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[annnd 2008] |
January 20th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: afterlife - avenged sevenfold
Feeling: destroyed
so apparently i was seriouse about the one entry a year thing.. lol thank god for tasa remembering my sign in name, cause i sure as shit never do.
anyway. mylifemylifemylife.
well. IT SUCKSSSS.
haha i have bad taste in men..
tyler. blayze. jeremy.. whatever men
are in the previouse entries, i dont fucking know. hahahahha. all hurt bagssss..
jeremy jeremy jeremyyyyyyy.. well things were pretty good after the last entry, we moved in together in july, and i found out moving in with someone is super hard, but he still made me incredibly happy. I got to meet his parents, and his little boy, and the rest of his family.. most amazing people in the whole world.. thenn lately (almost two and a half years later) things have fallen to shit.. i got depressed somewhere along the way and stopped making an effort, we just found out i misscarried our baby.. (i just read that we thought i misscarried once before, now im wondering if i did?? maybe i cant have babies?) anyway this time we know i did, and it's been a really difficult situation, especially cause he hasnt really been around for me. he sent me home to my parents to get psychiatric help, cause i was cutting myself, and he couldnt handle it.. so now ive been dealing with the loss of him, and a babeeey all by myself =( worst possible feeling ever. i feel like the odds were always against me and jeremy, but we've made it soo far, i really hope once i get my help and beat this, i can mend our relationship.. if not i dont think i will ever be complete wiht out him.. every post i've writen i had a new boyfriend.. but i said when i turned sixteen i wanted to find something real, and i found him.. now i need to fix what i broke =(.. help me??
car accident.. hmm i just had my third knee surgery last week too. so my life's pretty much been a gong show since the accident. i just want it back to normal.. but i dunno how, or if it ever will |
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*Luv*Me*Tender
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[2007?] |
April 22nd, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the kill - 30 seconds to mars
Feeling: saucy
haha -- i love how i come back like umm, once a year to write an "update" on my life. it's kind of funny to look back on entries i wrote in 2004, and think about how much has changed -- how much i've changed -- how much i've grown up; it's crazy!
i don't even know where to start with my "yearly update" haha.. i guess with one of the biggest events in my life -- my car accident.
June 15th, 2006 Jeremy (yep, same guy in the last entry -- finally some one who i kept around haha) got into a car accident. he was going around a 30 km/h corner doing between 80-100 km/h, and we missed it and hit a tree. I wasn't wearing my seat belt, and i hit the windsheild. i was taken to the hospital -- i underwent 2 ct scans, and 1 set of x rays.. then they told me i had "a minor break in my leg" and "second and third degree lascerations on my face" -- they sent me home. i spent the night in the worst pain i've ever felt in my entire life. in the morning i went back up to the hospital where i met with a sirgeon and he informed me that i had a serious break and should have undergone surgery the night before. they gave me an iv and put me in my own room. i was supposed to go into surgery that night however i had to have surgery on my face as well and it couldnt be done until the fallowing day and they didnt want to put me under twice. so the next day i had a surgery on my knee (1 plate, 3 screws, 1 wire) and dermabrasic sanding on my face. i don't remember any of my stay in the hospitat -- other then the excruciating pain i was in, and the fact that i was not my nurses favorite pacient. -- once i got out of the hospital i was on crutches for three months, and i wasn't aloud in the sun for four. -- this took a huge toll on mine and Jeremy's relationship. i turned into the biggest bitch. i constantly talked about killing my self, talked about how ugly my face was, talked about how he destroyed me and my life. i pushed him to the point he couldn;t talke it any more, and stopped spending as much time with me, which made me even WORSE. leading to our break up..
Jeremy and i broke up, and i met a new guy his name was tyler. he was pretty awesome, but needless to say it didn't work..
Jeremy and i tried to get back together again -- me still being fucked up, it failed.
The most recent guy's name was Blayze, things with us were pretty good for the, oh, two months that it lasted -- but then jeremy popped back in my life, gave me a promise ring, and i lost blayze to some slut.
so now i'm giving jeremy his final chance to prove to me, he can be somebody worth spending my life with -- it's my graduation year, and i am ready to find somebody who is worth settling down with. we've pretty much been together for 20 months, minus two breaks that barely lasted. so i think this should be alright.
anyways. i sshould get going. prehaps i'll write more often, so when i forget i can look back next year, and be like "hahahahah omg im a douche bag"
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*Luv*Me*Tender
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