|
[*258*] Goodbye |
February 26th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Stick Wit U - Pussycat Dolls
Feeling: lovely
Well here's an update since I haven't been on in months...
Me and Mike wound up breaking up for like 5 days and I was devastated. But with help from his dad, we're back together... and we're doing alot better now. We haven't gotten into any fights or anything. We exchanged promise rings. 12 more days until it's 6 months for us.
But sad to say... I'm not gonna be updating anymore, cus there's no reason for me to write all this down, just to remind myself of my shitty past. I'm happy with Mike, and it's going to last forever.
Bye everyone.
|
| 94 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
~p.s. i love yOu~
|
|
[*257*] Wedding Planning |
December 19th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
Feeling: torn
Nothing all that interesting happened in school today. These two girls were gonna fight in 1st period but that didn't happen. And someone left a CD in one of the computers so when someone turned it on, it started playing that song "Satisfaction" by Bennie Benassi lol.
In health we had to do wedding planning. I had DJ, Caitlin and this girl Christine in my group. DJ was being a cheap bastard and wanted the wedding to cost $10 grand or less. It turned out to be almost $22 grand haha. He bugged out when we told him the engagement ring costs $3 grand lmfao. He was bugging out like all this shit was really happening... what an idiot lol.
Mike stayed home from school today cus he's sick... aww poor baby lol. I got off the phone with him a little while ago, I woke up him up... oops lol. He's gonna call me back though. And so yeah that's pretty much it.
I love you sooooooooooo much Mike!!!
I hope you feel better babe, I miss you!
9-10-05 it's you and me always and forever!
|
| 79 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
~p.s. i love yOu~
|
|
[*256*] Rumors |
December 18th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Because of You - Kelly Clarkson
Feeling: sluggish
Okay so I went to the mall yesterday all day with Zinab. We shopped. Got a teddy bear as another present for Mike. I also saw something else that I wanna get him before Christmas comes. Anyways he tried texting me while I was at the mall and I couldn't receive it cus I have no minutes on my phone so I called him from Zinab's cell. And he was breathing heavily and shaking and stuttering... then he finally told me that there's madd rumors going around that I'm cheating on him with some kid Brandon and that I also smoked weed with him and there's another kid involved named Angelo. I know 2 kids in my school with those names. So I'm starting to think it's them. And I think I know who started the rumors... probably Corey. Only person that I can think of that would possibly want revenge on me for fuckin up his reputation. But when I fucked up his reputation it was based on facts not fuckin stupid rumors. But of course since it's not true Mike didn't believe it, which is good. He went to a party and alot of shit went down there.
Today before we went to his house we stopped over in the Cost Cutters parking lot. And Matt was skateboarding and biking with this kid Ron and some other kids. The look on our faces was priceless we couldn't believe it was him lol. And I thought he saw me so I was like "oh shit I think he saw me" and then Mike yanks me down to his lap hiding me, and then randomly kissed me lol. Matt's been trying to get permission from Mike to talk to me again. Mike asked me if I wanted to talk to Matt... and I told him it depends on if I can trust Matt or not and what his intentions are.
Anyways... when we got to Mike's... I gave him his gift but his dad ran upstairs and took it from him and went outside to lock it in the shed. All you see is Mike chasing after him wining like a little baby trying to get it back saying it's not fair lol. His dad said he's not gonna see it until Christmas. We went upstairs and did our thing lol. Kept getting interupted everytime lol. His parents were leaving so we had to go downstairs and watch the kids. Watched T.V. Ate dinner. Then we went back upstairs and did our thing lol. Him and his mom were gonna go to the mall after they dropped me off at home... his car was smoking big time when we reached to my house... so I don't know what's wrong with his car lol.
I love you soooooooooooo much Mike!!!
|
| 75 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
~p.s. i love yOu~
|
|
[*255*] Missing Him |
December 16th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Jesus Walks - Kanye West
Feeling: alone
Ughh that girl commented him again... I hate her so much. But ya know what whatever. He wants to talk to her then fine, I don't care anymore. But if I ever find out she comes to Jersey and she lays one finger on him then I'm gonna rip every fuckin hair out of her head.
But anyways... school was quite interesting today. We had a huge debate going in Health today. Separated the class with boys on one side of the room and girls on the other. We all had to come up with a list of 10 things what we hate about guys and 10 things why we like about guys and come up with 5 or more questions that we always wanted answered from them. And vise versa with the guys. Some of the questions was just unbelievable. The guys asked us if we liked giving head. And why we don't give them sexual surprises etc. And then out of no where Scott farted so loud lmfao and we were like "yeah we don't like guys that fart" lol. But we didn't get to finish the debate so we're continueing it on Monday. So everyone is gonna be more prepared with alot more questions and shit lol.
