I'm wondering why this happens every so often. As I'm writing this now I'm even crying. I feel like I get in this hole and I can't climb out of it so instead I dig myself in deeper. I'm tired of thinking of majors in school and what I'll do for the rest of my life. I don't want to lose sleep and get upset over a spanish test that in 2 years I'll forget completely about...Sometimes I like just being in a blah mood so that I can figure stuff out. I mean why…why? Why do I have to decide the one thing I'll do for the rest of my life, end up hating but still do so I can pay for my kids to go through a college they don’t even want to go to-why? Why do I hurt myself but stopping feelings for guys like Mike, Johnny and others-why? I only end up hurt in the end. They’re amazing people that make me want to be alive and try harder and yet I push them away…I mean WTF. I’m not about to blame my childhood on why I see/treat guys bc that’s a copout for me- that’s the easy way out and frankly you are who you are because you choose to be that way and I’m not going to allow myself to put things in my path anymore-I deserve to accomplish things like everyone else and I need to allow myself to do so and enjoy being happy. I need to not get restless with perfection bc I know ive never had it before so I get anty when I’m happy. Nothing is wrong if I’m happy…its ok. This strong tower I've built I wish would fall. It feels like its always raining…cause I cant take anymore of this-I wanna come apart-dig myself a hole inside someone’s precious heart…and the fact that my life doesn’t affect anything and in the big picture it means nothing makes me shocked. If it means nothing to the big picture why should it matter to me? I’m not afraid of the future I’m just upset that...I don’t know what it is and that people I have in my life now could be gone any day b/c people I’ve loved are no longer in my life. One of the few people-my mother-who I desperately look to for approval shook my world when she said that me just being at Wheaton made her feel like her life was worth it-that I made her proud by just being who I am. That made me feel good bc I now see that I can do anything with my life, but I still carry this guilt that my mother works 14 hours a day and hurts herself everyday so I can be here-that pushes down on me greatly and its getting hard to handle sometimes. I’ve always had too much on my plate, but until recently I was able to act like I was fine…nowadays I can honestly say I will have a meltdown and hit bottom in order to build myself back up..

things have been happening rather quickly in the past week. I've gone from being friends to intense lovers to friends with Johnny and now I'm stuck at my computer for hours downloading sappy music for the simple fact that I want someone to hold me at night-plain and simple nothing more or less. Its hard to get a preview of what a relationship could be and then have it gone before you could touch it to see if it was real...it wasnt real...and to realize that leaves the wound open for longer. I'll be ok-partly bc I'll make myself say that and bc I won't let myself be upset-but I do miss Johnny and that I'll live with secretly. I've got a lot of school work to do,but I just can't force myself to do it. I've been listening to sad music for hours upon end and all I want to do is get into bed and cry-not cry in the bad way,but the way that makes you feel better bc sometimes you need to cry to see that everything is ok... Maybe I need to be more like myself here, maybe I need to go home for a weekend...maybe I dunno...

Well, two feet of snow-fitting gift for coming home present. I didn't do much today...did some math, english and biology homework...went to a store with my mom. Its not that I don't want to be here ever, I just wish my parents weren't around 99% of the time. I don't get much alone time and the time I do get I have to do homework. I just need some personal time where I can just drink coffee, write and wonder around portland.. I'm meeting up with a few friends from school on monday at shawnee peak-really excited about that:-) Really starting to like new friends I'm making a lot and kind of considering ones I have right now-if we have anything in common and if they have respect for themselves..if i can have respect for them..well everyone is changing and becoming new people we all need time...

