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Your thoughts are higher than mine |
December 19th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
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...once more I've fallen and I question if there's anywhere left to stand. I reach around with my wounded heart, and have lost the grip of Your hand. You didn't let go; I longed for the freedom and the chance to make it on my own. But the pathway is broken with no light to guide me and I need to find my way home. My strength is fading, as I fall to the ground and crawl my way towards Your Cross. All these things by the world in which I've gained compared to Your Kingdom is loss.
...My Child, I saw when you fell down and felt the cold air when you walked away. I saw you choose the path of isolation, my heart shattered for you that day. I watched the stars in your eyes fade away that night, but realize My Love, there's no battle of yours that I will not fight. So let Me ease your pain and comfort your deepest fear, I promise not to leave you, I am forever near.
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Heir Born |
December 14th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
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thought i'd give you all something new to chew on and comment on... actually several new entries i haven't posted... enjoy
A Generation In Crisis
1 out of 11 attempt suicide each year
1 out of 10 fifteen year olds and younger have gone through divorce in their life-time.
58% have been involved in objectionable content on the web.
40% have experimented with self-injury (are "cutters").
Use of prescriptions drugs (Ritalin, anti-depressants, etc.) among children/teens has increased substantially in the past few years.
Look at that above. Those are true, up to date statistics on our generation. If that alone doesn't strike a chord on your heart strings, and make you think... maybe the following will...
This Is A Generation Without Morality
By the time the average child graduates from high school, he/she will have watched 19,000 hours of TV including about 200,000 sexual acts and 1 million acts of violence.
1 in 10 high school females have reported being raped at some point in their life.
Fear of violence in schools is now the leading "worry" of public school teens.
48% of high school seniors are sexually active (had sexual intercourse in past 3 months).
This Is A Generation Without Truth
91% say there is no absolute truth.
75% of teens in America believe the central message of the Bible is, "God helps those who help themselves".
53% believe Jesus committed sin (40% of born again teens believe Jesus committed sin).
I don't know what all of that information says to you... but to me, it's a cry for help. A clear desperation for hope and truth in our country, and among our generation. We're labeled "Generation X" - the generation without hope. How sad is that? But also, how true is that... that the way the world is today, that's often times how we're left feeling, helpless, without any hope. But friend, that's so far from the truth... check out Titus 3:7, it says:
That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
Because of Jesus Christ, and the sacrifice that was made, we are able to become heirs of God - meaning, we are intended to be in a personal relationship with Him, inheriting the HOPE of eternal life in Heaven, inheriting the kingdom of God and all the blessings that fall under that. How incredible is that?! See, there is hope... but not enough people are bold enough to voice that. God bless those that are... but others are too wrapped up in the world rather than giving people what they deserve - the truth. Sure, there's a lot of poverty, despair, violence in this world, and so much more. But can I tell you a secret? You're more than a conqueror and have the power within you to rise above all that and inherit truly amazing blessings that were set aside just for you and your life. Jeremiah 29:11 says, for I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. You see, hope is there... victory is ours in Jesus... but it's up to us, whether or not we obtain it and cling to it, as our very bread of life and strength to press on. Are you settling for the world? Or are you rising above, claiming all that is yours in the name of the Lord and choosing life? (Deut. 30:19-20... choose life, that you might live) I challenge you, rise up and stand for hope. Stand for love. Most of all, stand for Jesus and be His voice to all the world.
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One Pure and Holy Passion |
March 26th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
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"Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You
To know and follow hard after You
To go as Your disciple in Your Truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing You, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after You."
So for those of you that know me, would know I haven't been posting nearly as much lately. But this has been laid on my heart the past couple weeks and I couldn't let another day go by without sharing. The lyrics you see above are from a CD put out by the Passion worship band. They have amazing songs, period, but this one really jumps out at me - especially lately.
A lot of things have been going on in my life, and I've been riding the fence - somedays I'm on fire for God, some days I'm captured by the world and others I'm playing both sides praying no one will notice. But the thing is, God doesn't want us lukewarm - it's an all or nothing type deal. And I just challenge you to make those words your prayer. It's a challenged I've taken upon myself over the next 40 days, to really reflect on what they mean and to sincerely learn to pray it from heart.
I just pray that we'll stop pretending and we'll come before him. That we'll just stop and drop it all and meet one another at the feet of Jesus, at the foot of the cross that sets us free and makes us who we are. God has taken our sin upon him and there's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, for we have been set free. If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed and it's time we stop overlooking that and complaining that we can't get up from our present state and whatever it is chaining us down. Victory is ours and was given to us freely, but it's up to us whether or not we obtain it.
