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Meaghan

Age: 17

Sex: girl

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136 Update	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
So I just posted 10 entries of things I have written in the past few months. They aren't in any particular order. I don't have much to update about. 6 Days until our 1 year. 36 days until our trip to Niagara. Other than that I got nothing. Later.
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133 Above the Law?	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
What makes people believe that they are above the law? Everyone is human, So that means that Everyone is the same. And should be treated the same. Stupid Sports, movie and music stars. They can get away with just about everything. But more on that later.
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135 Like me??	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Written a few months ago. I have a question, now it might seem vain, But please answer it honestly. Why do people like me? (In all senses of the word �like�) No I do not need an ego boost about how wonderful and amazing you think I am, I just want to know why I have a few guys chasing after me at any given time and other girls have none. It doesn�t seem fair to them. Is it something the other girls are doing wrong? Am I leading guys on? Am I doing something wrong (given I have a boyfriend)? Or is there really something different about me than all the rest? Help me out?! And the rest too of course. Thanks.
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134 STOP	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Another poem thinger in progress. It�s like with that one look your heart is going to STOP. When you can�t help but smile, While in their presence, Or when they are mentioned. When with a single kiss, Your breath is taken away. When you forget your words,. When a simple touch of their hand, Makes you feel undone.
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132 Ugly as FUCK	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
I�m sorry I�m not one of those hideously gorgeous girls. I think I look pretty good, then I go out somewhere and feel as ugly as fuck. Am I am ugly as fuck? I�m sorry I�m skinny, but my body isn�t anorexic. I�m sorry my face isn�t as perfect as the movie stars. Let me know if you think I�m as ugly as fuck. So that I can become some superficial blonde, who spends all her money on her beauty, and caring only about how she looks for the rest of her life. I hate those people with perfect complexions and then one day they have ONE pimple and it�s as if it�s the end of the world! I have been suffering from a face full since grade 7, so shut the hell up. The media and society put so much pressure on beauty. Well mostly outer beauty, They don�t care about inner beauty.
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130 FUCK	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Fuck! They can block off the parking lot, and speed around it, but if I honk I get the dirty looks? What the fuck?! I should be used to the dirty looks by now; I�ve been getting them ever since I can remember. Why don�t the teachers care about that? I�m tired of it. They aren�t following the rules. If they don�t have to, then why should I??? That�s easy. My moral code. Two wrongs don�t make a right. Plus I don�t want to be like them. But sometimes I wonder if by trying so hard not to be like them, if I truly am just like them? And that freaks me out, because I never want to be considered to be like them.
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131 Elementary School	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Ever remember when there was a new kid in your elementary class, and everyone was trying to size them up to determine what �group� they belonged to? It was as if it was a competition to see what group was better, because the group that won would have one more person, proving that they are better than the rest. WTF was with that?? It still happens in High School, but not as much as I noticed it in Elementary School.
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129 Learn more about..	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Things I want to learn more about. ♥ Philosophy Psychology Improving IQ Improving memory Mythology Criminal Investigating Private investigating Screen writing Biology Ancient Greece Ancient Egypt Lost Civilizations Understanding your brain.
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128 I wonder	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Here�s a poem I started to write a while ago but haven�t finished; here�s the work in progress. I wonder Sometimes I wonder, What it�s like to be perfect, For no one to be quite like you. What it�s like to be spoiled, To have everything you want, And everything you don�t. �� But then I realize it wouldn�t be as much fun as just being me. You learn a lot more by not getting it your way all the time. That�s one of life�s lessons. I know it�s one of mine.
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127 Parent's Relationships	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
In our parents relationships, Was the love ever there? Or did it just disappear? Fall into the background, so that they forget why, they came together in the first place?
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126 Works in Progress	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
I�m sick and tired of this school. �Our School�s so Ghetto!� Well it wouldn�t be if the students respected school property. � Lighting a garbage can on fire. � Vandalizing the bathrooms � Breaking windows. � Vandalizing the lockers. � Stealing either school stuff, or other students� items. � Disrespecting teachers and other students. � Complaining about the school�s Sports teams when it�s their choice to have them, also that the student activities are �stupid� when they are pretty fun if you give them the chance. (But you�re too cool for that aren�t you??) When will the students be happy? After their attempts to close down the school succeeds? Will they be happy when we have to stay in school for a few weeks in the summer? Do they really understand why there�s a strike? Do they understand the world around them? And the facts that their actions have consequences? Even after the strike, about 4 weeks now. The janitors haven�t cleaned the school well. There�s still toothpaste and concealer all over some lockers. My locker still has some icing on it that was put there back in October, it is now April! Students refuse to clean their lockers leaving gross stenches in the halls. The office and janitors do nothing about it. There�s always: � Food littering the halls. � Locks broken in the bathroom. � Vandalizing of just about everything. (I�m surprised the vehicles haven�t been tagged or anything) *******Take Pictures of the items mentioned and insert them here******** Does no one respect the school? Does no one care that this generation is a slob? ------- I might as well stay silent for the rest of my life. Apparently that�s what everyone wants. They ask a question. I know the answer, and I tell them it, but they ignore me because apparently I�m the wrong person to be talking. Well sooorrrrrrry Assholes. I just won�t answer you until, I�m driven crazy by your repeatitively by your stupid questions. And then when I pipe up and tell you off with the answer, do not get mad. Because it was you who is the ignorant annoying asshole, so shut up! ----- The images in the media make it difficult for a teenager to decide what kind of person they want to be, or how they want to act, or even how they think. The media implies that to be sexy, or an independent woman you need to be dancing like a stripper and revealing 60-80% of your body. To be gorgeous or hot you must be leggy and skinny, and usually blonde. To be successful you need to be covered in jewelry and fur and have big expensive vehicles. To be cool you need to have a gun, do drugs and drink.
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125	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
So as you can see I've been busy writting up some of my notes from within my purse, along with the previous one that was just created. I hope it makes up for my lack of posting. I posted a total of 12 today. Enjoy. There still is a lot more. That was only 1/4 of them. Yepp.. Leave me comments with your thoughts. :) &hearts If if I don't know you. I'd still like to read them :)
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123 Keep your heart broken	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
I was listening to my Rasmus CD and this song goes on about: �One day I'll come back if the door's still open Just promise to keep your heart broken Forever and after my love Just promise to keep your heart broken� -Keep your heart broken Basically he signs about how he wants her to long for him forever while he goes off and has fun. Well I think that�s bull! Why should she be the one to sit around and cry for him, and hoping that one day he�ll come back, while he goes off having fun with other girls. Please! What a fucking dog! He expects her to wait for him, while he fools around with others and then realizes what he should have realized long ago, that she is the one for him!?!? He had his chance, he decided he didn�t want it, he blew it. Sure sometimes there are second changes but they don�t happen that often. He had his chance, he blew it, forget him, move on, then when he realizes that she was the one he is the one who�s hurt. That�s the way it should be. I�ll be damned if I sit around for years hoping �he�ll� come back and realize his mistake. I deserve to go have fun too. Even if my heart believes otherwise, this is a time the head should rule the heart, but it doesn�t, if it did there would be less heartache. This was written last January. Clearly you know who �he� was. It was written shortly after we broke up. It may or not apply to my life now. But I�ll wait. You are worth the wait. He wasn�t.
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122 Celebrities	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
What the Fuck!! Just because some celebrities suffer from mental illness we have to honour them by posting them all over a bulletin board??!!! It doesn�t make sense. Don�t they already have enough publicity? Why must we be informed of everything they do, or eat or go? Who cares?!?! They are only human, just like you and me. Only they are in front of a camera for most of their lives, having the whole world watching them. Most of them already have way too big egos. They don�t need to be talked about more! Yes I understand that a way to bring light to issues like that and poverty and such is to get a celebrity to do commercials and posters. But our world is already filled past the brim with advertisements and such. Everywhere you go you can�t help but find slogans and ads, about nothing in particular, so of it good, some of it bad. Society is all about money and how to get more. But it shouldn�t be, we are all equal. It should be more focused on the earth and health, on research and science. But instead it�s spent on sports and advertisements, and other pointless things. They don�t accomplish anything! Watching sports doesn�t help global warming, or poverty, or war. It helps with nothing.
