|
55 |
August 21st, 2008 @ 2:09pm |
Listening to: Chris Brown- Forever
Feeling: scattered
So Chelsea is now dirt poor.
I have about.. 28 cents to my name. Right Now.
It's alright though.
I'm going to Australia and Thailand FOR SURE now, and I have all the shots I'll need for almost the rest of my life.
I HATE needles.
I have all the attire I need for Arizona and a sturdy job to go back to so as to make the rest of the money I'll need before I leave for Australia in December.
I'm getting out of Cache Valley which more than just a little relief off my back. And I'm heading down to see my awesome sister for a few days.
Plus the soul mate and I are going to go dancing tomorrow night and I'll get to SEE the Dark Knight with her and Jas also.
All of my stuff is laundered, packed and ready to go. My hair is cut I have all the new music I wanted. I withdrew from school for a year and have just about EVERYTHING under control for the time being.
I may or may not have a check coming in the mail the next little while. All the junk they wouldn't give me until I fulfilled my contract! That should be another healthy couple hundred.
That's what I'm banking on anyways.
Now the only things to get done are....
..putting my new software on my computer for my camera. Spending some time with Sarah and Emily.
Showering.
Showering.
Showering.
Showering.
Getting ready for the day and cleaning up my room.
:) |
| 149 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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54 |
August 20th, 2008 @ 11:31am |
Listening to: Uffie- I just can't get enough of this song
Feeling: excited
I've had the same to-do list for the lat 3 days.
I'm procrastinating.
I only have a couple things left on it though.
-Tithing.
-New camera- camera card
-Waitri attire
-Thailand paperwork
-Transferring money to AUS to get my flight with the rest of the crew.
I guess things could be worse.
I actually FINISHED all my laundry last night.
And I guess I still need to repack.
Tomorrow I head down to spend some time with Jasmin and then Saturday with Megan. Inoke on Sunday.
Things are good.
I spent time with my girl Caitlan, Alyssa and Melinda last night. The good times rolled.
Time to start the list.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
tithing check.
Waitri apparel check.
Camera check
Tomorrow: transfer money's
And get paperwork done. |
| 10 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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52 |
August 18th, 2008 @ 8:23pm |
Listening to: Uffie- Pop The Glock
Feeling: fat
I secretly want to be a stripper.
And not just ANY old stripper, because as we know.... ANYONE can strip if they want to.
A real one.
A good one.
A hot one.
So that's what I'm going to be working on the next little while.
I'll make Noke proud.
Proud in a way that I could only appreciate from Noke.
On a sadder note, I never got to see Guido before he took off for Israel again. He said he would be here. I waited. I called. I called again. I knocked on his door.
He never responded. He never showed.
And now he's gone.
How much more of this am I going to take from him.
Everything.
Because I love him unconditionally, despite is follies and unnecessary hurt he sometimes causes me. I'm sure I've done the same- in smaller ways. Never like this, but ways none the less.
I'm ready to move back to Arizona. I miss Mallory and Katie- we are going to become legends the last couple days we have together.
It's going to be FANTASTIC. Some big ideas are coming together in the very near future.
I miss my soul mate, and she's not answering her phone.
Pop The Glock. |
| 13 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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51 |
August 18th, 2008 @ 12:09am |
Listening to: The Office in the background
Feeling: aloof
I'm back home. I've been here for like.. 15 hours and already things have taken a turn for the worse. My mom yelled at me and my sisters are already bitching about everything I do...
All I've had time to do is shower, unback, do laundry and sleep. So I guess my very existance is enough to piss everyone here off.
I'm heading back to the Grand Canyon.
Training to be a waitress. I'm a little nervous I don't think I deal with customers in a good way. But they make alot of money and that's what this comes down to.
I'm going back to Inoke.
And yes.. it's not a good idea. I love the kid but I hate tasting rita while we make out.
Silly boy.
I wish I made better choices, but... this is my life and this is the way things have always been.
I can try and change it.
But it just goes back to the way things were.
Jess and Nichelle were hideous today. I hated seeing them. To think that we were such good friends... and now..
nothin.
Such is life. |
| 23 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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it kills me now |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm |
Listening to: Kelly Clarkson-Behind These Hazel Eyes
Feeling: explosive
There is no way in the world that anyone could be having a better UEA weekend that I am right now.
