ok so .. i don't know what to do.. i feel like i need to get out..but i've seemed to have built my self a nice jail cell help...

boyfriends suck

what does it mean when you have the feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is about to go down?? maybe it means ..somethings about to go down wow i'm brilliant any ways i have a big test today..which sucks and then i have to work other than that though..wednesday is my last test and then i'm done with school for the summer.. and i'm excited because summer means change..and i really ready for some..good or bad..is that weird?? "the last three years were just pretend..." any one willing to give some advice?

If morning comes would it be too soon to see in the mirror the one who truly lies within us? and if morning comes will you still be there to help me through and share my angst or even my happiness? Though morning is not yet here and the ever lucid night still has its grip upon my mind i still have to wonder what will happen when morning is not so far or even here will i still be who i am when darkness covers me and blinds you from the truths i send in panic through the window of my soul? and even if we make it through the morning will day betray me? with the presence of yesterday or even tomorrow who does not exist and yet is my existence because today i am not myself meaning i am not here but if this is true then where am i hiding? I'm not in night because night has left me here along with you who greets me in the morning like i was awakened from my cacoon last night but i wasn't you just got a flash of my luminous prison so i ask if morning comes will you remember it? Sometime after now when i am truly gone and not lost in my possibilities of being... forgotten ..if morning comes.. -anonymous

so today was pretty normal.. until my rapist boss called me off on a perfect sunny day.. for no reason.. o well.. i guess it's time for a new job i just want everyone to know i don't always complain.. and i'm actually excited today because i got to look for a car and it made me feel like i could finally see the opening in my little cage.. does that make sense without being too cheesey?? am i the only one in the world with a crazy sister..? just wondering my family is a bit psychotic.. i'm sure though i'll add more to that one day in a fit of rage then i'll follow you into the dark

It's days like today when i seem to have the world in my hands.. then i realize that if this were true.. i'd probably drop it.. i mean, i'm sixteen years old.. with a steady boyfriend, good grades, parents who still are married..friends who care..and i'm still unhappy in my own little twisted way.. from everyone elses view i have a nice life.. and then theres my veiw and what i know.. that they don't .. and it builds up inside me..and i just carry the weight with me.. keeping quiet.. because even if someone had the nerve to ask me what was really wrong with me and really listened..they would take their own knowledge of me and my life and munipulate everything i say until i'm the girl who has everything.. and yet still feels bad for herself... and it's not like that at all.. i mean its really not i do have a nice life.. i'm just unstable.. and thats the truth. and even though i know noone on here cares i mena just look at my friends list.. but just for the record.. no one knows about this journal except for you who may or may not be reading this.. so i can say wahtever i want.. and you can't judge me..because you don't know me..make sense..??? any wy i guess what the point of this entry is that i just wanted to contemplate how i feel.. and my life as it is as of right now.. and wonder how your life.. whether your happy or not.. (very charlie don't you think..??) i want to take you far from the cynics in this town and kiss you on the mouth ... Everything will change -Grace

You don't know me.. but here i am sharing my inner most thoughts with you i think it's better this way not knowing me.. i mean..that way i can say... my life is perfect and yet not..and you can't judge me on it.. get it? Got it? Good. It won't be all right despite what they say Just watch the stars tonight as they, as they disappear, disintegrate And I disintegrate 'cause this hate is fucking real And I hope to shade the world as stars go out and I disintegrate-AFI -Grace

I can't firgure it out, today was fine and dandy untill I get out of work, and then it's just smashed to a thousand peices. I wish i was tougher harder to walk all over, even then though i guess i'd still be unhappy with my sister.. i mean how could she do this to me..? and i still never say a word, i listen to her lie through her teeth about everything going on around her.. and still i just let it slide.. even when she steels from me.. the only person she knows will never say a word... Am I crazy to be upset? i mean really after i've helped her get back up she automatically pushes me back down.. she'll be the death of me.. i swear it what gives you the right? to fuck with our lives? a devil born in paradise a liar loves to lie keep watching your back killers always have killers on their track -stars