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121 Assholes!	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Guys are pussies. Well at least 2 that I know. Well.. One is and the other is a HUGE fucking Asshole! If you haven��t heard already, he is going around telling anyone who��ll listen that ��we had sex ALL THE FUCKING TIME��. That��s a lie right there, when we did it was forced upon, which he did want it all the time, so then it��s not totally incorrect just the way he is making it sound. Then there��s the other part about me that I ��BEGGED him to give it to me in the ass.�� Which is also a huge fucking lie!!! I BEGGED HIM NOT TO! But it didn��t work. He did what he wanted anyway. So I cried into my pillow. As usual. What fun memories. Oh and the other one, is going around saying that I am Ugly and shit like that. Look in the fucking mirror dumbass! Oh and I ran into him at his work yesterday that was fun. I didn��t know where he worked. Now I do. Adam and I were looking for sharks, then went looking at the fish in the back of the store, and Adam said ��I bet you don��t know who��s behind you�� I turn and there he is, talking to some co-workers. lol. He told his old co-worker with the long hair something about me, I couldn��t make it out that well. But then the man came up to us and started talking. Lol�K Oh well. I don��t care. �� It doesn��t bother me. I like knowing that it pisses you off to know I��m alive and breathing and happy without you.
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120 Grow Up?	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
After being in Intro to Sociology, Anthropology, and Psychology I��ve come to the conclusion that I may want to continue my education and either because a writer or a social scientist =D Like Freud! �� Research further..
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119 Is it me??	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Why the fuck is school so stupid?! Why are my parents such pains in the ass? Why must I always be angry? Am I high and mighty?? Or do I just see the world around me differently then everyone else? Am I truly years beyond my age or just crazked out? Why do I feel it necessary to question everything? Even my own thoughts. I'm stubborn because I'd rather come up with my own ideas, thoughts, and opinions, rather then following mindlessly with all the rest.
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118 I dedicate this to you..	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Is it a nightmare to have me sit near you? Do you fear for your life? Is it horrible to be sitting near a �whore�? Do you feel bad about all the pain you have caused me? Are you worried about me finding out about the stories you tell about me? And what I�ll do after I find out? Do you regret it? Do you ever think your life isn�t worth living? Are you afraid of me because you know I can get you in more trouble then you ever thought? I hate the sound of your voice. I hate your hands and how they have no knuckles. I hate the way your lips move when you talk. It is as if you are eating and talking at the same time. I�m GLAD I didn�t end up having your kid. It would have been a fucked up little thing with arms and legs coming out of who knows where, maybe missing some limbs and not having knuckles, with a really annoying voice, and a gross mouth. But that�s only the things that you would have contributed. The only way I would really enjoy seeing you would be if I had beaten you up severely. And your body was covered in bruises, your teeth were knocked out, all your body hair had been waxed off, and you were then tied to a .... I forgot the name of it..(thing that stretches out your body). Where I then proceed to fry up your penis while it is still attached to your body. Then I take a hammer to your arms and legs, and break every bone in your body, cut out your tongue with a rusty nail. And leave you until the animals take you away. My wish for you! I hope you are trapped on an island filled with gay men, and all you have to eat is Cool Ranch Doritos and Milk. And that you get lots and lots of STD�s from the REAL whore! :)
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117 Math Class	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Wtf this is math, not let�s talk about tennis! I don�t care about tennis. Is it going to be on the exam? I doubt that! Cramped up from tennis? No I can�t say I have. But I do suffer from sever cramps. Hahahaha, Oh No! Mention of �girly� problems :O ! Is he purposely sounding dumb as though he doesn�t know what he is teaching, because he doesn�t know or is it just his teaching method? Should he really be teaching this if he doesn�t understand it himself? I understand it now. He is doing it all purposely, he wants us to teach ourselves, so we truly are prepared for University.
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116 I wish..	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
I wish my pills would stop fucking with my emotions. Or maybe it�s me. I wish I would stop being angry one second and then happy and then sad. It�s fucked up. I wish I could stop thinking. I wish I could be me all the time, without having my head go crazy. Maybe that is me� I hope it isn�t. I can�t accomplish much that way. I write and write and write, and the thoughts keep coming at me, and I have no time to type them up or anything. Gah! Well since today is a snow day, for me at least, I don�t know about the rest of you. I�ll try and see how many I can type up, and how many more I can make up. Enjoy.
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115 I'm sorry	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
I�m Sorry I�m sorry I'm not,"pretty" enough,young enough,and my IQ isn�t �10. I�m sorry I�m alive. I�m sorry I�m not,A slut,Fat, And ugly as fuck. I�m sorry I�m more of a "man" then the two of you combined will ever be. I�m sorry I�m not "perfect",That I don�t "belong", And I�m not cool enough to fit "in". I�m sorry I don�t meet your standards. I�m sorry that I�m real, I�m not made up, And have my own opinions. I�m sorry for standing up for what�s right. I�m sorry that I�m no longer silent, That I�ve had a hidden voice, And am finally using it. I�m sorry for being me. I'm not sorry that I'm not with either of you.I haven't missed either of you a day in my life.Have you missed me?I bet you have,Because I'm the only great thing out there.And you messed it all up.But that's all right,I'm sure Adam thanks you. I'm not sorry that you don't like me.I can accept that, can you accept the fact that I don't like you either?Good, then we'll be just fine. I'm not sorry for being me.
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124	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
We��re never on the same page. If your thinking of the future, I��m thinking of tomorrow or this week. When I��m thinking of the future, you��re thinking of tomorrow. And then you freak out. It��s so annoying. I think of the future now more than ever, because all I��m learning in sociology is about family structures, and what kind of one I want to be in. Maybe I should just revert to my old one, where I was a single parent and didn��t care about anyone else other than me and my child. Maybe I should just shut up and not talk. Like you do at times, Maybe you should decide where you stand on this relationship. You change your mind every 2 weeks or so. Maybe consider not being exclusive, because then there are no plans, there is no future, there is no pressure. And then maybe you��ll figure out what you want, how you want to be. I love you, but everything is always so messed. God dammit why am I writing this on V-Day. Man holidays suck. Haha but I already knew that. I��ll deal with whatever your decision is. Just make up your mind. I��m tired of wondering if tomorrow you��re going to change your mind and say that we should end, and then go on about how it��s us against the world forever. Figure it out. For me. Please. �� I love you, and you and I can make it through. Whether together forever, or not, exclusive or not. We both have it in us to make it through.
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114 Poem...	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
It�s like with that one look, Your heart is going to STOP When you can�t help but smile, While in their presense, Or when their name is Mentioned. When with a single kiss, Your breath is taken away. When you forget your words. When a simple touch of their hand, You feel, Undone.
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113 I confess that in 2006 I...	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
( ) stayed single the whole year. ( ) got your first kiss (x) kissed someone new ( ) made-out for the first time (x) made-out in/on a car (x?) kissed in the snow (x) kissed in the rain (x) fell in love (x) fell in love with a fool (x) had your heart broken (x) broke someone else's heart (x) Had/Has a good relationship with someone - ( ) questioned your sexual orientation ( ) came out of the closet ( ) gotten pregnant ( ) gotten someone else pregnant ( ) had an abortion ( ) gotten married ( ) had a divorce ( ) had a gay marriage (x-Midnight 2006!) kissed someone of the same sex (x) dated someone you'll never forget (x) done something you've regretted ( ) lost your love ( ) lost faith in love (x)kissed under miseltoe WORK/SCHOOL ( ) got a promotion (*) got a pay raise - I WISH!! ( ) changed jobs ( ) lost your job ( ) quit your job ( ) dated a co-worker ( ) dated your boss ( ) dated your boss' daughter/son ( ) got fired from your job ( ) got straight A's ( ) met one teacher you really like ( ) met one teacher you really hated ( ) found the subject you love ( ) failed a class (x) cut class (x) skipped school ( ) got into a fight with a classmate (x) did something you were proud of (x) discovered a new talent ( ) gave the teachers a reason to teach (x) proved yourself an idiot (x) embaressed yourself in front of the class ( ) fell in love with a teacher ( ) got a lead in the school play ( ) made a varsity team ( ) made junior varsity team ( ) were involved in something you'll never forget (x) got sent to the office OTHER ( ) painted a picture (x) wrote a poem ( ) ran a mile (x) listened to music you couldn't stand (x) double-dipped (x) skinny-dipped (xx) went to a sleepover ( ) went to camp (xx) threw a surprise party (xx)laughed till you cried (xx) laughed till you peed in your pants (xx) flirted shamelessly ( ) visited a foreign country ( ) visted a foreign state (x) cooked a disasterous meal (x) lost something important to you (x) got a gift you adore (x) realized something new about urself ( ) went on a diet (x) tried to gain weight (xx) dyed your hair (x) came close to losing your life (x) someone close to you died... (x) went to a party (x) drank alchohol (x) drank alchohol underage ( ) tried drug(s) ( ) got drunk ( ) got arrested ( ) read a great book (xxx) saw a great movie ( ) saw movie so scary that it made you cry ( ) saw one of your favorite band/artist live (x) saw someone famous in person ( ) did something you want to tell everyone
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112 Christmas	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Christmas was good. Got stuff. My Truck bought me stuff, lol. Lots of sweaters, so I won't go cold. It was pretty awesome, because of Adam of course. Well that's pretty much all, except that I ordered my bed today!!! I get it delivered on January 10th! So I can't wait. Woot! Well me and my migraine shall go back to bed now, night.
