My secret feelings don't exist, I'm trying to find that I like someone and have some hope of enjoying a winter romance. I keep telling myself that I like this or that person in hopes that it would stick. Beauty on the outside just isn't enough to keep my attention, though. I feel really held back by the fact that I think Jacklynn might read this. I shouldn't be, so what if she reads this. I thought I could like Savanah for awhile, but I can't really hold a conversation with her, and Kirk keeps bringing up things I'd really like to argue about. Though she does have this smooth face, something about fungus though, and I'm not sure. ... Then I'd feel guilty for Justin, but that's as though one in a million chances were to happen. I'm no catch myself. I also "secretly" am attracted to this girl in the hall. I think she was in my spanish classes in the past, but that girl was goth, and this girl wears bright green leos shirts whenever I notice her. We sometimes have that passing glance into eachother's eyes going on. There's this girl in my ITT academy I like too, she's probably fat and good at covering it up, but she has the most pretty, blemished face I've seen. I think I only like her because she seems to hate everyone in that class. Hm my exact words in my notebook were "your dissaproval and lack of interest are very attractive" when I wrote that I giggled because it seemed so absurd. I look like a dork in that class because I talk to dorky people and study, also I draw alot of really crappy pictures. Once I was talking about a very funny instince in class, where someone offered me the second one of their twix. I didn't realize that no one got the joke so it seemed like I drug out the joke and made it into a very very funny point. I was saying things like "He offered me the second one of his twix, that's the stupidest most idiodic anti-moralistic thing ever" and the people I was talking to were silent. I finally said "It goes against the whole meaning of the twix candy bar, two for me none for you," at which point the entire class (including people I didn't know were listening and the teacher) errupted in laughter. Um where was I? Oh I didn't like all that attention, and I'm sure I looked like a dork becuase of it. But apparently it was very, very funny. Um who else... Oh there's a rich girl that's in almost all of the classes I'm in that I consider alot. I doubt she'd like me enough to actually talk to me, but I think she's pretty, probably because she's quiet. I don't even know her name. Notice I say consider, I have a hard time being blinded by love. I have to actively look for this stuff, and therefore I don't think any of it would ever be real. I think I've lost my ability to have a fling, feel, or get that loss of words thing going on. Good/Bad? I don't know. I'll go with bad, I'd rather not be desensatized. Bye like