In english class today, we did a writing exercise-the kind where you just write whats right there on your mind-- throw-up on paper. Anyways I figured I would share with what I wrote about and then I'm going to do the same exercise randomly after. What I wrote in class today: I'm wondering if people at this school feel like me...do they wonder if something "out there" is "better" or if places in different locations are exactly the same only minus their street address. If things don't seem to get better here or if I feel like I belong elsewhere, will I actually leave? Will I be bold enough to just live on my own and see what path I walk down? Maybe things like thinking like this is too much stress on myself or maybe I am reading into things too deeply. I should be happy here right? I wasn't even sure if I was going to get in here and now I just want to leave? I suppose any choice will be a good one if its made from the heart... Ok so that was what I wrote during class and now I'm going to write more. I hate how I get passionate about something and then ina few weeks or even days the luster for it leaves my body. I am really impatient and I want to find that "one thing" that makes me happy and that I can do for the rest of my life. It seems that people all around are finding their calling and I'm still sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring. I know I go through this unsure phase every so often and that I just need to snap out of it, but sometimes I don't want to snap out of it, sometimes I just want to irresponsible and do whatever I want. I want to travel and enjoy myself and not do things that I feel pain and stress over. Life is not about pain and stress...I refuse to allow myself ot be unhappy. Granted life does have moments where one may fund themselves unhappy , but if those moments are continually occuring... ok and thats what I was thinking right now. I should get going because I have a lot of homework to do and I would lifek to relax some point and time tonight. thanks for listening and sorry for any spelling errors-I'm too lazy to fix them at this point. Have a great weekend! ~Liz

A long week..is slowly going by and I'm extremely tired from all the work. Had a fairly decent english class. Alex I find nice to have in my class as the classes go on-he actually has things with substance to talk about which I like. Hes really nice too-which always helps. Right I really shouldn't be typing this, but writing poems and entires like this one is all that keeps me sane lately in such busy times. I should be going because by Friday I have to: write a bio paper, do a bio lab, make a bio presentation, take a bio quiz, write a spanish paper, have a spanish quiz, finish an english paper, study for an am. pol sci mid term, read an article for english, write a reaction paper on what i read for english, start making some serious study guides for bio, do math problems and math practice problems, start working on math project and..well writing down more would just make me feel overwhelmed so...off to work I go!! Sending e-mails to me will help keep me sane-in case you wanted to know how you could help. Letters are always nice. ~Liz

Yesterday (Monday) was a slow day, but today definiitly made up for that. Woke up early at 8:30 then went snowborading at Shawnee Peak all day with some friends-it was a blast :-) Nice to hang out with friends from school outside of school for a change..people are different outside of school. Just a really good day :-) Tomorrow I'm having a girly day with nails and hair w/my mom-that should be a good day too.

Ok so I have the room to myself and what am I doing..listening to Nsync...ya I know-keep laughing. The ride back to school was just over two hours...and its so much warmer here than in Portland. I didn't get the RA job I wanted, but I suppose them picking juniors and sophomores is better because I am about the same age(and in some cases) or younger than people I would be in charge of. Have a huge bio paper, bio exam, and bio research proposal due this week. Thankfully I was a dork and did all my english and math for this week. I might do some spanish workbook pages and then I'm going to read:-) Unpacking is somewhere in there too as I sit next to two stuffed suitcases. I let Ryan read an entry I wrote about him-hopefully didn't freak him out too much...even though hes prob reading this entry right now too..hmm ok anyways not sure if bio is what I want to do with my life. I mean if I want to be completely idealistic I would travel and write about the places for a living-or model so then I could go places and just enjoy them. Smiling for a living-who wouldnt do that?? but it turns out that I eat everyday SO modeling isnt for me :-P (sorry i was being a smartass). Well..I'm gonan clean a bit and relax before my week drives me nuts:-) Thanks for listening Just a song stuck in my head: And then last night i had that strange dream Where everything was exactly how it seemed Where concerns about the world getting warmer The people thought they were just being rewarded For treating others as they like to be treated For obeying stop signs and curing diseases For mailing letters with the address of the sender Now we can swim any day in november Dont wake me i plan on sleeping in.. plan on sleeping in - The Postal Service Just reminds me of bed sheets when they're cool and comfy..and you stay inside on a rainy day...mmm love those days.

