i HATE this. i do this every fucking time. get my hopes up so high & then get shot down. this is bullshit, i wanna be happy, is that SO wrong? There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok But that’s not what gets me What hurts the most Was being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was tryin’ to do

life=gooood right now. i love my friends x 534838 as always & this one certain boy is the absolute best :] :] so yeahhhh, that was about it haha. update sometimee ?♥

chhyeahhhh who's back? well it's been a few months since i've last updated so i figured i'd give an update. these past couple of months have been pretty good. theres always good days & bad ones. made some new friends, lost some old friends. but i've made it through. well that was '05, now its' 2006.. a new year. so i'll talk about my past week. monday- stayed home cause i was sick. blah blah tons of fun ughh. tuesday- back to school. still sick & felt like shit. wednesday- clubs. thursday- don't remember. =x friday- was kinda boring, went to school, came home & just bummed around. saturday- relaxing night. was suppose to go bowling. but of course the shitty roads always stop us. sunday- eh slept all day. sick all over again. yippe. today- had school but stayed home cause i didn't feel good. still don't. hmm so basically that sums it up. so i'm gonna go watch some tv or somethin. ♥

Alone in this house again tonight I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me The way that it was and could have been surrounds me I'll never get over you walkin' away I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain From my eyes Tonight I wanna cry Would it help if I turned a sad song on "All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way i'm done with this thing. for good? who knows, but i'm just done. dont ask why.

uhm so yesterday i went shopping around 3, went to BKKK first =D then to dickss cause i needed shorts for gym cause the schools are ugly and long, and well yes ugly. then went to the mallyy, returned a pair of pantsss.. then just went well shoppingg hehe. it was mucho fun, i got a ton of stuff. i extremely love my new skirt, its cute as hell. uhmm then we were on our way home andd jesssy called mee =) then we got home around 7ish or so.. i tried all my stuff onn, cleaned my room up a bit && listened to some music, thenn i watched ladder 49. omgg i love that moviee, it's the best seriously. i bawled my eyes out on a few parts. its really sad. but still very good. that finished around 11.. then i got on here, and talked awhile.. i could've died of boredom i swear. watched tv and went to bed around 130? yupp. then todayy, woke up around 1130 =x i was tired. umm went to my grams for a few. came back here and took a shower, got all ready. went outside and laid outsidee and got some sun 8) after awhile i went for a walk withh jen && chelle. that was funn, came home around 5. ate dinnerr. listened to music for awhilee.. got things together for school tomorrow.. and here i am noww. so thats it.

umm to summarize it up, certain things are good right now =) but yeahh. umm lets see, this morning i had a dentist appointment.. once again no cavities hehe. then we headed home, i texted aaron cause i promised i would, got home and then yeah did whatever. leaving in like an hour or so for shoppinggg =D then we'll probably go out for dinner then come back home and im gonna watch ladder 49. umm talk on here probly, tv maybe, and after awhile to bed. till wheneverr.. if you want my myspace, commenttt =)

school was eh. finished my work in keyboarding then went to the nurse. slept till 3rd. also saw josh there. he almost coughed a lung up on me. went to math. went to studyhall. saw this casey kid finally that is travs friend. went to a&p. almost fell asleep. went to lunch. loud loud loud. went to the nurse after lunch. called my mom. she called chris. went to my locker and got my shit. back to the nurses. got a pass. went to health. left at 2. chris picked me up. i swear he took forever. got home. did my homework. got on here. talked to people and here i am now. and yup. that was my school day. i thought it looked cute, plus i didnt want to type a whole friggen paragraph. so im outtie. bbl? oh and i miss my celly =( i had jenny hold on to it today and i never saw her to get it back. sigh.. ♥

ok so umm its been awhile. lets see.. eh idk, my whole weekend sucked. friday was good tho, talked to him* finally. it went good, i guess because the situation didnt come up but im not gonna bring it up unless it needs to be. i miss him and i want to work on things, so im just gonna keep talking to him if he gets back on. gotta start somewhere right? this weekend was just kinda a bum one, i had popcorn twice, watched like a jabillion movies, phone of course umm.. and yeah. oh and i saw rayray hehe plus others. hmm yeah pretty much a sucky weekend, doesnt that mean im suppose to have like a sucky week? ah i hope not. well im out for now. till next time mhmmm. And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist, and you kissed me like you meant it. And I knew that you meant it.♥

my moms a stupid bitch and i hate her. what a dumb whore, some never learn.

