| Stephanie Flood |
| Age: 18 |
| Sex: girl |
|
Live Life To The Fullest, Never Look Back, and Never Regret The Path Chosen.
| back 10 >> |
| Change of Pace* |
July 1, 2008 |
Feeling: accepted
I feel like Jt and myself just do alot more. He always wants to take me out and pay for a movie or dinner or lunch or w.e. I'm just not used to it, I'm so used to taking care of myself and usually someone else. It's so awkward, he insists on paying. But of course I manage to sneak a few in. So we went down to IL last night. Tina, Alisha, Alec, Jt and I. Had a little road trip there and back. Jt got to meet my parents, and he is just too much of a gentleman. He introduced himself right off the bat, he offered my dad a seat. They started to hit it off. I honestly think Jt will get along with my family, even my brother. And my brother is always the worst to get along with lol. Oh and then last night on the way back from IL. We were smoking, and like ten minutes later I get pulled over by State Patrol. Haha, my first time getting pulled over! But it was for my not having taillights, theres a short in my wires somewhere, so I really can’t fix that myself. I told him my fuse blew on the way home from my parents house, I pulled off in Lake Geneva and checked everything out, but I just bull shitted because he was asking like, “You had no other options?”.. And I was like, “No I just kept riding my brakes the whole way home anytime other cars were around:”.. And of course I got the whole, have you been drinking speech, and is there anything in the car I should be concerned about?.. of course im like no.. duh. I wanted to say, “Umm yeah theres a pregnant chick in the backseat, if you decide to arrest someone she might just have to go into labor lol.” haha.. That’d be funny hey? Im retarded. But anyways. Lets talk about Jt a little because I haven’t really introduced him to many people and I just have been shy to talk about him for some reason. He’s a total sweetheart, he listens to all different music, but loves country. And of course I have no problems with that at all. And he would definitely get along with muh daddy! Lol. And then I met his sister and brother already, and his sister and brother are the shit. I love kickin it with his sister, she’s amazing. His sister has 6 kids and she’s 23. That’s insane, she had her first at 16. He has a really sweet fam, I’m already getting along with them. And he’s getting to meet mine little by little.
Well thats enough today. . I need to get some more work done. I’m doing really good keeping caught up with my work now. PLUS! :-) |
| (1 comments) | Heart2Heart |
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| Well This is Definitely GoodBye* |
July 1, 2008 |
Feeling: unstoppable
I don’t have anything more to say to you.
We were trying it out as friends but it just didn’t work.
You never had faith to get your shit straight,
So I had to make the choice and start a debate.
I shouldn’t have let half of your shit slide, but I thought
it was love, and it turned to suicide.
Were both getting older in so many ways,
and yet I seem to be growing farther and farther away.
This is my last chance to really give it up and let it slide.
But I just can’t do it, I can’t suck up my pride.
I respected you daily, and tried to help in any way.
But you took it as disrespect and betray.
You could never trust me, and still don’t to this day.
Even as friends you’d come snoop around.
I don’t hide shit from you, so why do you have to be like this?
I’ve never lied until now, so why the hell are you pissed?
I’ve delt with millions from you, and yet you get one from me,
and shit gets ugly. Fuck that, I’m threw with you.
I’ve met someone new. It’s hard to sit and look in the mirror each day.
Knowing that I had to go through plenty of shit to get things this way.
He treats me with love and plenty of respect. So I hope there’s
no problems between us, when it’s now over and done with.
I just want to let things go, and let the past be the past.
Move on with life, and hopefully things with him and I will last.
Our love died, so now it’s time for me to move on.
My respect and trust is you is just completely gone.
So now I’ve been, putting my heart into Jt and I know you may be pissed.
But you had your chances, and each one you missed.
So hopefully you’ll see it’s time for u to move on,
And I’m sorry it had to be like this.
We just weren’t made for eachother, and I realize it now.
We had so many differences, and we got along somehow.
I just don’t see how we made it that far with things the way they were.
With Jt everything is so different, we have so much in common its hard to fight
It just seems he’s the one that’ll do everything right.
He’s not perfect don’t get me wrong, but it just seems this is where I belong.
So it’s time to let go and let things take their course, hopefully things
turnout perfect for us on our own, and we have no remorse. |
| (0 comments) | Heart2Heart |
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| Moving* |
June 19, 2008 |
Feeling: secure
Today's Moving Day! The office is moving, and it's going to be super fun! Pizza Party @ The new office, shweeettt! :-) Today will hopefully be a good one |
| (2 comments) | Heart2Heart |
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| When He Asks* |
June 16, 2008 |
Feeling: adventurous
Sometimes I miss him, sometimes I don’t. It’s easy enough said, to describe how and why I feel this way. I just have so much love for him it’s hard for me to even try to move on. I just don’t understand why it can’t go one way or another. Where I don’t feel the in between, I want it to just be either I love him and want to be with him, or I don’t and want to go my separate way. But it’s so hard when you’ve had so many bad times and remembered everyone while you were together, but yet all you can think of is the good things when it’s done and over. It just boggles my mind how the world works, and the ways our minds and emotions just change so quickly. But yet when it comes to this point in life, your always on the fence. You have no idea which direction to go, because either outcome could be good, or better. Or the worst decision ever made. So when he asks me, I can’t lie. I say how I truely feel, it goes both ways. And that’s why I haven’t taken that step further, or closer to either decision. I’m still on the fence and it’s been over three months since we broke up. The feelings will never go away, I’m just waiting for my heart and feelings to decide which is more important, and which is better for me and him in the long run. No matter how much time it takes, I will let my heart decide. |
| (0 comments) | Heart2Heart |
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| It's Okay.* |
June 16, 2008 |
Feeling: abnormal
For some really I just have a really wierd feeling in me today. I don't know why, or what for.. I just know I have a weird feeling in the bottom of my stomache.