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111 Truth	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Feeling: achy Okay so I wrote this as sort of a letter to Adam, and figured that since he writes stuff like this all the time, I might as well put this here too. So here it goes� Hun, you know I love you and wouldn�t do anything to ruin our relationship, right? Well lately I�ve been feeling as if everything I do is wrong. I know you think it�s you, but in my eyes it sometimes seems to be me. I can�t be me without you getting upset or mad at me, I will admit that sometimes I do stupid stuff, but it seems that nothing I do is right. I can�t be close with my best friends�, or hangout with them while you�re at work without you making remarks about it. You hangout with your/our friends while I�m at work, it bugs me a little that I can�t be there but I get over it and don�t say anything. I think maybe your jealous over Amanda. She�s just my best friend, we�re not lesbian lovers or anything. She�s second to you in my heart. Is that hard to believe, that you can actually love your friends? Well I do. We try to include you in our conversations but you always refuse to talk. Though you claim it�s because we just talk and leave you out of it. The other day you were talking to Amber in the truck about someone, and I kept asking questions about your convo and you bit at me that I didn�t know the person so it didn�t matter. It pissed me off. You were already being a jerk that night, and yet I was taking an interest in you and stuff and you bit my head off� I don�t understand why your jealous of her. Or if you are? Is it that she�s my best friend? Well you�re my boyfriend so that outweighs best friends in 99.9% of things. Is it that you feel I tell her really personal stuff about us? Or things that I don�t tell you? Well Amanda and I talk about everything and anything, but I leave private details out because it�s secret, just between you and me. Plus I tell you everything Is it that I�m close with someone other than yourself? I don�t know what to say to that. Other than you�ll have to accept that I�m close with people. I know no other way to put it, other than that. I�m not just going to stop being close with them because your jealous that maybe I�ll run off with them or something. That�s where that wonderful thing called trust comes into play. I would never do that, and I don�t know how to prove it to you either. You mentioned about how you�ve grown bored of me. I don�t understand how that�s possible. I�m one of the craziest people I know, I noticed we�ve stopped going out places the past few weeks but I think that�s just because we�ve barely seen each other lately and would rather just hangout at home laying around instead of out and about. But if that�s wrong then tell me. You want to do something next time? Then speak up about it. I think this month is just getting to you. The extra hours at work, the final year of High School, your family, last year. And it�s all just building up and bombing you all at once. It�s alright, because I�m here for you every step of the way. No matter what happens if you ever need anyone I�m just a phone call away. I�ll be there to pick you back up when you think it�s time to give up. Tonight was a huge disaster. I don�t think I�ve cried so much or been so scared in my life. I hope we can overcome this. ♥ I love you A.L.F. ♥ With all my heart, and more. You make my days better. Together you and I can conquer the world.♥ Are you ready for that? To hold my hand and face the world together? Never wondering if we can do it, just knowing that we can and will. When you�re ready, I�m here. Just let me know and we�ll begin the journey all over again. I don�t think the world will see it coming. I�ve made my decision. I�m in it for the long haul, if you are. I love you with all my heart. Please know and remember it always. Night, Love Meaghan. Also I have something else to add. I was told today that I seem to be changing, that I�m not �me� that I�ve changed my values because I was thinking of getting a piercing. (OMFG! I�ve been thinking about it for years.) But since I only mentioned it now, I only want one because Amanda got one. That she�s been influencing me to get one that I really don�t want or approve of. And shit like that� Well she�s not influencing me of anything. I just thought it was time to try/do something different. I�m tired of people telling me that I wouldn�t do that, or that I�m too quiet and chicken to. So just get off my case!! That�s all. I hope you learned a lot about me from reading this. It took me an hour to write it. Now I�m dead tired. Night.
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110 Ugh	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
For some reason after leaving work, I've been in the sort of off mood. Where everything makes me want to just sit in the corner and cry. I don't get it, I was happy before I left work. Maybe that was only fake, Since I have to appear to actually like my job. But then maybe I do, and that's the only time that I feel I'm actually doing something. I dunno, I think that's all crap. My head is overloaded with thoughts, and I just want to give up. I'm too tired to do all of the things I want to and have to do. I wish that for once my parents would understand that. But they never will. They'll never understand me. But then will anyone? I feel as if I'm so confused at times myself that even I don't understand me. So how can I expect my parents to, but then again they are my parents. Parents are supposed to understand their kids. I don't know where this entry is going... I think I'm just going to go to bed soon. Fuck doing my homework. (Not that I do it anyways. Though I should) Ugh Blah, writting this has somehow upset me, don't ask me how, because I just don't get it. Later. Ps. I just realised that when your write the F word, it's changed to freak on the home page. Haha I find that funny.. It still comes up as fuck on your entry though...
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109 Heart?	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Well as many of you know I was having massive chest pains this past summer, and had a whole bunch of tests done to figure it out. It turns out that the results from my Echo came back 3 weeks again, and my parents only told me about it on Saturday. I have a "slight" heart murmur. Don't worry I'll be fine. That's pretty much it, I find out more tomorrow at my Doctors appointment. Blah.
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106 Turkey Day	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Happy Turkey Day! This has been the best Turkey Day weekend ever. :)
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100	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Woot 100!! Well that's not the point of this entry. The point of this entry is just to let peoples now that I'm not in a good mood tonight, stupid work. Men are infuriating, and most should be run over by fast moving vehicles. Oh and I have work tomorrow night. But I only work this weekend and then monday. Then I don't work until the following monday. So yay for that. Oh and my bro now my possibly going with parents on sat. Well later, mom needs the computer. Need me phone :)
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I wish	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Feeling: antisocial I wish I cared less. It would save me so many tears. I wish I was braver. Then I wouldn�t feel like such a coward most of the time. I wish I wasn�t the only one who thought like an adult. It would save me time and money being around others who don�t. I wish people planned things out. It would save me the time and energy of trying to get people to pay attention. I wish I didn�t have that annoying voice in my head, telling me whether I should or shouldn�t do something. I�d actually get to do something for once. I wish I didn�t care, even the slightest bit, what others think of me. That way I could truly be ME. I wish I could stop thinking and living in theory. And just start live my life care and thought free. (Most of the time.) I wish people were relatively smart. Then I wouldn�t what to strangle so many. I wish I felt �normal� for once. Even though it better to different. I wish I the past would stop coming back to me. Then maybe I could live again. I wish I�d feel better tomorrow. But I know that won�t happen for what will seem like forever.