Things with Abe and I are in limbo right now. We're talking,but its different. Abe broke up with me the other night and its a sucky situation. (I'm sure Danny will read this so let me just say: I hope you're saying I told you so and you're laughing b/c I think its rather sad how your life revols around Abe and I. Youre bitter and you need reassurence from Josh to make you feel better for getting burned. Good for you!anyways)I still love Abe and I still think hes the most amazing person I've had the pleasure of being with. I refuse to let people say Abe and I arent together bc of me and something I've done. We're not together b/c we're 9 hours away from each other. My classes so far are going great and I've met some awesome people..oh gtg im going to providence for the night. later. sorry for spelling and grammar i wrote fast. later

Today wasn't my day. I've been considering the idea of transferring to another school-just not happy much here. I want to be around people who love music and reading, writing, being outdoors, having fun…not just numb the pain and boredom with beer-thats not me and its not who I want to be or whom I want to be around. I would miss some of my friends here terribly, but I feel like I need something else-this could be a passing feeling-though its not that time of the month...or is it? anyways. I just don’t want to be a part of an institution where playing basketball makes you a good person. I may not be the best student and I don’t play sports here like I did in high school, but I feel like I just want to go hiking, sit in a coffee shop and write...or just be around people who have respect for themselves and respect for me. The guys here have made me lose all respect and hope for men...they put their gender to shame...and as a hopeless romantic this doesn’t make me very optimistic to say the least. The jury is still out if I'm happy here or not, but this feeling wouldn't of appeared if I was where I supposed to be...would it? Not so sure. The parents are making this time for me difficult also. My parents are the classic blue-collar workers and I feel like them paying over 30,000 a year for me to be here is wasted if I'm not happy most of the time. I want to be somewhere that I don't have to feel guily for watching a movie on a Friday night because I know my mom is working her 59th hour this week for me to be here. The food here isnt good, the fitness center is over 50 years old, the water has to be put threw a Brita at least twice before u drink it..I just feel like my happy personality is being cynical and depressed...I feel like I have to save myself...and thats one of the worst feeling I've ever had to have. ....quite upset that I would leave friends...people that I've grown to care about so much...people that feel the same way as me, but don't want to risk leaving and not being happy elsewhere...Makes me sad to think that I can't wait for these expensive years to be over so I can work 9-5 and...I just....not sure what to do with my life. When I'm looking forward to working at the mall all summer-I feel like that is an indication that things aren't going so well. I feel like if chicken nuggets for lunch makes my day...that things are wrong... ..not sure what to feel these days. Sorry for the unhappy tone...I'm not trying to be so negative...can't seem to help it these days. Ya know those days where you’re not happy but not upset...those blah days where you just go through the motions? Well, thats been my life the last two months...

Well, I admit I was sad at first,but now I'm not so much. I miss Abe like hell,but I'm meeting a lot of really nice cool people. Having guys on my floor isn't as weird as I thought it would be. I'm just thankful I get the chance to go to college because some people can't. I moved in my dorm room today- everything went smooth..or as smooth as it could. I brought my picture of Abe and everything else thats essential (so nothing) jk. I've talked to Abe so that made me happy. I'm beat tired, so I'm going to head off to bed pretty soon. Night ya'll

