so...my birthday is in two days. and i know that no one is ever going to read this so i can get out my feelings. im really excited to be turning 18, but now it comes with so much responsibility. i believe ive truly grown mentally since last using this. hopefully, thats what happens in age. but moreover, im not sure what my friends are going to do about it. i want a surprise, but i dont. because if i dont get one i dont want to feel like crap. that would be awful. but ive been in on a lot of my other friends suprises and i guess ive just thought about it a lot. i feel like im ruining anything that could happen by talking about it. oh well. it doesnt matter. so many more birthdays left. so its funny to see how only about 10 people are online on this thing now...when there used to be hundreds. myspace has taken over. its sad, i conformed too. but its pretty fun, i dont ask people to comment or whatever though. its really there for me, and im not putting myself out there for publicity or more friends. i enjoy the friends i have now. this is great. things are looking up for me. im going to do something about my emotions now. i think im done. now i remember why i quit this thing, it got borning. i dont need to record my every thought and feeling. only sometimes, when its needed.

so this new myspace craze....yeah....im a whore now lol. i have absolutely no reason at all to use one. the only reasonable explanation is that i have friends in california that i dont have contact with other than through that thing. i dunno, my friends on sit stopped using theres, so thats a good reason as to why i dont use this anymore. plus....ive gotten over a lot of things, changed some. i feel like i dont need a diary to express myself anymore. i dont have any built up emotion. but i will still stop by once in a while...like three months later lol, just to see how its holding up. anyway. thats life isnt it.... oh, well i might as well make this useful and post a poem i wrote. is it my right to feel this way and.... who is it that gives me my emotion this... is unbelievably true after all this time and all those people i cant stop loving you somehow its consumed me no longer able to repress such stress comes and goes and i think of you hiding my truth in the shadows in the cool blue mists of time i follow an endless corridor of question a sphere of hope drifts by the bubble elipse, crack shatter break. once in a while i will move on but back to this game all feeling of shame (a beat) but who am i to question to want need (answer my own thoughts from dreams-ive seen the future in my past it holds no value what i want when you can give it what do you want, i should talk, which i havent. thats the key to this mystery) love. is that even justifiable that i can sit here and think of such power in such a word one word only one that can change life, hurt, kill, destroy, embrace, freedom who chooses what it means when i decide-- it doesnt count since mutuality cannot coexist between two yes, that cake song, world of two there truly is only room for you in your world of two and when i cannot believe in myself there is nothing left to do... i thumb the cool blade but i know this cant last. and i guess here is another one: the time is now to make it right, stand up and fight dont let down your guard its all you got, but probably not, someday you'll see, without me...there is no happiness, yet, slash the sadness until all hope is lost and gone, not found, you'll fall to the ground hands on head eyes tearing, with blood, you will understand what you can and cant relate, stop all this hate, remember its all you now what to do...