99 hit(s)	(4 comments) \| Make my day worse

96 People are Assholes.	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Today was just GREEAAATT! Not. All Day I had felt as if I wanted to crawl up into a ball in the corner and cry. Scratch that I did want to. Why? I haven�t a clue.. I had been trying to figure it out all day. When I went to drop off Adam�s bike, which seeing Adam usually makes me incredibly happy, only made me want to cry more. For some reason when I looked into his eyes I felt hurt. I don�t know why, I have no reason to. But I did. I hid it the best I could, don�t know if he knew or not. Doesn�t matter now. Today I was an emotional wreck. I hate when I�m like that. I didn�t even feel like talking to anyone, I had planned to just leave work, go home, watch movies and clean. Not even bothering to sign on or anything. But that all changed. Since Nikki texted to say �Ur bf is bein pushed in a cart with a pilon. Lol� Which made me laugh on my walk home since I hadn�t checked them again till I was walking down my street. I was thinking, well that�s just like him� Then I read the next one �Adam�s bout to go down a rocky steep hill and might not live. Lol he wants me to tell u he loves u. Lol.� That also made me laugh. I texted back �Lol did he survive? Where r u�s?� I was playing along and asked where they were because I thought about going to hang out with them. I got the response of �Nope. We had to call an ambulance. He looked pretty bad.� At that I started to get worried. Mom and Monica, who I was standing with at the time, along with my neighbours from across the street, all said not to worry just wait for more info. So I did. I replied with �I sure hope ur joking� Response �Actually im not.� That started to freak me out. Thoughts of Adam lying in a shopping cart at the bottom of a hill all twisted up and what not started to run through my head. I replied �What!? Serious? Where r u�s?� Then I receive �I think its better if we call u� Then I get a call from Adam. He�s pretending to be in pain and all, and I�m trying to play it cool. Not let on that my heart is up in my throat. Then he yells at someone and starts laughing, which is when I realized it was all a joke. He asks �Yeah so sorry about that, you weren�t worried were you?� (Or something like that. Don�t remember since I was pissed.) Me getting angry �No, I wasn�t. Not at all.� The last thing I hear on the line is Adam saying to people �She sounds worried.� Then I disconnect the line and run inside to my room and begin crying, since I now know that it was all a joke. I got really pissed at that. To think that my boyfriend, who I�m crazy about and who I care Very much for, is seriously hurt, and then find out that it was all a joke. Basically broke my heart. I was thinking at that point about why they would have done that. Did he really need to pull a stunt like that to know that I really care about him? Did he not know already? Was he trying to hurt me? Wanted to see what my reaction was to news like that. I�ll tell you what my reaction to hearing that my boyfriend was seriously hurt and being taken by ambulance to the hospital was. I was FREAKED out of my mind. Worrying how bad it was? Was it just a broken bone? How broken was the bone? I had my Truck key attached to my belt loop so while I was waiting for that last text, I had the key in my hand, my purse on my shoulder and was ready to jump in the truck and go find him. In whatever condition I found him in. Scrapes, a broken bone or two, whatever. I swear if you could go instantly Grey from worrying every single hair on my body would have been Grey at that point. But then realizing that he was fine and it was all a joke. It really hurt. I wanted to beat him. I stood in my doorway all tense with anger thinking of a way to get back at him. I was so furious I wanted to fight everything and anything that stood in my way to get to him. And then him. I mean this is the second time he�s made me cry. At this point was thinking of yelling at him, and then possibly breaking up with him. But then I realized that I just wouldn�t be able to. I love him too much. Even though the pain at that point outweighed the likeness of him. I mean I love him, but at that point I didn�t like him very much. All I can say is Strike three and your out. I�ll have to bring myself to be able to when the time comes. I turned off my cell. A few minutes passed and they called the house. Mom asked if I wanted to talk to them. I told her that I was fine not talking to them. I wanted to get in the truck and drive somewhere where I could be alone and cry. Because I didn�t think I could handle seeing them all show up and still remain civilized. Mom refused to let me drive angry alone. Finally she was going to take me somewhere. I went to grab my Kleenex, and in that time Adam was at the side door. Dad was saying �Look who it is! Isn�t it the guy who�s supposed to be going to the hospital?� I was in the hallway and went to go back in my room when Adam was walking towards me. I think he got to my doorway when I closed my door in his face. He started apologizing and stuff through the door. Soon after I opened the door a crack to allow him in. He came in followed by Nikki, who was also apologizing for making me worried and upset. The 3 of us sat in my room barely talking. Everytime I looked into his eyes in the dark I wondered if I could bring myself to say anything like, we need a break, I can�t believe you did that I can�t handle this it�s over. But I couldn�t, so I didn�t. Nikki left to walk home. Then it was just Adam and I. Soon after it was just me, and I cried myself to sleep. Fell asleep for an hour then Nikki was calling to ask about Jesse�s grandparents� number, because she was worried that he was in the hospital. Strange turn of events lol. But I helped her, and he�s just fine. We�re planning on running him over with �The Getaway Ghetto Mobile� I�m thinking of getting a bumper sticker saying that� lol. And now I�m sitting here talking to Adam and Nikki, and writing this. Well that�s all. Nothing left to say.
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95 Wonderland	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
My Dad received an e-mail from GM telling him that he could buy Canada's Wonderland Tickets for $28 dollars for this past Saturday, and next weekend. Since I'm working next weekend, I decided to go on Saturday. I took Adam, and my Brother. It was pretty awesome. Except at the end where I had a massive migraine, and had to drive as well as being tired. There's more but I'm too tired to add to this. I'll add the rest tomorrow. I promise.
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93 Camping	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Well the camping trip was pretty awesome. It had it's ups and downs like everything else. Ups including: -Spending the weekend with Adam. -Hanging out with friends� -No parents� -Jumping from a bridge -Playing football in the rain Downs Including: -Adam getting super drunk. -Too much Wendy's. -Everybody getting slightly crabby. That's all I'm going to say, those who went know what happened, those who didn't, it's your loss.
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Love?	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Random writing piece I found lying around. I think we all believe that we're in love with the person we're in a relationship with. And we try so hard to believe it, because we're all afraid of being alone in the end. Sure some say they're fine, and for all I know maybe they are. But they're probably trying to convince themselves they don't need anyone, or that one-day they'll meet the person they're supposed to be with. Do we ever really know, not just try to convince ourselves? Now don't go thinking that this means I'm contemplating things about Adam. Because I'm not, it was just something that randomly popped into my head while reading old entries and thinking. (You can breathe a sigh of relief Adam, it's not going to be a repeat of last year for you. As long as last summer for me doesn't occur, which I know won't happen.) Also we survived me being gone for a week, so I know it's okay. Vincent Kennedy McMahon "If you have a relationship that can survive being away from one another. The bond will grow stronger. But if it breaks at one infraction, you never really had anything at all." Sandman (Adam), August 11, 2005. #48 A New Beginning. That was all that was written. I believe it was written in the middle of July, I really should start putting dates on everything I write. lol. Later, Meaghan.
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88	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Hey People. So my weekend, well more Sunday, made up for my lousy Friday night. I took Adam and my bro to the Drive-in (In Port Hope.) Which was quite fun. My Brother turned into a player, with the chicks in the car beside us. lol. We saw Cars and Pirates. Cars was alright, Pirates was confusing, so I laid down in the back of the car, and nearly fell asleep a few times. We got home at 3 am. Woot for being out late! Today I woke up to have Mom bitch at me. Then I had to go run a few arrands with her, and deliver Adam his bike. lol. After leaving there, I guess I turned the wrong direction, even though mom didn't tell me which way to go. And we got into a fight so I took her home and she took her car out. So I sat around doing nothing except being questioned by my Dad as to why I was all PMSy... Then I had to explain what happened and stuff. I had to go to work and fax some more insurance papers, and ask Jennie for the 31st off. So that if I'm exhauted from the weekend I don't have to go to work that night. She agreed. :) Came home, listened to music, wrote some stuff, read some stuff. Mom came home and bitched at me again, so I just went to my room and stayed there till she went to work. Because I know that when I'm tired, and I still am even though I slept a lot today, that I get kinda grochy, so it was easiest for me to just stay away then to do all the things I have to. But anyways so I'm still pissed, because she freaked on me on her way out the door about the dishwasher leaking, and shit. She took my truck again... Ohh yeah that reminds me, last night when I came home I called her and asked her if she wanted me to fill up the car. Because it's down to just over a quarter of a tank, and since I drove it the most, I'm the one that should fill it up and stuff. Well she said no I'll do it tomorrow. Well this afternoon she freaked on me because I didn't fill up the car! So I just yelled back at her, because like hell can you yell at me for something I offered to do but you didn't want me to. So yeah. That's all. Anyone need me, or whatever. Call. Anytime tonight. I have the house to myself. Well with Nick, but he won't mind. lol Night, Meaghan. Hsve you ever been so happy it made you sad?