In a sharing mood. Here ya go-respect the bluntness. -I love pleasing people, but I hope I never completely do -From the age of 6-15 every night I would pray for my parents to split up -I want someone to commit to me, but I'm often scared to do the same -I push people away and then when I realize what I did they are too far away -I want to be that independent woman who can find joy with being by herself yet I secretly want someone next to me -I have no idea who I am and I'll admit it -I'll be a pitbull to anyone I know and then once I see they won't go away I'll be the sweetheart I long to always be -I've never thought I looked like a girl -The color of pink is one of my favorite yet I say I hate it because I hate the thought of being put in the category with mindless spineless girls-which I associate with pink -I hate immature guys-one "raised"(if thats what u call he did) me and one of my life’s goals is to never fall in love with one -I tend to go for guys that I #1. know I could date so I don’t have to risk anything #2 ones I know I cant have so I don’t have tt get close -my best friend Mike Brett is a saint in my eyes and I love him to the maximum distance. I've hung out with him once and yet I feel like he knows be better than anyone I'll ever meet. I've been bad to him at times when all he deserves is to be treated as a king-hes amazing and I hate myself for treating him badly in the past.. We care about each other for the perfect reason-no reason at all and I would do anything for him. -Everyone I meet in Maine scare me, because I feel like if I date them I'll always be in Maine and that for some unknown reason haunts me daily. -I constantly try to make my mother proud by doing things I don’t want to yet-shes proud of me just because I'm here. -I love being outgoing, but most of the time I rather read or spend a quiet night with someone -I wish I wasn’t like my mother -I wish I wasn’t such a bitch to people -The reason why I love snowboarding so much is because it is something I can call mine. It is something I’ve taught myself, taken a risk and love doing by myself. Despite failing I can still get up and move forward. And when I’m good I’m not a good girl that snowboards, I just a good snowboarder. -I look at pictures of my biological dad everyday wondering where he is and if he ever thinks of me. I’ve always wanted to become “something” so I could show him what he left, show him what he threw away and wanted no part of. I wanted him to feel empty and hurt just like I have been since that day in the living room. -I wish there didn’t have to be a thing known as the military -I wish society wasn’t full of sin and lies yet I don’t think it could survive without it -I can be the meanest and nicest person you know -I want to work with music in my life because music is my escape and I want to escape -I rarely miss people because I expect them to leave anyways -Every guy I’ve been with has somehow filled a part of me that my dad couldn’t -My family is one the most narrow-mind group of people I’ve ever met -The reason why I hate free time is because it forces you to think about things -I enjoy school because I’ve been trained to think that grades matter -I’ve been taught to judge people by appearances and am finally breaking that conditioned response -The people I think I would get along with the least are the ones I hold nearest to my heart and love the most -I despise cocky guys and will call every one of them on the floor and highlight their BS -I will never allow sour words to be sad behind my back if the person doesn’t have the balls to say it to my face -I will never say one word about a person that I don’t have the spine to say to their face -I don’t like having a lot of things just kind I wish I would live on a farm happy and not have to worry about money -To the core of my being I believe money is the ruin of all ok so much more about me, but there was a little window into my mind’s thoughts this evening. On a side note—when someone tells you that you’ve changed, tell them that we’re always changing and that’s what life is…

My knees hurt and my feet are cold-this can only mean one thing:snowboarding. I hit the slopes today-took a lot out of me. If the weather allows it, I'll be back at it tomorrow-possibly w/Abe. Endless things to say both funny and personal, but I leave the "real" stuff for my written journal. This thing online-is only what I want you to know-dont think you know me by reading this...thats all I have to say about that...

Well apparently I'm sick. I'll get better..and if I don't then..well I'll get better. Today was a different kind of day. I was upset, scared, happy and numb all at the same time all day long. I went out for breakfest and then to two lights with Abe. Then we went out for lunch-we spend too much on food. Then the two of us hung out at my house just for an hour or so before he had to go to work. I gave Abe the hat I got him- I hope he liked it. It looked good on him. After Abe left for work my mom called me and wanted to to drive to my grandparents cause she saw some tornado warnings. I guess one went across the Sanford highway. A few candy land games down and the weather all better I drove back home. Now I sit here feeling sorry for myself and making myself sick with worry. I got a mole removed from my back a few days ago and the test came back positive. I have skin cancer and I have to go get tests and surgery done in a few days. Kinda freaked me out..not sure how to react or what to do. Makes me sad..so yeah..thats all I have to say about that. Goodnight

