My mind is so muddled and cluttered right now, I don't even know where to begin. I can sense that this is going to be one of those bottle-neck effects, and everything is going to build up and everything will just come out in the form of some breakdown or stint of creativity.

-- Man, I keep acting out scenarios in my head about having a fight with Molly. I keep saying things that I would really regret saying, so good thing I'm just imagining everything. I'm not sure if it's helping me get over my anger with her or just making it worse. It's not that I don't like her, I just don't like how she acts like a two year old and throws tantrums to get her way. I mean, she's sixteen and she's so much more fun when she acts her age. --On another note, Samantha and Drew are dating. Now, this means one of two things: 1:Drew is just gets around and dates everybody.2: There's something wrong with me because if Samantha can get a boyfriend, why can't I? It's not like I need a boyfriend, but I just notice that there are a lot of uggos [I'm not saying that Samantha is an uggo, I'm just saying that she doesn't seem like she would date Drew. I love Sam, I don't mean anything offensive by this] that can get boyfriends, and I don't think I'm an uggo. I also think I'm pretty interesting and funny, so I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I'm sounding pretty pretentious, but I hope I'm not. I honestly don't think that highly of myself, but I mean, I'm a good person and I just want to know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe it's because I don't put out? I mean, I probably would if people showed some sort of interest. Oh God, now I probably sound like a whore. [I'm really making myself sound like a douche.] --Okay, let's start over. People don't realy like me, but there's nothing horribly wrong with me, and maybe it has to do with the way I dress because I don't wear low cut things or skirts and I basically stick to shirts and pants. Or maybe I just seem uptight. Anyway, the point is, I'd like to know why nobody likes me.

--I get angry pretty easily, I've realized. All day today I've been stressed because of deadlines for Newspaper and people not giving me things so I can finish up. Now I realize how much of a douche I've been for not doing any of my articles on time. I've also realized that people really, really piss me off. I honestly cannot stand anybody excpet for Casey, Carolyn, and Jessica. Everybody else does things that make me irritated to the point I grind my teeth. Like today in English, we had a sub so everybody was talking when we were trying to read Macbeth and then they wouldn't stop yelling when we were trying to go over the questions in the packet as a class. It was so frustrating and I wanted to yell at everybody to STFU for one minute because maybe if they did, we wouldn't have to go over everything nine times. --On another note, I've decided I want to be editor for then newspaper my senior year, just because I don't want Hannah to have it. I'm a bitch.

--Oh my goodness, it has been ages since I have written here. It's sad, really, this site really does pwn LiveJournal and Xanga. It's just nicer and has a better aesthetic to it. [lolz, bit words] --Okay, aside from cutting my hair, I have hardly changed a bit. I still sit online, I still don't have that many close friends, and I'm still really in like with some boy that I don't stand a chance with. The only thing that's different about this one is that we actually talk. -I just remember that in seventh grade I was hopelessly in love with that one boy. It's funny, though, because now I look back and wonder what the Hell I was thinking and now I sort of talk to him in class. We even had to act out a bit in a play where we were helluva in love and the entire time I kept thinking, "I have really bad taste." --Anyway, I guess I've grown up. I don't know. I just give into peer pressure and do things that I always thought I never would. I still miss Carolyn and Casey and I are still pals but she lives in Reno so it's harder, especially since we're never online at the same time anymore. It really feels like I don't have any friends anymore. But I'm not going to waste my time emo-ing out over something that's not that big of a deal. I just don't know what to say, really, because I suppose I'm just writing all of this as a sort of update on what's been going on so far, and it's been such a long time so I have to be really general because there's so much I have to cover. Anyway. When I have something more specific to say, I'll make a new entry. One that is interesting.

-- I am Anxiety personified I'm biting my nails. I'm clenching my jaw. I'm grinding my teeth. Anxiety doesn't suit me. -- It's Carolyn's birthday. I tried to call her today, left a message. Hopefully she'll call back. Her birthday present sits in my room, wrapped and ready; a constant reminder that I'm not wanted anymore.

--Oye. School is in 1 more day and 22 hours. I must say, after taking those sick days, I really have begun to enjoy not going to school. Crazy, eh? I actually enjoy school. Mostly because of my friends and since Mowles can't control her class, 1st is more or less a free period. Haha. She's so stupid. She put me and Cain together in the BACK of the room. She should know by now we'll talk until we're blue in the face (Unless he shuns me, which he is likely to do). But, for now, I must enjoy the rest of this mysterious week off and be lazy. Like I am every day of the year. Haha. Mowles is such an idiot...

--Sigh. Why does everybody have boyfriends? Since my new occupation is stalking people, I have noticed that many people have found that 'special someone'. I know, I'm only 13 (14 in 10 months. Ptsh) and I have the rest of my life (Hopefully I won't need that long) to date, but still. I feel like something's wrong with me. I guess it wouldn't matter, I like who I am, but still. I guess I just want somebody to care about me. (And mabey laugh at other people without boyfriends XD) Oh well. I will return to my bed of lonliness and read. That lifestyle seems to suit me.

--Well, that was nice. After my lovely dinner of lasagne, I was eating some bread and began to choke. And you would think my mummy would rush to my aid and try to help, but no. She just said "Stop it". Not "Are you all right, my darling who I love more than my other daughter". Not even a pat on the back. Just "Stop it"

--How sad is it that I am watching 'Arthur'? I would say very sad. I do believe that I have reached the lowest of low. Hahaha. Arthur is fat in this episode. I laugh at him.