Camping
Shows
Movies
Longboarding
Long naps in the sun
Good tinfoil dinners
More Camping
Hiking
Throwing chairs off huge rocks on top of mountains
Practices [one]
Man, it's been awesome.
I wanna go longboarding again.
Except I'm sure that people like veeder and bradey get frustrated because I'm not nearly as good as them.
I'm glad they're patient though.
Em taught me how to crouch and foot break and we practiced on D.H. hill.
He drove by and we chit chatted for awhile.
Then we moved onto a bigger hill.
I almost freaked out and jumped off because the speed wobbles were kinda scary.
It was cool though, I made it down, I wanna go again.
Woo! Party. |
| 98 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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50 |
August 9th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the Olympics in the background
Feeling: aggressive
The world has lost its sway. |
| 9 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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48 |
July 15th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Ok Go- Oh Lately It's So Quiet
Feeling: resigned
I see him and just want to rip his jeans off with my teeth.
Just thought I'd put that out there.
*smiles* |
| 35 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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46 |
May 10th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: michael jackson man in the mirror
Feeling: stubborn
Day off today.
Amy, Scott and I are going to hike the Virgin Narrows in Zions. Should be fun.
Really I just can't wait to have cell phone reception so I can contact my family and friends.
I'm tempted to tell Daddy to come and get me, but I also know that I'm supposed to be here right now. :(
Whatever.
Hiking will be good and hopefully I can pick up some craisins, laundry detergent, and some applesauce for Witsy and myself.
For some reason since I've been here we've had fruit on the menu once..... what?
We're feeling deprived. I think I need some grapefruit as well.
And a phone card.'
Shoooot. I better go make a list so I don't forget everything.
:) |
| 23 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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|
45 |
May 8th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the silence of the girls dorm :)
Feeling: alone
Arizona freaking sucks.
For now anyways.
The menu is getting easier to remember, and everyone is really nice.
Brian should probably stop with the winking. |
| 20 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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44 |
May 2nd, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the silence in my house
Feeling: whatever
I feel like I'm tugging on the sleeve of uncertainty.
The longer that I go without hearing from him, the more I realize just how happy he makes me.
The more I realize how desperate he makes me feel when I'm not near him.
The more I realize that there's potential for love.
There has to be a limit to the number of times one can fall in love.
Hasn't there?
I'm worried about my constant shying away from attachment.
---
Since I've shoved the remains of our destroyed relationship under the rug there's been a hole, a vacant space.
A gapping soul hole.
I find myself constantly trying to fill it.
Attempting to bring something into that isolated part of my being to spark some kind of new life, some thriving variable that will cause the feeling of being sewn back together.
Our friendship was unhealthy, I'm only beginning to realize now just how much. I depended on him in ways that I myself have a hard time understanding, explaining, accepting.
Mostly accepting.
My thoughts unceasingly turn to it over and over again, dizzying my despair.
When did the change happen, at one point did the relationship become unsafe and so bloody harmful- and why did I not see it coming from miles away? I blame the gradualness of the situation. It's not excuse. I'm a smart girl, that's what I privately like to think to myself.
He made me laugh. Like no one could.
He made me feel apart of a life. His life.
He invited me to becoming a loved part of his family. At what point did I begin to love his family more than I loved my own?
At one point did I focus all my love on him and lose the love that I had for myself.
The loss was... almost sacred in a sad sort of way.
I lost... well, me.
Interesting.
I love him. Still.
More than ever, more than before.
I always will, and it's God's doing. He's made the forgiving easy. It was never a question, which truly leaves me in awe with every moment spent pondering it.
A gapping soul hole.
Someone told me that I'd find "new happiness". I hope it's true, but how can he be replaced? I don't think he can, I would never WANT him to be and maybe that's the problem. Not the problem, just a stumbling block that I'll somehow have to push to the side but not totally get rid of.
I have hope.
Little hope.
But it's there.
I thought for a long time that if I possessed the power I would go back and change things. Sometimes I catch myself playing with that thought still but really...
I'm not so sure if I wouldn't. Trying to peek into the future is never a good idea, but I see better things, brighter days, our friendship becoming closer. Never touching spheres completely but coming close and perhaps circling around each other.
Drifting by each other, close enough to feel some kind of electric tension.
