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Clouding Rationality |
September 26th, 2008 @ 12:49am |
11:47 Late Thursday Night (25 September 2008)
So, I dreamt about him last night; it was terrible. I don't know why he's cropping up in my dreams and pervading my thoughts all of a sudden. I haven't even heard from him in several weeks.
The worst part is I don't know if I like it or if I hate it.
It's just because I miss him so much, right? Because we were such close friends.
because he reminds me so much of him.
This I've already established.
So why do i get so happy when I think about January?
Caleb had better stay, or I don't know what will happen. damn this graduate school...why don't they just decide already? |
| 101 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Sweet Rhapsody
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Maybe it's just that I need more sleep |
September 17th, 2008 @ 12:45pm |
10:14 Mid Wednesday Morning (17 September 2008)
I have a lot of wishes.
Disney taught me how to dream; maybe just TO dream. I never found the star to wish upon, but even so.
These are my wishes regarding my (presumably male) soulmate. They came to me as I was trying to fall asleep on a rare occasion where I'm not asleep before I hit the pillow.
I wish for a man who....
- dances in his livingroom
- likes to commit acts of chemistry in his kitchen
- enjoys cuddling and holding hands
- can hold his own in a conversation
- is as smart as/ is smarter than me
- has a strong sense of morality
- likes animals
- finds me attractive
- has a handsome nose
- supports art
- is, himself, scientifically inclined
- sings, regardless of whether or not he can
- appreciates nature
- is concerned for the environment
- teases, but with mercy
- is gentle
- likes to play, and plays well
- can give good bearhugs
- has an abundance of patience
- eats ice cream
- puts up with my vegetarian ness
- puts up with my whining
good thing that sometimes wishes come true.
:)
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| 97 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Sweet Rhapsody
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Your Heart, What is it Saying to me? |
September 5th, 2008 @ 12:13pm |
Listening to: Nine Inch Nails
Feeling: confused
11:05 Late Friday Morning (5 September 2008)
I am wearing all black and didn't really realise until I walked out of the house and saw my reflection in the window of a big tall building.
I asked myself where I got all these gothic clothes, and who do I think I am anyway?
I feel like i'm intruding. "This isn't me," I think, but then again, who am I, and why can't I feel comfortable in cute clothes regardless of the 'style'?
Anyway, the point is nothing, I have no point. I just have a dull tip.
I want to be earthy and grounded, but I keep floating into the sky. Now I know how Helium must feel; how frustrating.
It is a little bit of a surprise every time I remember that i'm 20 years old. I still think i'm either 16 or 18.
Life was a little bit different back then.
Where did my creativity go? It feels like it was here just a minute ago! I must have left it somewhere, but I can't find it and I think i've checked my closet at least 10 times. Maybe I didn't have it just a minute ago, maybe it's been ebbing away slowly since i've gavitated more and more towards this elusive 'adulthood' everyone speaks of?
I think my favourite volume is 100 mL. |
| 86 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Sweet Rhapsody
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The Geology of Wishes |
August 24th, 2008 @ 10:27pm |
9:25 Mid Sunday Night (24 August 2008)
I wish for a lot of things.
Happiness
Creativity
Eternal love
Someday i want to be a mom.
I struggle with this realisation.
how selfish to bring children into this topsy turvy world.
maybe I'll have a better idea in 6 years. |
| 71 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Sweet Rhapsody
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Myanmar, Formerly Known As |
May 14th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Death Cab for Cutie
Feeling: sinful
2:34 Early Wednesday Afternoon
Burma.
I looked around, I saw the news
I wish I hadn't.
It's been a while since I cried for the world.
I feel it coming on.
I wish I didn't.
crying does no good
it only bruises my eyes
and clogs my head
and makes my fingers shake.
I just don't feel very good.
I'm sick of this election. I'm sick of the democratic candidates being catty and stupid. it's almost enough to make a girl go republican.
I bought a pirated "Team Obama" shirt in san francisco. It's XL and light blue. I don't know what i'm going to make out of it yet.
I haven't worked on my rug in a long time.
Things To Do Before Going to New Zealand:
Work
Make an appointment to get a haircut
dilly dally in the garden
DDR party
Buy gifts for Allpresses
Make new clothes (Travel skirt especially)
Finish rug
Clean room
I made 300 bucks on my last paycheck. :) I can now pay for belly dancing and my credit card bill (not that i really couldn't before, it's just easier now).
