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Know What I Mean? |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: Gin Blossoms - Lost Horizons
Feeling: lovable
It's ten o'clock and I wanted to write this entry all by hand, followed by an attempt to rewrite it from what I see and/or remember. Needless to say that the memory aspect of the plan failed as it's 17 days after it was written. Anyway, things are turning out just as I expected, busy, while the amount of shopping done was slow to increase. It's getting there though. I doubt if even the impending shopping spree will help me see the true joy of the season. Oh, speaking of which, I think I've decided to switch to contacts, providing I can still wear glasses at the same time. Kinda odd, but when your self identity has included glasses for about 3/5th of your life, it's tough to move away with it. No need to change my look anyway - the spectacles work just fine for me all the same. I think I'll do the same thing come my 66th birthday. Start walking with a cane so that when I actually need it, nobody'll be the wiser, and for a good couple of years, people'll under-estimate my powers. Sounded like a good plan a yesterday anyway.
Came home not too long ago, and realized that I take my defeats too close to the heart; or for a better term, too personal. And you'd think that after a few of these that a person would eventually disconnect themselves from the emotional aspect of failure but not so, not so at all. Keep a tight hold they say, get 'em next time... what if next time never comes? One thing I'm good at - cutting losses. Take my word for it folks. Look at a situation, recognize if you've got it as good as it'll ever get and then get the hell out of there - take what you can and never look back. Well, I've mastered the first part of the recommendation, when I master how to never look back, I'll let you know. Maybe that's why I tend to stop good things before they even get a chance to start- wind up moving too slow or with an uncalculated haste which only winds up making me feel worse about things because the result is the same either way. Then there's that damned transition between feeling like a failure to feeling great. Happened the other day and drove me to some rather uneasy thoughts all because of a pump-truck. I mean, the feelings aren't invalidated because they're dismissed easily - doesn't the fact that they are meditated upon count for something? I guess they'd matter more if a person were to actually act out an ill concieved idear. I mean, if a person were to actually reach a level whereby all safties, self control and higher reasoning capabilities are disengaged... well, that's saying something.
FYI, I don't necessarily fully endorse any of my methods for use without first consulting me or at least geting the opinion of someone qualified to replace my judgement. Oh, and speaking better judgement and pressure I'm thinking that things are going to be changing aroung here in the upcoming months. I can't quite explainit, but I just got a hunch is all. As of yesterday [and up to even today (the 30th)] my sister started talking about marriage... I think come next year she'll be engaged - married in the next two. Can't say that I'll miss her immensly, or that it's premture... Let me rephrase that. They're a little over-anxious, but she's getting up there in age - so in that sense, it's about bloody time - know what I mean? I guess she's kinda picked up the whole idea of having a realistic life of her own. Funny how it happened to the eldest after it happened to the youngest. Sometimes I really wonder, but I better not say anything for I know not how things'll transpire for me. As it is, I've been single for over a year, so I'll be lucky if I even find someone interested, let alone committed. Know what I mean?
Onto other, less meaningful yet still important matters though...
Actually, that's where I decided to go to sleep due to an increased measure of depressants in my system. Anything I really input now should really be under a new entry, so in relation to that, I think it's best if I just end this one here and begin a new entry... You can continue reading if the mood should take you. Comment where ever the mood should take you, but I'm not sure if it's really worth your while... could be though.
Continuing,
- Captain B. Skipped |
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Trespassing on public property |
February 25th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Dashboard Confessional - Places that you've come to fear the most (string orchestra)
Feeling: hopeful
I sometimes find myself writing for the sake of writing, other times I write to prove a point. The former is where I generally get my best thoughts whereas the latter generally amounts to no more than an exploratory essay on whatever it is that compelled me to pick up my (figurative) pen.
It was only a few days ago that I found myself yet again divulging the 'less-than-respectable" parts of my past to my soon-to-be spouse. Not that I mind. The way I see it, if I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it right or not at all. So by extension, if we're going to be spending the rest of our living lives together, she should know me better than anybody else and as much as some of you cringe at that thought, I'm okay with it... Mainly because it's always reciprocated. Anyway, I was somewhere in the middle of my story when I realized how long it had been since I had picked up that pen and wrote about something meaningful. I guess I've been so busy concerning myself with planning the future and juggling the present that I somehow neglected my pseudo-passion.