110 hit(s)	(2 comments) \| Make my day worse

87 Not my day	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Here's a quick little run through of what new and exciting things have happened to me today. Was woken up by a call, where no one was on the line. Then some friend of my brother's shows up, I'm in my Pj's, haven't seen the kid in like 6 years. Lose my house keys. Nearly fall down the stairs at work. Come home to find my keys. Sit around wait until I go to meet Adam after he gets off work from his first shift. Go see You, Me, and Dupree. It was alright. Go to buy a sticker from the machine thingy, it eats my dollar. Go to unlock the car, the remote doesn't work. Guy behind us offers me his cellphone. I decline since I have a cellphone, and I thought it was only the remote that had a problem. Get in, go to start the car, and nothing happens. Try it again, and again. Still nothing. Sit there trying to think of what the hell the problem is, along with who could we call at midnight. Look under the hood, don't know what anything does and what not. Get back in the car. I had taken the keys out of the ignition, and the radio turns on... I'm hungry so Adam gets me to walk to food and makes me eat. (If it wasn't for him I'd have had barely anything in the past 2 days. Thanks for taking care of me♥) On our walk to food a car goes by and they throw an egg at us. They missed but some hit the bottom of my pant leg. Then they passed us 3 or 4 more times. Go to Wendy's because of their slogan "Open Midnight or later." That's a lie. Well maybe not if you go through the drive-thru, but that would mean we had a car! Oh wait we did, it just didn't want to work. It's on strike. Walk back to Pizza Pizza, get food. Adam calls his parents. My phone decides to start dying. Walk back and wait around. Then his Dad picked us up, and dropped me off at home. Came in decided to call my dad to ask what I should do, or who I should call tomorrow.(Given I have work at 9am.) For once they all go to bed early end up waking Grandma, tell her to go to the trailer and wake up my parents. Talk to mom for a bit, then hung up and came downstairs to turn off the computer but decided to write this. Now it's 2 am, and I'm extremely tired, living off of maybe 6 hours each night for the past 4 nights. And I have a headache... Turning Migrane. Still have to write out the training book for Ashley. I'll do that tomorrow while I'm at work. Well I hope everyone else's day was better than mine. lol. Night. Later, Meaghan♥
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85 Have Fun	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
So I figured I'd leave an entry since I'm leaving tomorrow for a week. So I have have news. I got my insurance today:) The party was fun. Work was dead. I was pissed. But I had the most amazing Butter Tart♥ so that made up for a little bit about it. Adam surprised me after work:) ♥♥ We went shopping with my mom and bro. After he left I got to drive my truck around for a bit. ALL BY MYSELF!!! It was fun. I'm going to clean it and pretty it up while I'm at the cottage. :) It's going to be awesome. I took my parents seat covers for the car (since they told me I could have them because they don't fit the sunfire, they fit the alero, so now they're on my truck.) I can't wait till I drive back all by myself, then have the house to myself for the week. Score! Truck, House, No parents. That week is going to be awesome. I'm gunna miss Adam. There I said it. Feel special. He's amazing♥. I'll call sometime. Well that's all I have to say, I can barely keep my eyes open. I hope I get more than 4 hours sleep tonight. Alright, well have fun while I'm gone everyone. Later, Meaghan:)♥
85 hit(s)	(2 comments) \| Make my day worse

84 Grrr...	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
So this morning I could have slept in, but my parents forgot that I didn't have to get up until noon, so they woke me up. So I sat around watching TV, because I couldn't fall back asleep. Cooked macaroni, had 10 minutes left to get to school for my Biology Exam. Made it there in a record of 3 minutes. The exam seemed easy.. After that I went home, and waited for my Aunt to come pick me up to go work out. While waiting, it turns out that the Insurance Company did phone back yesterday, but no one was home, and no one bothered to check the answering machine. So I have to wait yet another day... Ohh well I guess... Went and worked out, then went to Fashion Max, and bought some shirts. Yay. Then I came home. Boring. Where I got semi-bitched at. Then I ate, went online, left comments. Then was called upstairs to be bitched at about my cell... That was fun. I wasn't in too good of a mood already, saying as I'm annoyed that I still can't drive, and that my mom likes to ask me a question and as I'm responding she continues to talk, so I yell at her, then it ends with us arguing. So yeah, I'm sort of pissed. And I feel like seconds from tears for some reason. Maybe it's because of what this month symbolizes to me... I dunno. It's been on my mind a lot for the past 2 weeks. It seems it's all I think about, and it freaks me out, then makes me angry and upset. I just want to forget about it all. But I can't. The images haunt me, when I close my eyes, and my thoughts drown me while I'm attempting to fall asleep. Don't worry I'll be all right. I've survived this far right? I caught him watching me today. Yesterday too, I wonder if he remembers? He probably does. When I turned to check the time and saw him staring at me, I felt like yelling at him, or getting out of the class ASAP to run off and cry or something. Man am I glad that biology is over. Oh man, just writing all of this has caused me to start crying. Well I think I'm going to go upstairs and hang out in my room for the night, need me call me I guess. If not I guess I'll talk to you when I talk to you. Later, Meaghan
122 hit(s)	(5 comments) \| Make my day worse

Things I can't tell you...	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
This was written from my anger from last week and the other day. 1. You�re needy. 2. You�re whinny. 3. Oh woahs me, My life is horrible. You may have a hard life, but you make your�s and others worse by complaining. 4. Your clingyness is sickening. In public: Hand holding and occasional kiss = Okay. Full all over, non-stop making out, has to follow all the time = my stomach contents on the floor. 5. You hate too many people. 6. You try to look out for people too much. 7. He doesn�t look too happy with you drapped all over him all the time. You�re smothering the poor guy. 8. Your backstabbing and knaving, I can�t stand those type. You�re never sure if they�ll stab you or not. 9. You can�t keep secrets. 10. You don�t understand my place on things. You don�t even try to see it my way. 11. At times I feel as if I can�t trust you. 12. You�re too freaking moody. 13. I can�t understand you sometimes!! 14. Sometimes I hate you! 15. You need to grow up. Wanting to see your boyfriends reaction when you tell him your pregnant, when your not, is completely immature and may cost you him. It may become the boy who cried wolf. 16. You try to look out for me too much, your to protective of me. 17. I have a mom already I don�t need you playing that role too. 18. You suck. 19. If you don�t like �the amount� of people going, maybe you shouldn�t go. It�s not like we�d see much of you anyway� 20. I�m sure you�ll realise it�s about you. I don�t care if you know, I�m too fed up of keeping it in.
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Fuck You	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Written a while ago, Updated a bit. 20 Things I can�t tell you. FYI it�s directed solely at one person. 1. I�m hoping this is the last of my anger towards you. I hope that after writing this you no longer have any effect on me. But I doubt it. 2. You�re a fucking asshole, but you probably already knew that. 3. I don�t hate you exactly I�m more angry with myself for trusting you, when clearly you didn�t give a shit. 4. I don�t miss you, never have exactly, just the guy I thought you were. Man was I wrong. 5. You just don�t understand things do you?! 6. I feel I should thank you for getting him to leave me alone. 7. You�ll never hear me say that because you�re not worthy of it in my books. Not after all that bullshit. 8. Have you ever just told the fucking truth? I mean seriously! Not just fucking making up lies and telling everyone different things. 9. I thought I loved you, I guess I was just trying to cover up my pain and insecurity by convincing myself I felt that way. 10. You�re such a fucking horn dog! You fuck face! 11. I can�t believe I thought you cared! 12. I want to slap you across the face. Maybe I will� 13. Man was I a fool I thought you meant everything you said. 14. You�re such a fucking liar. 15. I hope you get attacked and seriously hurt� Okay so maybe I don�t, but I still hope you get hurt in one way or another. 16. I can�t believe I thought you were different from all the others. Sadly for me, you weren�t. 17. Everytime I see you it hurts, but just tell myself I�m being stupid and should get over it. I just can�t seem to get past the pain. 18. You know it hurts worse to be lied to right? You could have just explained your fucking reason. That fact bothered me a little too, but I got over it, my feelings for you out weighted that. 6 fucking degrees of separation!! 19. You can ask me about the current guy in my life, but won�t even bother saying �hi� back to me?!?! 20. I�m sure you can tell this is about you. That is if you ever read this. I hope you do, and I hope it makes you feel like an even bigger asshole!