wow, its a month before my birthday. wierd... i know i havent been on here in 3 months, ironic taht i chose this day....too mcuh stuff has gone on to fill anyone in. it doesnt matter anyway. but i am here because of a very dear friend, and thanks to this person i need to get out a few things, the way they do it. so, here, im going to say things i just cant get up and say to these people. 1. hey, im sorry about yelling at you, though it was yelling. i realize i made a fool of you, and people laughed, and i laughed, and after, i felt bad, its been that way for two months now. i realize you had just broken up wiht your girlfriend before the London trip, and you area senior. life awaits you. im sorry for what i did. i should have respected your feelings. you might not ahve even been phased by it, but i want you to know im sorry, thats all i can really do now, since i dont talk to you at all. i remember my freshman year, thanks for letting me sit at your lunch table, im still insecure about who to sit with. thanks, and im sorry. 2. it makes me sad that i cant talk to you. the only time i do is when you say "can i have a piece of paper" or "hey andy, what did we do in spanish today." now i have 2 classes with you this year, and i cant say anything. i feel threatened by your little group, even when someone im really close with sits there, i feel like i cant be a part of it, because of our past. i wish you knew how i felt. i tried to let you know abou tthis in the fall. i wont try anymore, but i wish you knew this. you said we would still be friends, but i dont know if you really meant it, or it was just blind reassurance through the hard times. it is partly my fault that it got awkward, but you havent done much either. we are both to blame. i wish i could have a good, meaningful conversation like i once had. 3. Today you gave me a valentine and treat bag, and i thank you so much. i dont understand how you can be so nice, when i hardly talk to you anymore and we never do anythign outside of school other than karate. but i admire you, your kind heart, you ability to accept people. to see the kindness within. thank you, i really appriate you. 4. this goes for three people. our friendships are almost gone, but thats life. you guys went on withyour group, and i with mine. sure there is the occaisional outing with one of you, after jazz band sometimes, to chipotle and starbucks. we talk about life and girls, and i really like that. i want to do that more. i just dont have a social life outside of school, and you guys have worked to build one. i really should go to your next concert, i havent been in so long, i feel like im not a fan anymore, cause i know that when i go, i wont know anyone there anymore. i always say, hey we need to hang out, and you guys agree, but i never do anythign about it. so should i , or is it because we are different now. i dont know.. i wish it was back to old times, when we didnt care about school or girls, and life was simple. i just never got into a band, i cant play guitar or drums like you guys, i praise you guys, you seriously dont know how amazing you are. my envy toward you is only surpassed by my obliviousness to my surroundings. i wish we could have fun again like old times. 5. this one is about you, and you know who you are, but i feel like i dont need to write anything, even though i have so much to say. we already connect so well. i appolgize for my actions, after all i am male like you said. i still turn to you for much of my advice. and im here to say thanks, even though i thank you, i want to say it again. i really mean it. you are one of the sisters i never had. im not saying much else because i knw im going to talk to you, and continue that, because we have something wonderful. its all up to me though. and i owe that to someone else too.

yeah so, ive been gone a while, and. its kind of awkward that i left that last entry there. hope no one looked into that too much it was just a daily thing. my grades still suck though haha. anyway. im sick now. i have a temp of 100, not too bad, but these damn swollen lymph nodes are killing me. pain. much. i missed school and a big math test and i feel bad. cause i wasnt too prepared, but if i had taken the test in this condition i would have done even worse; i cant afford anymore F's either. well. im going to look at this again someday and wonder what the fuck i was talking about. ha that will be fun indeed yeah, the show is canceled. andy is sick. and yes he is 204 years old. fudge my little brother just pulled the chord......

I am pissed the fuck off right now. my dads a fucking asshole. i broke my cell phone, the one i got last tuesday, and now he gets up in my face about how i break everything and my parents get get me anything nice cuase it goes to shit. well fuck them, its not my fault it got cracked and now you cant read the screen. if he would have bought the fucking warrantee it wouldnt be so bad, my dad is such a cheap as he cant spend 20 extra dollars to keep me from fucking up my phone. AHHH FUCK LIFE. ALL PEOPLE DO IS BITCH AT ME

wow i feel relaxed, relieved, and refreshed. yea, so that last entry, i was pissed about being pissed. cause my dad said he would send me to another school if i got a D in math, and i think i did, but its only the first quarter, and it doesnt matter. and it didnt save, so i was mad about that too. but im glad it didnt save, cause now i dont feel bad. well yesterday was amazing. i climbed a mountain with a good friend. im glad he was there, or i wouldnt have kept going. but we carved our names in the rocks at the top, like a bunch of other people. there were people there since 1959, so i was really surprised. but not too many people know about the trail. its pretty rocky, and on the backside/ i feel good for doing that, the view was amazing. and a jet flew by that was only a few hundred more feet higher than us, that was really cool. i dont even remember what else i wanted to say. but i climbed a mountain, and its been such a long time. oh and the play was a HUGE success, all my friends loved it. Broadway, here i come baby.

omg, it didnt even save, holy fuck. yeah, fuck the world right now......

