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| Menstrual log no. 1 |
July 23, 2008 |
Since I can't seem to remember whenever I start my period I will log it right here.
God I am in pain. Go figure I have been doing the most housework today and my vagina decided to begin lightly massacring. |
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| This is it |
July 23, 2008 |
the phasing
I am used to being used as a friend among friends who never get what they really, truly want.
I hope you feel otherwise about that statement. Happiness ensues
and don't you dare for a second assume that I am writing these words about you.
Often I imagine disastrous scenarios in my life and how they would impact the topics that I would write about. So often do I over-dramatize the words that you so frequently read.
What goes on in my mind though, you ask?
I've been having ridiculously vivid dreams lately.
Last night they involved Maisumi Max. I think I asked for that one.
But otherwise, the dreams have all been the complete opposite of what life has really been like. My parents getting a secret divorce and Zach being disgusted at the sight of my body, etcetera... |
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| I decided |
July 20, 2008 |
To let the link of this diary become known again to those that communicate with me via myspace.
I suppose that since I gave them this website, I could give you that website in return, in case you want to see my face or something.
www.myspace.com/getdownonyourkneesplease
That's it.
I am tired. I have done more work outside today than I have done in months. I haven't even had a chance to get on my bicycle. |
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| Lack of originality |
July 20, 2008 |
frustrates me.
I hate to see people use the same routines that they thought worked on every other male or female whose pants they wanted to get down.
You know...if they had worked so well, don't you think they'd still be with you? That's kind of what makes starting a new relationship so fun, I think. Trying new things and learning how to make the other person tick. I can make Zach tick so well sometimes that he actually gets really ticked off, hahaahha.
But you know, people don't like the same prepackaged TV dinner every night. This isn't going anywhere.
Put a little color into your lives!
Because I'm totally the person that should be giving advice on leading romantic lives.
All I know is how to make myself happy. I guess along the way to learning that for myself I was able to drag Zach with me. Now I can make him happy too, and him me.
AWESOME |
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| It took a big realization |
July 17, 2008 |
To make me realize just how much happiness I have invested in this relationship with Zach over the last fourteen months.
I was angry and confused and frustrated for reasons that don't need to be stated on a website (meaning that person will probably read this), and it only made me realize even more how much I would never want to have this relationship and friendship thrown away.
Guess what? I am happy.
"I've seen your repulsion and it looks, real good on you"
I had to type the word repulsion somewhere. Courtney Love took care of it for me when she was a Teenage Whore.
God, I am so awesome for those last lines, hahahhaa.
Today is Zach's birthday and I am excited and I am happy and I can't wait to be with him. |
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| So |
July 5, 2008 |
I'm not sure what's going on lately. I think that a lot of mental struggles I've been passing off over the past few weeks are finally catching up with me, and I am in this massive emotional turmoil that I am not sure how to even begin approaching.
I don't know why I am upset or sad, I have been trying to establish this for starters, but there is so much when I begin to think that I am not getting anywhere at all.
Must confront these demons in my mind. |
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| Abortion |
June 26, 2008 |
"So you think that it's alright to kill babies?" She said quietly while death-glaring icy daggers into the side of my head.
Some people.
I wish that people did not try to say that common abortion (twelve weeks or earlier) was the exact same as partial-birth abortion...because those are two entirely separate issues.
You can make one legal, and you can make the other illegal. You can make one legal, and the other one legal under certain circumstances. The information I think that the rallying pro-life folks try to distribute to people without minds of their own, are the photos and horror stories that have occurred within a partial birth abortion, but they use it as blanket information for the entire process.
I would like to contribute more but it is still early and the birds are singing, but my dog is being a dick and I can't find the blue sky for the life of me.
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| If lice are supposed to die |
June 23, 2008 |
in about three days without a host, then I think I have been harboring some fucking mutant creatures in my hairbrush.
I knew I shouldn't have picked it up. |
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| Come on, now. |
June 23, 2008 |
Can we just grow up and stop attempting this game of favorites?
"That" family is going to despise me if they don't already. I don't care about the things that Miranda is being given, but what bothers me is that they are doing it on purpose.
