i was sitting in spanish and the tears rushed to my eyes i was confused because i was tired, and not quite sure my feelings were right on track. then it dawned on me, and these thoughts crossed my mind "im so sorry grandma i didnt visit you one last time. the pain i was feeling was overflowing and i couldnt deal, thats not your fault and you deserved so much more. i wish i couldve held your hand longer, and stroked your beautiful face. tell you i loved you and that youll soon be in a better place. that this chaotic world will soon be a distant nightmare, that i was excited for you to see grandpa up there....i wish i couldve heard your voice tell me how beautiful i was one last time, that your big brown eyes couldve stared into mine as you told me i was a sweet girl that no one could compare. you made me feel like i was worthy grandma of being something more then i couldve ever believed i couldve become...im sorry i didnt kiss your cheek one last time....i love you grandma, my not so distant memory..."