Well, having an awful day so far. Just like my awful night last night. Went to Zachs, thought it'd be great right? No. It wasn't, at all. There were many silent moments, many times he got very pissed at me, and I didn't even know why. It was an extremely long, quiet, ride home. He looked at me and he's like what's wrong? I was like nothing, nothing at all. And then he asked me something, and I guess I gave a bitchy answer? Well yeah, he was like looks like someones in a bad mood. So when we got to my house, I got out of his truck and I was like well talk to ya sometime, and he was like yeah, and then I slammed his door. He brought me home 10 minutes late, I was expecting mom to flip, but she didn't. I walked in the door and she was like "This is unexcuseable" I was like I'm sorry. Then I went upstairs, then came back downstairs, and she came over to me and she was like "I'm not mad, I just worry, that's all" And I was like, Mommy I'm sorry. And she was like it's okay, I know you are. I love my mommy. Then she was like so did you have fun? And I was like sure. She knew something was wrong, she could just see it in my eyes. She asked why I was late, and I was like I don't know.. I just don't. But I do, that asshole had my shoe, and I tried getting it back, and well I didn't get it back till 10 after 10. And I was like, we have to go now. I think that pissed him off, and he said something, and I was like I'm sorry, and he was all, "for what?" I was like I don't know, everything. Did he understand though? Of course not. I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you, I'm sorry if I piss you off a lot, I'm sorry for it all, but I'm NOT sorry for being ME. I fell in love with you and now I have to force myself out of that love. Because you don't see how much pain you cause me, but that's all you do to me, is hurt me. It's bad enough that my dad doesn't even like you, and he's never even met you. Just saw you. I use to compare you to my dad, but no my dad is better than you. I'm better than you too. That's what my friends tell me all the time. And they're always telling me that you're killing me, and that they hate seeing me like this. Well you know what, I hate seeing myself like this. I hate knowing what you're doing to me still keeps me hanging on. I've never been in love before until you, and I never thought I would have to force myself out of that love. We're too different and it's really starting to show. I can't have you pissed at me anymore, because you don't see what it does to me. I can't have you tell me that I lie to you, when I don't. Don't you see what you do to me? Don't you even have a clue? I'm just tired, of it all. Your best friend doesn't even know you anymore, and your other one thinks what you're doing to me is wrong too. What's that tell you. Me being all sad and stuff isn't helping you out any, because my dad said to me this morning "what'd he do to you? did he hurt you, somehow? you seem sad." And of course, I lie every time, because you've never hurt me any other way but if I ever told them how much you hurt emotionally, and then I forgave you again or something, they would never let me hang out with you. So I guess I'll just stay quiet. Well that was my night, then I got on here and talked to Josh Matt and Jess. Love you guys. Sara, I'm so sorry!! I know how much you loved Poe, I'm here for you chica. Call me whenever you want. x3 you will never know true pain until you look into the eyes of some one you love and they look away. I'm taking my time. I'm trying to leave the memories of you behind. I'm gonna be fine as soon as I get your picture right out of my mind.