People whom I expect to party with upon arrival in New Zealand:
Geniesa
Arina / Rebecca (I want to meet this person!)
Chris
Tom
John
Yvetti
Alyssa
I wish Laura wasn't in Auckland!!!
and everyone else.
because i am tired of feeling left out.
guess who comes back in january
yeah
Steve.
ok.
my coffee is cold. I had lunch with my mom today. I love her.
As much as i love my parents and sister...
I keep itching to move out.
even if it wouldn't be very far away.
I just...want to exercise some amount of autonomy.
i'm 20 years old for christ's sake.
i just wish that it was easier to make money and go to school at the same time. |
| 12 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Sweet Rhapsody
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Painting our Life |
May 2nd, 2008 @ 12:00am |
11:24 Late Friday Morning
Tuesday, instead of studying for my finals, I painted.
then I studied right before my HAZWOPER exam and took the exam and recognised a lot of the questions. It took me several hours to go through the practise exam, and 20 minutes to go through the actual exam. I don't know how well I did on the test but I can't have missed more than 7 or 8 questions.
Dr. Gilbertson was right about all those neurons firing greater responses to the same stimuli!
...but I only got an 80% on his test.
i'm glad I painted though. It had been a long time since I broke out my paints and actually finished a painting. I played with orange and blue. with delicious results. I'll have to scan them in or something and upload them to my devart...show that I do things other than take pictures. |
| 39 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Sweet Rhapsody
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Happy Birthday, Dear Sit |
April 10th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
4:30 Late Thursday Afternoon
This semester rocks.
for much of February and March I was a bit depressed because of work and things to do with a lack of communication in nearly every relationship in my life. Aym helped me by inviting me to things and playing with me, but now...no single person consistently hangs out with me.
it's kind of frustrating.
what's so obnoxious about me? is it something I can change? is it me? or is it just that people are so busy with the nearing end of the academic year?
i don't really know.
anyway, 4 years ago today I started this diary.
A lot has happened in those four years.
a lot has changed.
I still look the same.
my view on life has changed a bit.
it's kind of interesting to go through my deviantart gallery to see the way my photography has evolved.
It's interesting to read through my deadjournal entries from when i was 14 up until i turned 16, and then come to this diary and read through my thoughts and ideas from 16 on.
people change subtly.
I hope when I'm older, I appreciate the journal I've kept. Maybe i'll let my children read it.
maybe i'm just being a hopeless romantic. |
| 17 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Sweet Rhapsody
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And So It Nears |
April 7th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Enigma
Feeling: icky
5:27 Late Monday Afternoon
I read some of my old entries. trying to find out when my first entry was. you see, i thought today was my 4th Sit Anniversary, but as it turns out, it isn't. haha.
no, i guess if i were still dating scott, this would be our 4th anniversary. Well thank golly gee i'm not.
The funny thing is I was reading one of the surveys I did about 4 years ago and one of the questions was "where are you going to be in 5 years?" and my answer was "in college. and NOT married."
oh dear. well i guess that will be true, but only just barely. it's funny how plans change. |
| 14 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Sweet Rhapsody
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Take advantage of the Love |
April 4th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
12:10 Early Friday Afternoon
I kind of like that you swear and get angry and turn into a different person on the soccer field. It adds complexity to your otherwise sweet demeanor.
I love love love how intelligent you are - i put an exceedingly large value on academic success.
Along the same lines, I get totally turned on thinking about how you're top in your year for chemistry; your amazing GRE score; your logical way of thinking about things.
I love it when you make words up
I love the compliments you give me - I love that you know how i like my ego stroked.
I love that when I look at you I know I want to help you pass your genes on to the next generation, if you catch my drift.
I think it's awesome how exceedingly handsome you are.
I love the way you kiss me.
I love that you let me take pictures of you
It's sweet that you will cuddle me when i'm crying, and let me go when I don't want to be touched. It shows how considerate you are of my wishes even if you don't always like them.
I love being the one you tell everything to.
I love that you're mine,
and most of all
I love that I'm yours. |
| 14 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Sweet Rhapsody
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Drawn Back to the Past |
March 26th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
1:58 Early Wednesday Afternoon
While I haven't stopped biting my nails completely, it's no longer a thoughtless habit that I constantly partake of. Id Est, my nails are actually growing.
