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wake up.
  Age: 0
  Sex: girl




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  dandelion3:04pm



Flat on my back In a lonely sprawl I stare at the ceiling 'Cause I can not fall Asleep tonight
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June 30, 2008


this is the first time I have written in this from the computer in .. weeks. i usually just do it from my phone, its easier kind of.
I'm tired.
whats new.

ben was supposed to be home when I got there last week.. he wasn't. and I was exhausted.. so I literally just went and layed down and fell asleep and he came home like 40 minutes later and brought me quakes and a card. well, he put them against my back on the bed and since I was sleeping I didn't wake up and he came back in and said HEY you didnt even loook..

so it was a card. it was cute. the envelope said YOU and on the outside of the car it said, it's really pretty simple... and then it said, all I need is you. and he wrote no dieing cutie, just naptime.

coming from him, it was monumental. I couldn't stop smiling, at least on the inside. I still kind of smile about it.

I was sitting on his stomach today and we were talking about when I looked emaciated a few months ago and blah blah and he asked why and I said that when we werent talking I was having a really hard time with him and the school crap that I just like died.
aaron asked him to go out or something and I told him I didn't care if he went, that I would just meet him back at the house later and he was like blah blah yeah right and then we talked about graduation and I told him that I wanted him to be there, that's why I asked. and he said, well I didn't know you wanted me to be there..

and we talked about how I brought it up even though I told him I wouldn't hold it against him that he didn't go and I said well with the other girl things it makes me feel better about myself. and I paused, and said not really. and he said, well who am I with now? and I said yes but how long did it take you to get to that point, and he said too long.

bah. the card. awww :]
(0 comments) | personal salvation  


June 23, 2008

We watched the movie p.s. I love you together tonight. I cried a bunch.. And he cried a little.. And he tried to hide his face. For some reason at that point I realized that I love him so much, that I want to live like that, I want to be his everything and have that bond. And thought of how much I want to know about him.. The things we've never talked about.. I just want to become his life, not just be a part of it. He held me tightly throughout the movie.. He kissed my head.. My hair. I don't know how or why things are like this. I'm so scared and amazed and confused and it all feels lovely.
I feel completely comfortable with him. Totally.
(1 comments) | personal salvation  


June 16, 2008

I graduated. I'm done. Its been a week and it still hasn't hit me.

I went to orientation and I, in all honesty did not absolutely hate it. But I don't know how I'm going to leave. I don't know how I will get through it.
Sometimes I feel like, if love isn't strong enough or important enough to hold me back, then what is? I mean love is like the ultimate experience and when you're all caught up in it, why kill it?
I know I have to go. I know I can't stay. Or take him with me.
I almost don't want summer because summer means working and its all going to go by so fast and soon its going to be the day before I have to leave and I am not going to be ok or in control. I need to focus on now. Not then. Here and now. He's so cute.
(0 comments) | personal salvation  


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