so.....i wrote another poem. this was an assignment. i think i added my touch to it.....its....indescribable what it says...i analyzed it myself, but, even i couldnt remember why i said some of the things. here it is......its deep beyond anything, so ive heard. its about me: One who mingles and dances and laughs and plays, Enjoys the time passing, these wonderful days, No one knows the truth behind the closed curtain, And somehow he does, he knows the way, But trust he does not have from his followers, Least to say they are followers but merely imaginative, Drifting and floating along the thin lines of happiness, If taken seriously there would be no muse, If always laughter there would be no conviction, A balance cannot be plainly spoken through his words, Or even the actions, But what does come is a medley of life thrown into one confused soul, So perplexed the mind, or the minds all others? Who really holds the truth behind that curtain? One man, the unmentionable, the unthinkable, the imperceptible yet, greatly observable, Do they really have the right to assume or judge or know? He has been through all endeavors, all the tangible aspects of this point in life, A cry out to the world from within this sound heart, Molded by the grain of society and all around, Filled to the brim Discharging fully, the pain inside to all those around to all those that do not understand, But who is to question, when sixteen years hath determined naught within this psyche One person within their own boundaries, distant lands, and far stretching seas shall see the day in their own light. He is the one whom all attended, but forgot the next day; at least, he felt it inside even if it were false. so...reading it again, made me a little more depressed. thinking about life...its too much to handle. i shouldnt have to worry about this right now. i leave you with that and no punctuation

so, for those of you who know, my leg was shattered....or i wished it was, then i could get a cool cast. anyway its finally ripened. as in....its yellow and red now.. for some reason my body is wierd when it comes to bruising. i dont go black and blue, i go red and yellow. really yucky yellow. i will be happy to show everyone on monday, if it is still there. bye lets see. what else do i want to say...... ............bother.......... lol

havnt written in a while, and im almost at my 50th entry, wooo. thats not that special. the point that is the point is that i dont feel like saying much today. yesterday was poker night. downside: i lost 12 dollars upside: i dont have to buy colter a birthday gift, and i walked away with a really good chocolate pudding mudpie thingy. delicioso. i have homework to do today, a project on the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.....such a controversial book, if you have any comments to leave about that, id love to read them. yeah my general topic is morals.. but i need t redifine it for this IB standards. umm.....next week is homecoming week, im dressing up crazy mad everyday. Zach has a ukalelei, pardon my horrible butchering of a spelling.... thats for hawaiian laou day... then its toga day then pirate day....arg.....btw national pirate day was just last week, ironic huh. then its SPaCE day....wooo luke skywalker eat your heart out. and last but not least the lammest day of th week spirit day. lets all parade around in our school colors eh. sounds like a grande old time. somehwere in that day is a pep assembly so i get to perform at that with marching band. and then theres a rumor about a parade, so actual parading around will be done....by the marching band wo...hoo..... dont you love sarcasm....yes you do get over it then theres the friday homecoming football game.....and tradition has it that we will lost that game as well. you would think the significance of the game would make our team play better but..... and then, i have to raise my grades. thats it folks..........haha folks.... yeah the dance is next saturday, im going as a pimp in either pink purple or green depending upon what color my date decides to wear....btw i got one... and we got my costume for You Cant Take It With You......enough said....bbye.... i only came on here to look at my color scheme, and match it with my lame subprofile. adios muchachos y muchachas.. hasta la manana.....

so things are ok. the play is going pretty good. i auditioned for Improv, we will find out the results monday. im not expecting much, oh well. last night was the football game. that was cool. we lost 41 to 0 though, haha. and i asked a cheerleader to homecoming. i think she would have said yes if she wasnt going with 5 other girls. or not, well she was nice anyway. (dont worry im friends with her, although i might randomly ask someone someday)( but that would be wierd, cause, we wouldnt know each other. haha, ok im getting off this subject) so yeah, ill be searching for a date. just. a date. nothing more. i agreed, along with the other person, not to persue anything, its just better that way. too much pressure by other people. they are still giving me shit for it. and it sucks. thats why im still feeling bad about moving on so fast. i always feel bad that way. oh well its only highschool, and thats how life works. so, what else is happy. oh, brandons party was last night, that was ok, because i showed up an hour before it ended since i had the football game. its ok, marching band is better. and tonite is Matt's party, that will be fun, we are pretty good friends. Volleyball is awesome, and i think he said i could come over after the party. ha. after party, after his own party.....yeah, moving right along..... i have a lot of homework lately, stupid IB. im hungry. ill be back. be happy for me people, im not sad, sheesh. my life doesnt suck, things happen though, i get right back on that rocket ship though. ( i have a fear of horses, ever since i was 8, dont ask, well do, theres a lot you dont know about me, such as, i used to watch my little pony. yeah, well i was 9, and i watched blues clues, i was 15 then, oh wait, i still watch it. yeah. if you want to get to know me more, dont hesitate. you may discover something you never expected.) hmm, i think im done. but be happy. or... dont. whatever makes you feel good. you can be totally pissed off and lovin it. i felt like that yesterday. but. i got a B on my math test, woo thank god. which reminds me, i should look up my grade.

