Kimberly Vinci Mrs. S Creative Writing Point of Departure October 26th, 2005 ( forever ) The American Dream At the age of seventeen, I am far from being a “Doctor of Journalism” as Hunter S. Thompson undoubtedly is, but every waking hour of my life is spent searching for the American Dream. The dream is to be happy and everything I do adds to my happiness. I had been searching for the American Dream only to realize I’ve found it. I was told, “Take a left at the light. Go to high school, graduate, make a right off White Street, go to college and get a good job… MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF.” I plan to. The dream is a journey, which is never ending. It is a search for a better life: good fortune and happiness, something we can never get enough of. Deep green trees, a cloudless blue sky, the strum of a guitar. Life is beautiful. These are the days that I live for. Wake up to the alarm playing my favorite song- perfection. The dark morning sky is never depressing, except for being a sign that I’m on my way to work. Working everyday helps me appreciate the little things in life. Work, a noun, is described as a physical or mental effort or activity directed toward the production or accomplishment of something. My journey to the heart of the American Dream passes through places of “work” daily. To have a place of purpose, proof of my ambition. I sit in the uncomfortable stool, hands and arms covered in Dr. Mike’s famous “Rich Chocolate Ice Cream”. I hate it, the customers are assholes, but I can’t be mean. Today, I’ve washed the cracked and stained floor twice. I have scrubbed two days worth of dishes: buckets covered in drippy, sticky ice cream and pumpkin and butterscotch sauces. Sure, I hate cleaning, but at a job where I can eat endless ice cream for eight dollars and hour? I love to hate it. As I open my paycheck, I love it even more. Sunday morning is my favorite. At twelve o’clock I can be found in Ridgefield venting about my work filled week, a cup of coffee and a cigarette and then whoever wants to can come over for brunch. The American Dream: we bring each other happiness. I would be lost without my comforting Sunday scrabble games with my best friend. It gives us structure, a schedule; Sunday wouldn’t be the same without it. When we’ve spent too many hours draining our heads of words, it’s time to get together with more great people at West Conn. Sunday night is just as great as Sunday morning. We’re all together for an hour, no matter the weather like the post office. Followed by our usual trip to Starbucks or the Diner. The American Dream: having something to always look forward to. I know my Sunday will never change. Work, stress, school. Love it. This is life. The good can’t be appreciated without the work. The work is the American Dream, along with the happiness and Sundays.

how can you love someone else when you can't even love yourself? i've come to the conclusion that i'm damned. no matter what i do- nothing will ever possibly be good in my eyes. my heart is ripping apart. because i know what i have to do. the first time i got sober i had to make a lot of sacrifices-- mark, he can't be a sacrifice. it wouldn't be worth it to be sober and not have him. &he doesn't want to be sober.. and here comes the question -i'm not sure if i want to be sober either. i know that i don't like the rate we're at now. i dont want to be a lazy bum- smoking everyday. drinking only causes problems- we can't do that a lot. i don't know what to do--- christ./

i wish i had gotten around to writing sometime in the last four months. When it was so good. this tops that boy i thought i was in love with.. + this is without ecstacy! I'm not saying it's not good. It is.. I love him- more than anything else (except Lizzy). But I'm scared things are going downhill so fast that we don't even realize it. We can't stay sober together. I know it won't happen. Wow, we really fucked ourselves over on that one. +it was my fault

once upon a time

THE END

Stop pushing people's buttons. Stop leaving randomly without saying what you're doing. You think it's funny to make me worry about you. i worry about you + you don't give a shit. I don't know how much longer I can put up with your shit. I want to give us another chance.. but i just don't think it's working out. Honestly, im only afraid of breaking up with you because i don't want to lose your friendship. at all. Didn't I SAY this would happen. _you're all fucking dumbasses.

i miss you, + i want you to know that you took my heart or atleast a part that wont let me move on. i want to give him my all, but how do i do that when i feel like you never gave me something back. i need you. I need you to yell at me, hit me.. destroy the good memories.. or atleast make the bad ones stand out.. they got lost in the shuffle. tell me you hate me. i need to let go- +i can't do it without you.

i should NOT have said if you want ... i had a dream that 1 came back for a few days.. i cried i was so happy.

he's fucking retarded. i need to just be able to sit face to face with him and not be teased. he's never serious. and what am i supposed to say? + something wierd was going on. for some reason he couldn't tell me a lot of things. 'i wouldn't want to know' ? .. and he put me in a bad mood for so long. finally i forget about him + i check my messages- voice mail ... texts .... "kimmy im sorry i don't want to lose you over this" w h a t t t t t ? wow, and so thinking he's sorry for making me upset.. and lying or - whatever he was doing.. . . i call him + he pulls more bullshit. he just think teasing me is funny. teasing is not a good word, it makes it sound okay. anyway, we'll see what happens today

adopt your own virtual pet!

However far away I will always love you Whatever words I say I will always love you

THE BOY IS GONE - Jason Mraz + then i thought i was ok. + then you called + then i called back _+ then i realized i really wouldn't see you before you left + then this song came on + i listened to the words + the boy will be gone. + so i cried.

1 - i wish that i could go on . . secretly wishing things had gone differently.. wishing we had ended up together, but knowing you didn't feel the same way. still, i liked having you as a friend, and i'm glad that was able to happen. . [y0u].. i never knew it was possible to miss someone so much . . having seen you yesterday.. and knowing that ill see you tomorrow, or atleast the next day. that's how much i like you. 1 day with out you is 1 day too many +i'm not too worried about hanging out, because i know ill find a way to see you. just know, i do miss you, and soon i'll find a way. i just need to let my parents cool off a little. + im sorry for whatever they said to you. _ + ask your gMa what she said to my mom.. it's bad. bad things about all our friends. and apparently she doesnt think i should hang out with any of you.

"shit kimmie, this means i can't make fun of you anymore!"

+ they try t0 play it off like it's n0t imp0rtant, but really it's the only thing that's ever on their minds. i'm not saying im not happy. i am. but i was right, in a way- about how our relationship wouldn't be the same. we won't be best friends forever. because we dont have fun together the same way we used to. + sometimes i miss that a lot. i guess y0u can't always get everythinq y0u want.

wow.. it's so hot out here.. over there. whyyyy is he dressed like that! .x. yeah, and i called him last night. +told him everything that was on my mind. but it was still a funny conversation. i was a complete bitch about the way he treats girls. you know it had to be said. by one more person. thats okay, he thought it was funny. "are you scared yet?" "why would i be scared? you can smash up your car if you want.. it's your car." // off-roading. ... your cancer spots are gl0wing* Listening to: Don't Believe a Word - Thin Lizzy Penis Chart. I miss you. I had forgotten how much fun we have together. bf4L*

so waiit- then, what? was i thinking? this is the first time that i thought maybe things were different. > and now.. i know i made the right decision . . . kiss buggy

and i hope to God i don't hurt him

goodbye makes the journey hard as hell.

he takes such good care of me. i don't think anyone has ever cared about me that much.. but im scared because i've been so emotional lately +i don't want him to be like "wow, issues". but this kid has no commitment to me.. which is okay, but i'm worried that he's going to stop liking me and just not tell me. because it's not like he can break up with me ..thinking too much again. but believe you me, people are fucking horrible. +1 of them was supposed to be my friend. ... cried enough though. and i feel like i took fucking ecstacy im so emotional. i bet that what my parents think.