What's your: 1. Full name: Elizabeth Marie VanDerMeiren 2. Nicknames: Junior, Liz, Lizzy, lizabithy, Lizard, little kid, little pal, and Jun (and Duckie) 3. Number of siblings: None 4.Your age: 18 5. Birthday: Aug. 14 6. Favorite color: hmm Black, red, and navy blue 7. Favorite food: green grapes 8. Favorite brand: I like newbalence shoes a lot 9.Favorite flavor of ice cream: plain ol' vanilla 10. Your status ie single, crushin, dating? single 11. School year: First yeah in college 12. Favorite song: Love me when I'm gone by 3 doors down, everything by lifehouse and colorblind by counting crows. 13. Favorite drink: water 14. Favorite sport: to watch-tennis(a family thing), and to play- lacrosse and basketball is pretty fun even though I stink at it BIG TIME 15. What are your hobbies: to write poems, to read, to go to the gym, to play lacrosse, to work w/kids, to sing, spend time with close friends and hopefully to kayak in the future. 16. Favorite movie: well I am a big fan of The Rock, Erin Brokavich, Remember the Titans, Bad Boys, Irobot and A Walk to Remember BUT Twister might just take the cake to em all. 17. Favorite Bible Verse: Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you as long as I live. Psalm 63:3 18. Your pet peeves: Chewing w/your mouth open, and yawning w/your mouth open 19. Paper or plastic? well...plastic because I like trees for shade and paper means less trees. 20. Favorite place? In the world- China Lake. In my house- the bathroom. i love the small space, and its the only place thats quiet in my house. Well, I love my room too. 21. Favorite TV show: I don't watch too much TV but I LOVE trading spaces on TLC 22. Favorite music band: Counting crows 23. What brand of shampoo and conditioner do you use: Shine Plus 24. Favorite subject to talk about: the future 25. What's you passion in life: I don't know..still trying to figure that out. 26. Favorite book: A House On Mango Street and A Town Like Alice 27. What are your fears: That I'll be a failure and that I'll never love anyone and nobody will ever love me.. thats what I'm most scared of 28. Favorite Disney movie: When I was a kid is was Lady and The Tramp now Pocahontas, I love the music 29. Favorite memory: Wow..At a camp on Friday night we always have this camp fire. One year we could talk to people if we had any burdens on our heart. I went forward and talked to someone and when I went back to sit down a friend of mine asked me to go with her to pray with her for her burden. And so I did. I've never really prayed with a friend before...and it felt nice. Now, not 100% because of that but now, we're great friends. Thats a great moment for me... it helped with me being ok with my dad finally 30. Veggies or fruit: both. I love my grapes but I love celery too 31. Favorite animal: cats and dog. Because for so many people there more than just pets 32. Favorite season: fall! Apple picking, the amazing colors the leaves turn BUT since I snowboard I’m bias towards having snow! 33. Favorite type of car: Well, I don't know much about cars to have a favorite one. I like my car and it's an infinity so I guess thats my kind. And I guess as long as it runs ok it's a good car. You don't need to buy a hummer. Future Plans. 34. Do you like kids: Yes I love them 35. Do you want kids: Yes I do 36. How many: I don't know. I always thought two or more. Never just one. Being an only child, I would never have just one if I was to have any. 37. Where do you want to live? Anywhere I would be happy 38. Do you think you've met "the one" yet: who knows, maybe 39. What's more important a family or your career: family 40. Are you shy or aggressive when it come to dating: depends on who I'm dating I guess . I’m willing to fight for someone I want- if anything love is the thing to be aggressive about. 