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August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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I haven't written in a very long time. I miss writing my thoughts down, it's relaxing. I also like coming back and reading what I have wrote in the past and to see how far I have grown.
I believe now that I have to find what I love doing and wouldn't care about doing for the rest of my life. I need to find my passion. People are my passion, getting to know people helping them, making their day a little better. I feel very wishy washy right now on everything and it's because I don't know what my passion is. I mean I love people sometimes but other times I get so mad at their stupidity and the way they think and the way I think and the stupid things I do. It makes me sad. Nobody can be perfect and I have to realize this even though I think we should be.
I have a lot of compassion but I hate being walked over, and I don't know how not to be. I am a very petite young woman who people usually think they need to protect or that I will bend over and out of the way for them. Which is not true I may need protection cause I say things I shouldn't and start fights when I shouldn't. I talk about people way too much but I don't care. I like being little. I like being the center of attention but I am okay watching at the sidelines. I like who I am, I don't like some of the actions I take though.
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| 15 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Kiss me
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August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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I have come to a point in my life where I am ready for a relationship. I know who I want it with but I have to be patient cause other wise I will him push him away. And thats not a good thing. I just wish boys weren't so confusing, or atleast that he would try to show me he liked me. We need to hang out bottom line and I was waiting for him to make the first move to ask me out to lunch...but I guess thats too much to ask for.
I keep worrying about him and over analyzing everything. I need to throw it all out and just be me. Show him how awesome I truly can be. I just don't want to push him away and I want him/need him to like me. |
| 21 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Kiss me
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August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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Ugh now he thinks im preggers...and he is on Vacay, so he's probably having a ruined time for the next week. I told him not to worry about anything cause I definitely am not pregnant. i think I would die from the amount of immense stress I would go through. |
| 15 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Kiss me
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| sex scandals |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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So I have liked this guy for over a year now but something always got in the way of us getting together. This past Thursday night/Friday morning we hung out and it was very nice because it was just the two of us and when it's just the two of us we get along really well. When there is more than another person we don't really mingle well...it's kinda weird. Anyways this past Thursday we both got really drunk and we hooked up. I feel like I sorta took advantage of him but he started it. If he wouldn't have thrusted his hips into mine while we were spooning I wouldn't have even considered the possibility of him and me hooking up...making out yes but anything else no.
Well we get a long really well in bed which is very important to me atleast and also that I felt comfortable with him. I have never really felt comfy with any guy before whether it was just talking during sex about what felt good or what was going on in general. I am probably romanticizing the whole thing but it's kinda nice to do that. I can't get him out of my head but I won't be able to see him for another month and right now he is in HI with his ex girlfriend and her family...
I just want him to be mine...I don't like the term boyfriend but with him this is the first time I could see myself using it. I really want him to be with me and I know the only way for that to happen is for us to hang out. We need to hang out. UGH!! I just hope I didn't compromise anything with him because of our sexcapade. But it was sure nice. |
| 27 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Kiss me
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| Spring Break!! |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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Spring break here I am!!! I am so frustrated with life right now. I am scared to graduate, I am scared to grow up.
These next few years are going to be the hardest and most change i have been through. I think I will have panic attacks.
Boys:
I hate them! I try to not be a man-eater, and then I get eaten by man, not the good kind either. So now I'm back to being a man-eater. It's so stupid I would rather hurt someone than be hurt. I am sick of continually being hurt, I am sick of hurting people too though. I want a relationship, I want someone to love, I want someone I can be real with.
I guess I am just frustrated with all my aspects of life because I never succeed at anything, ever I'm not a failure but I am scared to success. |
| 31 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Kiss me
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August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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I haven't really had anything to write lately because this was my diary that I have so that no one I know would read it.
I haven't had sex in 10 months, now thats an accomplishment! Especially for me. For those of you who are the devil advocates or whatever...there have been way too many pportunities and i said no or didn't have to say no in all of them.
I am a changed person right now and it's hard in transit. I want to be a better person...I think I am growing up. I want to be proud of myself. I want to know I did something worthwhile and changed a life or a few lives. I like knowing that i helped someone through their pain or life. I like knowing that I made an impact.
I have no idea what I want to do when I grow up except for that...I want to change, impact or help lessen the load of someone.
I guess I just don't know what else to do. I mena i am not good at anything else. I want to be a success in what i do...everybody does. I mean it sucks to be mediocre at everything trust me i know! Those are my thoughts about myself right now. |
| 32 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Kiss me
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| Mysterious |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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I was so angr last night I was shaking...I don't understand it. i just want to be okay I want to know that everything is okay and that people love me...which they do.
i just want to forget my past and look forward to my future...i know what I want and I am still learning. People that are retarded should get that.
"I'm a pistol full of fire looking for somewhere to aim, if you see me walking down the street, head the other way." |
| 70 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Kiss me
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August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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I'm not bitter anymore...because apparently to my friends..im not being myself.
it's just easier to be a happy person and not have people ask me questions like whats wrong all the time.
There are no boys in my life right now which is completely okay and fine with me...i have been hurt too much and I don't feel like talking to them. I mean I talk to them just not date. They are pretty to look at but not fun to get involved with...they tend to drop me on the floor. |
| 41 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Kiss me
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| school |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
my life sucks so hardcore right now...well atleast in the boy dept. I want them to all fall off the earth and leave all the gay guys and the guys that know how to treat women...
I hate that when i say i was groped...that girls just say it's college and it's a phase...It's not just a phase these guys will be the guys that rape people cause they think they can get away with it...
i wish that girls didn't easily accept their fate
Basically I am bitter and I hate people! |
| 60 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Kiss me
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August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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Long time no update...
I leave to go back home in a week. I am kinda excited cause I know my mom misses me and I know I will be able to get some new clothes...
I am kinda sad to go to though because I won't have anyone to hang out with at home..I mean I will but the person I want to hangout with won't be there.
I honestly found a guy that treats me right, he doesn't try to get in my pants and we can just talk and play forever. He is just really fun to be around and I know he will make me a better person.
I hate how life comes at you so fast!
Anyways the things I won't miss when i move out is my messy roommate...and by messy i mean unkempt, dirty slob. She is an amazing girl but does not pick up after herself...I don't know if she even knows how. Her room smells like ass and is filtering into the whole apt. I hate it! Anyways one more week! |
| 56 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Kiss me
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