I love Maria. and I shouldn't but I do. It's gross. Not literally, but she's my best friend and my world, and what better way to taint it then with an onnagain/offagain relationship? Sitting alone last night, in an abandoned duplex that isn't my own or anyone I really knows, sipping iced tea I realized that my main problem is inconsistency. Nothing ever works, and continues working. There is no stability. These words are coming from a broken soul. I have broken yet again and I gotta just ride this baby out. Fuck. This is so much to handle. Is this really the way i'm supposed to live?