yeah....where do i begin....i cant. i just saw garden state with two good friends. my mind is open now, and im in deep thought, i cant help it. im thinking about 10 different things at once, so its hard to get it all out. i too feel like ive been homesick for one that doesnt even exist. i hate moving, and im finally done moving, for now, but i cant grasp the concept of home, since, ive had a home all over. come to think of it, ive never stayed in one place for more than 4 years. and, in two more, it will be 5 years here, but, i have to move again, college. i cant even go into that now, i still have to talk about whatever it is im thinking about... so....i took some advice. i stopped thinking about love. i stopped wanting that feeling, wanting someone to hold and be with, that abstract thought of hapiness with a feeling in your heart. and now.....i can have it. but i dont know if i want it. its not that i dont like her, i dont think im ready. ive never been the relationship type, its always just been the in love feeling. i still havnt talked to her about how i feel. i dont want it to seem like im leading her on, im not, i do like her. i also feel like its too soon to get into one. but i want someone special to go to Homecoming with. this year, will finally be right. freshman year was interesting, complete stranger, but we became good friends, along with a side dish of me liking them for a year. ugh...and then last year, my date found someone else to go with. so, i experienced a dance, for the first time, not being with someone, even a friend. i felt alone. i dont need to ask this question since many experience it. but that day i felt alone amongst hundreds of people, even my closest friends. but i didnt really have close friends then. im going off topic. so, i also think its too soon between my last relationship, which was wierd, and my fault. and i jumped into it way to fast. which is what i dont want to do now. honestly, i didnt really like her, but then, over time, i actually fell in love. i want that to happen with this new person, but, i dont want to try in case it doesnt work. i dont want to hurt her, i dont want to hurt myself. i think back. i like being single as much as i hate it. its freedom, and its pain. i hate that i only like the thought of love, and im scared of actual commitment. i think....i just dont know. thats the thing. maybe im just not ready. i already said i would wait a few weeks, to see if this would really work. i dont want to say no now, but i kind of dont want to see what happens at the same time. i got a fortune cookie a week ago, it was ironic. it said something like you are given the oppourtunity of your dreams, say yes. how random was that. wierd i feel like i could write forever. another thing....ill move on from what i was talking about, i dont feel right saying it without the other person knowing first. i want to see where it goes, but i dont want her to hate me or whatever. i feel like its my fault because for the first time, i said i had a thing for her a while ago, and now i have what i wanted, but, i dont feel comfortable. moving on.... marching band is different i dont have the drive anymore i cant make people better, they have to do it themselves i want to be respected, but i want to make them do it right. ther just doesnt seem to be enough time first football game was last friday i sucked i didnt care my chops hurt, so i didnt play my mind was wandering and i was out of step most of the time. i still didnt care. i feel too much regret right now. i dont know how to end this entry......i dont even remember what i said or how it began, and i dont want to read it again. im only 16, i shouldnt have to worry so much about life, it hasnt even started.

