These are ACTUAL ANNOUNCEMENTS TAKEN FROM CHURCH BULLETINS!!!! 1- Don't let worry kill you- let the church help. 2- Thursday night- Potluck supper. Prayer and medication will follow. 3- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 4- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 5- The rosebud on the altar is to announce the birth of David Alaln Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. 6- This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 7- Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. 8- Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor. 9- Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his office. 10- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 11- We will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. 12- Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so. 13- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind and may be seen in the Church basement Friday. 14- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall, music will follow. 15- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. I LUV these!!!! They are soooooo fucking funny! and my choir director brought them in... i think that's even funnier!!!!!