Other than that, there's not much to say so far today. It's the morning, we have our potluck today at lunch. Can't wait to eat my pasta salad, can't wait to eat period! lol and I just have some work to do today. So then I have nothing to worry about the rest of the week for the move here. I can't wait till we move, and for monday when work is right up the street! Fucking awesome! |
| (0 comments) | Heart2Heart |
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| It's Totally Cool Man* |
June 12, 2008 |
Feeling: active
So it's totally cool. You can read my entries, and yet still lie and say someone told you what I was thinking. Hmm, considering everyone knows you arn't in school right? Seeing everyone know's your life is a joke, and it's all about lies. Can we throw another one out there? And you wonder why I don't want to be your girlfriend, and you wonder why I wont take you back? And yet you have enough nerve to wonder why I'm not trying to get back with you.. Keep wondering buddy, kuz it aint gettin you no where..
And if you don't want to get back then why are you still trying? Why r u still tellin ppl your ditchin me? and why are you commentinng my fucking diary then buddy? Any reason? Kuz I want to get back with you so bad I can't stop calling you.. And because I'm so many months pregnant, like you told Brandon right? Just like Brittany had my pipe.. Haha.. And just like your dad went with you to school to sign up.. Just like you were supposed to see your conselor on Sunday.. Just like you were supposed to go to school on monday.. just like you went to school today.. and just like you want to be a firefighter.. just like you want to get your shit straight in life.. just like you quit smoking weed. Just like you dont do coke.. Just like you quit ciggarettes.. quit lying.. the works right? Just like you had a job.. for a month again.. just like your stable.. just like the genius you are, ha make me laugh some more. Just make my day more merrier by the laugher you supply. And ask me one more time why?
Why even ask?? You don't give a shit about me, why even play it off? You don't care about how I feel, why joke?
Why try soooooo hard?? It's called sarcasm. |
| (0 comments) | Heart2Heart |
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| *Lies Lies Lies* I laugh. |
June 12, 2008 |
Feeling: amused
I am just so amused when people think I don't know the truth in every situation. Everyone lies, nobody is trustworthy. But It's hilarious when those people think that they get away with each and every one. I just find it funny, I just have to laugh. This entry is full of laughs just for those people, and I you know who you are, just as well as everyone else does.
Haha just like John. Go to school buddy, maybe they can teach you the difference between right and wrong, and the difference between telling the truth and lying. You must have missed that part in life, right?
This is the only place to write this stuff, seriously.. I have so much built up inside of me right now directed towards john its not even funny.. Just because it's everything he's ever lied about. He always seems to think I dont know, and that i wont find out.. or even like it matters.. Idk, I just know everything he's ever lied about, and everything that is currently lying about. He always trys to play it off, but im not stupid.. and i know he's not stupid and realizes everyone is telling me EVERYTHING. You'd think he'd just shut his mouth and stop lying all together. I'm starting to believe he's just that far into his habbits.. Because it's what happens when u do that shit.. you know what im hinting at.. pretty sure that's his problem. Oh well it's HIS PROBLEM, not mine anymore.
I'm just going to live my life, use those who've used me.. and just play things by ear
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| (1 comments) | Heart2Heart |
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| Lotus* |
June 11, 2008 |
Feeling: adventurous
I definitely had alot of fun last night at The Rave. Felicia, Chris, Steve and I all went last night at 8:30pm, we totally skipped seeing Haystack and the other opening band, we knew we didn't want to see them. We came for the end of Haystack playing, not my cup of tea the two fat white guys. Idk. But Dark Lotus was amazing, wish they wouldv'e played a little of each of their originals when they were all solo with their own shit, but they didn't. They only played until 10:30pm which they should've went until like 12am at least, then it would've been sooo much better! But they didn't. But it was awesome, we had ALOT of fun. And then we drove around me and fe in the back seat of fe's car, lol we let Chris n Steve up in front.. We switched halfway, and me and fe had some fun in the backseat.. Not together like that or anything, but we were doin some stupid shit.. Not going there.. haha. But we went back to my place and smoked n then we drank before we went n smoked.. So it was kewl. These guys were at my house until about 1:30am.. Kuz Chris had to get up this morning at 5am. So we tried to not make it too late, otherwise we would've been smokin all night.. Haha.
But we definitely had alot of fun last night, and hopefully today will be a great day as well!! We'll see what fun shit we can cook up today! :-)
And at this point in time, Chris is throwing slobbered mints at me here at work.. What the hell is this!>?? Ewwwwwieeeee! |
| (0 comments) | Heart2Heart |
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| Dark Lotus* |
June 10, 2008 |
Feeling: active
Going to see Dark Lotus tonight with Miss Fe, and Chris. It'll be the shit, we always know how to have fun man! Starts at 8pm, Can't wait! |
| (0 comments) | Heart2Heart |
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| Working* |
June 9, 2008 |
Feeling: adventurous
So have you ever felt as if you were the only person in the office actually doing something? Besides that one other person that you actually get along with that has the same instance to strive for success? For some reason that's how I've been feeling lately. I hate to snitch on what people are and arn't doing right, but sometimes a single person can only bare so much. And I guess I've just been letting everyone onto my last nerve.
Trying to sit back and relax and let it all go today, but Idk how well this is goin to work out. lol |
| (0 comments) | Heart2Heart |
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