Nothing else all that interesting happened in school. I'm supposed to be going to the mall with Zinab tomorrow. Mike is hanging out with Brian right now I think. And he's going to this kid Tom's birthday part tomorrow so I won't be able to see until Sunday. My oldest sister is planning to come over with my nephew and celebrate his birthday but hopefully I won't be here cus I'm tired of their shit and them using us.
Mike did really good with swimming last night. Got voted most valuable swimmer and he beat Brick Memorial's best varsity. Woot woot! I'm really proud of him. I miss him soooooo much! I can't wait to see him on Sunday.
I love you soooooooooooo much Mike! You're my everything babe.
|
| 81 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
~p.s. i love yOu~
|
|
[*254*] My Prayers |
December 15th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: You Found Me - Kelly Clarkson
Feeling: depressed
It just keeps getting worse. Last night I found out that Mike's mom has hated me since we first started fighting. No matter what I do it's never right. I've been praying to God every night since this happened, praying to help me out a little and help me make everything better. But he doesn't seem to want to answer my prayers cus it just gets worse. I don't understand how God can forgive criminals and murderers and such, yet human beings hold grudges and can't forgive each other. Honestly how is that going to solve anything. That just causes more hatred in this world. We need peace. You can't have peace unless if there is some kind of compromise involved. Keeping me and Mike separated is not solving anything. That just shows that you don't have a heart that can forgive and forget. It's wrong to keep two people that are in love, away from each other. Sometimes people need to put themselves in other peoples shoes... yes I know... I need to do that myself more often.
I just wish I knew what else I could do to make everything go back to normal again. If I knew things were gonna get this bad then I wouldn't have done all the things that I have. And now I'm suffering the consequences. But there's only so much I can take. It's killing me. I don't want to lose Mike. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I love Mike with all my heart.
Anyways... Alicia pissed me off again today. Brittany was telling me yesterday that what I did to Mike was fucked up and not fair to him this and that. But today she was like "did you know Matt has a girlfriend and said I love you to her?" I was like "I could care less, he has a new girlfriend every week and tells every one of them that he loves them." Like honestly I don't care... it's his life. I'm not jealous. I have no reason to be. Matt is no longer in my life anymore. I have Mike, I love him and I'm happy with him. Point fuckin blank.
I handed in the application to the pet shop today. Hopefully they'll hire me. I think I'm gonna get honor roll this marking period... who knows. Ugh, my dad was like punching me in the arm and I bugged out cus I just wanted to be left alone. Now I don't even want to celebrate Christmas. It's gonna be so depressing. And another thing that sucks is that I always wanted to kiss the one I love when the ball drops on New Years... but I know that's not gonna happen since I'm not allowed to see Mike :o( Only God knows how long all of this drama is gonna last................
Oh wow... Mike just IM'd me...
E CoastRider 89: me and my dad have been talking
MotuzBabiGurl910: and
E CoastRider 89: hes not guna keep me from something i really love but yet if we fight one more time and i agreed its just guna be over cause i cant take it no more and it just wont work
MotuzBabiGurl910: i can live with that
E CoastRider 89: my grades are going down im not doin good in swimming and im just all down and not sleeping
E CoastRider 89: i wanna know exactly what your guna do to make this work
MotuzBabiGurl910: yeah i haven't slept in days and the most i had was a bite of ziti and a bag of chips
MotuzBabiGurl910: i'm not gonna argue with you anymore... if i get mad i'm gonna keep my cool, i won't talk about ex's anymore or anything
E CoastRider 89: what else
MotuzBabiGurl910: i'm gonna continue to stick by your side and support you in everything you do and i'm gonna continue to try to get my life together
MotuzBabiGurl910: i'm done with hurting you, cus it just hurts me in the long run too
E CoastRider 89: yeah cause .. you know
MotuzBabiGurl910: yeah
MotuzBabiGurl910: did your mom say anything?
E CoastRider 89: my dads guna talk to her
E CoastRider 89: we'll talk more when i get home ill ttyl babe
MotuzBabiGurl910: ok babe, goodluck, i love you
E CoastRider 89: love you too thanks
E CoastRider 89 signed off at 4:51:53 PM.
