almost one year after my last entry. i went and again reread my previous posts. again i realize how obsessed i was with my dear friend clara.(it was unhealthy) my current issue now... is trust. however, it seems that many of the other not so big current issues in my life are the same as they were in previous entires. it brings me back to the specific thoughts of one journal in which i wondered whether or not my life was going anywhere. its a cast of characters mix with both old and new with a few new settings as well. but im having some of the same issues depression conviction physical condition son of a bitch. i know ive grown. i know that i and so many other things have changed. yet the same negative themes repeat themselves in my life. is this what is supposed to happen? so lets go into specifics, and then ill play catch up. actually ill do a year recap in another entry who knows though, knowing me it might be a few months till i do this again making it a bit over a year recap. although its not technically a year if i do it today or tomorrow... i digress so after an awesome night out yesterday , my college friends did indeed return to their respective educational facilities i just noticed that it says my age is 17. im 19 for the record, but im too lazy to change that right now. um so the guys left. today i was tired cuz yesterday included frisbee, football, and lazertag. i woke up did minor cleaning before deciding that im gunna do all the rest of the cleaning i need to do next week in my last week off before i return to shitty ass community college (not too unsuspected from the things i noticed in previous entires where i mention my grades blew). it sucks cock there because im absurdly smarter than the course work demands. i got high b's in classes that i barely attended. this is suppose to be fucking college. i didnt think id still get away with this shit after highschool, apparently an incorrect assumption. but to today again, er yesterday since its now sunday. i went an ran errands with nate, deciding that going outside and chillen with a friend i hadnt seen in a while would help my mood. through out the day i received calls from other friends about DnD(dont judge me hehe). all the while i was suppose to be going to a show at the infamous redmens hall. i didnt end up going because of how pissed i was from the action im about to explain. while i was out n about with nate, the friends that soo apparently badly needed to fucking play DnD did something. they came to my house, and without my permission took the materials from my house. it has nothing to do with what was taken. where i come from, thats fucking stealing. they lied to my father in the process of this by allowing him to think this was an action i consented to (excuse my ending a sentence in a preposition. fuck that. at the time i was just running home before going to the show, with nates car, and my father told me of this. anger swelled at ridiculous speeds. i drove to the "friends" home that was closer, since the other doesnt live in the city, thinking that logically they would be there. they werent, and i called this supposed "friend" finding out they were in front of my house. i told them id see them there. the confontation went something like this: "you fucking went into my house and took shit without me saying you could do so? what the fuck is wrong with you? if you ever do anything like this again you wont fucking walk the next time i see you." i think thats about what i said, while being pathetically backed away from and timidly apologized to(prepostion again, fuck hehe) thus the issue of trust idk the whole day i was just thinking about things such as: how im fairly certain the young lady whom i find myself interested in these days prolly doesnt think of me in a similar fashion, im now again left in my shitty city without my friends of my own age, and how im seem to be generally unhappy about things. that just fucking topped off my day. i decided that i was on too short a fuse to go to the concert. if someone started shit i prolly would have gone to jail. then i hear they did the concert downstairs,(at redmens in olden days, shows were downstairs. they were then moved to the considerably less awesome second floor) that it was fucking awesome, and that the particular kid that usually starts shit in fact stopped a fight from happening i love life so much sometimes at least i beat bioshock, although the ending was truly very shallow its nice to accomplish something from time to time idk till ze next, i think ill shoot for tomorrow er today actually. maybe keeping a journal again will help me with my stress we shall see