We are an awesome generation, never before have I met such radical and passionate people for Jesus than I have in this generation. And I just pray that we'll realize how awesome our Lord is and we won't allow our lives to belittle our Savior in any way, but rather that we'll rise up with dreams and faith as big as he is... and realize that we are free, that we will stand firm and proudly proclaim that we are HIS. That we'll rejoice for we have been freed by the blood of our precious Lord, and every chain has been broken and we've been released from all that in which this world has tried to trap us with. I just pray for each of your lives, you'll feel his freedom in such a way, that you never have before, and that you won't be afraid to step out on faith and embrace the passion of Christ. And that you won't be ashamed to take it everywhere with you, and share it with all of those you come in contact with through your speech, through your purity, through you actions, through all you do and say.
Everyone around me is rushing, rushing, rushing. Rushing to finish high school, rushing to finish college, rushing to start a career. In the end though, every career from the lowest to the most successful ends with a box, a box of all your things that once were important to you, but now do no more than fill up a box. The best grades, the best education, the highest paying job... none of these can you carry with you when its your time. Time is always moving, and people will come and they will go, people will meet you and forget about you, and the train will continue. To truly have something, to have more stuff than can fit in a box, you need to change lives. You need to inspire people, you need to be able to look up from all your busy work, and see people instead of classmates, people instead of clients, people instead of neighbors. You need to touch lives, and that is something a career never will accomplish alone. Be different, stand out, walk a different way, but most importantly.... touch lives.
There was a guy who went through things we can't even imagine. Think of going about your life as an outcast preaching a message. Having a bunch of people on your back questioning every word you say. Then imagine getting beaten; your skin being torn from your back; getting beaten and bruised, then dragging your own instrument of death for miles and being nailed to it. Now imagine those people laughing at you, spitting on you, cursing you. Now imagine thinking "I'm dying for them" and still going on with it, with no regret. If you're living your life trying to find happiness, you'll fail miserably. Life isn't about you or what happens to you, it's about serving God. It's about pressing on... and living your life for him and no one else. No regrets.
I love you all... and I'm praying. This message was directed as much to me as it was to each of you. I pray that something spoke to you, and that you will respond to what God's saying to your heart and take that next step of faith. If there's anything at all I can ever do for you, please don't hesitate to contact me.
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Day NINE - Can You Hear Me, Anyway? |
February 26th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
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I go to talk then I stop. Then I can't stop when I talk. Then when I can see what I want to say, or feel what I need to get out - it all draws a blank and I'm back to where I started.
Emotions that have been stashed away for so long, causing me to feel nothing at all, yet everything at once - those feelings are rising to the surface now, but I can't seem to let what's bothering me slip off my tongue. So to anyone, or maybe just to everyone who asks "how's everything going?" there's just this silence and maybe a few things I might say. Then quickly the subject will change, because there is no use for me to try and say more.
My words always get jumbled, never knowing quite what to say. Saying one thing, yet meaning another - never quite knowing what I'm meaning to say. That has nothing to do with anything, but everything to do with it all. My mind has been hitting bottom and I can't even place a finger really on what's wrong, or if something is even truly wrong, even though I know its there. You're there, and I'm here. You're so high above me, and I'm so unworthy to even be here.
Here, there, it means nothing, but yet again it means everything. I need to place myself where You once were, and place you back on the throne where You're meant to be. The list goes on, but for every mile - there's a story You once lived. You lived each thing from my past, each thing from my present, and each thing that will come in my future. Yet I doubt sometimes if You're really there. And if I'm still really here. I wish there was so much more I could give to You, but I don't know where to begin. My life is all I have to give... so take me, make me, and break me. I want to be wholly transformed into what You have created me to be.
I lay it down. Yes, I lay IT down. Yes, that sin... Yes, Lord, that one, too. Oh and we can't forget that one. Take it all. Take it all away from me and teach me to be like Jesus. I want to be made like Jesus. As a dear friend said, I'm letting go to prove to You I'm serious, and that I want more. I need more. I crave so much more of You.
God, I am so sorry. I know I failed. I know I strayed. Oh loving Lord if I could only take it all back now. If only I could erase the things I've done, the places I searched to fill this hurt I said, forgive me Father. Please hold me close, never let me go. Live in me and through me. Father, I know that I can't erase the bad, but from here I can live good. And I want to. I promise too, and I will try not to break it. Thank you so much Adonai, for waiting for me, for loving me enough to let me come back. Thank you for calling my name until I heard. Thank you for letting me hear. Thank you for everything.