ummm school was good.. classes are getting better.. didn't see sara today =( i could've cried!! i miss her so much and shes like right thurr. didnt see any of the boys today hmmm.. damn to early dismissals. they're so lucky. umm alright well im gonna go eat my doriots & drink my OJ. bb tomorrow to update ? maybeee.. lataa gatas♥

okay so school started today, i thought oh this is my junior year it'll go great! but ughhh no, i miss my friends =( i have like nothing with them it sucks. i have history with megan. lunch w/ jess && chelle. um yeah thats like it, NOTHING else. =/ oh and i dont even have studio arts, cause they never gave me a 4th period so i went down and she told me that it would fuck my schedule up if i wanted to take the course so i went w/ studyhall and ughhh i dont want sh. im thinking of changing my schedule but idk.. that means moving things around and shitt... the only thing i like is that my rooms are all near each other basically. oh yeah and i came outta my guidance counselours office this morning and bam.. whos out therE? zach. yup.. then i saw him like a jabillion more times that day. and in lunch he just looked at me.. ughh idk. at least i didnt have any homework and i only got one book today 8) umm.. no school FRIDAY!!!! i thought it was just mondayy off but a bunch of ppl told me friday too sooo yeeee. that makes me happy. yet im still so confused..oh well guess ill figure it out sooner or later.. umm what else, travvys not mad at me..thats good. uummm.. nates hair, god i miss it. hmm..bus ride was finee, this morning i missed jen tho =( but tonight we sat together and gossipeddd 8) ummmmm...rays gonna start bringin me n jess home next week =D i dont think its everyday tho ? idkk.. ill find out. but yeee, then ill get home earlierr and more sleep time hehe. im way too tired when i come home.. today was awful, nap was needed. and my call to sara jane =p i love her. i have nothing w/ her this year either =( sigh okay im making myself all sadish again..hmm what else. i think thats about it.. ily guys♥♥

So lately I've been updating again, but still I think this thing sucks majorly half the time. I love myspace so much better =) Askkk if you want the linky. Umm alrighty so today, went shopping w/ Jessica, Chris, and Ant. We went to Tannersville first, realized that sucked ass, then went to Viemont, only got 3 pairs of pants and 2 pairs of pj's though. Took Jess home, took Ant home, came home, tried everything on, umm and then just relaxed after that. I was gonna take a nap cause I was only goin on like 4-5 hours of sleep, but eh.. myspace addiction took over..umm yup. oh and talked on the phone for awhile.. so its like 10 now, just watching tv.. tomorrow, going shopping again, this time w/ the rents. Should run into Jessy yayy, her mama & Karlee I think. Trav told me the other day he was gonna go but then again I havent talked to him since Thursday, and I heard hes pissed at me anyway ? Who knows. But nothing can ruin my shopping =p then school on Mondayy. I'm a JUNIOR this year!! =D So awesome, i love it. I really hope this year doesn't suck.. I dont need any boy shit this year, but Im sure it'll happen anyway. Not with Zach tho ? cause he says were done, yet.. w/e. Not getting into that. But yeahh..umm, my brothers a senior this year eek. And then hes leaving next year, ah its gonna be weird w/out him around. So is Justin, and my "boys" yeah they're no longer really considered my boysss w/e. hehe. alrighty well long enough.. till whenever♥

LUTHER VANDROSS LYRICS "Dance With My Father" Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep Then up the stairs he would carry me And I knew for sure I was loved If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him I’d play a song that would never, ever end How I’d love, love, love To dance with my father again When I and my mother would disagree To get my way, I would run from her to him He’d make me laugh just to comfort me Then finally make me do just what my mama said Later that night when I was asleep He left a dollar under my sheet Never dreamed that he would be gone from me If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him I’d play a song that would never, ever end ‘Cause I’d love, love, love To dance with my father again Sometimes I’d listen outside her door And I’d hear how my mother cried for him I pray for her even more than me I pray for her even more than me I know I’m praying for much too much But could you send back the only man she loved I know you don’t do it usually But dear Lord she’s dying To dance with my father again Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

adopt your own virtual pet!

i almost forgot to tell everyoneee... I got my braces off Thursdayyy:D!! I love my beautifullll smile. Haha well that was all ♥Later Gators.

look me in the eyes and tell me you love me because I need to hear that lie. TOMORROWS MY BIRTHDAYY! Mhm, Sweet 16 babyyy 8) Yee. Okay the update, as usual things always go from bad to worse. Well now things are completely done with us, too bad you didn't have the balls to tell me yourself. But I figured I would be a complete wreck, when you know what.. IM NOT! :D It's so great, because I'm actually happy. It's not about him anymore. It's about me, and my life. I love my friends, without them I wouldn't know what to do. always&FOREVER♥

