-sigh- I will not stoop to your level. That was your lowest point. My car didn't start today, I was late for class, and missed my test... it was a horrible day. I didn't want to face any potentially hurtful conversations, and its a good thing, because obviously people lack a particular amount of maturity just to move on. Although I did really well with raising money for the DU's with Alena I think. I'm so excited that my exams are over, and since I did ok, I think I really have the chance to get into business next year! That gives me such a sense of relief, and thankfully things are coming together perfectly. With the exception of me now having to pay for something new on my car, and possibly losing my job because i can't go to my shift Friday, things are definealty still up, especially since I have the bestest person by my side helping me along the way. I probably couldn't have gotten through those ridiculous exams without being stressed out too much without him.

These last two weeks have been utterly amazing. From the parents out of town, to Valentines day, to girls trip to Grand Forks, its been great. I love it when people like to generalize life. In my own experience, the more you generalize, the more you realize how random life actually is, and the more its when you take risks and do something a little different, is when you find yourself truly happy. But thats just me generalizing. I haven't been this happy since Switzerland. There is something new every day it seems, and my life never has a dull moment. And for once its purely real happiness, and the feeling is amazing. And for once, there is a person, that knows what I feel, how I'm feeling, notices when Im sad, and wants to make me happy. I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm just being me. And this is who I am, right now, and hopefully for a long time ahead. This is where my future should be heading, even if I need to get a B+ in all my maths (which is impossible) to get into Asper now, even if I'm so terrified that I'll never get into Asper that I usually end up in tears before and after every major test, because I'm so worried that I may never achieve my dreams, but my situation right now comforts me. With the exception of Asper, and my job at Perkins, everything is right in my life right now. I'm happy, content, and the feeling of a four letter word is in the air.

I heart Christmas. I heart the happiness that goes along with it and I heart Tobogganning Parties with boys. I love getting sweet text messages, whether it be from Melissa, Denise, (My terrible duo) or Adam. I've learned that somebody like a human furnace can make me melt all over. I've learned that I love being called Jenny. I've learned that you've gotta live a little to learn alot. And I've learn that a little hard work pays off in the end. I know that things are going amazing right now. I know I should cherish these moments Because at any time it could end. But since they're being cherished... It could be forever until they end. I'm looking forward to the new year and the excitement it will bring. And for new starts, new classes, new adventures. This semester has been amazing, I couldn't ask for me. I've grown up so much, that I can 't even remember who I was last year at this time, never mind two years ago. Slowly but surely, a maturity comes on, and it starts to hit... only slowly though, and it will just be a matter of time where I'll have to start thinking like an adult. That'll probably come around when I move out in July... I can't believe I signed the lease on the house, that is so scary, yet so exhilarating. Cheers to the New Year. I can't wait what you bring, but I hope you let a few things tag along from last year... like friends, good spirits, best friends/sugar lips, and a particular boy who never ceases to make me smile and laughs with me when I do crazy stuff, that I really should't have done.