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81 OMG	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm

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80 Kick Ass Weekend♥	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Feeling: loving Nikki wanted it all in one massive entry so here it is... Thursday: Had the White Pine Trip with Linds, It was alright. Lol. Just her and I and Mike and Andrew. Blah. There were only a few things worth mentioning. -That I'm so transferring to That one High School. -The Cat fight on the bus about the one girls singing abilities. -The Guy with the sadistic question -Don Trembath, talking about his 'Girlfriend' -Linds�� and mine hot date at the park. That sure went well. -The Guy who was on the corner when we went to go back, who we sort of followed.. -Linds jumping me in the elevator -The time when we wanted to turn and slap the girls behind us for kneeing us in the back and clapping on the back of our seat. There��s the day in point form, which is all your going to get because I'm tired. Lol. Friday: So today I went to St. Michael's Hospital. It was quite fun.:) I got an entire seat on the bus to myself, since there was only like 12 people on it. Lol. So I listened to music and read my book. Donald was the stand in John. I punched him for every Yellow thing I saw. Lol. Nikki wore an adults diaper over her pants and a neck brace and was tied into a wheelchair. Lol. I have pictures. We got cookies and donuts and pizza, and listened to speakers, then went on a tour. On the ride home, Donald and I tried to get a transport to honk it��s horn but none would so we looked like complete retards. Lol. We got back half an hour before school let out, we all just went home instead of to class. Lol. I got home and then had to chauffeur mom around. Came home got ready to go to the mall, I got to drive to the mall at like 6, even though I wasn��t meeting up with Adam for about 45 minutes. On the way we had to pass by a bunch of cops and fire trucks and stuff, because Midas was on fire. Lol. So when I got to the mall I went to Starbucks:) and then wandered around the mall until it was time to meet him. Then before going into the theatre I bought 2 stickers. One is of a lime and it says 'Squeeze' and the other says 'I ♥U' lmao when I say that last one I sort of burst out laughing.. Then we went into theatre, sat down and talked until the previews came on. Lmao Acid trip movie!!!(The Lake House) Haha So anyways Poseidon was pretty awesome. After the movie, we decided to walk home instead of calling for a ride. It was pretty fun, though I thought I was going to get shot, but I had 'Super Twig' to protect me. Lmao, please don't hurt me, I mean it in a good way. LoL. So on the way we stopped by Midas to see it, it was still burning. I went to take a pic of Adam and the fire, and he asked these 2 chicks if they wanted to be in the picture with him, they said that unless he was from Oshawa This week the answer was no, lol. The one offered to take our picture, so she did. Lol. Then she made a joke about if anyone had any marshmallows, one of the old guys inftront of us turned and asked about weiners. Lol. Then we continued on our walk. Stopped by the park for a bit, then continued until the school, then on to my house. I drove him home, then drove to Burger King because I hadn't had any supper. Came back home and talked to people then went to bed pretty late. Saturday: Today was pretty awesome! Too bad it had to end.:( Here's what happened.:) Was woken up by Nick whimpering at about 7:30. Too early. Parents and bro were outsidedealing with the yard sale. Went online, talked to people. Got my hair trimmed, can't even tell the difference. Drove there but mom had to drive back on account of the major allergy attack I was having. Came home went online for a bit, left to walk around the block to the other yard sales. Mom found a book kin a box of floor tiles we were selling, it was titled '�Sex is Everywhere' lol, I couldn't stop laughing. She claims she has no clue where it came from, but I remember seeing it in the bookcase downstairs a while ago. Adam called :) We met halfway between our houses. Then we went down grandview and into the woods. It was fun. We crossed the river on fallen trees then had to jump over puddles of mud and stuff. I loved it. =D We decided to go looking for fish so we had to keep walking. We came across an angry Jessie in the creek, that was kind of funny. Then we found a ledge thinger of rocks and sat there watching the creek. He laid down and pulled me down so I was laying half on him. Barely said much, lol. I was so comfortable most of the time that I didn��t want to move. But it started to get cooler and then it started to rain a bit. We had to quickly go back through the woods incase the storm got pretty bad. We got back on the sidewalk, just in time for his mom to pull up beside us and take us to his house. Had supper while watching much and punching each other. ('Punch Much' punches lol. And Calculator!! punches Adam 41 times) hehe that was fun:) so much punching. Adam and I made up a new colour to do something to, like the whole Yellow = punching. Lol There's red everywhere!! OMG =D ;) lol hehe. You'll just have to figure it out. Lol. He walked me home again,:) it's kinda cute and old movie-ish:) lol. On the way we came across Bryt and some guy. I talked to her for a bit then continued. Then our journey came to an end as we reached my house. Which meant the day had come to an end :( Boo.. Ohh well, it has to end at some point. Blah. Went on the computer, downloaded some music to my mp3, signed off and wrote all this onto paper before passing out. Sunday: It's Mother's Day! I had to sit outside and watch people come to our yard sale, Was online for the entire time. Helped Dad pack it up early. Adam called:) We met up halfway again, and went to a park. Where we sort of wandered and then sat by the creek. He saved my sunglasses from the crap water, lol. And then we had a Dandelion fight. =D That was fun. While laying there at one point, Adam had an Inchworm on his pant leg, lol. There was some guy golfing... lol. Then we sat on the slide and took pics.:) Sortly after, Adam had to go home, so we parted ways lol. And we both went home. Then I didn't really do much at all, just sat around. Then I go a little angry or something, because of something someone said.. I'm not going to type it here, because it's not a complete thought. I'm not even sure I will post it anyway. Well it's now 1 am, and I've finally finshed typing up everything. Lol. Night, Meaghan♥:);)
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79 Love?	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Lol, Well I wasn't going to post it, until it was completely finished but shrugs what the hell... lol. Have fun reading... April 12 Percy told me not to marry any of the guys from Canada because they have no manners to go to Paris or someplace else to find one. Is it good or bad when a person with many thoughts, views and explanations has no explanation for why I chose who I chose. Or why I do what I do. Why I am who I am. Maybe he�s just what I need.. Here's an unfinished poem like thing.. Maybe I'll completely finish it sometime soon. What is love? Is love the look in his eyes, when you catch him starring at you? Is it the feeling you get inside when you see him? Is it the dizziness you feel when you think of the two of you together? Is it the longing you get to see and hold them when they aren�t there? Is it when the world around slips away? All my worries and troubles melt away when I�m in his arms. I don�t care about anything to do with the world while laying there. Hard to believe huh? Well it�s true. We use the term �love� so frequently. That how is one to know what the actual feeling expressed by the word feels like? Is the actual head-over-heels love thing like the �OMG I love that shirt!!� Or more like �You gotta love that. That was awesome.� Are we just supposed to know? I mean does it just broadside you one day that OMG your in love or does it happen gradually but you know your falling the entire time. Are we just supposed to make the jump and pray to land safely? Like on a trampoline to have the energy to bounce back if it fails. And what�s with the idiom �Head over Heels� anyway? Isn�t your head already over your heels? So how can one fall head over heels if they already are head over heels, literally speaking. I just don�t get it, do you? Later, Meaghan ♥ :)
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78 May 3.	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Feeling: excellent Yesterday was fun :) Mr.Robins fell and hurt his back or something like that, so we��ve had supply teachers for the past 3 days. John skipped so I was left all by myself to do nothing. Until Ms.Wilson got a tv and we watched Gorillas in the Mist. Sigorney Weaver pretending to be a gorrila. It was quite fun. Then after school Dan showed up which was weird saying as I had plans with Linds, John and Adam. He��s coming back on Thursday to hang out with me.. Linds and I missed the bus to get to her house so we ended up walking to townline. Holy long walk! John hurt me with his skateboard. :( I hate him. We went to DQ and used 1 of my ��Free Sundae�� Tokens :) John went in and ordered it, then Adam and I kept stealing it. :) At one point I was feeding John, lol. You know like what you do with babies. ��Here comes the Airplane..�� Chugga Chugga Chugga Choo Choo, here��s the train. Open wide.�� Lmao it was hilarious. While still sitting there at DQ, I wrote ��Yes�� on Adam��s wrist under his wristband. He didn��t understand it, and the other two weren��t paying attention. If you didn��t understand the significance of that I shall elaborate. I��m sure you��re all aware now, but yeah. It was my answer to his question from Saturday.. I had made up my mind on Sunday, but I didn��t know how I wanted to answer, saying as the moment in which the question was asked had passed. LoL. Think it was retarded, oh well, it was random just spur of the moment. Lol, some say it was cute, I dunno.. lol. Later we went to Adam��s where we all sat around on his bed and came to the conclusion that Adam needs a bigger bed if he plans on having more orgies. Lol. Soon after the guys started playing video games John��s Aunt came, so we left soon after. Then Linds and I went to Pizza Pizza and talked. It was fun:) I have some other things to write about but it's now 1:36am, and I'm exhausted. I'm gunna go to bed now. Night:)