But “what,” is the question. What was it that I wanted to write about? Ideas came and went, but they mostly went and is my custom, I usually travel to particular places for inspiration just shortly after I beat my head against my bedroom wall. I'm sorry to say that tonight was no different and currently I am sitting not 200 metres from my inspiration.
I'm actually sitting in a coffee shop. Not a coffee house - coffee shop. If the difference eludes you, I suggest you pay a visit to Wikipedia or take a marketing course. I strong suggest the second option, but that's just me. There are two middle aged coloured men sitting a few tables behind me; one with a thick west-Indian accent and the other seems to have been in Canada long enough to be able to turn the accent off in public and back on around other west-Indians. He does this to convince them that he hasn't been completely assimilated into North American culture. He's also a part-time preacher from the sounds of it.
I was just at my old high school. I often find myself drawn back for no apparent reason. No, that a lie. There are a bunch of apparent reasons, it just depends on who's story you believe. The only thing we can all agree on is that everybody else is wrong. My mother would say that it's because I'm suppose to be a teacher while part of me says that I have unfinished business there. Either something else to give, get or (more than likely) both. But like I was saying, when I walk along the property things happen. It's where I first kissed my fiancée and decided what I was going to do with the rest of my life - and all of this was after I graduated.
Something's going on at the school tonight. A play I think. A television van was there. It could be a championship game, but after my graduating year it all went downhill and not just sports - the entire school. Either way, I was walking between the new portables and somewhere between number twenty-eight and number seven hundred and sixty-three I realized that I was, in fact trespassing. Of course, the sign that read, "field usage by permit only" and the fact that I was indeed permit-less also contributed to the realization.
It was almost as though everything that I had done for the school and everything that it had done for me didn't matter and that after your four years are up, you are in fact merely trespassing. You might as well be breaking into somebody's house because you'd both feel and be treated the same way.
We are all, in fact, trespassing.
As much as we work towards something and no matter what we belong to, it is in fact temporary. Things change, we all change. We will grow up, grow into and grow out of everything. And yes, I am counting negative growth as a form of growth. It's all temporary and I do no mean this in a fatalistic or emo way (quite the opposite in fact.) What I do mean is that because everything changes in the micro (the majority of us only ever able to effectthis realm) we must cherish, relish and make the most of each temporary state we find ourselves a part of. You see sometimes we'll know when it'll end - things have dates of expiration, mandatory completion dates, deadlines etc. Something’s though... something’s are unannounced. In fact, most of our temporary states expire before we can completely or more than likely, ever get a chance plan ahead. The funny thing is that even the memberships (a crude but functional title for our purposes) that we willingly end will result in some form of regret or "what if." And that's the best case scenario. So am I suggesting that we spend out lives attempting to optimize every departure/ ending we encounter? No, that's just ludicrous. We'd end up spending more time planning the endings than enjoying it, the beginnings or the in-betweens. what I am suggesting is that you enjoy everything the best you can. Not because it'll end sooner then you'd ever imagined but enjoy it for all of it's intrinsic value - both genuine and conceived. At the end of the day, we're all trespassers, that we cannot change. But in reality, it's not the actual act of trespassing that matters; it's how you trespass that counts.
Trespassing 'til the end,
Captain B. In-between
PS The preacher behind me just quoted “the gambler” by Kenny Rogers. Now, despite my dislikement for Mr. Roger’s choice in women (Dolly Parton) and the preachers ideological point of view (“Joseph was Jesus’ Step-Father”) even I’m forced to agree with them both. |
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Please Go Slow |
August 2nd, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: BNL - I'm one and only
Feeling: longing
Hello and greetings again my friend(s),
As it stands, I'm still on summer vacation which, as with every other year, means that I've taken a sabbatical into the real world and have decided to willfully cease my writings. Now, if I'm not mistaken, I did have some goals for the summer which I made back in April I believe. It's currently August and I'd have to say that in the four months since I made my directives that I haven't done too bad for myself. Let's revisit them, shall we?
