so i was thinking today.. what if a peaceful attitude is a side effect of finding a certain peace of mind? if so, we can find a way to cultivate a peaceful attitude without focusing directly on our attitude or how big or small of an impact we are actually making. so in order to cultivate a peaceful attitude, we simply need to focus on finding a peace of mind; and since it is our own peace of mind we're talking about, we won't worry about how big of an impact it will have. so if i focus on cultivating a compassionate attitude, it will lead to a peace of mind. even if people don't react instantly to my "compassion", i can take comfort in the fact that even though it hasn't benefitted me directly, it might benefit someone else that they interact with in their day. so, taking joy in the concept of world peace, i take happiness knowing that someone else will be happy. so the more i focus on a compassionate attitude, the more people will enjoy being around me. the more people enjoy being around me (whether through influence or whatever else) the more likely THEY are to have a compassionate attitude, and the more of a compassionate attitude they have the happier i will be (even if it doesn't benefit me directly) and the happier i am the easier it is for me to cultivate a peaceful, compassionate attitude. i guess this is buddhism refers to as 'compassion: the wish fulfilling jewel.' that's a big 10-4, over and out.

today was rather uneventful. by 'uneventful' i mean i got stoned and decided not to go to school today. actually, i guess that makes it neither eventful nor uneventful... i spent most of the day sleeping, and yea. i'm starting to notice a pattern - the days i smoke pot, i have a tendency not to make it to school... i know it's a couple days late, but the conservatives are officially running the country. steven harper is a creep, just thought i'd get that out right now. i guess he's not so slimy though, in comparison with other politicians... whatever, one form of indoctrinated control is pretty much the same as another.

10 questions. Pick a band and answer only using that band's song titles... Chosen Band: {{TOOL}} I - Are you male or female?: jerk-off II - Describe yourself: useful idiot III - How do some people feel about you?: hooker with a penis IV - How do you feel about yourself?: comfortably numb (pink floyd cover) V - Describe your family?: sober VI - Where would you rather be?: bottom VII - Describe what you want to be: cold and ugly VIII - Describe how you live: the patient IX - Describe what you love: aenema X - Describe what you hate: schism

today was better, i didn't work last night but i was still late for school (got fried and decided not to go to first class, since all i do is play mario anyway, but more to do with being fried.) i guess i need to get in the habit of not skipping. especially if i want to grad this year. ha. so yea, that half hit of acid really threw me off.. for a day. but i eventually remembered that life is for learning and got back on track. i don't have to work until friday, and i have saturday off so yea.. life is good.

so even though my shifts are "technically" only friday and saturdays, i still get called in when people are sick. maybe i should just spend less time at home so people can't get ahold of me. yea, actually.. that sounds like a really good idea. hah. so i was called in and they tell me i only have to work a half a shift.. yea i'm cool with that.. so my boss calls me 99/100ths through my shift and asks me to finish the whole thing because it would be too inconvienient for him. but he said he'd take my saturday shift, but that doesn't leave me with much to do saturday evening.. maybe i should just take the shift. ahh i dunno. so i walk home with the intent of staying up all night to finish my homework like a good student.. and end up taking half a hit of acid so i can be high and stay awake. stupid, stupid, work. if it was a normal evening, i woulda done some homework, went out and got stoned, munched out and gone home. but no, i went to work and ended up here, high on acid. or maybe i'm there, wherever this is being read from. or maybe i'm not even me. *shrug* makes sense to me.

what can i say about stuff since the new year started. wow. i started smoking as a new years resolution, cause everyone always says they're going to quit.. so, just to be different, i decided i'll start. turned out to be a pretty "bright" idea. i'm still waiting for work to cut my shifts back to only fridays and saturdays, which should happen within the next week or so. i'd like to start a t4c server.. i haven't really played in ages, and that game was addicting as hell, and i need something to kill the time with other than smoking now, because smoking is an expensive time killer... i wouldn't mind getting all the people from my old server together again, i'm sure if i advertised in some way i could find a good deal of them. anyway, that's a big 10-4. over and out.

today was pretty much same old. i woke up and got fried, went to english which went smoothly, despite the poor work that i did - which is really just a bonus, because i think i have a chance with this chick in that class. civilizations was kind of boring, we just learned more shit about the sphinx. can't remember what happened during lunch, nothing probably. in my computer block i did more work towards my applied skills credit, i've finished about 1/2 of the whole thing in the last three days which is pretty cool. in math we reviewed linear, exponential, quadratic and cubic equations/graphs, as well as a bunch of other shit that i don't really care about. after school mike, lee, and i went to sesh at portage which was just dandy. lee and i got to work at like 3:30 but i didn't work until 5:30; i decided to go home and grab my dope, but 3/4 of the way there i remember i left my keys in my bag. at work. so back i go to work, get my keys and head home again and get my dope. sesh again and go back to work. work was work, not hard not easy. now i'm off to bed. i think these entries need a bit more detail, but we'll see what i'm comfortable putting into cyberspace. i doubt many people care anyway.