41. Make the first more or sit tight and let them do the work: again it depends. I can be shy but I can always work for what I want. I don't have much guts so it takes a lot for me to put myself on the line. 42. Are marriage duties 50/50: No there 100% from both 43. Adoption or your own kids: Depends. I've thought of how wonderful having you own children would be and then I've thought of how wonderful to help unloved children would be. Haven't set anything in stone. Besides my kids will be really pale :-) 44. Is your family close: Um, used to closer when I was younger. Preferences 45. Hot or cold: cold. you can always add layers but you can only take of so many 46. Light or dark: Light. darkness can be sad. 47. Flannel or cotton sheets: cotton for the summer and flannel in the winter time 48. Big or small car: midsize 49. PBJ or PBF: PB and banana 50. loud or quiet: quiet. 51. beach or lake: I would used to say lake..but I actually am liking the beach more all the time now so beach Random 52. your most prized possession: Well photographs..If I haven't seen someone in a while at least I have a photograph of them. 53. Favorite family member: LOL I don't have one. But I do love my Uncle Bill very much. Something about him, he's always seemed so cool to me. When I was young I wanted to be just like him, he's a great person. 54. Greatest advice: Think before you act and honesty is the only way to go. Honesty may be hard but it's the only way to go. 55. Your flaws: haha..you probably want me to say none..well not the case. Well, I don't miss people very much( but I say I do), I don't know how to love someone, and well the rest you can find out by spending time with me. 56. Weird habits: Well, I don't think its weird but I like to order cheeseburgers without cheese (thats what I saw to order one), I organize my clothes my color and by winter summer and fall wear, i color organize my shoes lol these make me seem weird but I'm really not, I plan ahead for years but have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow, and the last one I'll clue you in on is I have movies of the week where thats the only movie I 'll watch for the entire week. Twister is my favorite movie of the week. 57. What do your room walls look like: There a light purple with multi colored prints of my hand on it( I got bored on Friday night and decided to livin up my walls). I have a poster of POD and I have an amazing drawing of Martin Luther KingJr.,a huge fan of..beyond words), I have poems and quotes I wrote painted on the walls. Theres traditional world maps and then theres some collages I made of friends and family that I adore. 58. Would you ever get a tattoo: Yes I would. I'm actually designing my own right now. 59. Favorite restaurant: In Portland theres an amazing place called Flatbreads... thats a local favorite of mine. 60. Favorite Flower: Shoot, ok I know what it is but I don't at the same time. It's an extremely large daisy but there florescent colored..theres so beautiful. Gurber daisy I believe 61. Do you like to dance: very much so, hope I can find a guy who likes to dance. 62. Brush your teeth in or out of the shower: Out besides the rare 3 times a year I for some reason brush in the shower. 63. You talk w/your heart or mind: both. when I talk with my mind I lose love but I lose reason when I talk with my heart. I'm trying to find that inbetween. 64. Least favorite food: Well I don't like a lot of foods but I've never had them either. The food I have had and that I dislike the most is beans...just gross. 65. Do you like to shop: sometimes. I have to be in the mood 66. Do you believe in love at first sight: No, but I think you can be attracted and lust after someone by sight. Love comes with time..a lot of time. 67. Favorite quote: I dwell in possibility - Emily Dickinson 68. Have a crush: I don’t believe in crushes 69. Have you told them: not a chance 70. Do they like you back: doesn’t matter if they do or not

