Everything and everyone I fall in love with changes out from under me. I seem to be changing now too, I don't know if it's because I've become more bold, or if it's for myself, or reactionary, or ___ or ___ or ___. Marilyn Manson is being helpful. No one else is. Fuckers. I feel like there's nothing left for me here. I base the entirety of my self-worth on how much I help/am needed by others. I never realized this little flaw before. Is that a flaw? Because... I call it a virtue... I don't know anymore. Anything anymore. Dana took me off her top 4. I was number one, then number two (she had a gimmick as #1, that was fine for a while), now I'm gone. Gimmick is still there... she loves the Canadian more than me. I don't exist for her. And that's fine too. I suppose. All the "friends" I had here disappeared from me, and they stopped by yesterday to haunt me. I could think of nothing better than to invite them in and give them gifts. "hey, you totally fucked me over, how about some tea and crumpets?" ... I want Morgan back. Seriously, she picked partying and getting drunk over the friendship we had... what the fuck is that??? Even if I was out partying with her... we wouldn't be the same as we were. I don't know if we ever can be again. But god I miss that.... so much.