Last night I got woken up twice by gross animals on my balcony. Racoons eating grapes (the noises they make sound like a sea monster) and opposums eating macadamia nuts. I had to wake up my parents and my dad went and threw things like brooms at the animals. Then I went to sleep. . . . For a long long time. The previous night was hell. I slept 4 hours in a half-sleep, never really reaching the deep sleep. So I spent 3 hours (6am-9am) taking a walk, writting, reading the newspaper, and crying out of frustration from being so tired. Then I slept 2 hours in my bed. So tonight's sleep was a blessing. But now I feel out of it. Weed. Money. All at Vanessa's. "You need to clean your room before you go out again." Shitttt. They don't understand my utter need for this medication. I almost cried in the car out of fear for going to sleep last night. I'm really afraid of the night. I feel uncomfortable about the fact that I sent him that email. Now I feel like I have to act upon it even if I don't feel like it. I don't know how long I can be happy with one boy. I'm so nervous.