so yesterday was amazzing. with two, count em two z'z. i joined a band. im playing trumpet some keyboard and vocals. we are covering walkie talkie man, and my god we sound amazing. garret sounds like the guy rapping, and we distorted his voice so now its exact, and ive got the chorus, thats such a cool part. i relized its about a cop. read the lyrics they are funny. so theres a band im finally in, and i get to sing, yes. the only thing is we arent sure what our name is. as of now its. "we're Awesome" thats our name. but we also thought of "The Sampsonites" lol. yeah theres a pretty good meaning behind that one. only colter said he doesnt want to be a THE band. like The Nudniks and The Comebacks. two bands that go to me school and are fairly well known amongst the student body. hopefully we will find a name. we also want to be in Rock Revalation, its a battle of the bands at our school. we only need one more song, an origional, and we already have the music, i just need to write the lyrics. thats another thing i get to do, sweet, finally, my lame poems become true art. it will probably be a while before we play a show, since our first practice was yesterday, even though we already got an entire song down perfect. our goal is 3 covers and 3 origionals. the covers are Take On Me, New Age Girl, and Walkie Talkie Man. yep, thats going good for now. so tonite, i dont knwo what tonite is, i might go to keirland, maybe not, we shall see.

was cool. i went to D.R. and saw HERO. great movie, much better than crouching tiger. ah it was inspiring. i suppose. yeah. fun times were had. i wrote this to cover up that last entry, i dont want to think about that anymore. ill be back to add additional shtuff later. so.... later. Which Red Hot Chili Peppers' song are you? quiz @ vega-dream.net Which Red Hot Chili Peppers' song are you? quiz @ vega-dream.net Which Red Hot Chili Peppers' song are you? quiz @ vega-dream.net i feel like these songs everyday. and i love these songs. and i love the peppers. thanks mom for introducing me to them 5 years ago. cant wait to see them live someday.

IM SOOOOO PISSED OFF. ok, yeah. on top of my shitty grades in Math and English. they are the same by the way. An F in my best and worst classes. and all A's in the rest, wtf.....WTF? ANYWAY, i mean anyway. thats not of much concern. but this is BRIAN GOT FIRST TRUMPET JAZZ ONE. fuck him. seriously. hes a sophomore he has no maturity whatsoever. hes a whinny fucking baby. his nickname is baby for that fucking reason. hes had a history of panic attacks, and i know he going to fuck up cause he cant handle the pressure. hes too short, barely 5'2. you cant even see him with the trombones in front. OMG. im not the only one pissed. Kat, and Mike, and Ariel. arg. we know he cant handle it. why did this happen. and why is DAMIEN SECOND CHAIR. (trombone) hes the worst ever. just cause he can play fucking three octave scales doesnt mean shit. his tone fucknig sucks and he has no rythm. arg. it just really irks me. just because brian has the range over me, doenst mean he has the leadership or the mental state that is required to hold up the band. lead trumpet IS the band. BRIAN CANNOT BE THE BAND. no....this sucks....i cant believe it. the decision making was poor. everyone agrees. and i feel bad, cause if we do talk about it, and change it, im goign to feel awful cause te pressure will be put on me. FUDGEUMS. but i dont want brian as lead. no one does. hes so annoying. I HATE HaVING TO DEAL WITH THIS. but on a happier note. i have no more bad news :) well...no more news period. until i can think of it. i think..... Which Red Hot Chili Peppers' song are you? quiz @ vega-dream.net the Red Hot Chili Peppers have so calmed me down, they are one of my all time favorites.

