my god, you don't even know how much shit has happened.
missy and i broke up one day after our two month anniversary. she's a slutcunt, and i'm over her. actually, her and miriah are together now. miriah tried to fight me on monday and it was just stupid. robbie's back in juvi but should be getting out within the next two months. i broke up with donnie on monday, also. we were pointless and never saw each other or did anything together. now i'm focused on me, for real. what i want. who i want. if i want anything. i think right now i'm okay with myself. i'm comfortable with myself. i don't need to be tied down. i'm fourteen. my teenage years are beginning, which doesn't mean being good and all that bullshit. no, fuck that. i watch movies of teenagers having fun and living life like they'll never die and that's exactly how i feel it should be. if i were to turn into a huge slut and go around having sex with a bunch of different people just because i wanted to, that'd be okay if i didn't get pregnant or get some fucked up disease. that's not what i plan on doing, but some girls do tend to do that and i think that's just a part of that extreme teenage thing. all i do is smoke pot, drink anything and everything, and hangout with my friends who just so happen to be all guys. all guys that will do anything. i wanna be free. i am free.
fuck everyone else who disagrees. fuck what people think. i don't care anymore. i'm me.
i have so many fucking years to live.
i have four years to be a kid by government laws.
i'm gonna fucking live those four years like it's nobody's business.
but if i run across someone who shows me what it feels like to actually be loved again.
god help me.
i'll be screaming hallefuckinglujah.
so here's a big whatever to the slave world.
cathy's a fucking superhero.
and i wonder if people like sarah and hilary and marissa ever feel really immature for the stupid shit they say to each other.
calling each other fatasses and bitches.
when one of them dies, or all of them, or two of them, they're all really going to feel so fucking stupid for their actions and words.
i don't know.
maybe i'm just aware this isn't elementary school anymore.
we're moving.
and i'm going to attempt to put my life completely back together.
especially after this school year.
no matter what happens with all of that, i won't get over him, but i'll be better with everything else.
so yay?
yay.
why in the hail am i awake?
okay, so mom never came home last night.
fuckin great.
got a blunt for school.
went to sleep around two.
woke up at four.
went back to sleep.
woke up at four fifty.
and now i'm talking to brandon in my underwear.
fuckin freezin balls.
i'm wondering where the g's are in that last sentence.
lil dude's sitting infront of a speaker.
so i'm hearing half of a billy talent song.
i feel like attempting to look pretty today.
it won't go very well.
but still.