Or not.
|
| 40 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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| Entry List |
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55
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54
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53
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52
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51
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it kills me now
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I'm a burning building
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50
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49
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48
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3
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2
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1
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these 6 walls
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these 5 walls
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eskimo love
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these 4 walls
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blank
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asdfg
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love "the who"
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another perfect day
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the perfect day
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just stop
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blank
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runway
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great. I hate this place.
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"the" plan
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blank
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blank
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common courtesy
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ah well
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can't bend anymore
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you have no idea
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leaving home
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to fat for words.
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rip the wings off
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teen heat
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hurray for quitting
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can i speak it?
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that one italian man
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you believe...right?
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abcdef
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riding coach for 17 hours
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by the sea
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oh come on
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blank
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blank
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all sorts of ups and downs
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god help us
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"i graduated"..uh huh.
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darker then...
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getting ridiculous
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so much for summer
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we need to be together.
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attracted to the mailbox
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yeah. that's nice.
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888
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thick ink
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make understand, understood
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my core
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thanks a lot
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trouble now
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precise control
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she wants to make it seem...
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my almanac
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blank
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blank
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mm hmmmmmm
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take care
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so close
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so much for that
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janitor keys
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.-.
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existance
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ashes, ashes, we all fall down
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I play tricks
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it was late afternoon
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journalism
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a second time.
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one day we'll know
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is forever
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share? why yes!
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can't take it anymore
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ok
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tipsy?
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A part in the movie
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our chit chat
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please no
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I was going to say sweetheart
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a walk sometime
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echo of our soul
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blank
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hang on to every word
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keep on
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no better than vice
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quiet fear
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your presence is tiresome
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blank
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nothing to show
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wanted, $
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vanilla mint
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cards and questions
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blank
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last night
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starting over
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pictures of the road
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power outage
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top of the world
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pop the clutch
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you didn't forget
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crayola markers
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the coat closet
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another drive
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orbs
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blank
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the most aquiline day
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wait. one more thing
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stick of gum?
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canyon
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employment
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just ask me.
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Tang-the shirt
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twisted every way
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the letter
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you wanna suck face?
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it's over
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g.e.t. l.o.s.t.
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cimeter
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you'll get a compliment
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no need
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ninja fight!
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"drive"
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one final threshold
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seasons may change
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is silence the only way?
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asdlkj
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so happy
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you aren't the one
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shave it all off
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dumb ass
|
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blank
|
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stupid girl
|
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disconsolate
|
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i cried over towels
|
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.58
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simply dashing
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sugarlips
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the good things in their place
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just another reason
|
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incoherent
|
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well I'll be
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adhesives
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That's exactly where I lost it
|
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15 foot drop off
|
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whoop-dee-do
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stupid parents
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a stranger to my eyes
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heh.
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check this out
|
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secrets make life fun
|
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can't stop
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3 piece suit
|
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more hell? ok!
|
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blank
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i screwed up so bad.
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phopa
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wal-mart photos.
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cyclone
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love ya freak
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i wish he'd date me
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silver crayon
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skull island
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girl next door
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i know their talking
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yep.
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gloves make things darker
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1984
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what the?
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the itrip
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opened the jar
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something different
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break inside
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no!
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candy bra
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explosive pie
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like a glove
|
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wonder bread high
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blank
|
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it's always the same. yeah
|
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too many drums
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how could you know?
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chant. with. me.
|
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frigid. in more then one way
|
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it's nothing.
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hamsters
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i was having a flashback
|
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the. alphabet movie
|
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i'd like a job like that
|
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i've got it all figured out
|
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always watching
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end this soon
|
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blind date?