Do you think behaving like an asshole is going to get me to visit you?
And from the sounds of it, I don't think I picked a "bad" weekend to skip out on. Staying in a motel with your daughter instead of your parent's home like you promised? Hanging out in a home with meth heads endlessly coming and going?
All for a pair of shoes, some dresses, a brand new cell phone, some shirts, and makeup?
Fuck you. I'll pass.
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| So |
June 19, 2008 |
I began my first day of summer tremendously.
I was invited to a bonfire for next-next weekend, and I also received an invitation to a sweet sixteen birthday party in July.
The roller derby is this Saturday, and I'm now able to see a great friend more often than I was able to two weeks ago.
I enjoy this sunny weather and my newfound futuristic parks. I wish those cups didn't make my head spin but the rush is amazing once you stand up and you wobble uncontrollably.
Why would you intoxicate yourself with alcohol when you can lose control of yourself in a way that's SO much more awesome?
I don't know what I am going to be doing with myself, though.
Y'know?
Feels like I want something awesome and exciting to smack me in the face. Softly, though. My nose hurts enough from my sister smacking it today. And I am still recovering from getting hit in the cheek with that stick on Sunday.
:)
I enjoy the life that I live. |
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| Entry List |
| Menstrual log no. 1 | | This is it | | I decided | | Lack of originality | | It took a big realization | | So | | Abortion | | If lice are supposed to die | | Come on, now. | | So | | blank | | This week | | Dammit, Mrs. Walker. | | So hey, | | Hey, so I finished this story. | | Of cunts and classroom... | | Oh hi | | Last hope | | blank | | Employment | | God | | Be nice. | | With my parents out of town | | I swear my nose | | Menstrual blood good for... | | My digital photography teacher | | The Ballad of the Lonely... | | Today is nice | | Mixed signs | | Today I found a copy of Vogue | | Wow. | | This is the entry that I... | | BOOBS YOU'RE KILLIN' ME | | Something that I might... | | This is for Zach | | We can shut up now | | My little brother | | Of suicide attempts and... | | When around my family for so... | | I experienced | | Why I wish Kerry came to my... | | Here for you | | THIS IS FOR YOU BRITTANY LEE | | When I grow up | | Menstruation | | I feel as though I'll vomit | | Whoa there | | Don't know | | Ha-ha of the day | | It's only 11:34 | | blank | | Also. This is my latest story. | | Creepy crawlies | | Oral pain | | HATE IT | | This won't be private when... | | With everything I write | | Just as I thought | | blank | | I've become | | Danger | | Another realization | | Nice girls | | blank | | Wait what | | I'm not very | | COME ON NOW. | | Writing challenge. | | Quick! Who are you in 200... | | hahahah I'm okay with being... | | Giving. | | I know where prom is! | | Creative writing assignment... | | Sure, the page is full of | | I suck with photoshop. | | Favorite photos ever. | | Today I am a moron. | | HOW AWESOME IS IT THAT | | Nothing mean. | | I am an antichrist! | | Your initials are wonderful. | | First Maureen, and now | | Last night my father made | | You know the times in your... | | Bicycling at thirty three... | | Let me recap the last week | | Correct me if I'm wrong, but | | Attention lacking | | All that I am going to say | | Negativity is nothing to... | | I am not whoreish. | | Oh ho ho | | Gray rape. | | Alameda | | Oh. | | My heart is beating | | How does it feel? | | Resolutionize me! | | If I had a more positive | | OH AND PS. | | I love my mind | | You | | Today | | Faithful comes in many forms | | I am so thankful | | Do you think that I enjoy | | hahahahahaha | | UGH. | | I am here for three reasons | | I stress myself out too much | | This whole lack of | | Yeah, okay. | | American Holocaust | | Thanks to four shots | | No No No No No No | | I wasn't in a decent mood | | Meth, cheating, and shelters? | | Update | | Nothing more than socks. | | blank | | Definitely loving | | Well | | Today was a great day | | Stripped of your equipment | | Horror movies. | | Once again | | Oh, yeah. Okay. | | Cocky? | | Ooh birthday. | | My barfday is tomorrow |
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