Bah! I wrote this once and it deleted. So everytime I write these words I get a little kinder, so be happy. So since you've got your last chance to declare to the world 'Fuck You' to Jenn, here's my last rebuttal. Why do you continue to do this? Why must you tarnish any positive feelings I have towards you. I really wanted to go back to our relationship in twenty years, and smile on what we had, but you are really making this hard for me. What were you honestly hoping to do by diss me, in a place where you know I will read it? Honestly, like is this your way of closure? I hope so, and I hope you get that closure soon, because I'm tired of dealing with any issues concerning you, I'm tired of wondering what you think, and how you continually diss who I am. I'm going to start this rather positively, and give my regards to you and whatever girl you end up with, because I know the thrill of having a crush, and then of finding that that person likes you back. It's a wonderful feeling, and I hope that you get that same wonderfulness out of it, and I hope that I don't create any baggage for you. I wish you all the luck in anything that you do, because I've reached the point where I'll only be mean where I have to, and in other regards I'm just wishing that you reach the point of closure AND happiness that I have. I really honestly do, I can't stress that enough. And now that I've been nice, I've got to throw my last little thoughts in, because as nice as I'm trying to start to be, I'm still me, and what you said was really really cruel. Let me broadcast to the word, so everybody doesn't think I'm a heartless girl, why I broke up with you while you were under the slight influence of alcohol. You don't treat me like crap, I don't care how much you've had to drink, you don't a)tell your girlfriend to fuck off b)grab her and force her to dance with you, holding her so hard that she's terrified of you, and that she can't get away from you. There is no excuse for that. I wanted to break up with you for the entire week before that, and was giving you one last chance, and buddy you blew it. And it was alot easier breaking up with you while you were drunk than when you weren't, and I wasn't angry cause otherwise I'd be a blubbering idiot. And you know all those things you said on the phone when you still wanted me back... those are the things you should have told me when we were going out. I never thought you loved me. Ever. And by the way, your friends all backed me up on breaking up with you. YOUR friend was encouraging me for a good part of it... if you can't even convince YOUR friend that you are a good boyfriend, and you can't convince your GIRLFRIEND that you are a good boyfriend, how can you tell yourself that. I'm sorry you are hurting, I really am. I never wanted to hurt you, but being in the relationship hurt me. To any females who read this... how would you like a boyfriend who told you almost every day that you were lame? Or a boyfriend that when you got into a fight with your friend, sided with your friend, and told you that you were being stupid, when you didn't even do anythign to cause the argument, you were just part of the aftermath. Huh? Why would I want to be in a relationship where i feel like crap all the time. I'm sorry I'm happy now, I'm sorry I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I'm sorry that I've made new friends, and I'm sorry that I've moved on, but please cease with the harsh and hurtful words that keep bringing me back to you. Please. How I'm self centered, I'm not sure, but You've taken this relationship and you've crossed the line of hurtful words in order to gain closure, you've reached the point of just being mean. If I was ever self centered it was when we were dating, but YOU were also just as self centered as I was, don't deny that. I wish you the best of luck with whomever you end up with. I hope we can look back in twenty years and think of the good times, and being high school sweethearts, not the bad bickering times. I hope you find a girl that treats you like a god, you deserve it. I hope you reach the point of happiness and closure and understanding, where you no longer think of me. I wish you the best of luck, honestly, I really do, and I hope that we can put all these hurtful words behind us. Please don't continue this conversation further. Right now, I'm extremely happy, happier than I probably should be but really really happy. Please don't ruin this for me, please don't say cruel things... it's not worth it. These are the Last words I’ll ever really get to say to you So listen very carefully to what I’m saying Life is more then just the games your playing -Last Words-Thousand Foot Krutch

I know that one day he'll read this... so it's here. I'm sorry sugarmuffin, I truely am. But we weren't meant to be together. I needed everything in a relationship that you are not. And you needed a girl that was less ADD and more you... calm cool and collected. I need somebody to run out and go travel with me and have spontaneous adventures with, and somebody who doesn't think I'm lame. We fought alot, and you know that. And I'm sorry how I broke up with you, but you know what, we can never change that, we can just change how we view the relationship, and how we feel about certain things. I'm sorry you had to see me sitting next to Matt. I did everything in my power to keep you from seeing that, but I wasn't going to stop what I was feeling in order not to hurt you, because unfortuneatly that's not me. And you might as well see it now when you are still mad, then when you finally forgive me, and then it makes you mad again. I didn't just rebound off of you, I slowly moved on. I loved you with all my heart, and part of me always will, and soon you'll see, that you are better off without me. We weren't right for each other, even if we did love each other, because one day we'd realize that we weren't meant to be, and the further down the line that was, the harder it would become. I will always be here if you want to talk, if you ever need somebody to talk to, or even play video games with. I'll always be around, cause part of me will always love you. And I hope you will someday forgive me, and talk to me again. Unfortuneatly there is only you though that can make that decision on whether or not that will happen. I wish you the best of luck in life, love and happiness. Because I know you won't speak to me again, just know that I will always remember you.

Hmm Danielle you caught me online without updating. So here is a wonderful update, even though I have nothing to update about. I'm having second thoughts about all that I've chosen for in university. I feel as if that was my plan for awhile, so I just went with it, when all along I should be going to U of W, or should have saved up for an actual good university. On other notes... I won the HBC scholarship, 2500$, woot! That should support me enough to buy a laptop instead of this shit piece of a computer. In other times, weekends are turning out fun, going to the bar with Melissa, is my new favourite pasttime. I never thought I'd want to go all the time, but yet, I have so much fun when I do. University Orientation was the most pointless thing in the entire world today, and not only is there one day of it, but two. I have this feeling like it's just some show by the university to say, "Hey we're involved, we want you to like us" when in reality they only want your money. Oh well, it was fun, saw wayyy too many people in that first hour that i remembered, and not sure if I want to remember them. Junior High was way too long ago. But that is all for now, Thursday classes start, and that means first day headed towards 4 years of Business. Whooppeee.