Directive 1: Shuffle friendships (CHECK)
Directive 2: Save as much as possible (CHECK)
Directive 3: Expand library by 10% (DOUBLE-CHECK)
Directive 4: Marginally improve health (without violating Directives 1&2) (SEMI-CHECK)
Directive 5: Volunteer when possible (without violating Directives 1-3) (NEGATIVE)
Directive 6: Take up Tai Chi, Fencing and/or Ballroom dancing (without violating Directives 1,2&4) (REPLACED)
Directive 7: Write a peice for a school newspaper (without violating Directives 1-4) (NEGATIVE)
Here's the real story behind all of this. I figure I've been somewhat improving my health between the muscle groups that I use at work and the extra walking that I'm doing with my new significant other. Technically speaking, I've done pretty good with my calves (though unintentionally) and I'd like to believe that I've also improved my stamina as a direct result of. Directive 6 was replaced with spending time with and cultivating my new-found relationship and as for five and seven... ... well, they just kinda fell off the radar. The only glimmer of hope I have to offer is that in some very round-about way, this entry may or may count as practice for the genuine article; I've yet to think of a suitable topic on which to ramble talk about.
So I'm going to the zoo tomorrow with Lady K and I'm feeling kinda good about it. Or rather, good about her - us. In some very roundabout way, I'm truly happy with her. Which makes me smile, until I start playing devils advocate; then I go from happily in a relationship to being an old, unmarried cat lady. Err... man. I'm sure I've spoken about it before - Charles Darwin and how he decided whether or not to get married; one of his "cons" was that he wouldn't be able to buy as many books as when he was single; apparently his books didn't mean a whole hell of a lot to him, as he then decided to get hitched. *shakes head at* What a silly guy.
In a sense I'm the one who's silly because as I sit here insulting him, I'm actually contemplating promise rings and costing out weddings. Average, respectable wedding for an average of 100-150 people = $30,000-$35,000. Where the hell does a couple find that kind of money? I imagine you'd have to finance that by taking a loan. Wow. Starting out a life together by incurring thousands of dollars of debt. And all for one day. One day of glamour. A girls gotta have her day though, but a little moderation please? I guess when you think about it, Thirty is trim compared to the possible sixty grand plus that some couple spend on transport and elaborate-esque-ness. Then there's the mortgage that'll inevitable follow once you get a kid or two in the oven. And all because your books didn't mean as much to you as quenching the feeling of lonliness and spreading the family name/ blood. But we buy into it, and whether we want to believe it or not, we all need someone to grow old with - friend or otherwise because we're all just that vulnerable. Because we're all just that weak. Sad eh?
Good ole male instinctiveness: must be fruitful and multiply at any cost.
Good ole cultural pressures: must get married and grow old together.
New checklist!!
Things to covertly remedy and/or discuss with her before July 01, '08
-> Inability to remain calm (due to an unsubstantiated but on-going feeling of being attacked)
-> Mountain-out-of-mole-hill behaviour (due to an inability to remain calm)
-> Sometimes hot-tongued (due to consistant mountain-out-of-mole-hill behaviour)
You know, the longer I'm in this bleeding relationship, the more I start seeing myself with her down the road. I think the french have a word for that: Les Sucker. I shouldn't say that. Why would I say that?? Idiot. I'm actually thinking about a promise ring for xmas... Thoughts?? It'll be seven months by then. Wait... ... yes, seven-ish. Maybe I'm jumping the gun? Maybe we're inadvertantly pushing it. The silent hand as they say. Who knows, maybe I'll be hearing "another one bites the dust" sooner than expected.
Can't decide what this doubt is made of,
- Captain B. Thinking It Over Through & Through. |
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Haunting Us, To Keep Us Company |
April 11th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: BNL- The War on Drugs
Feeling: empty
"Near where I live there's a viaduct
Where people jump when they're out of luck
Raining down on the cars and trucks below
They've put a net there to catch their fall
Like it'll stop anyone at all
What they don't know is when nature calls, you go..."
That viaduct does exist. My dad and I use to drive under it four times a week when I was a child. They did put a net up to stop people from jumping because the bodies use to rain down on the cars and trucks below on the DVP. Surprisingly (or perhaps not) people actually stopped jumping...
Now they use the subway to kill themselves.