That made me feel sooo much better. So much relief now. But it's gonna feel weird being around his parents after this. I don't know. I just talked to my dad and my dad said as long as I stop talking about the guys then nothing should go wrong. My mom wasn't happy with the agreement between Mike and his dad but it's gonna have to do for now.
I love you soooooooo fuckin much Mike!
9-10-05 it's you and me always and forever!
|
| 64 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
~p.s. i love yOu~
|
|
[*253*] So Much Pressure |
December 14th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Welcome To Detroit City - Eminem
Feeling: torn
Things actually turned out worse than I thought. Mike's parents won't let me see him period. Or at least until I get my life together. I'm so fuckin tired, I haven't slept in the past 3 nights. I stayed home from school yesterday cus I was so depressed, I was up all night crying. My mom is depressed because I am, so she doesn't even want to put up a Christmas tree this year. But we're going to have one up even if I have to do it myself. My brother and my dad are pissed off about how Mike's dad handled the situation. My dad wanted to call up Mike's dad and talk to him but I wouldn't let him cus he would just make things alot worse.
Yesterday me and Alicia went to the Country Shop and they weren't hiring, neither was Kindercare or Rite Aid. We went to Dunkin Donuts and got applications but we couldn't even fuckin understand the Indians so fuck that. I applied at Blockbuster, that took like a fuckin hour. Then I went to the pet shop by Cost Cutters and they didn't have anymore applications, but I picked one up today. I also went to Guidance Office and picked up an ACT registration packet. I'm gonna take those instead of the SAT's cus it's cheaper and easier and it can also get me into OCC, so it's all good lol. My dad made some agreements with me for my next report card, and said he "might" get me a car as a graduation present but it's gonna be of his choice and it's not gonna be a new car... boo that!
Alicia pissed me the fuck off today, she's lucky I didn't punch her in the face.
I love you soooo fuckin much Mike! Don't worry babe, I'll make everything alright again... I'm not giving up on us.
9-10-05 it's you and me always and forever!
|
| 65 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
~p.s. i love yOu~
|
|
[*252*] I Need Strength |
December 12th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Because of You - Kelly Clarkson
Feeling: neutral
Last night was possibly one of the worst nights of my life. Me and Mike got in the biggest fight. I got mad about his "friend" that's a girl, leaving him comments saying that she wants to bang him and have his kids. He thought it was wrong for me to flip out about it cus she lives in Florida... yet they've met once before cus she came up to see him. So yeah you never know if that were to happen again that's why I was all protective over him.
Anyways, when I mentioned that Brian was coming home soon and I'm gonna chill with him when he does... Mike gets all fuckin pissed off about it. Like what the fuck!?! How is he going to get mad about me chilling with someone I've never hooked up with and someone that has alot of respect for me and Mike. That is what I would like to call a hypocrite. And Mike decided to mimick me to piss me off more. So I got really mad and posted a bulletin on myspace telling guys to leave dirty comments to me on my pics. Mike got really pissed off about that and his parents hate me now because of it. That tore me apart even more... cus I love his parents and his brother and sisters, and now his parents hate me. No matter what I do or say, I can't do anything right, or make anyone happy. I'm nothing but a fuck up, I don't know why he's even still with me. Mike deserves so much better. I'm a shitty ass girlfriend. But he refuses to give up on me and wants to help me get my life together. Which I appreciate alot but I don't know. I just wish everything would be back to normal and I wish I could turn back time and take everything back and stop hurting Mike all the time.
Then Corey IM'd me starting shit. Calling me a slut and a douche bag and that I'm dirty, etc. And he told me to go slit my wrists again. Fuckin asshole!
I cried myself to sleep last night praying to God that I don't lose him and to give me the strength to make everything right again. I cried again this morning before I went to school and I tried so hard to hold back the tears during school.
Sarah was supposed to take me to the mall today to talk about everything that's been going on and she fuckin ditched me, what the fuck else is new. So Alicia took me instead and we met up with her friend Brittany. We just walked around the mall and out of no where Steve yelled my name and I turn around and there he was with Kristina, Ian, and Anthony. So we're all chillen in Spencers making asses out of ourselves. Steve was being his goofy self haha. Yeah and he tried cheering me up too. Thanks Steve, if you're reading this lol. Best friends forever man! But anyways we broke apart and we decided to go up and down on the escalators and play on this stupid thing on the floor in the mall, don't ask lol. Brittany put a sticky tag thing on Alicia's back and she didn't notice until one of the security guards was like "size 10 short eh?" haha!
