wow. things are so different. everything is so weird. i guess i'm growing up and growing away from the past. looking back to a year ago everything was so different. i was with someone and i thought i was happy. and he was my only friend. i wasn't allowed to have any other friends. then after him was a phase of just being depressed. then it was justin. now everything is just so confusing. and i have great friends. but still i feel like really lonely. like none of my friends are real friends. i would never be able to call any of them if i was sad or needed to talk to someone. and i really want to just be able to talk to someone. i'm so bad at being single. its horrible that i need a guy to be with. i'm too dependent and i know it. and then when i'm in a relationship i never feel stable so i won't open up or anything. riding home with alley today made me really sad. like i know we're so different then we were then. and our friends are different and we both are the same that we start acting like the people we hang out with and i really don't like her friends very much. and i love her. that makes me really sad that things just aren't how they used to be. =(
why are boys so dumb? omg it makes me so mad that i always go for guys that treat me like crap. like i really don't deserve this and i'm getting so sick of being treated this way. i hate having a boyfriend that i would do anything for and he doesn't care about me at all. i mean he'll go up to one of my best friends and give her a big bear hug and then this other girl. and he like barely even touches me. and today at school he was like standing there talking to this girl and i just like walked away and he didn't even notice. like my friends will be like you need to get rid of him and i always end up making excuses for him! he is so fucking annoying. like i really don't understand how i've stayed with him for like 2 months. its getting really annoying. like i don't know how much more i could take. the last time he called me was in october. and if i call him his phone is dying or he has a lot of homework or he's really busy. and if he's online when i am he has to do homework or go help his mom so of course he can't talk. and all next week we have off. do we have any plans? of course not. and he will sit there and lie to my friend. he'll be like gianna picks every movie we see or she'll always pick what we do. the only time i picked what we did was the last time we went to the movies. the rest of the times i said it didn't matter. and he will be so like moody sometimes and it drives me crazy. oh my god. i am so fucking over boys.
wow this month has been so busy. so much has happened i forgot where i left off.
things with justin have been cool... i guess. i'm learning to play songs on my guitar. yehhh... school has been boring-er than ever. christmas break can't come soon enough. my grandma passed away last week and the family all just left. i wen't into the city last night. it was cool. i've been doing lots of christmas shopping and lots of wrapping. i'm so bad at wrapping and it takes me forever... so that's not fun. things with friends have been weird... i can't really explain it though.
oh and exboyfriends are so obnoxious! i hate him so much. he imed me the other day and he was like "i see you at school but you don't say hi to me." and i was like "i never see you"... i do i just act like i don't :o). then he was like "oh well i'm glad you don't hate me. i was going to say after all that we've been through you hate me. after all we did" and i was like "wow" because that is really messed up that he would say that to me. and he was like "are you mad at me?" and i was like "no i think its really messed up that you would say that though" and he was like "oh well it was really funny though" and i was like what the hell. i mean he's making it seem like i was a slut. we didn't do anything likke that much and anything we did was like what he pressured me into. oh i hate him so much. i hate the way he treats me like crap. he like changed me so much and i try really hard not to think about him but when he will like go up to my friends and like be all nice to them and try to be my bff. that is so messed up. yuck i hate boys!
well my grandma is in the hospital :(. they don't know if she's going to make it. :( that kind of sucks. my uncle came up saturday to see her. nothing but drama since then.
i did absolutely nothing this weekend. no fun at all. everyone wanted me to go to the christmas dance but i didn't want to. i kind of wish i did because i was sitting at home painting my toes and watching cops. plus its always fun to get dressed up. oh well. justin didn't want to and i didn't either. they said it was kind of boring anyways.
so yeah i had like a complete panic attack today. over nothing. after school i met up with justin and melissa was behind him and she looked really pissed so i was like what's wrong and she was like you really don't know your boyfriend. i asked justin what that was about and he was just like don't worry about it. ok so i was like weird... and upset because i panic at stuff like that. anyways i go home and call melissa and she was like i'm still at school i'll call you later. so i'm like freaking out by now. brittany wasn't helping she was like i'm sure he's not cheating on you. maybe he has aids. all this stuff and i'm like oh my god don't say that. so melissa calls me back like a half hour later and she told me that he was just being stupid and immature.
and apparently we have a date this weekend? we're going to the movies? we made plans last weekend? hahah i love how he tells her first lol
i think i'm getting sick. oh boy. i was sick on thanksgiving throwing up like 10 minutes before dinner. =(
and even better i didn't get to see justin all weekend. i don't know how he expects me to be with him. i mean we never ever hang out anymore. it would be a little bit better if he could just call and talk to me for like 5 minutes. no he can't even do that. and if i call him he never seems like he wants to talk to me. i sucks that i can't even talk to him about it. i don't know. the worst part is that i like him way too much to do anything about it.