116 hit(s)	(1 comments) \| Make my day worse

77 ?	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Pessimistic Meaghan is now counting the days until she gets to hurt again... It starts off the same everytime. -Flirty -The Question -The Answer (Which of course is usually Yes.) -The �This is new� Stage -I really like you -The okay we�ve got that down. -What now? -I don�t like you as much as I thought -Be friends? I�m odd, I�m happy, but yet I keep thinking all these sad thoughts.:( I can�t help it, it just happens� We�re sort of at the I really like you stage. I�ve been there before and it was just a matter of days before my world came crashing down. Will this be the same? I hope not�
105 hit(s)	(6 comments) \| Make my day worse

76 Crazy...	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Listening to: Flawed Design- Stabilo Feeling: alright Here�s an overview of what I have been up to the past couple of days. Friday: The walk-a-thon was fun. We all held hands and skipped for a while. That was fun. Then I got into a little trouble with Linds for throwing grass at John, and stuff. (I�m sorry) Accounting was alright for once, we had a supply teacher and she told John and I to work together, since he didn�t bring his books to class. I�m the smart one, he copied my answers, don�t believe a words he says. LoL. I hung out with Dan, Donald�s friend, after school. We meet out front of Donevan, and then walked up the bike path, stopping to sit on park benches to talk and relax every once and a while. Then we went to my house, and watched TV and hung out in the basement. It was fun. After he left I went on the computer and then Linds went at me about how I shouldn�t have just gone off with him, by myself. That I could have gotten raped or something. No one knew where I was and stuff. My cell died after reading Jesse�s text�s after turning it on. Yet again I�m sorry. Saturday: I woke up and went on the laptop, where as I was signing off to go hang out with Adam, Dan asked me if I wanted to go out with him. He told me he didn�t want an answer right away, that I should think about it and get back to him. So then I met up with Adam at the skate park, and we walked to his place, and watched hockey and stuff. It was pretty fun. While we were laying on his bed watching TV he asked me if I wanted to go out with him, I thought about saying yes, but then I remembered that I had been asked out earlier and so I said that I didn�t know, and I would think about it and get back to him. So then we still laid around watching TV and then he walked me home after we ate. When I got online, I yet Linds went at me, but this time for hanging out with Adam. I know she�s looking out for me and all, but it�s my decision� Anyways, yeah, that was basically all that happened. Here�s what I wrote Saturday night: You would think that being wanted by 3 guys would be fun. But it�s not, it�s a huge ego boost yes, but I�m still sitting here near tears trying to decide what to do. Who�s the one that gets to be happy and who gets to hurt� Here�s a short form of peoples responses to help me out: Linds: No way to Adam. No to Dan (Don�t know him) GO for Jesse instead. Nikki: Got nothing against Adam. Dan seems desperate since he looked on Don�s account for possible girlfriends. Go for Jesse, you talk about him all the time, and smile differently as if it�s coming from your heart. Jesse: Go with whoever makes you happy and I will be happy. Even though I want to ask, I don�t want to complicate things more. Andrew: No to Adam. Dan or Jesse, whoever makes you happy, just go with your heart. Ash: Go with your heart, be happy. Mom: Dan�s too old. Nothing about the other 2. Dad: Being friends is alright but you don�t need anything serious. (Mom chimed in with �Especially with what your going through.�) Me: Undecided. Why does it have to be so difficult? Sunday: Dan came over to go for a walk or hang out, but Dad had me chauffer him around so Dan came along. It was alright, after I was done with that, we went to Donald�s and hung out with Don and Brittney. I took a bunch of crazy video clips, that was crazy. Then we went to walk Brittney home, and her mom appeared on our walk so she got a ride. Dan stopped some guy walking and asked him if he wasnted to see his wormy, I have it on tape, it was hilarious. So then the 3 of us walked around thinking of people to call on to fool with the whole �Wormy� thing. LoL. So we went to Grandview and hung around the playground, and I called Nikki. She came out and hung out, then we called Cavell, and she to joined us. That was fun, there�s a bunch of video clips from that too. Then I had to go home, so we left and Dan walked me home. That�s all. I came online, talked to people. And that was basically it. I then came to my decision, maybe too late, but it doesn�t really make a difference.. If you want to read that, then read the previous one� That�s all. Night, peoples. -Meaghan♥ :) :( shrugs
138 hit(s)	(10 comments) \| Make my day worse

75 Decision...	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
I realize that this should have been posted sooner.. Ohh well� I was actually thinking of telling Adam yes� And just about to tell him� I mean he�s basically the opposite of the past guys I�ve dated, and such, so why not. As much as I haven�t really wanted a relationship for the past month or more, I actually thought about it. Even though everyone was telling me not to pick him and go for Jesse. But I dunno, Jesse�s� Jesse.(Nothing wrong with that, I just can't explain it..) And Dan, as much as we are a LOT alike, I don�t think he�s for me. Sure I�ll hang out with him from time to time, but I don't know, today while hanging out with him, Don, Brittany, then later Nikki and Cavell, it made me realize that nah, I don�t want him� I�m not sure who/what I want at the moment. Since reading the edit� I don't know, my thoughts have changed back to what they were before I thought about saying yes� Relationships are basically symbiotic � Weird way of putting it I know, but it�s true. All they basically are is a way of sharing with another. I mean, What is there really to a relationship? Adult relationships are all about getting married and having kids. Keeping the house running in order. Taking care of each other and your new family. And watching it all happen to your kids. But what�s there to high school relationships? He�s my boyfriend; I�m his girlfriend. Hang out. Go places, sometimes. Sit there and do nothing, or make out and become too physical too fast, and end up wrecking it, because there was nothing but the physical aspect. It�s kind of funny how some teenagers try to find relationships that fit the Adult description, I mean that they seem to think that it�ll last forever and shit. Nothing lasts forever� I just don�t understand High school relationships� I don�t think I ever have. But yet I�ve had 4� What is the purpose of High School relationships? To me I think it�s just a way of spending your spare time. And if it works out past high school, then go you, be happy, if it doesn�t it doesn�t, it�s not the end of the world, it was probably fun while it lasted. I don�t care anymore whether or not I have a relationship; sure they�re fun most of the time, but I don't know you always seem to worry more when in one. You know like what if now she doesn�t want me anymore, then the jealousy comes into play. So if your looking for a way to spend some time, and have fun, and stuff, I�ll be here. Not necessarily for you, but yeah. So there was my decision� Shrugs It doesn�t matter� I�ll be just fine, I�m all right being single, and sure it�s kind of boring at times, but� shrugs I�ll survive. Don�t feel bad. If you change your mind again, you never know� Well that�s all. I don�t have anything to add to that� Let me know what you think, that is if you read this...And want to let me know...
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74 Kicks...	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Listening to: So Sick- Ne Yo Feeling: achy Notes I wrote at work on Thursday: The day finally came� you know, the one I�ve been waiting for. The one were near closing time, I see him walking towards me, wanting to appologize and shit. But since this isn�t a fairy tale, that didn�t happen. The Princess never gets the Prince in life. So anyways, While reading my book at work, guess who I saw. I glanced out of the window just in time to see him too. I wish I hadn�t looked out at that particular moment. Anything would have been better than seeing that. It made me sort of nausious knowing that my fairy tale dream wasn�t going to happen.. I went to take a bit of my Kit Kat, and you�d swear it was poisoned by the speed in which I threw the stick back on the counter. Well enough of the anticipation of knowing what I�m talking about. If you figured it out with out me telling, you totally understand me and that�s crazy.. But for those of you who didn�t, and that�s probably all of you�s, I saw� Wilson all flirty and happy walking with Melissa, to her house. It ruined my evening� Ohh well. That�s life right, Kicks you when you�re down. And it just doesn�t stop.