I hate to admit it, but this is going to be a short entry on account of the fact that I have four exams in five school days *woot woot!* As it clearly states above, I am feeling empty and despite the efforts of my brain I've yet to break it. So in response to this situation I did three things. First, and possibly more important, I fell in love with this song again (refer to current music). It's officially one of my favorites now. Second, I've decided to fight the feeling and not let it consume me like it has done in the past. Never ignoring it, but accepting it as a part of myself, experience it and then let it flow through. Third, I talked through some of it with one of my friends and we decided that I need to make some goals for the summer. Doesn't mean that all of them will actually happen, but what it does mean is that at least I'm trying and what's more *grins* is that it's a heirarchy:
Directive 1: Shuffle friendships
Directive 2: Save as much as possible
Directive 3: Expand library by 10%
Directive 4: Marginally improve health (without violating Directives 1&2)
Directive 5: Volunteer when possible (without violating Directives 1-3)
Directive 6: Take up Tai Chi, Fencing and/or Ballroom dancing (without violating Directives 1,2&4)
Directive 7: Write a peice for a school newspaper (without violating Directives 1-4)
I'm thinking that that should be enough to not only keep me busy, but help improve the over-all quality of life. Again, there's no guarantees that these'll happen. The first three'll be easy by my count while six and seven will take the most amount of time to both initiate and complete so nobody's holding their breath for them to happen, though admittedly it would be nice. I
I'm going to leave you with the story of my life, as per a game I commandeered from a good friend of mine on facebook. I was suprised at how well it worked so I'll share it with you. If you're not particularly happy with this entry (which I know I'm not) go ahead and read my entry from March which is much more interesting and lacking hits.
Forever fighting the war,
- Captain B. Asleep in lukewarm bathwater.
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How to do it:
Open your library, Put it on Shuffle, Etc.
1) Opening Credits
We Are going to be friends - The White Stripes
2) Waking Up
Here's to the night - Eve6
3) First Day of School
Why (part two) - Collective Soul
4) Getting Crunked
Pianoman - Billy Joel
5) Falling in Love
O Valencia - The Decemberists
6) Fight Song
Death of a Martian - RHCP
7) Breaking Up
Money Talks - ACDC
8) Life's Good
Forgiveness - Collective Soul
9) Strip Tease
Fun and games - BNL
10) Mental Breakdown
Shine - Collective Soul
11) Driving
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing - Jack Johnson
12) Flashback to Childhood
Light up my room - BNL
13) Getting Back Together
Oh Goddamnit - Hot Hot Heat
14) Wedding
Hotel Yorba - The White Stripes
15) Sex Song
If - RHCP
16) Final Battle
All Apologies - Nirvana
17) Victory Dance
The Wild Rover - The Dubliners
18) Death Scene
Closing time - Semisonic
19) Funeral Song
Boston and St. Johns - Great Big Sea
20) End Credits
Give my love to rose - Johnny Cash |
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Crisis of Conscience |
March 3rd, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Jim Cuddy - Pull Me Through
Feeling: inpain
I don't care what anybody says -assuming you're a band who doesn't rely on computer effects to create your music (I'm looking at you Our Lady Peace)- live versions of songs are always better than records.
Today I had something of an epiphany and I'm not too sure how I should proceed. If by chance you think of a brilliant or even mediocre suggestion on how I should handle this, do let me know. Please. Thanks.
So I was skipping school *chuckles* You'll later see the irony of this. At any rate, I was skipping school and on my way to lunch with an associate when I stop at a stoplight at Westney and Kingston Rd. I must tell you that previous to this, I was at the mall, in a music store to be exact and a kid no larger than five ran into me while I was searching for this CD [The light that guides you home.] I got the last copy. But that's irrelevant to the story. What is relevant is that when she ran into me, she looked up and called me "mister." if I keep this up, I'll never get to the apex, let alone the end. But since I'm here, I might as well tell you that this was the exact same song I was listening to when all of this went down.. or rather, when the event at the corner of Kingston and Westney happened.
I don't know it is, but lately I've been feeling... well not down but, down. Before I was sure, I did the test which is:
1. Listen to Collective Soul
- If I desire Pearl Jam, then move to Step two
- If not, end test I'm fine
2. Listen to Pearl Jam
- If lyrics to Nothingman, Betterman, Daughter AND Last Kiss hit home, proceed to Step three.
- If not, end test, I'm borderline.
3. Might as well put on Blue Rodeo because I’m toast. Listen to them and just relax... this might take awhile.
They're not a bad band, don't care what anyone says... I just can't listen to them when I'm in a happy mood. Not the kind of music you'd break out when you're hosting a St. Patty's Day party my friends. Follow? I guess you're wondering what the link between them and this is and the link is that
A. I started listening to them Friday night and
B. Jim is the lead singer of the band who also does solo work which after listening to them I felt compelled to get his CD... which is where the story began; in a music store. So, now that that's straightened out I guess we can get back to the story...