It seems I'm getting really close to partial home ownership. After school today I'll be swinging by a house near a park and if it's liveable, I'm apparently going to make an offer.
I want to cut out pictures from the New York Times. today is a day of conflict - i want to laugh, and i want to cry. I want to finish my rug, I want to start other sewing projects, I want to go to a used book store and buy old magazines, I want to make enlarged prints, I want to make a huge periodic table.
I want to make a table with a periodic table as an underlay.
Lately
i've been obsessed
maybe because he's a chemistry major
and I love him
and the periodic table brings me closer to him
in a small, but significant, way.
also
the periodic table is just plain interesting. |
| 10 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Sweet Rhapsody
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Water, the Weirdest Compound |
March 15th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: ding
Feeling: bummed
10:38 Mid Saturday Night
I'd really like to go out to Indian Oven
We could just get dessert
Their homemade Pistachio Ice Cream
with chai tea and sweet Naan
Then afterwards go to Citrus
Dance to the live Jazz
I know you hate Dancing
I'll dance for you.
Thank you for not being embarrassed by me.
When you sleep,
you twitch restlessly
the corners of your mouth pulling down
minute, obscure muscles operating
screaming "i exist, i exist! Let me Move!"
only when you sleep
In the deep dark realms of your subconscious
beyond your dreams,
beyond the tireless motions of a thousand dancing ideas,
the shadows of which can be seen on and around and through your eyelids.
You twitch when your thoughts are slow
paralysis does not exist
when you think things that you can't remember
in the morning when you have awoken.
What is rattling through your brain
setting off synapses
a few at a time
in your state of lower metabolism?
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| 18 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Sweet Rhapsody
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| Entry List |
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Clouding Rationality
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Maybe it's just that I need...
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Your Heart, What is it Saying...
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The Geology of Wishes
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Myanmar, Formerly Known As
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Painting our Life
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Happy Birthday, Dear Sit
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And So It Nears
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Take advantage of the Love
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Drawn Back to the Past
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Water, the Weirdest Compound
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Annual Update
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Months of Worddeath
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So Far So Good
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Impatience
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The Biology of Joy
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Secret
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Sweet, Sweet Success
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The Chemistry of Your Soul
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The Physics of Sound
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Theology
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I'm a Mindless Obsession
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Maybe Living isn't such a...
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Music From My Brain
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Seriously, though
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Death only comes to Life
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blank
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Big Plans for Small Lives
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It's What I Could Use
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Nights of Passion
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This Is Our To-Do List
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On the Bright Side, I'm Alive
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I wish Reality wasn't so Real
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A Town I Never Liked
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Christmas Time is Upon Me
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Small Disappointments
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I'd Give You My Arm
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Musing
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Maybe All Those People Are...
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Schitzo
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noticeable
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Lifeless Vows
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Got to Love the Anti Trend
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Curiosity killed the Cat
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I'm a secret
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Is that really how you feel?
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Paradox
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Too Late for a Date
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As the Hope Draws Near
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Wekkkaaa
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Houston, we have Impact
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Ninja Darkness
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Crying So Hard
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The King and Queen of Gypsies
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Seven Seventy-Seven
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Nosebleeds
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Regrets?
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Nah, You're Always Hott
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The Sound of Satellites
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Surreal Memories
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A Runaway Dance
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Kissbubble
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Bubble Sandwich
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The One thing
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I Wish I Was Me
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It makes me sick
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Writing Sad Songs
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Tell Me Anything
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Old Wallcolour
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Shiny smooth nails
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It will Snow in December
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Wear the Blazer I got you
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What if I don't Want to
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Unimportant Milestones
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Marriage in a Star Trek ship
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Elusively Clear
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The Memory that Wasn't
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December Marie
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Affectionate Strangers
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Still Not Ready
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Singing a Runaway
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I Still Have Dreams
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I Think it would Hurt
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A Decision Had To Be Made
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Tuesday Grey
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I'm only a little Jealous
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Fish, Sex, and Earthquakes
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The Big Blue Sky
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I tried to Make it Interesting
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continued
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You Wouldn't Know it to Look
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Impressionable Media Whores
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Distance Makes The Heart Grow...
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A Great Bath Toy
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Even without a touch
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Nothing Left But The Sound of...
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What Will Never Happen
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Five Feet Away
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