me questions. Ie: where do you want our bed to be placed hun? should we buy new sheets? are the sheets I have comfortable for you? is there anything you plan on hanging up on the walls? ect...

then about two weeks ago. my girlie L was having a convo with J (for the sake of it ima use his nickname HappyMealKid...aka HMK... later on I'll go into why thats his nickname)... well hmk had told L that he didnt want me there, he doesnt think C and I have a "healthy" relationship... then L told hmk some random crap how he cant know he doesnt know nor see what goes on when no one is really around and thats just how they C & I act... plus not to mention Im not one to be very talkative let alone I dont like talking to C when others are around, but im like that with all my friends... bc I easily get sidetrack and theres just some things I dont want ppl to hear or what ever... meh... anyways back to the subject.. L later told him that she will just move out and get a place with me, but its not fair for her nor C... but if anything C and G [G is her bf] will end up moving out too and moving in with us.. hmk told her that C wont ever move out, he's not that kind of guy and that he wont leave his friends just for some girl whom hes gonna eventually break up with and that C doesnt love me enough to just do that...

Â¬Â¬

soo L told me this when she wasnt supposed to... and I told C what had happened... but I didnt mention the "oh he doesnt love her enough to move in with her" shit... well i kinda did... i think i fucked up right there...

bc well for a while C was pissed at hmk.. but was whatever and he was gonna move in with L, G and me .... well up till last week he gave me his answer....

hes staying with the guys... Â¬Â¬

ya know I wouldnt mind it if it was G or some of his other friends like L's cousin. bc he has known them longer than he has known me or just the same amount of time... but noo... He has only known hmk for about 2 years.. I think less but what ever.. and he has known me for about 5 to 6 years and we've been together for close to 3 years... I mean am I wrong to get pissed off about this?! srsly now... ugh..

i just feel so betrayed now..

then I think I fucked up even more... bc I sorta gave him a ultimatum... i told C that if we dont move in together by the time I get my degree, I'm leaving town... Im going to apply for a job on a cruise ship. And I had let him know that I would be gone at months at a time and rarely home...but thats only if he and i dont end up moving in together by the time I graduate college and what not...

and he had said "okay hun, I'll miss you but I hope you will have fun"

WTFH!? Â¬Â¬

im srsly getting sick and tired of this 180 shit.. i swear im going to get whiplash from this fucken shit...

anyways J's nickname is hmk bc hes soo fucken depress and what not, trying to off him self and what not... he needs a fucken happy meal!

personally I think he has no right to judge mine & C's relationship. besides hmk is a freakin stalker... he stalked one of my good friends and kept telling her that he is in loved with her, that they are ment to be bc he has had dreams of her..and that he wont give up and that she will soon see it that they are made and he tried to kill himself to use that as a leverage for her to go out with him..

hmm gee be the judge. ya think he has the right to judge anyones relationship besides his fucken own?

im out. time to work on hw>

lost into insanity