...Right. The story. I'm not particularly sure where my mind was before any of this happened but I am almost sure that I was somewhere in and around the point where I overlook my life and just see if things are the way they should be. So I come to a stop and there is a little girl, probably or seven, cute as a button and she's staring out of her window aimlessly. You know that look that little kids have on their face when they're eyes are looking around but you can tell that their mind is in a 1000 different places? That's the one. Well she looks down at me [she's riding shotgun in a 4x4] and for some reason I just smiled at her.
She smiled back.
Then I winked at her.
She started to giggle like a... well, like a little girl.
At this point the lights had turned green and her lane started to move ahead of mine. Now, I'm telling you what happened next not because I'm in need of a horn tooting or because I need to feel good about myself but because my next thought spawned a number of various thoughts and as I mentioned to one of my close friends, could very well alter my life if I let it. What's more is in retrospect to other aspects of my life, it makes sense. Not fifteen second after I started driving from that intersection only one sentence emerged from the fog in my mind and I see it as clearly as I see you now. For some reason I said to myself, "I have to make the world better for her."
Then somehow between there and my friend's location I ended up thinking about my education [enter irony.] It's probably not a coincidence as even the most unreasonable person will agree from experience that the mind will relate occurrences to whatever is on a person's mind, or to a lesser extent, what may have been bothering said person earlier and/or has yet to be resolved. I started going over my life plan... but not the plan itself. See, plans are great but if you are so rigid in your plans that you can't go with the flow, everytime a wave comes along you'll end up screwed. The way I see it, nothing goes according to plan, but have a plan anyway so that every so often you can see just how far away life has carried you from where you wanted to be. Maybe you'll laugh, maybe you'll cry. It doesn't really matter so long as you're satisfied with the absolute moment - not the moment compared to others. So have a plan but make sure it's more of a guideline than a set of actual rules or else you'll surely find yourself shipwrecked and so desperate that you'll sign onto just about anyone's crew because you presently can't do better... even though you could. Now that I got that little sermon out of me, I shall return to what I was originally saying. I wasn't checking the steps or my progress. No. That would have been far too easy. Instead I was projecting which for all intents and purposes can be dangerous so unless you're a trained professional don't attempt it. I started thinking about what my goal will mean to me, a possible family and yes society. Not so much how society will view me. I imagine that anyone who does this and relates themselves to society are really attempting to gauge their impact on society for anything else would be a grueling task; at best.
It was at this time that I started feeling like one of those damned undecided voters. The kind that are citizens of the states that the political advertisements are truly aimed at (because let's face it folks, Massachusetts is always going to be blue.) Anyway, we went to lunch and though I was in the middle of convincing her to switch her major, I myself was attempting to figure out if I should be in my major or not. I'm good at what I do... or rather, what I am on track to be doing but is this what I really want to be doing? Essentially I'll be making money by making more money for someone else. That's what it boils down to. I mean, it's pretty secure and financially I'd be able to make enough to carry a family AND make sure the wife wouldn't have to break her back working in a factory or retail... unless she wanted to. But the more I think about it, the more I realise what a useless trait it is. I mean sure you go back to the old days and there were small-time marketers and because prostitution I guess sales is also the world's oldest profession but just because there's a need doesn't mean that it's useful. Here's an example, I was poking around the military's website, checking for positions; essentially being able to become an officer if you specialise in something outside of the military. Turns out they need HR officers. Human Resources, probably the most dreaded department in the company other than Finance... and wouldn't you know it, the military even needs Finance officers! I'm almost sure that even the bloody Amish need a treasurer of some sort. I'd ask them but it's over an hour's drive to the nearest settlement so let me get back to you on that one. Marketing seems to have no external use, unless you're a manager in which case your managerial skills double as leadership skills. The way I see it, unless the military starts hiring externally for propaganda officers I'm screwed come draft time.