Somebody in Physics recommended running in the pouring rain to me the other day, so I decided to do it after school. It was refreshingly good, but along the way I saw the most touching thing. It was a rabbit funeral. No jokes. I saw a bunch of rabbits from a distance so I got as close as I could without scaring them away, and there were 4 rabbits, crowded around a baby rabbit lying on the grass, all with their heads almost touching the ground. I tried to get closer but then they ran away, and I was able to see that the little baby rabbit was dead. I guess little bunny foo-foo, finally got his turn and got bopped on the head.

Du Formal was simply amazing. It was much better than Panhell by a whole bunch, and Panhell in itself was mighty fun. I must say, I looked simply gorgeous in Jess Pegg's dress, and that's my modest side speaking. Kelsey did my hair, and it looked amazing as well. My date looked stunning and there was nothing more fun than the shananigans in the limo, the preparties, the no pants party after dinner, but most especially the dancing. The way you looked during Edwin McCain's 'I'll Be' belting out the chorus was the funniest, yet most romantic thing I've ever seen, and having it followed by you picking me up for Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy.... ahhhhh!!!! Leads to such a good time. Pictures are up on myspace, and they all have a good story or two behind them. And we learned that Amaretto and Orange Juice don't mix well if you don't have the right quantities.... and hotel security will find out if you make noise in the hallways. I'm struggling with multiple choice tests... they confuse me too much. -sigh- I just wish I could grasp my mind in that way. I'm going to go study now. I really need to start getting down to business for that.

I got a job. I may finally pay off all that I owe. Doubtful, but the chance is there. Kinda wish I didn't spend 140$ Cdn for Disney World Day. Oh well. Meeting Perkins' newest hostess. Taran saw me the moment I walked into the kitchen. Haha, he pointed his finger at me, his mouth dropped and said "oh no not you". What a way to make an impression upon the boss....

I'm home. Dead tired. I wish I could sleep. I tried. Florida=great! Did the family thing. Universal and Sea World. Sweet Roller Coasters Then Wednesday Hit Up Magic Kingdom With Lisa and Ann Loved Every Moment Of It Nothing Can Ever Compare to Disney World. There's just such a happiness surrounding it. Pure goodness. All for the price of $65 US a day. But defineatly worth it. I still feel like a little kid. Enchanted by the magic of Disney. My eyes are still shining, The smiles' still on my face. I never want to grow old. Being a kid is the way it should be forever. I'm off to sleep. Dreaming of Encounters with Lilo and Stitch.

-ENDS TOPIC- Don't want to hear your words any more. I'd advise you not say anymore. This song has been in my head all day long. Katy Rose- Teaching Myself To Dream I throw myself into the rain as we run down these old train tracks again The moon is naked in the sky so maybe you and I could fly or pretend As the stars fall from grace and light your glowing face I'm teachin' myself to dream I'm holding' my breath to scream I'm teachin' myself to believe in the things i dont understand I dont even know if they're true That's what dreamers do Can't say what day it is or year but thou shalt have no fear for I know your name You can't believe what I did and maybe I'm just a kid but then we're both the same I watch the hours through the glass and know that time will finally pass I'm teachin' myself to dream I'm learnin' what love can be I'm teachin' myself to believe in the things I don't understand I don't even know if they're true That's what dreamers do Stapled eyes can't open until waking and all your lies will be your undertaking I let my mind dance and flow we'll make magic and I'll know as the lilacs slowly grow all my dreams are true I'm teaching myself to dream I'm holding my breath to scream I'm teaching myself to believe in the things i don't understand I don't even know if they're true That's what dreamers do That's what dreamers do... ---- I am sooo excited for TOMMORROW!!

I've been a real freakin bitch lately. I'm sorry. I've gotten past that. Tuesday was the last day. I got the crying out of the system. I, as a girl, will admit...that girls overanalyze wayyy too much, and that it's no wonder that boys don't understand us. My parents have been incredibly pissed off the last week, therefore... I am grounded, but that doesn't do much, they just won't pick me up from anywhere, but if I'm late, I'm in even more trouble. On to brighter notes. -IB english, all done with the oral. That's a huge relief. -Possible plans to go out with Ally and Evan tommorrow, should be fun. -G4 isn't worth much, so I am doing a grade 6 equivalent project. -Went shopping today -Dress fitting tommorrow. -I have a hot boyfriend. Woot! I'm proud of that studly goalie. Haha. That's all folks. EDIT: I hate Maples girls. I'm not a fighter, I can't fight, and I won't. I enjoy being a wuss.

