| you must stop |
May 12, 2008 |
Feeling: annoyed
STOP!
this!
shit! |
| (0 comments) | What now? |
|
| this is it |
May 6, 2008 |
I don't know how I really feel right now to be honest, I don't care anymore. Everything I have done has been nothing but a waste of time. Everything I have done has done nothing to help me, everything I have done has only been about everyone els, I was so worried now I have nothing. All my hard work all that time and nothing to show for it. I'm in my own waste land and I have no one to blame but myself. I dug this grave and now I must start back from step one. I have a long track to run to catch up and I only have so much time. I can no longer hold on to the past. I have to forget everything and relearn it all over again. |
| (0 comments) | What now? |
|
| Perfect |
May 1, 2008 |
Feeling: alone
Thats just how my dad is, I dont know why he acts that way. I mean my sister was kinda attacking him but like she was only defending herself... i dont know its really hard to explain. Like he is my Dad. I dont really like talking about it that much. My family is kinda fucked up. He will say mean shit about my mum sometimes and about her family, and it makes me and my sister sad. Cause thats our family too and its just all a mess. Im a very inward person, I dont usually speak up unless I fell i have to. Im a very mellow person. But at the moment im really confsued and lost on what to do about Tyler (my ex or kinda ex) like things between us are so fucked up right now and so like weird I just dont know what to do. like I dont want to give up on him but I dont want to have to be some slideline bith and i dont even know if he still cares about me even thought he says and dose but he dosent show any sort of comapssion anymore and I just feel used and neglceted AHHHHHHHH!!!! see what i mean?
Why the fuck dose all this shit have to happen now? its the end of the school year summer is soon, and we were so close and it just makes me so fucking angry after everything i have done for him, all the fucking shit i delt with and its so annoying!! I dont want to feel like a crazy bitch anymore, my emotions are like going crazy and its like killing me to have to hide all this bullshit from everyone. cause I dont want people to find out cause all i will here is "i told ya so" and if by some chance things do work out I dont want my Mum to know or els she would probably not want me around him or want him in the house. UGH... dramma dramma dramma.. I hate it so much and I hate how I sound so stupid and lame right now but I cant help it. I dont know what els to do or where els to turn to at this point. it sucks.everything just seems to just totally suck.... |
| (0 comments) | What now? |
|
| mistake |
May 1, 2008 |
Feeling: damned
I'm so lost right now and I don't know what to do or how I really feel, I feel like I'm walking around without idk just lost and like empty....my birthday was ok my dad was really mean to me and my sister and I wasent happy that he brought his gf with him to dinner. Whatever summer is comming and my life is falling apart... |
| (1 comments) | What now? |
|
| winter |
April 23, 2008 |
Feeling: sad
Let me just spill out everything from inside on this entry, I don't even know how I really feel right now, I'm lost I'm sad and I'm confused. I don't even care that my birthday is friday I don't think anything can change how I really feel right now. I feel so used. I knew it was wrong I knew it should of never happen. As hard as I tried to fight it I just broke down and gave into the passion gave into the "love". I should of knowned better... I should of knowned that it wouldent last till morning... I can't I don't want to give up but I can't keep going on like this. This feeling of confusion lingers inside my heart and burns me from the inside out. The tension the anger the regret the remorse the solance is a whirl wind that I can't seem to get out of. Spinning me round and round brigging me up and down. I don't know how much longer I am going to put with this, I want to walk away and say goodbye forever and I want to hold on and never let go. I'm just caught in the undertoe and I keep getting pulled out to sea. |
| (2 comments) | What now? |
|
| asylum of the mind |
April 21, 2008 |
Feeling: ambitious
Every once felt like you were traped insdie your own mind? Its almost as if you have no control even though you have complete control. Idk its weird and hard to explain but whatever. Well on a lighter note I turn 18 friday! Its not that big of a deal but I'm just gald to have more freedom. I also can't wait to get my new phone, cause the one I'm on right now is falling apart. Things are better now their not good but there better, which is a start. I mean there are some many things I don't understand but in time I they will be better. I'm on vacation this week which is cool, but I'm working a bunch. Its not so bad I need the money than again don't we all? Eveyone keeps asking me what I want for my bday and to be honest I don't even kno what I want. All I really want was a new phone and well I don't really want or need anything els. I'm happy with what I have. |
| (0 comments) | What now? |
|
| breath |
April 17, 2008 |
Feeling: betrayed
What's worst than worst?
Having to give up something you want more than anything. Than loesing the one you love more than anything, than having to live with the guilt and shame alone. Who would make up shit about me? I haven't done anyone wrong. I haven't hurt anyone and I haven't lied to anyone. But giving up its not the answer, letting go is not the answer either. I can't give up on the one I love not untill I know for sure. And even than I I don't want to give up him. Not now not after everything that has happen, I don't know what to do anyone other than just try to stay clam. But even than I'm consumed by my emotions, I'm not ready to end this part of my life, He is not only the one I love but he is also my best friend. |
| (1 comments) | What now? |
|
| I never did what he says I did |
April 14, 2008 |
Feeling: depressed
Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnrable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain I hate love
Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime
the ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most.
The hottest love has the coldest end.
there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.
If we must part forever, |
| (1 comments) | What now? |
|
| what did i do? |
April 9, 2008 |
Feeling: abandoned
I dont know what to do anymore, if anyone out here is reading this shit please help me with this problem. i dont know what happen but my boyfriend hasent talked to me since friday. he hasent answered any of my calls or texts. He hasent been online, I cant get ahold of his friends. I dont know what is going on... I understand the fact that he is away right now and gets bad service but he knows how I feel when he dosent talk to me. I get so worried and so scared he dosent understand how this makes me feel. I have done nothing wrong, I have not cheated and i have not done any drugs. I have kept my word. It dosent bother me when he dosent talk to me for a day but were going on five here. I feel like he is never going to talk to me again and i dont even know what i did or what happen. The last thing he said to me was "ok baby" cause i said i was going to call him later and that i wanted to talk to him and i called him later that night and no answer been like that since. And its not like his phone is off cause its on and it rings. I have no clue. But I cant deal with this anymore. He has done ths before but it was only for a few days. Im like honeslty freaking out. what do i do? How dose someone deal with this? |
| (1 comments) | What now? |
|
| leave me alone!!! |
April 4, 2008 |
Feeling: agitated
What don't people get the message!
Sometimes all I want is to be left alone, everyone needs some personal time. Some time just to relax and not be annoyed. But text message after text mesage and call after call, he won't leave me alone!!! Don't get me wrong were good friends and I love him to death but sometimes I just need my space. He knows I have a bf and that were just friends but sometimes I wonder if he understands that. We have had this convo before and he said he got it. I can help but wonder tho. I told him yesterday during school that I was busy and couldent hang out. And he call me like right after school asking the same thing. Than a four asked again. And I said I was sorry. I had other plans and wanted to make it an early night. So I could actually get some sleep for once. Than he like freaked, asking me if I was mad at him and a bunch of other things. Idk what to do about this. He's a good friend I like being his friend we have fun. But that's all he is to me. Just a friend. He knows how I fell about cheating so he hasent pulled anything. But I don't want him to like me, than whenever we hang out its going to be weird. I mean what do I do? I don't want to lose this friendship, and I don't want for him to think their is hope for us being together. I honeslty thought we were past this point, cause he said he only liked me as a friend. But his actions speak for themselfs. Help? |
| (1 comments) | What now? |
|
|