But let's get serious here. You're a marketer, you're good at what you do but all you essentially do is sell things well. Ice to Eskimo’s right? Sure, and maybe once in awhile you have to compromise your values - who hasn't in their lifetime? I'm pretty sure we all have and if you're one of the virgin few, you're time is nigh. It's not the selling-out that bothers me. We all have ways of justifying it to ourselves. I suspect mine will be that I did it for little Abigail, Emily, Jane or whatever my little girl's name is *knocks wood.* The things we do for or kids eh? Which brings me back to that little giggling girl. The more I thought about it, my chosen profession will end up having no effect on her, or if it does, it'll probably be in a negative way because it'll cause her to buy either a product that kills herself or the money she spends on whatever product I'm selling should've been spent on something that would save her life. Sure the buck stops at the consumer and at the end of the day they have to bear responsibility for their choices - provided they are aware of their choices. What I'm having trouble settling with is that there is very little good that I can actually contribute to the world here. Even if I were to become a professor, all I'd be doing is arming the next generation of tobacco, drug, detergent shoe sellers. Sure, great, you're allowing someone else to provide for their future family while providing for your own but it seems as though it's filled with too much gray area ya know? How long can a man continuously cop-out before his character becomes void of value? Good actions add value to character, bad actions subtract value from character but gray actions do not add, nor do they subtract. Is a man who continuously adds the value of zero to his character for fear [or any other motivator] of subtraction a man at all? Much as we ask the question "how can you live with yourself?" of seemingly evil people, cannot the same question be asked of the person who does not attempt good actions for fear of failure and continuously cops-out with a gray action? Should not failure to contribute good automatically constitute as an evil? The only difference is that instead of asking "how can you live with yourself?" the question would look like this: "how can you live with yourself?"
But now there is a word of caution. Or rather, a paragraph of caution. This assumes that your goal of 'good' is actually... well, good. Hitler, Stalin... well, I'm not sure about you but I'd be hard-pressed to consider all their goals and actions good. I mean, sure population control has to occur but I always thought a better resolution would have been to give the Irish condoms before 1988. Holy hell can they ever drop kids. Yeesh. Now I'm not saying that if I run for politics that I can prevent another world war or provide contraceptives for everyone (although in Canada, they are free at provincially run clinics located across almost every city.) What I am saying is that surely my 'good' can't be so far removed from what is perceived as good that I'll be hated throughout history... can it? I don't think I'm equipped to resolve this right now but I guess I have to be doing something right, they did vote me "most likely to change the world."
*pours a glass of scotch and plays "Alcohol" by BNL*
Here's to change.
Please forgive me,
- Captain B. Trying On Your Camisole
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Reasoning Shortcuts |
February 9th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free
Feeling: longing
Before I begin, I need to preface this entry with an apologize to anyone who is a fan of Elizabeth Barrett Browning. In my books, she's a cool cat so it's not that I don't like her... it's really just because her work is just so darn catchy. It's not the first time I've used her works to form a structure as a parody, so by now I assume that she's use to it. Besides, it's her fault for being so darn good. So without further ado I present a 9:30Am untitled peice of work over a hot cup of tea, after waking up at 5:56AM for a class at 8:30AM... In fact, that's the title of the peice. Anyway here we go.
A 9:30Am Untitled Peice of Work Over A Hot Cup of Tea, After Waking Up At 5:56Am For A Class At 8:30Am
Oh, Windsheild Washer Fluid!
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee in the winter's depth and height
My hand will reach, when you're in sight
For you help my cope with grace.
I love thee to the level of Tuesday's
Most dire need, at minus twenty.
I love thee freely, as my dad bought thee;
I love thee purely, as patience defrays.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In chizelling and loosening doors icy.
I love thee with energy I seemed to lose
With my last swing, - I love thee with the frozen core,
And vanity of my efforts! - and if Motomaster choose,
I shall love thee better after I pour.
This my friends, is what happens after you left your car sit in two days worth of falling ice. What happens is that it takes you close to an hour to get the ice which encases your vehicle off to a point where it is minimally drivable. I love it. It sounds like I'm complaining, and for the first half hour I was a little unhappy, but somewhere in between being covered with ice shavings and losing the sensation in my toes, I realized that I wouldn't give this up for hot and sunny climate.
___________________________________________
Ladies and Gentleman of the Class of '99... Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experiences.I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children,maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. What ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either. your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own...
Dance; even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old. And when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth...
But trust me on the sunscreen.