life has been good to the dane lately. work and party are plenty, and school has never been better. i've some pretty easy courses this semester though; english, math, civilizations and some class where i sit and fuck around on the computer for a while. so yea it's been a while since i updated this thing.. um.. good thing it's not like a girlfriend, or she/it would be pissed! no but seriously i decided that i should keep some sort of a journal for myself, something to help me concentrate on what's going on in my life in general. that way, when i get confused about what's going on i'll just come look at this and it'll be like one of those things on tv where it's like, 'on the last episode of dane's life, blahblahblah...' october 25th was a pretty average day for me, though i missed first class because i overslept. after school i saw moike on the way home, so he came over and smoked a fatty. after that i did homework until i got bored, and then we went to lee and alysse's. i have today (25th) and tomorrow off work so i was tempted to do some acid, but i figured i'll wait until we have a party or something; right now i mostly need to focus on schoolwork.. or focus on focussing on schoolwork - perhaps a bit of both. otherwise, nothing much happenin'. i guess i'll try to update more frequently, or maybe i'll just end up using my msn space though. hm. we'll see. till next time

Why is everyone so goddamn angsty and depressed..? Everything we feel is no more than processed bullshit, disguised as every day life.. Everyone seems to be wrapped in a cocoon of pride, fed by our obsession with vanity and the idea that man has always been destined to preside over all else on the planet.. The emotions we feel are no more than glorified instincts - made possible by our articulated patterns of thought and speech. Fear is a natural survival INSTINCT. However.. Society has degraded our natural INSTINCTS into EMOTIONS. Unknowingly, of our own will, we have turned our intelligence into weakness, and our stupidity into intelligence. Society does not believe in "instinct".. Only in fact. Instincts may be too vague.. But is it possible that emotions have become too real? Is it possible that we've come to rely on our emotions to tell us what to do for so long that no more natural instinct remains within us? Is it that, the attachment emotions create within us cause us to pay less attention to our surroundings and what the body is feeling? Could it be that, the logic bestowed upon human beings naturally has been completely assimilated into what we now recognize as emotion?... Maybe. Could we then, theoretically, dumb down the "emotional" part of our instincts by lessening our attachments to this world? Possibly. I can't even hate emotions, or get angry at emotions, as that would imply feeling emotion.. Hence, I have a slight redundancy. Why does the world have to be so... fake? Beliefs are dangerous.. Beliefs force the mind to stop functioning.. A non-functioning mind is clinically dead.. Believe in nothing. Where's my post-industrial revolution? :0( Yours truly

well suffering a nasty bit of insomnia but i suppose thats what I get for taking too much prescription speed. hah. Well my internet is no longer being a penus, and apparently this thing isnt either. heh. My fetish.. I love the flow of blood from a bitewound.. The taste.. The red.. The liquid of life, flowing with darkness. I cant take the pleasure, I love the pain that comes with being bitten. As knowing where you're going is as preferable to being lost, ask. Did some serious updating on my website, go look. Yours Truly

Well, formatted my PC 2 days ago now (And I forgot to back up my fucking isos! *FUCK*:() and now my internet is being a penus. So I spend all night trying to figure out wtf is going on, (I was patched against msblaster and everything.. firewall was up, did like 9034508 virus scans..) and eventually give up. This morning I call my ISP and they give me some bullshit recording about how customers in BC are experiencing problems connecting to the internet.. bah, fucking telus. Now i cant study cisco goddamnit.. They better have it fixed by tomorrow.. Anyway, This weekend is a long weekend + a possible lan party when i get off work tonight = life is +1. Shopping list: Gigabit NIC Radeon 9600 Saphire Laptop (2.x GHz, 512 DDR, Radeon 9600+ or Geforce4+, min 80 gb hdd) All I need is chemical love.. Lucy.. Find me soon. Show me the Sky with Diamonds..

Wow, I've never seen so many adjectives in one place. I think I'll go for a different mood every entry. Today I went to school (once again I could not manage to make it to all my classes as I was much too.. preoccupied.. with.. otDRher thUGingsS.) and participated in some other unscrupulous activities.. but thats for another day. While the rich get richer and poor get poorer and sun grows dimmer the life that you and I know is slowly dwindling away. Shivering in your boots crying for your mother - she won't bother anymore you've grown too old for her sympathy. Can you even be bothered to pay attention to yourself anymore? I know I can't. Too insignificant, too small to be noticed you scream and you scream but you'll never be free of the hell that you hate conceived by the love that you wish would exist, that torments your head like a horrible riddle from a horrible mind and seeks to destroy any depth of happiness in your life. Everyone hates you. Good day sir. Regards, Yours Truly