HOw can a dream seem so real? I had it during the summer and it still disturbs me too much to talk about it out loud. It sounds ridiculous but it's true. And a not good mood. Why do I fucking care? Why do I have to fucking care???? Why do I have to get jealous? It's not like I can really do anything. I don' tknow I jsut find myself thinking more and more about...it...and wishing and I don't know know what to think any more. I wish I would just stop. That I would just forget it. That I didn't get so upset all the time. It just seems like as soon as I have something it goes away before I can think what I want to do about it. I hate this. I hate being this way. I hate feeling. I hate myself. I hate myself. I never felt more seperate. Being lonely bites.