woh, great movie, the new star wars suck, the classics are the best. moving right along.. these Poore Brothers Jalapeno potato chips are amazingly awesome. and sunny delight is so........delightful. Han Solo just said, "never tell me the odds" thats a good motto to live by i suppose, but i have many. its amazing how cheesy the graphics are, compared to todays amazing tech. but back then it was super rad. and i still love it. star wars is way better than star trek. ummm........so i dont have anything inspirational today. or humorous. i should find something funny to say. wheatgrass thats sort of funny vampire ants no screaming asians.....ahahaha ok thats an inside joke. cause i used to play pogs at alex's house. and he has one of an awesome karate asian dude. and he looks like he is screaming. so.....screaming asians. ok what else maybe ill take a quiz. and ill put it on here later. yea. ill do that. that sounds good. so i took some quizilla quizes, and i did the carebears. so im officially Hooligan bear AND bondage bear. i got aryan bear, but its so not me so it doesnt count. also, this is very ironic.....cause im not really 204, im 16 My inner child is sixteen years old! Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but whileadults might just accept that, I knowsomething's gotta change. And it's gonnachange, just as soon as I become an adult andget some power of my own. How Old is Your Inner Child? brought to you by Quizilla in addition Hooligan Bear Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You? brought to you by Quizilla that one was funny, but this one is fascinating. its amazing how most of these are so true. or, i think they are Morpheus ?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ?? brought to you by Quizilla on top of that..... Your Heart is Red What Color is Your Heart? brought to you by Quizilla to continue... Emo! You're very in touch with your emotions andthat's what I like about you! It's all aboutthe music for you... I have pity for yourtortured soul...you're just like me... What genre of rock are you? brought to you by Quizilla last but not least YES WOOOOO I LOVE THIS ONE You are the Aqua Marine Mermaid. You are pure andbrave. Strong and True. Your best freind isyour seahorse, your steed. You have fought manybattles in your own life and in the sea. Nomatter what challenge you overcome it.Congratulations there are very few of you.Would you rate my quiz for I am brave too? What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics) brought to you by Quizilla im not gay. no, im just excited cause my birthstone is aquamarine, and i like mermaids. ariel is my favorite disney princess. id do her above them all. cause she turned human, i might be hesitant with fishy parts. but i can still kiss her :) joy that about takes tha cake and wraps the present, or something like that. im done for now. quizzes are fun. its a break from poetry, plus people can get to know me better with my quizzes, i think.

those are awesome words. nothing more should be said. thank you oh annonymous. in other news. i failed my math test, oh well, not bad, ill make up life later. in other other news......my latin american speech has been postponed. woo thankfully. moving on to more news other than the other other. i guess im done, umm....... im at a loss for words...

do you ever feel like you are completely in solitude, even around some of your best friends. maybe its because i feel empty. constantly. i have so much going for me, but its not.....enough i suppose. band, theatre, IB, karate, life, growing, acquiring knowledge. im outgoing, a bit too much, im nice, empathetic, romantic.... how do i show people this. some know it. i still feel like there is not one person that knows all sides of my personality. its just, fragments, scattered all over my friend groups. yes....groups. so many groups i dont have a best friend. i dont have someone i can just be my complete self with. someone that sees me some way, and loves it. and learns more, and accepts that. sure mystery is intruiging, but, you cant hide everything all the time. whats to be afraid of? im not afraid, im just confused. and completely oblivious. no one seems to want to give me hints, into what may become something wonderful. if i find out someone had something for me whom i expected not, that may open my mind. to others. that i didnt see before, but now i can give them a chance because i know. i wish i had a chance i was given one, i supposed i blew it, but not quite, the situation didnt work out. its ok. i need to settle down. calm down, drift down into the soft grass beside a beautiful girl, deep blue eyes and soft brown hair. smooth complexion, as described in one of my poems. i want to feel completed. and it hurts now because im so young, and i know i have forever to find someone, but waiting is tearing. too many what ifs out there, floating in space, drifting in my mind. ugh this wonderful thought is being interrupted. my father. he is unplugging the phone line. joy....i shall return. to complain and give my thoughts.