--I have decided that since nothing ever happens to me besdides the occasional hit on the head in class by rouge paper footballs, I will just live through others. Never with a life of my own. I'll just stay here, in front of the computer, read other peoples diaries like they were some kind of novel, only leave the safty of my computer for school where I will then live through my friends. - Actually, that's pretty much what I do anyways...except for the diaries thing. I'm not exactly a weido-stalker (yet)

--I have just reread my entries and I have the lamest life ever. Nothing happens. No drama. Now wonderfully amazing things. Nothing. It's just me being bored and complaining. Dear God. My life is sucks. I DID IT AGAIN!

--Since when is Presidents' day combined with Washington's Birthday? Well, it's news to me. I would also like to know why we have a WEEK off for the occasion. Mabey the teachers just hate us and want us gone. That must be it. Speaking of teachers, Mowles (Have I mentioned her before...?) is still a cow and as stupid as ever. She is terrible at riting and teching. (SEE! Her poor grammer is rubbing off on me..) And, she is also very scattered brained. She actually LOST one of my assignements. If that isn't irresponsible, I don't know what is. And the worst part is, she doesn't admit to her mistake. She is possibly the dimmest teacher I have ever seen. --Bravo (Yes, the television channel) is stalking my sister. They are. Believe me. XD Anyways, we were watching 'Project Runway' and these women were TOO thin. They don't have any hips or thighs! They are skeletons and possibly the least attractive thing I have ever seen in my life. Scratch that. Most of the guys at my school are the least attractive things I've ever seen.

--I've been e-flirting. Oh no. Jen, talking to boys from the internet isn't a good idea. I know I shouldn't. I honestly do, but, Casey turned out to be who she said she was. So, this boy could just as well be who he says he is. Besides, it's not as if I'm going to fly out to Ireland to meet a college boy in a really good band. Also, he's not one of those creepy guys from MySpace that goes around saying things like, "Let's talk on AIM. You look soooo sweet and sexy." Are you sure Yes.

--I'm wearing my Ambulance! Ambulance! shirt that is about 5 sizes too big over my Beatles shirt. This is making me giggle --Getting comments on my stories makes me happy beyond belief. And my comments on my Bright Eyes inspired story make me yell 'GLEE!'. And I suck at responding to people's comments. I can't really tell them how happy their comments make me, and I wish I could. I'm smiling like a maniac. Remember Jen, pride is a sin I just can't help it.

--How many times have I said, "I just reread my journal and it's lame blah blah blah blah". Too many times. I'm gonna do it again. I've reread this thing again. Laughed so much. 7th graders shouldn't have blogs. 8th graders shouldn't either. Hell, 9th graders probably shouldn't have them as well, but, I can't resist. So, here I am. --I'm hopefully not going to post as much useless crap any more. That's what MySpace is for. That's what Xanga is for. That's what Live Journal is for. That's what this is for. But I've had this since 7th grade. When I look back on this a year from now, seeing as how it's inevitavable that I'm going to forget about this again, and I want this journal to show that I've matured at least a little. At least in my writing. Not so much my actions and personality. There is such thing as being too mature.

--Oye. Teen Girl Squad. It's wonderful. Ah, Trogdor, even more wonderful. Anyways, I want to do something, but I also want to just laze around in my room, listen to Good Charlotte, and play my guitar. I really haven't done anything to fun. I've just been cleaning my room all day. It actually does look better. And, clothes can actually fit in my closet. I feel accomplished. Anyways, I haven't heard from Carolyn. Gah. I can't take this.

--I know, it's Monday, and it sucks so much. And although this day had it's downsides, it rocked out loud. Allow me to elaborate. -Bad Points: I had loads of homework. I had something in science due tomorrow instead of Wednesday because I was talking with a giant group of people during class. Anyways, the homework was a jigsaw puzzle with tiny squars of paper, and I finally finished, sighed, and they all blew away before I could glue them down. Yeah. I know. It sucked. Anyways, I did it again, and there are major flaws. Oh well. Carolyn still forgot the book I want to read, and, it's Monday. And, my time capsul is gone! Somebody found it and emptied it out. It sucks. I really wanted to sniff it. (My time capsul's basically a Sunny D filled with pretzels, chips and stuff like that. It's been a month since I've made it.) -Good Points:History. It rocked. I ended up talking to the guy I've liked for ages, and he gave me a slip for my birthday, which is officialy a month aways, so, I get one free anything. I want a pony, but I doubt he'll be able to give me that, so I'll just settle for a hug. Yeah, that'd work...Another good point. We had a sub in math today. It was utterly boring, but still, it's a sub. English was heelarious because Carolyn and I were talking about Mowles being put back in the ocean where she bleongs. And, I clogged her sink..^^ --Now, I'm tired, I have a good Green Day song stuck in my head, never showered, which I needed to do, and I'm hungry. But still. Life is Fabbity-Fab-Fab!

--Munching on chips, listening to music, and talking on the neopets chatrooms. Fun fun fun. I have nobody to talk to. Alex is gone, Carolyn never called me back, and now my leg just fell asleep. Great.

--Geeze. It's freezing. Stupid wind. I'm still bored, there's nothing on tv, and I'm hungry. These aren't good combinations. It looks like I'm gonna be stuck playing spider solitare again.

--Gah. Alex keeps going away. He needs to come back, I need to talk to him. I need to call Carolyn about the stupid Spanish project, but I don't want to. I don't think we could even do it today. We don't even have a script read, so we can't film it. Alex said he would come back in 10 minutes, but I highly doubt it. This is the third time he's left the chat. Supid Alex. Dear Lord. We need to vacume --Gah. I can't spell-- Dad keeps blowing crap in here with the leaf blower. Yay! Alex is back! I wish mutty would get back, she's getting me a Jamba Juice. Yum