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the snow makes me drool
|
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you must a little
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rock and roll
|
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one way recipiant
|
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saturday's gone
|
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repellant
|
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new memories
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movies, rings, shoes
|
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i was just handing him a cup
|
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doot doot
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dangit, he wants him
|
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not that it matters at all
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he's really sweet
|
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stop bring me down
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just how night illuminates...
|
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#5
|
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pepsi
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he kills little children
|
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blank
|
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blank
|
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i told you everything
|
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look. under. the. bed.
|
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fat head
|
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probably
|
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best seller
|
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everybody's watching you
|
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it's horrible, i know
|
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it sounded fine
|
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the un.expected.
|
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huh. romantic.
|
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I rock. That's all.
|
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kissing mist
|
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guess what I am. a tomatoe?
|
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you. sense. it.
|
|
music addiction
|
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backspace
|
|
resurface
|
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$247 and 20 cents
|
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I want a lip ring.
|
|
cherry head
|
|
p.e.t.a. and cameras
|
|
snow please?
|
|
his feet?
|
|
rock out to 1/2 a million
|
|
slow and steady
|
|
simply brilliant
|
|
#=octothorp
|
|
played them all
|
|
rawr?
|
|
swedish disney songs
|
|
actually..I do know everything
|
|
blinded
|
|
quirky little smile
|
|
blank
|
|
bagel with cream cheese
|
|
fantasy vs. reality
|
|
criminal record broken
|
|
right to succeed?
|
|
the one guy to hand out...
|
|
pretty much pointless
|
|
Princess Chelsea
|
|
a bit of compromise
|
|
what's the worst thing I...
|
|
i have a new hero
|
|
i understand completley
|
|
more pictures please
|
|
hitched to someone who loves...
|
|
walking out the back door
|
|
name them after kids at our...
|
|
It's just about the greatest...
|
|
Life is just a cereal
|
|
clasped hands and warm breath
|
|
i have too much time
|
|
"take me breath away"
|
|
postponed
|
|
texas
|
|
gushy
|
|
someday you might
|
|
it was all pretend
|
|
completley nugatory
|
|
you're on my speed dial
|
|
he watched in the mirrors
|
|
learn to twinkle
|
|
it was looked down upon
|
|
nights. that. always. end.
|
|
I'm the princess, you're my...
|
|
cap sucking
|
|
it spun around then exploded
|
|
The keys 2 life vs. 15...
|
|
orange. rain.
|
|
In the boat
|
|
looked more often
|
|
ligitimate stomache insects
|
|
2 fake
|
|
do you have everything?
|
|
he had black eyes
|
|
Jamesville Lake
|
|
sites
|
|
Canada
|
|
so many trees
|
|
naked cowboy
|
|
phone message?
|
|
3rd times the charm
|
|
unspoken goodbye
|
|
blank
|
|
windy, white water waves
|
|
windy, white water waves
|
|
flight training
|
|
the O. style
|
|
I heart trees
|
|
no closure
|
|
3 walls aren't enough
|
|
what? you want me to kill...
|
|
sunken SUV
|
|
he's modeling
|
|
blank
|
|
simply brilliant (
|
|
night tatooed with fire
|
|
a deep voice
|
|
I like, they pounce
|
|
lightning communication
|
|
heh, you're way down there
|
|
thought caused headaches
|
|
A dinner in Israel
|
|
blank
|
|
simply splendid darling
|
|
it was dark and slippery
|
|
linked-x-chains
|
|
random kiss
|
|
we haven't talked for awhile
|
|
my own
|
|
it's fun to defy authority
|
|
closing. time.
|
|
sometime, along the way
|
|
all at a regular price
|
|
i will be haunted
|
|
the pictures said it all
|
|
some crushes are simply wrong
|
|
HEAVEN!
|
|
I think it's over
|
|
to full
|
|
how. much. longer.
|
|
...
|
|
2 hundred and 5 people
|
|
orange with a black cap
|
|
graphic rose
|
|
summer
|
|
area 52
|
|
the perfectly slaughtered...
|
|
future pop star
|
|
won't pretend
|
|
press the buttom
|
|
magnets
|
|
slowly turns to grey
|
|
clouded skies
|
|
digging for mudd
|
|
light on your feet
|
|
hope that drowned
|
|
interview
|
|
hi-liter
|
|
hello. here is a flower
|
|
8:25 two minutes to late
|
|
black=lack of color
|
|
sorry, unavailable for comment
|
|
I didn't have to give him a...
|
|
glasses with green and blue...
|
|
a greenhouse controlled by a...
|
|
enjoy the sunset
|
|
I thought it was my choice...
|
|
you didn't even take the time...
|
|
black jacket
|
|
one time I made a wish, and...
|
|
you cannot prepare for it....
|
|
the plastic 'cup' phone call
|
|
you reached guido, please...
|
|
<>money<>
|
|
fire
|
|