as kristin would say, im exciterated. my new schedule is awesome. Econ with Mooney is Fantastical. first day, i walk in, volunteer, and he gives me a free HERSHY BAR. hes already had doughnut day and ice cream sandwiches, which i missed, so the chocolate made up for that. thanks for the tips Matt. woo so tahts like a study period class since i finished my math homework in it. on to other news umm i guess things are cool. im not sure who i have a secret crush on yet, im trying to find out who it really is im after out of about 6 people lol. yeah i know six is quite a bit, but i like girls. period. i think this year im going to start dating, you know just for fun. Call up someone i am interested in, see how it goes, and what happens from there. couldnt hurt right? too bad im still a bit shy about my feelings. as outgoing as i am, and as much as i need to be the center of attention, im still in the dugout waiting to come up to bat when it comes to girls. anywho. what else is new? so mucho compliments on the newageness. as in, the arrangement and the colors are magnifico. everyone seems to like them. Lindsey said my Clan's tartan, the background, really makes the baby blue stand out, which is a plus. im happy, someone also said the picture of the swan and the Scottish castle is just absolutely gorgeous. (ok so im exaggerating, but thats the jist of it) and when coffee house comes up, i think i just might read my poem i made on the previous entry, and maybe a few more. anyhooters. yes...anyhooters ill be off to karate soon, unfortunately i cant test this week, since tomorrow is the test, and i dont have all of long one and im iffy on a few moves. and i didnt go to the pretest, nevermind, ill be orange in september. which means i should be purple before december awesomeness my bro will be purple thats cool. i cant wait until the darker colors, purple, blue, green, brown, brown, brown, black. good stuff. martial arts is amazing ive always loved the arts, drawing and painting, music, dancing, theatre. art is my life. and i eat theatre for breakfast right before i play my trumpet at marching band. OH MAN so i get to audition for the comedy and i think im a shoe-in. i hope. there are 9 male roles, and im funny, right guys? smart asses are funny.....sometimes.... oh gosh im rambling, but this is fun. i get to express myself more. hahaha. ugh i want love again. its as if i need somoene to be passionate about to fulfill my emptiness, im sure im not the only one who feels this way. i really just want to kiss someone, since thats the most romantic thing i can do right now, without coming on too strong. anyway. someday, someday this year, or even month, or even on the london trip. yes, the london trip. im going find myself a partner. and the fun will be had. be aware everyone out there, this year im going to be more assertive. :) ummmm.......... if you have gotten this far, congradulations. the show is about to end. farewell. and i leave you with this. awesomeness an irish blessing that i send to all. Go n-éirí an bóthar leat Go raibh an ghaoth go brách ag do chúl Go lonraí an ghrian go te ar d'aghaidh Go dtite an bháisteach go mín ar do pháirceanna Agus go mbuailimid le chéile arís, Go gcoinní Dia i mbos A láimhe thú. written in Irish Gaelic. Au revoir amigos. haha french and spanish in one sentence. wow, again andy, you crack me up.

finally got things working. yesh. so yeah as you can see, im expressing my Scottish ancestry, and my Irish Ancestry, being both, and thats pretty much it. at the top is an irish saying, i might change it to a proverb later, dunno. and ireland forever is my comment link. the background is my Scottish clan's tartan, and the picture as my header is gal linithgow palace in Scottland. so yeah. umm, dont worry im still my crazy whatever self, i just jazzed up the look of it all. its not as irish looking, but it still has aspects. truth is, i was Scottish first. but its about 50-50% of each nationality. anyway. im so happy things are working with sit now, and so therefore i shall complain mucho, and end with a lovely poem that im going to write right now. so yeah my newest schedule, it changed AGAIN. 0 Marching Band 1 IB Spanish SL 2 IB Latin America 3 IB Physics SL 4 Economics 5 Luncheon 6 IB Math HL 7 IB English III 8 Jazz Band yep, no wind ensemble, ever, ever in highschool. but im still in jazz and marching band. which isnt tooo bad. and i still get the Bar for being in two bands for my letterman jacket, that i want to get. im getting one since my parents arent letting me get a class ring, hopefully, and because im in theatre and band, two arms, to patches. fun stuff. so anywho....here goes. THE TARTAN aye the colors of the tartan the plaid lines straight and sure show vibrantly show ancestry Of Highlander Descent, aye the colors of the tartan the plaid lines straight and sure show bravery show camaraderie Of Highlander Descent, aye the colors of the tartan the plaid lines straight and sure show honor show valor Of Highlander Descent, The green the purple the black the red the dashes, strokes, stitches, and thread Symbolism shows from deep within Of me Great Grandparents, unto modern kin Not just me love for life Not just me love for man Not just me love for honor But my love for those who can Striving for acceptance with all of our strength and will The Scottish and Irish welcome you Unless a friend you kill *a tartan is a plaid peice of cloth used in making pieces for ceremonial dress, such as the kilt* i think.....