so yeah 4 day weekend... so boring. on thursday i cleaned. friday i sat home and did nothing. saturday i went to the mall then i got grounded. my mom is a bitch. she is worried that i'm going to have a reputation for being a slut? ok we haven't even kissed yet and i'm a slut? ok. i would have a worse reputation for having a mother who had a baby at 16 years old. i told her too and she is pissssssed. oh well. now i'm grounded for having an "attitude". then i called her to ask if i was allowed to walk home from school with my friends. absolutely not. i swear to god she thinks i'm like 10. i'm not. she can't get over it that i'm 15 years old and she has to have control over every part of my life. no. she thinks i'm this horrible kid and she has her hands full with me. ok. i don't smoke. i don't drink. i don't do drugs. i don't have sex. i never go out. &&& i get good grades. and she wonders why everyday of eigth grade and freshman year i would sit there and cry and stay home every friday night and i wouldn't even talk on the phone until the end of last year. i mean i'm going to be sheltered enough from living in this small town where nothing ever happens. but she doesn't need to make it so i can't even walk down the street. or i have to call and check in when i go to the mall or sleep over my friends house. and my 31 year old sister doesn't even have a boyfriend let alone get married. i swear to god she wants me to be like that. then she can have complete control. it just sucks. and i'm always the one that ends up apolgizing. even when i don't do anything wrong. and i'm not going to be like that anymore.
well these past few days have been pretty hard. like i was so confused and just sad and i was laying down like this is the worst feeling in the world. i was so confused about justin. like it was getting on my nerves because i thought that he doesn't care about me. but i guess i realized that's just the way he is. like he is so shy and like he never calls me or anything but when we're together it's magic. and like he told my friend the reason we didn't kiss yet is because he wants it to be special. and i think that is really sweet and cute but everyone else is just like is he gay?
anyways no school today or tomorrow. i went to the palisades mall with britt today. it was fun we spent like 31835975 hours in sephora. i love that store.this weekend is going to suck though because justin has to do house work all weekend and tomorrow he's going to this girl kristens house for a project. lol everyone is telling me i don't need to be worried. lol and then my one friend is going to hook up with this guy tomorrow night and she was like yeah you and justin should come with us he would get a much better education with us then he would doing a history project. lol i love that girl.
Girl: hey baby i want to show you....
Boy: ( cutting her off ) ugh i'm so mad
Girl: why? whats wrong ?
Boy: ugh everything
Girl: explain baby
Boy: just lost a championship game,
parents flipped out on me for no reason,
and im catching a cold
Girl: well hey there will always be other games,
you know ill take care of you when your sick,
what your parents flip about ?
Boy: they are making me pay them for a car repair
Girl: is it alot of money
Boy: no it just sucks
Boy: but hey i dont feel well im going to go lay down
Boy: bye
Girl: wait i want to give you some...
Boy: cant it wait til tommorow ?
Girl: yeah sure
Girl: bye
Boy: bye
2 hours later a friend of hers asks her to go for a drive ...she goes.....
her friend swerved to avoid a truck....hitting a tree instead
her friend was killed instantly....shes in critical condition
This is the conversation between her sister and her boyfriend
Sister: omg ( crying )
Boy: what? whats wrong ?
Sister: my sister...your gf was involved in a major car wreck
Boy: is she ok ? ?????
Sister: shes in critical condition
Boy: i'll be there in 10 minutes
He shows up to the hospital room ...standing outside the door
going over the last conversation in his mind over and over as he
heard the machines beep and beep and breathing tubes pump
Boy: she wanted to give me something or tell me something
Girls mom: yeah this...
it was an envelope smelling like she did sealed with a kiss in lipstick
he opened it.....
it said ..... your everything to me....i love you with everything i am
and everything i have...i want to spend the rest of my life with you
sealed in it was a ripped movie ticket from the first movie they went to
and the first picture they took together
he kissed the picture as a tear fell from his face onto the picture
it looked as if in the picture she was crying
then the machines flatlined....3 minutes later she was pronounced dead
If you have any heart...any soul...or want to be happy you will repost this.
if you care for someone ...do not let something like this ever happen
Post this in the next 200 seconds and you WILL have THE best
day of your life THIS SATURDAY. You're number one *love* Will
either kiss you, ask you out, or call you or better
wow so last night was funnnn. i went to the movies with justin... i met his mom. she is so sweet. she was like teasing him and stuff. i felt bad but it was cute. she was like your such a pleasant girl i don't know what you see in justin. and i was like awe and then she was like i'm having so much fun looking at justin's goofy faces in the mirror. lol. he was getting all embarassed. anyways we saw prime. it was funny...
and yesterday this stupid freshman girl that sits with justin at lunch was talking about me saying like i don't even like him and i'm such a bitch to him and that's not true at all. i like him so much and i've always been nice to him. and to her. i didn't do anything to that girl and she needs to mind her business. she's probaly just pissed because she likes him. but that's her problem. uggh i hate dumb girls.
