12.29.04

In a sharing mood. Here ya go-respect the bluntness. -I love pleasing people, but I hope I never completely do -From the age of 6-15 every night I would pray for my parents to split up -I want someone to commit to me, but I'm often scared to do the same -I push people away and then when I realize what I did they are too far away -I want to be that independent woman who can find joy with being by herself yet I secretly want someone next to me -I have no idea who I am and I'll admit it -I'll be a pitbull to anyone I know and then once I see they won't go away I'll be the sweetheart I long to always be -I've never thought I looked like a girl -The color of pink is one of my favorite yet I say I hate it because I hate the thought of being put in the category with mindless spineless girls-which I associate with pink -I hate immature guys-one "raised"(if thats what u call he did) me and one of my life’s goals is to never fall in love with one -I tend to go for guys that I #1. know I could date so I don’t have to risk anything #2 ones I know I cant have so I don’t have tt get close -my best friend Mike Brett is a saint in my eyes and I love him to the maximum distance. I've hung out with him once and yet I feel like he knows be better than anyone I'll ever meet. I've been bad to him at times when all he deserves is to be treated as a king-hes amazing and I hate myself for treating him badly in the past.. We care about each other for the perfect reason-no reason at all and I would do anything for him. -Everyone I meet in Maine scare me, because I feel like if I date them I'll always be in Maine and that for some unknown reason haunts me daily. -I constantly try to make my mother proud by doing things I don’t want to yet-shes proud of me just because I'm here. -I love being outgoing, but most of the time I rather read or spend a quiet night with someone -I wish I wasn’t like my mother -I wish I wasn’t such a bitch to people -The reason why I love snowboarding so much is because it is something I can call mine. It is something I’ve taught myself, taken a risk and love doing by myself. Despite failing I can still get up and move forward. And when I’m good I’m not a good girl that snowboards, I just a good snowboarder. -I look at pictures of my biological dad everyday wondering where he is and if he ever thinks of me. I’ve always wanted to become “something” so I could show him what he left, show him what he threw away and wanted no part of. I wanted him to feel empty and hurt just like I have been since that day in the living room. -I wish there didn’t have to be a thing known as the military -I wish society wasn’t full of sin and lies yet I don’t think it could survive without it -I can be the meanest and nicest person you know -I want to work with music in my life because music is my escape and I want to escape -I rarely miss people because I expect them to leave anyways -Every guy I’ve been with has somehow filled a part of me that my dad couldn’t -My family is one the most narrow-mind group of people I’ve ever met -The reason why I hate free time is because it forces you to think about things -I enjoy school because I’ve been trained to think that grades matter -I’ve been taught to judge people by appearances and am finally breaking that conditioned response -The people I think I would get along with the least are the ones I hold nearest to my heart and love the most -I despise cocky guys and will call every one of them on the floor and highlight their BS -I will never allow sour words to be sad behind my back if the person doesn’t have the balls to say it to my face -I will never say one word about a person that I don’t have the spine to say to their face -I don’t like having a lot of things just kind I wish I would live on a farm happy and not have to worry about money -To the core of my being I believe money is the ruin of all ok so much more about me, but there was a little window into my mind’s thoughts this evening. On a side note—when someone tells you that you’ve changed, tell them that we’re always changing and that’s what life is…
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Liz, what you said really impressed me. It is not often when people can go and say what you did, me being one of them. I think you are one of the most kind and talented and sweet person that I know. Oh and I can't wait for this weekend. I will talk to you later. -C-
you should read parable of the sower, i have it at school. its all about change, the main character develops a psuedo-religion based on life as change
[Anonymous]