I want to tear myself apart. Leaving nothing but my own thoughts. Intentionally sabotaging my own heart. Left with ought nots and oughts.
If only it were that simple, I'd have myself disected, my thoughts put back together, and my life re-directed.
Bit by bit, I'll devour myself. I'll put my emotions on a display shelf.
I'll go through my feelings one thought at a time. Knowing I might not like what I find. I'm putting myself out on the line, for the sake of examining my own mind.
I'm always thinking about the future and never thinking about now. I drown my thoughts with music as I turn the sound up twice as loud.
Tomorrow keeps becoming today and the clock keeps ticking and my lungs keep breathing as today becomes yesterday.
I planned on the world ending, but that wasn't a problem for me. The problem was when it didn't end and I realized what I need to be.
Maybe I'm hoping for a miracle, and accident, some one-in-a-million chance. But that's not in the blueprints, that's clear without a second glance.
My life became a tragedy when I stopped living, now that I realize that, it's too late. I don't know when this happened and I can't give you an exact date. It's been for awhile now, I'm working on fixing it somehow.
Putting the sparkle back in your eyes is harder than it may sound. I'm begging to hit rock bottom, even if it's not solid ground.