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73 Update Part 2	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
Sorry for the huge entry All right so it�s update time! Party! Prepare to laugh so hard you start to masturbate!! (LMAO I�m kidding. That�s from the Comedy Network Commercial with Simon from ZapX on YTV ♥ I love it!) Anyways, I�ve been all right all in all. I don�t think I�ve written an update in over a month. Well besides the blurbs saying that I�m typing up all my writing and to look for it soon. So where shall I begin? Hmmm� I probably should start with anytime within the past month or so, but I�m too lazy to at the moment. Plus I already have all that written elsewhere� I�ll start with these past couple of days. Thursday- Linds and I made plans to hangout, alone, since we haven�t in a while and we needed it. Though we weren�t alone for long, we hung out with John and Adam. I didn�t mind though, it was fun. We wondered around Townline. When we were walking past Fashion Max. I joked that the guys should try on pink shirts. John flat out refused, but Adam however volunteered to try on an entire outfit! He let me pick out anything I wanted! :) So I picked out some Pink camisole and a pink miniskirt. We figured we�d get kicked out, but they didn�t seem to care. He tried them on, and we took a picture, and some woman kept looking at me and smiling/laughing on the inside. I felt like saying to her �Would you believe that�s actually a girl?� but I didn�t. After that we blocked peoples ways on the stairs and wondering. Later on, Adam and I kept going into random stores to give the other 2 time alone. When we headed to the bank because I needed some money, Linds said something about me doing anything she said. Like if she told me to hold Adam�s hand I would, when I heard that I just put my hand out and kept walking, surprisingly he grabbed it. Then John said something about Adam getting excited. Lol. We didn�t let go for a while, I really didn�t care. I mean what are we grade 2 �Eww Boys have cooties� lol it�s just holding hands. I�d more than likely do it again, just because. I mean at one point I was holding Linds� hand because John wouldn�t, I don�t care, I�m sure by now you�s have realized that I�ll do just about anything. Lol. Anyways after going to the bank we decided to go to Adam�s house. We yet again crossed way before the other 2, so we were about a block and a half ahead of them. When they finally joined us at Adam�s the guys decided to play video games. Linds and I were bored sitting on his bed, we joked about having crazy lesbian sex right there and they wouldn�t even notice. At one point we were kinda leaning on each other/hugging-ish and our faces were in the right angles to look as if we were making out, but we weren�t. After a while John�s Aunt came and picked him up so we left and went to Macs and had slushies and talked. It was fun. �That�s not a smart move. Leaving your car running infront of 2 teenagers while you run into the store..� �OMG It�s Batman�s car! I would so do anyone driving that car� Guy gets out �OK so maybe not him! But if you want to get any girl, just get a really hot old car! Believe me the horny teenage girls will be crawling all over it.� Lol That was basically all that happened Thursday. Friday- I had work after school so I walked home, by myself, and did nothing until 5. Here�s a fun conversation from work. -Michael Buble�s Save the last dance is playing on the radio- Deborah-Ohh yeah, I forgot to bring you a CD to burn it for me. I didn�t know I�d see you tonight. I�ll bring it next time. Me- All right. Nelson- You listen to this? It�s music Mom�s listen to. Me- So does that make me a mom? Deborah-Why do you have something to tell us?? Me- Ohh yeah! I forgot �rubs stomach- I�m having a baby!! I�m just not sure who the father is� Nelson (in background)- Well that would explain what you �found� in the back alley. Me- Huh? Deborah- He�s saying your familiar with what you found in the alley. Me- Ohh yeah. Uh huh. Well I guess not if I�m pregnant.. Nelson (referring to not knowing who the father is) � What about your boyfriend? Me- What Boyfriend? I don�t have one. I haven�t had one in over a month. Nelson- What? You don�t Deborah- That rules him out. Nelson- What happened to him?? Me- I killed him. It was quite fun. Nelson- Ohh� Alright then� Deborah and I laughed. Here�s another: I was standing by the door bored out of my mind, waiting for the only customer in the store to hurry up. This guy passes with 2 of his friends. I look out, he looks at me, then yells up to his friends. �Hey Guys! You see that girl in there�� and at that moment he had walked out of hearing range. I stood there, thinking �WTF! WTF!� Then I went to the back and told Deborah and she said. �He was checking you out girlfriend. Go you!� I just laughed. Saturday- Work was boring. I sat around writing most of the time. After work I was hoping to hangout, but no one was online so I sat around watching TV on my bed with my laptop on my lap or on the TV table beside me. Later on when everyone was coming online I was watching Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest, since it was Earth Day it was on YTV, well that�s what YTV told me anyway. That was one of my favourite movies when I was little, I don�t know why though, it just was and I only remember seeing it once. Ohh well.. So I was sitting there watching Fern Gully and Michael and Matthew came in and sat on my bed and watched it with me. Then during a commercial break I looked at the screen of the laptop and someone had added me. I was excited because I like talking to random people, but when he started explaining how he got my e-mail I was like WTF. But that wore off after a while, He�s some friend of Donald�s that�s all I know. It�s fun I seem to be the only one that random guys add. That�s fine by me, more possible options. :) lol Sunday- I woke up, laid in bed and didn�t want to move because I was so comfortable. Then I got dressed and walked to work where I sat around doing nothing much but write this down in the journal thinger in my purse. Well I�m hungry now and my parents just dropped off the left over pizza from last night so I�m going to heat it up or maybe I�ll eat it cold, I don�t know. I�m in love! And it tastes great! :) It was love at first bite. Later ♥ There was more, it was about the guy I saw outside, look to the previous entry to read the stalker-ish writing.
114 hit(s)	(2 comments) \| Make my day worse

72 <3	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG Is it possible? Has it finally happened? I think it has!!!! Just let me star out the window a little more! OMG! YES! That made my day! They finally hired a fairly good-looking guy! Usually it�s been gross 30-year old�s. But not this one!! SCORE! Well.. all I saw was him walk there with food, then cross the street without food in his hands� So it�s possible he works there and it�s his turn to pick up everyone�s lunch. Hehe! Meaghan�s waaaaaaaaaay to freaking Boy Crazy. I have my eye on too many. Let me count how many for you�s� 10� Wait not that�s wrong. 11.. Nope that�s not it either. 12! That�s it! Lmao yeah, waaaaaaaay too many. Well I guess you have to have options.. Bet you can�t figure them all out. OMG OMG OMG It is true!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Yay! Something to look at when I�m bored!! I must say he has sort of that nerdy appeal to him.. lol Well he has glasses alright, other than that he has nothing in common with the Ex�s. I�m socrazy! Now I just have to create a plan as to how I�m going to talk to him� Hmmmm.. Well I could go into their little bit of a store. But what for? I�ve only been in there once and that was years and years and years ago. SCORE! He replaced the balding 30 year old! For now anyways� :( boo :( no cars buying gas = no guy serving gas = no guy for Meaghan to watch out of window. Come on cars, you know you want to buy gas. Yay for car�s getting gas!! Boo for balding 30-year old!! YAY! Balding 30-year old went inside! And he�s out there with his hood up in the rain getting wet!! ♥ ♥ LMAO I�m completely crazy!! Ignore it all.. But I figured I�d post it anyways� lol. Later♥
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71 Notes	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
I always fell like I�m about 100m in front of everyone, as if I�ve grown up and don�t have the narrow tunnel vision of a teenager. I don�t think I ever did to tell you the truth, but it annoys me how I realize things way before them. I point things out, and sometimes it takes days to weeks for them to draw the same conclusion. Maybe I'm more observant or something.. I dunno.. I�m not trying to sound all full of myself; I hate that, when all they want to talk about is themselves� It�s so annoying! It�s just that since no one ever wants to hangout with me, or talk really, I have lots of time to myself and my thoughts which sucks in a way because all this writing is going to give me carpal tunnel. (Yeah it�s the writing that�s going to, not the jerking. Lol.) Plus think of all the trees I�ve killed so far.. All the thoughts drive me insane. I get home and all I fell like doing is sleeping because it�s so much easier than living through the day with all this writing and thinking and organizing. Yeah, I think I have OCD or something, I organize everything. When I think too much like yesterday, or I�m upset, I have to keep busy, usually by organizing my stuff, or writing, or cooking. - I have to redo my notes until they�re perfect, not messy or crumpled. - I eat everything in pairs or even numbers. - I write lists about everything. After writing the lists I feel overwhelmed and my heart starts to race, my head hurts and my arms twitch. I�ll be walking, whether it to school, work, home, or to class and my heart starts to race and I start to feel sick and dizzy. I try to get a grip and my stomachaches, a mix between nervous butterflies and cramps. When all this happens I feel as if I�m going to faint or something. The other day I was walking to Accounting and I had this weird pain from my lung to my heart, as if someone had stabbed my chest with a knife. I nearly dropped my books and fell to the floor it hurt so much. Also I made a weird noise, I�m sure of it, since the guy walking ahead of me turned and gave me a funny look�
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70 Notes from Class	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
GAH! While sitting in Math, listening to Ms.Wood explain Complex numbers, my mind escaped me, next thing I know I had zoned out. I do that a lot lately.. Flashed back months and months ago.. Back to Arguements, and controlling shit.. (I'm sure you can figure out who it is I'm talking about it without naming names.) Now I'm so frustrated about it. I'm literally shaking.. :( I hate that. ----- I noticed that while I walk listening to my music and thinking I can't seem to catch my breath. That I feel as if I'm going to pass out in the middle of the sidewalk.. Well If I do, I hope some cute guys saves me:) I can always dream right?? lol.
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68 Update Part 1	August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm
I noticed everyone's slowly starting xanga accounts that no one knows about, where they can say their thoughts without fear of others reading it and complicating everything. I thought about it, but I've decided to just ke