so today when my brother called because my mom hates me to much to even hear my voice i just went and drove around and listened to my music really loud to temporarily drown out the voices in my head that tell me im nothing and tell me i need to bleed to feel again. and i wanted to cry so bad...just bawl and let it all out. but i couldnt just a few tears fell and i was already back home. so wut a waste of time and gas-right? i thought about calling someone because i was going crazy but who should i call?i thought...that boy..he could comfort me, but hes out of town. and tiffany..well shes at work, and even if she wasnt she wont answer the phone because shes too busy "working things out" with jeremy who could really care less about her. and everytime she calls me i drop wutever im doing to listen...because thats wut best friends are for right? right. so not having anyone to go to made things worse because i know its all my fault. i have messed up every friendship that was ever worth it. and i cant seem to stop. like the whole thing with leah for instance...wut was i thinking?! i need to stop thinking, right now. i cant and i wont. i just dont know how to deal. im sorry