This was one of the songs my grade eight teacher decided to play at our graduation dinner. I suggest that you read it more than once because it's easy to mistake certain lines for a simple, overused clichè. If you download it, get the 5 minute and 6 second version because the seven minute version has two odd interjections that just changes the entire thing and messes it up as far as I can tell. Rumor has it that he compiled a good portion of this song from chain letter emails, you know, the ones that we all get and usually throw away? The ones that warn that if you don't pass them on, you'll have a terrible love life for fifteen years. I usually never forwarded those and neither should any of... on second thought, judging by my love life, you should probably forward those just to be on the safe side. Don't want to upset the messenger gods. At any rate, We were the class of 00-01, so she cut out the song's introduction. As most people in grade eight, we were 13... 14 at the most and I was probably one of the kids in the class who understood the most about what she was trying to tell us. That is to say, if everybody had a 11% understanding, I had somewhere around 22%. I'm older now and naturally, the lines mean more to me. Particularly the one about being nicer to your knees. Listen to him on that one.
The more and more I listen to this (and yes, I do have it on repeat as we speak) the more of what he's saying is sinking in. It's funny because I did the exact same things almost six years ago... memorized the entire thing but didn't understand 78% of it. It's funny how we can memorize something - the words, and not actually process the meanings... or even the real words. Case in point; my grade ten drama teacher made the entire class write out the National Anthem. It was sad. They sing it all the time, had been singing it since they were infants and you'd be surprised how many people think it's "glory us and free" and "with growing hearts." I didn't know whether to be ashamed, displeased or disappointed with the class. But that's not the entire point. The point is that we think we know things, we think we understand things but we only know what our mind has put together. A facsimile of the truth that makes it easier for us to recall and cope with. Truly understanding it would take too much brain power, too much thought and sometimes more experience than we will ever have. So we take shortcuts. As the WSIB sign on my cooler at work says, "Don't take shortcuts" (with a picture of a man slipping on the word 'cuts'... that's what makes it effective). And the shortcuts we take lead to a distortion of the truth until we come to a point where we don't know what the original point was and if we had to, we couldn't properly explain it to another. But we'll try, because we can't admit that we really haven't a bloody clue. And that worries me, because as word spreads, it isn't really what it's suppose to be and god help is all if it eventually becomes written down. So don't take shortcuts. Don't be afraid to ask questions, don't assume and whatever you do, think about what it is you're being told because if it's counter intuitive, there better be a damn good explanation for it.
"...How much possibility lay before you..." Means more to me now that it would have even two years ago... but admittedly, in my senior year of high school it still would've meant a lot. So much possibility, so much potential. Here's a tip, don't think about 'what could've been' too much or you'll end up making yourself king of the world in an alternate reality and we all know that it's not realistic. Yes you would've been a different person, you sure as hell wouldn't be where you are right now... but that doesn't mean that you would've been the big cheese. Not without me anyway. Who knows when tragedy would've hit had you chosen a different job offer, career, degree, spouse or time of day to get intoxicated. Reality hovers around potential, but unlike GDP, it can never surpass it. You're never self-actualized. You may at one point think you are, but chances are that in terms of the big, you're not what you could've been. But that's okay, you have to square with that, I'm in the process of doing so. What matters isn't what could have been, what should matter is 'what is' - as in, right now. Make the most of every opportunity you get, and if you can't, that's okay. Making the most of an opportunity can be letting it pass you by to further something else that means more to you or just making the mistake of letting it pass you by. Things could be worse, things could be better, but are you happy? Not just satisfied - with the way things are right now. If you're not, it appears as though there is some work to be done. Gotta get out there and not so much change the world, but change your world. And he's right; sometimes seeing your choices as half chance - either it will happen, or it won't happen is best. That's what he really means. And sometimes you should just forget the math that says it's a 75/25 split. It will or won't occur and that's when you just gotta giv'her and remember that when it's all said and done, you are usually the largest deciding factor. Encarta defines sometimes [ súm timz ] as "occasionally: from time to time, not continually or every time." So don't you dare think about making this cavalier outlook a habit because you're not a character in some well-scripted movie and chances are you'll be squashing your potential by doing so. I don't care what anyone tells you, education is the one thing that people can take from you. That said, reasoning is probably the one tool (apparently, in addition to your body) that'll serve you best. And even I can't make that up boils and gouls. Try to use it as often as you can because not everybody has that option.
You'll thank yourself for it later.
Wanting to dance the funky chicken on my 57th wedding anniversary because I know I won't live to see my 75th wedding anniversary,
- Captain B. Reasoning
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