somewhere between the procrastination, the homework, the friendships, and the nasty cafeteria food, the calls to old friends, the i miss yous, and the i love yous, and what are we doing tonight`s? somewhere between all of the changed and growing and the skipping classes, the studying for tests, and the pretending to be studying for tests, and the downriight not studying for tests, i forgot. ..i forgot what it meant to cry. i forgot that pretending to be happy doesn`t make you happy. i forgot that pretending to be smart doesn`t make you smart. and that pretending to be okay doesn`t make youu okay. i forgot that you can`t just forget the past in fear of our future.. i forgot that you can`t control falling in love.. and that youu can`t make yourself fall in love. i learned.. i learned that i can love.. i learned that it`s okay to mess up. and it`s okay to ask for help.. and it`s okay to feel like crap.. i learned it`s okay to complain and whine to all your friends for a whole day.. that somehow they`ll make it all better. i learned that sometimes the things you want most you can`t have. i learned that the greatest thing about school isn`t going to be who is most popular or going to the parties..not even the hook ups.. it`s the friendships.. which means taking chances. i learned that sometimes the things we forgive and forget are the things which we most need to talk out.. i learned that letters from friends are the most important thing.. and that sending cards to your friends makes youu feel better.. but basically, i just learned that my friends, both old and new, are the most important people to me in the world♥

50 Things Girls Wish Guys Knew... 1. Don't tell us when you think other girls are hot. 2. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 3. If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don't expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models. 4. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 5. There is no such thing as too much spooning. 6. Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D. 7. This is how we see it, Don't call = Don't Care. 8. Which also means that if we don't call, take the hint. 9. We like you to be a little jealous, but overly possessive is not necessary. 10. Putting things in our butt does not turn us on. 11. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we go down, you go down; we shave, you shave (and not just your face). 12. Foreplay is not an option, it's a prerequisite. 13. We're allowed to be late, you are not. 14. Eye contact is key. 15. Don't take longer to get ready than we do. 16. Laugh at our jokes. 17. Three words..honesty, honesty, honesty. 18. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers. 19. We never have to wonder if your orgasm was real. 20. Do not start with us. You will not win. 21. Would you like it if a guy treated your sister that way? We didn't think so. 22. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way. 23. We will never have enough clothes or shoes! 24. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month. 25. Open the door for us no matter where we are, even at our house and getting into the car. 26. We love surprises! 27. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue. 28.Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most. 29. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometimes, NEVER whitey-tighties, NEVER! 30. Clean your room before we come over. 31. Always brush your teeth before you see us, a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity. 32. When we use our teeth it means that you suck at going down on us, so we are just returning the favor. 33. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are. 34. Hit it and quit it, because later I'll be with you're best friend and he lasts for hours. 35. Don't act hard around your friends because I won't make you hard tonight. 36. Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!" 37. "Wife Beaters" are not an adequate form of fashion. 38. If we wanted to be on videotape, we'd be a porn star not your girlfriend. 39. Sensitive guys are great, but crying more than we do in a movie just isn't right. 40. Don't let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough. 41. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays. 42. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman. 43. "Fat Chicks" have feelings too. 44. Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks all add up to..YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG! 45. If you are not a good dancer, please be self-aware. 46. Just because a girl doesn't pick up on the first ring doesn't mean she's not waiting by the phone. 47. You don't have to spend a lot, if it means a lot. 48. Don't say you love me if you don't mean it. 49. Don't lie to us..we will catch you. 50. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends know everything about you.

Ya know, I'm so awful. I check up on this thing and change it every now and then. Yet I say I'm done right? Eh whatever. I guess I'll never really be done with it, just update when I want. Well going back to work on Monday after being since for a week. Yeah, that was fun. Not. Dad's birthday is Monday. Then Friday or Saturday, goin to Jessy's. Kristins comin up Friday, gonna hang out with her sometime before she leaves again. Jessy's birthday is the weekend after that (24th) but she's goin to the Pocono's so the week after going back to her house for her birthday with Sara. Then a few days later (August thee 1st) the braces come offff!!!! So effing excited about that! What else.. my birthday's the 15th of Augusttt =) Sweet 16 baby. Hmm, the rents might be going to Virginia sometimes towards the end of August. Mucho fun because I'm staying home. Which means people are coming ovaaaaaa =D shhh! Hehe. And that's really all that I know of right now. That's good anyway. Things with Zach, I think are finally done. He's decided to start hanging out with his ex's again and forget all about me. We haven't talked since the last time we hung out, which was a week and 3 days ago. Countdown that I'm taking, sad. I'm not gonna lie, I miss him a lot. My plan is to wait for him to come to me and then we'll see if I'm still gonna be there for him. But I really do need to talk to him, but whatever he won't even call me or talk to me on the computer. Guess he gave up on me without even letting me know. So why can't I realize where we stand..or where we don't stand at all? Whatever. =/ Well everyone have a good one. Sure I'll change the layout again soon and maybe I'll update too. Until next time.. ♥

I'm done So tired of all this shit lately And no one seems to care, So whatever, have a good one Sometimes the ones you love the most* *Fade away the fastest and let me tell you, It hurts more than you could ever know*