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Day EIGHT |
February 25th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
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Day SEVEN - Blessing in the Rain |
February 24th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
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Father-
Thank You for Your forgiveness and love and for always accepting me when I feel rejected everywhere else. Last night I was really upset, and I thank You for holding me though I pushed, and saying "I love You" despite my doubts and angry words. Please forgive me for the things said, and even those of which was left unsaid. I'm going to try and view this time, as an opportunity to know You even more. So please, carry me through this time. Be with those I love as I'm gone and won't be able to speak with them for a while. I trust all of this is in Your will and that this, too, will worok together for good - though I'm having trouble clinging to that promise. I love You, Lord. Draw me close to You Lord, and please... let me know You're near. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen
Love,
Rachel
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B-C-L |
February 23rd, 2004 @ 12:00am |
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I miss you more than I think I know how to express with words. No one will ever know how precious you were to me and how much I cherished what we had. Never will I understand why God took you... never will I understand why you had to go so soon... and it breaks my heart to think it's been a year without you. I remember everything so clearly, so painfully real. Cody didn't come home that morning once he found out... I wouldn't face reality and get out of bed once the phone call came. I never want to be woken up like that again. It was the day a nightmare became reality and so many people's world shattered. I love you... and I miss you... thank you for everything you ever did for me, never will you be forgotten... |
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Day SIX - Grounded |
February 23rd, 2004 @ 12:00am |
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God, I have no idea what You're trying to teach me and what good will come from this, but I don't think my parents have directly hurt me this bad in quite some time. Lord, it's not the fact that I'm grounded, I can accept that. Rather it's the fact how forceful they were with their words. It breaks my heart because they find nothing wrong with the things they said. But they left me feeling like a lying, good for nothing, screw up when in reality I don't think I am... I have my faults and I'm far from perfect but never should a child be made feel as low as I do in this moment. I tried my hardest I could this last semester, and though certain situations were out of my control, i did all I could. But they don't believe me and I feel like once again, I disappointed them beyond words. They don't even know me Lord. They think school is merely routine to me and that I couldn't care less. But in reality I love the challenge and love to learn. Just teach me through this situation Father. Forgive me for where I've fallen short and lift me up because right now I'm feeling pretty broken. In Jesus' name. Amen
Love
~Rachel
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Day FIVE - Priceless Memories |
February 22nd, 2004 @ 12:00am |
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Lord,
Thank You so much for today. I went to Church feeling a little down, but You were right there to lift me up. As You know, You worked it out to where Amber and I got to spend the day together. Lord, she's so amazing and I'm so blessed to have her as my friend. Yes, at first, I was a little worried that I'd be boring and she wouldn't enjoy hanging out with me... but speaking for myself, the day was amazing and I couldn't have asked for it any other way. She's wonderful company and just being in the same room as her lifts my spirits and puts a smile on my face. Knowing what she's been through and seeing how positive she is blows my mind... she has such an amazing personality and blesses my life beyond words. I don't think I'll ever be able to express how much this day meant to me, and what the friendship her and I share means. Thank You Father. Thank You for the many, many blessings in my life. Thank You for the many priceless memories, that'll forever stay in my heart. From the many adventures through the Church, finding secret passages, opening doors and planning how we'll leap into them, leaving tracks but being awesome by covering them (thank You), huge bags of chips, pickles but sadly no Dr. Pepper, going in the attic, monster suits wearing angel wings, breaking into the Promised Land, playing (more like quickly jumping in, then out) in the fountain, hearing people, shaving legs, overcoming fears, singing, and Lord the list could go on. Thank You for the awesome day. I love You!
Love,
Rachel |
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Day THREE - You're Calling Out... |
February 20th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
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Father,
I know You're calling out to me through the rain... I know You're reaching out but there's something in the way and I can't quite get to You. I know what's in the way Lord, it's me... it's me, Lord. I'm standing in the way of getting to You. I'm standing in the way of healing and restoration. Lord, I'm standing in the way. And for whatever reason I can't make myself move... my body's become numb and I can't move forward. I'm at a standstill without knowing which way to turn next. The world's right there, so tempting, so lovely... but then Lord, there You are - more than enough for me, a love so amazing that I'll never be able to express. Forgive me for even having to think twice. I should be running after You, God, but I'm hesitating... I'm letting my friends influence me, I'm letting the world influence me, and I'm giving the devil a stronghold. Forgive me for being so foolish. Thank You though, for being patient with me... never leaving my side, and walking me through these valleys. Forgive me for not always recognizing You, and often looking the other way when I know You're there calling. Thank You Lord for today, despite it's pain and bitter loneliness... for days like these make me realize just how much more of You I need and long for. I love You Jesus... sorry for having such a hard time expressing that sometimes. I love You so much... thank You for compassion. Thank You for Your mercy and for the amazing chance to know You and love You. I love You Lord. Thank You for dying on the cross, thank You for loving me... for wanting me... I love You
Love Your Child,
-Rachel
I'm hungry, I'm thirsty
To show you my mercy
I'm begging, I'm pleading
For you to start seeing my face
I want to hold you
I want to mold you
I want to hug you
I want to love you
I want you
I'm stretching, I'm reaching
For your heart to be needing my love
I'm hoping, I'm praying
That you will start laying
Your burdens before me
I want to embrace you
I want to bless you
All I want is you
I want you |
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