There are certain people, who make everything make sense. I went for coffee for at least three hours with Lisa on Sunday. That was fun, she can read my mind like it's hers. There was some definite persuasion on her part, for me to go to BC this winter and work on the ski hill. I want to travel such a passion, but I know if I start, I won't stop until I run out of money, and I won't go back to school. But yet, my application check has already been cashed, and I'll probably be accepted for U of M in the next few weeks. I didn't apply to U of Vic, because I can't handle a) rejection and b) the fact that I can't afford it, and my marks aren't good enough for schlorships. Through coffee with Lisa though, I've decided that I'll stick out school, go to Hawaii with her in the winter next year, and then after 1st year if I'm not happy, travel, and work on the Disney cruise ship. Between the two of us, we've travelled all over Europe, Canada and the US. Two spoiled girls, two dreams of seeing the world. I couldn't possibly imagine living a life without seeing sights like their are out there. Pictures never say enough. That's the thoughts of Sunday.

I have a new love. The movie That Thing You Do. It seems to be always on, when I'm looking for something to watch. Soo good. It's about a bunch of like teens, who make a band, calling it the Oneders, and they have this hit song, "That Thing You Do", but everybody think's their band is called The O-nee-ders. It's a classic cute movie, with like Liv Tyler and Tom Hanks, back in the day. Check it out if it's on. I love the feeling of goosebumps. Or the times where you get that little chill down your spine.

So, I'm sick. Couldn't get outta bed this morning. Yet I'm here... writing a journal entry, when I should be writing a resume. I have to regain a voice by 10:00, because I'm applying for my job. Home Sick to Mom=Do Something Productive. I'm excited for BioTrek. Woot Woot! But they might be the same labs over again. I want more DNA in a bottle. I dislike my classes alot. I'm going to be alone for awhile, or have to make new friends.

Friday was fun. I like sitting back, and having somebody help me with my homework, even if it is just taking notes on a movie. And I happen to think that the show we watched, was actually very good. After such a productive week, Saturday seemed to ultimately suck. I worked 10 hours, and did absolutely nothing in them. I talked to an old friend though for quite awhile, and that was nice, but it's strange how we all move on and grow up in our lives, and in this case, get married. There was a little boy at work today who made me laugh. He kept playing air guitar, to the good old classic porno theme, of however you want to spell it "bown chicka bow wow", (whatever the spelling is), and his mom kept getting really embarressed and tried to make him stop.

Sometimes, I have this vain desire for assurance. On another thought, I'm pretty siked about my marks. 94 in English, 76 on the math exam, 86 final. Woot! I feel as if I haven't seen a certain person for awhile. That's sad. I hope I don't have to cancel plans on Friday too. Today, consisted of meeting with so many teachers, including Mr. Bowles. So long, so pointless. Oh well, enough complaining. I've had a good week. It seems so full much needed relaxment, and some good time with friends. That's all. Schools half way done. Woot!

Today seemed fun. In Bio, we just couldn't stop laughing, and it just seemed to go by soo quickly. And then in Math, and then in Math help after school, we realized, that I, am incredibly stupid. Thankfully, I got a ride home from Jessica, so didn't have to face the deathly cold. Kickboxing tonight. Woot. And I really don't have much to say right now. I have a new found admiration for people who can do grammar properly without thinking about it. I just can't understand these rules.

Sometimes....seriously, is the right word. Made my day. Some times a few hours, are all you need. I actually like this reddish brown thing (in some lights), that is now recognized as my hair. I'm home alone, woot! Yet...no excitement for me. I'm already in trouble...I broke the rear view mirror. But most of you already know that. It's not as big of a deal as I make it. How to tell your parents you broke their rear view mirror in a moment of pure blondness...minus the hair?

So, I am home from Toronto, and not terribly happy to say the least. I happen to enjoy big city life, living in the downtown and travelling the subways, like I know what I'm doing. Even though I was with slightly unrested girls who were at times, grouchy, I loved being in Toronto. I'm a brunette. I hope it washes out. I don't feel confident with it, although when asked, I'll put a little smile on and say that I like it. We'll see. Maybe it will fade when I wash it later. Starfield. Was. Amazing. Ok, maybe amazing isn't the right word. But they did, exactly what I hoped they would do, and they totally proved themselves in my book. Defineatly improved since I saw them in grade 9. CN Tower. Not as good as expected, but still pretty pro. I like my purse. It's amazing. The End.