Wow. I never thought I'd be returning to this place. And yet here I am again, as this will be my only friend. My life is so complicated. I've been playig a part for hte past 2 years, and it's catching up with me.

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He kissed me for the first time last night. It was so amazing. Ever touch, every look... I meet him at the C. He walked out nad right up to me, and kissed me over, and over, and over again. I wanted to devour him. He feels like fire on my skin. We ended up having sex in his truck, and it made me feel like I was in highschool. We're both married, and I'm good friends with this wife. But I am who I am, and I need to stop denying it. He loves his wife with all his heart as well, but he knows who he is. I am miserable in my marriage, but am too afraid to leave. I'm content, well taken care of, and t truly would KILL my husband if he knew. So, I'll stay, and quietly do what I need to do to make things work. If he finds out, we divorce. If I don't do what I need to while keeping it underwraps, we divorce. So, I'll do what I can to try and keep it together.

But back to last night with D... I can't stop thinking about it. I crave his touch. I have for the years I've known him, but never thought I would actually egt to experience him. Just thinking about it makes me want to touch myself... I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but for hte next few nights I know I'm going to be hoping my phone goes off and it will be him seeing if I can get away again. Part of me wishes it never happened because I feel like an addict already waiting for the next hit. Part of me is so glad it finally did, because it's so good, I wanted it so bad, and it helped me come to some realizations. So long for now....

8 May 2005