Well Thanksgiving was...just like ever holiday. I ate at my Uncle's house rather than my grandparents. U think it made my grandparents sad, but I'm always the youngest kid and I just don't have fun their. Plus my grandma's cooking-well it's ok (I'm being nice). Now I'm back at home watching Gillmore Girls and waiting to see if I'll do homework before I give up and watch Cruel Intentions. I did a little homework so far this break and I watched Pretty In Pink for some fun to keep me sane. I like seeing my mom,but have my dad far away is definitly what I currently need in my life. Well I want to change into my PJS and possibly end up falling alseep so i can do Christmas shopping tomorrow.

I'm moving in w/my new roomie after break.:-) I miss him-yep I do I'll admit it-maybe I shouldn't miss him-but I dont care what I should/n't do. He challenged me and made me feel like a good person. He made my heart smile and my soul happy-but it doesnt matter bc its a one way street now. Work is more important..and for the first time ever...well it doesnt matter because I still love him-and in the way that never ends and has no distance. Because longing we say, because desire is full of endless distance. I can/will smile and act like that feeling is not still there. enough about boys-ok hw now

Sunday I actually spent the night with Mike Drake. Even though I'm "over him" seeing him is still note worthy. At any rate--the two of us watched Oceans 11 together...it was the first time I've seen him (besides the uncomfortable looks in church) since our final break-up...it feels weird...I loved seeing him--I truly did. On another note: Today I was stolen from. My monk bag, license, cell phone, check soon, SScard, $ all gone...it feels like my life has been taken from me. My security, my safety, identity has been taken and I don't know how to get it back...someone could use my house keys and come in my home and...this does not sit well with me and I'm shaken to the core. I feel like someone could harm me...I want to scream at...at whom I do not know, but I want to scream, and get my life back...I wish I was back at school so I wouldn't have to deal with this... I feel so helpless--I wish I knew everything was going to work out, but people say things will "work out" just to make you feel better. In reality some people get haunted with never knowing, pets are never found, and children are taken from their front yard... He sat silently on the couch tonight. I remembered it all--I haven’t forgotten one action...as I secretly hoped I would/ My memory no longer allows failure...though I wish it would. This feeling of not knowing kills my soul and wounds my heart... My refuge is these worlds within pages that rescue me...

Almost fell asleep during my last class -- I hate subs, they get nothing done. Today is kind of dragging on and it's only 10:45 in the morning- thats a bad hit. Having a single would be heaven right now. My room is the only place Ronnie and I have and we don't really have that either. Him and I want to get a place but since I'll be interning, studying abroad etc. it's just not practical to move somewhere. Ok I'll be 100% honest right now: Ronnie was sleeping in my bed last night, I was doing something on the computer and Caroline was studying for a mid term she had the next day (today). Caroline whispered to me "what time is he leaving cause remember I do I have a midterm tomorrow". So I then woke him up and told him he had to go if he was just to sleeping.I took her asking when he was leaving as a hint to say "I want him to leave now". Ronnie left- mad at me somewhat (cause he wasn't making any noise) then Caroline studied for a whole of 5 more minutes and didn't look at her book for the rest of the night. Pisses me off- he was sleeping- not a big deal. I feel like this sums things up with some of my friends ~Misery loves company~ Also something thats happened a few times recently that I just feel like calling it what it is- bullshit. Friends make plans about 2 weeks in advance, they talk about it about twice a day -- I don't bother inviting myself bc 1/2 the time they'll complain I hang out with Ronnie too much (newsflash- he doesn't give me crap 24/7). So then the night before for a few days before one friend will casually just be like "oh you should come". I don't need half-hearted invites from friends and I'm not going to give you an answer because that'll just make you shake your head and think - see she never hangs out anymore-No I'm just interested in hanging out with fake people. Another thing-- complaining and self-pity doesn't do anything but make me not want to be around you. I mean in general anyone who complains 100% of the time- thats fucking annoying. With that said- I'm going to go grab a bite to eat and then off to my last class before I hang out with my friend Becca!! (who is completely kick-ass by the way. Jealous people need to myob Misery needs to stop trying to get my company ~Jack I'm going to call you this weekend lovely- we need to "make things right".

After packing up a few things, dropping my virus infested computer tower to tech support, I picked up Ronnie and we left for Maine. We just sort of hung out and watched movies Friday night. Saturday afternoon Ronnie got two tattoos (his b-day gift) and then we changed at my house before meeting my parents and grandparents at the olive garden for dinner. Dinner went alright- besides my dad finding glass in his meal. Then Sunday was just spent, packing up the car, visiting my grandparents for a bit, exchanging some gifts at the mall and other stores, grabbing a coffee and then Ronnie and I were on our way back to Wheaton. We got back last night- we just relaxed and had dinner together- nothing major. We're going to hang out after he gets out of work around 3 or 4. I get to pick up my computer at 2- so hopefully it'll all be fine.

Somewhat tired I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday I get to have some alone time I get to relax a bit OH OH OH I almost forgot- I had a few kick ass meetings today about interships etc. So I'm pretty damn happy. After the meetings I was like "damn that was a pissa meeting" OK so now off to do some homework before my meeting at 3:30 and then 4:30 I get to watch a movie with Ronnie tonight which is nice..so yeah everything kicks ass right now and I'm visiting home for a few days next weekend with Ronnie ~Liz