So yeah, that was pretty much what's been going on lately.
I love you Mike
|
| 69 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
~p.s. i love yOu~
|
|
[*251*] I Love You |
December 11th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson
Feeling: lovely
Yesterday was mine and Mike's 3 month anniversary. And I would have to say it's the best yet.
Well when I got there he went on the computer to talk to Brian then we watched TV for a little bit until his family left. Well almost all his family, his little brother was upstairs asleep lol. Anyways, we went upstairs and obviously you people should know what happens... sex lol. But it's not just sex to me... it's making love. And it meant alot to me last night, cus he said "I love you" while we were having sex. He hasn't done that before. It made it that much more special, because no guy that I've been with has done that. That's what makes me love Mike so much cus he's so different from any other guy. Afterwards we just laid there with each other cuddling, another thing that no other guy that I've been with has done. After we got dressed we sat there and just talked about our day and random stuff.
We went back downstairs and watched TV until his family came home. His sister Michelle got Etnies shoes, almost like mine lol. And his sister Mary got converses. Mike was making fun of her for that. And I was like "why cus punks and gothics wear them" and he said something I can't remember exactly but he was dissing Goths and I just shoved him away and he just laid there. And he pretends to cry and he's like "you're throwing me away" lol so I just pulled him back over to me to make him happy and he tried to pull off that sad face again lol. We watched Anchorman for a little while. Then we watched House of Wax. I was in his arms the whole time, cus I was scared lol. It was really gorey ughh, and Mike is so fuckin twisted in the head. Every gorey part like chopping fingers off and stabbing people in the head with poles and shit... he was like "that's fuckin awesome oh yeah just a little more, I would've made it last longer to put them through more pain" and I just sat there and stared at him like "what the fuck" lol. I was like "I think they put the wrong person in the mental institution" and he was like "I would actually do that shit to someone, you should feel safe around me and protected cus I would never do any of that to you" and I was like "yeah I do feel safe in a scary kinda way but now I feel sick with all those details you had to throw in" lol.
I was like a half hour late getting home but my mom was asleep and my dad was at work so it was all good lol.
Hopefully I'll get to see him tonight too.
I love you Mike!
|
| 93 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
~p.s. i love yOu~
|
|
[*250*] Sex Ed |
December 9th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Shake That Ass - Eminem
Feeling: hungry
So yeah once again we were talking about sex in Health today. When we were talking about cheating and multiple partners and stuff... DJ kept looking at me smiling, in a making fun of me kinda way. I kicked him in the leg like 4 times lol. Then at the end of class he was like "so Pam have you ever been on top and do all the work?" And I was like "I can't believe you just asked me that."
Nothing all that interesting really happened in school today. Found out that Corey got suspended cus he failed a drug test ahahaha good! He started doing coke too... what a loser!
PJ was calling me a slut the other night cus he couldn't come up with any better comebacks cus I was tearing him apart verbally lol.
I didn't get to go to Mike's tonight cus he had T.E.A.M. and has a swim meet. But I'm definitely going to his house tomorrow cus tomorrow is our 3 month anniversary. Wow, still can't believe it's been 3 months already. That went by really fast.
I love you sooo much Mike!
9-10-05 always and forever!
|
| 69 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
~p.s. i love yOu~
|
|
[*249*] Ashamed |
December 8th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: The End of Heartache - Killswitch Engage
Feeling: eh
I got into another fight with Mike last night. Part of it was about Matt. But mostly it was about cus he didn't want the swim team to see me, when I went to his meet. Cus the swim team hates me cus I supposedly treat Mike like shit and alot of girls want him and can treat him better. So that really set me off last night, I was buggin so bad. They don't even know half the shit that goes on between me and Mike so they can eat shit and die for all I care. But according to Mike he talked to the team today and they don't hate me anymore so whatever. Sometimes I think he feels ashamed that I'm his girlfriend.
Nothing all that interesting happened today. In food science... me, Sarah, Nicole, and Tara were so loud lol. Cus Tara's stupid ass got a spray tan so she looks all orange. So she tried using Sarah's bronzer to make it less noticeable. She was patting alot of it on she looked like an old woman powdering her face lmfao! Then at lunch there was a Japanese dude asking us if we wanted suishi... I seriously thought I was seeing things lol. In health we had to fill out this like 3 page survey about sex and masterbation etc... it was so funny.
I love you so much Mike!
|
| 70 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
~p.s. i love yOu~
|
|
|
