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get a life |
November 15th, 2008 @ 5:42pm |
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i need to get a life.
i need to also stop waiting around.
i need to ALSO stop waiting for everyone to tell me what to do.
IM A FUCKED UP CRAZY WHORE |
| 7 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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_ |
November 14th, 2008 @ 1:29am |
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neither of them will ever know how much i sacrificed for them...
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| 3 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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what. the. fuck. |
November 10th, 2008 @ 10:11am |
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the letter k on my keyboard isnt working so well. there must be something stuck behind it.
anyway. recent events. i feel like every day theres a new recent event. becasue something eventful happens atleast once a day. which i guess is a good thing.
jacob doesnt want anything serious. neither did i until i realized how unloved ive felt for a while. i discovered this whilst telling jordan why everything got so fucked up. so we're trying to patch up "us". im nervous. i dont want to let him down again. the distance has just created this barrier that i feel i cant break through. so i settle for this guy who is CLEARLY going to hurt me. its only a matter of time before something really depressing happens. thats a really negative attitude, but these days my usual optimism isnt solving anything.
sometimes i wonder why any of these trials happen. maybe i believe too much in fate. maybe nothing is ever "supposed" to happen and things just do and sometimes they suck and sometimes they rock. lately, theyve sucked. i guess its proof im alive.
im exhausted from how drawn out this has become.
and i would really enjoy winter clothes right about now. never realized florida could become CHILLY. apparently it can. scarves would be lovely. or pants. whichever.
no classes tomorrow. im getting drunk tonight.
the end.
ahhhhhhhhh |
| 7 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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is it getting better? |
November 9th, 2008 @ 12:53am |
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oh life. im really missing jordan. we're going to be together again one day, i know it. i hope it. he is so wonderful, and im a fuck up.
things with jacob got wack as well on halloween. but apparently he got over that and now we're back to square 1. great.
as if things werent complicated enough. why is it so hard for me to make choices? why couldnt the answers have just been clear. on the bright side, im very optimistic. i really believe everything is going to be ok and work itself out in the end. it just sucks for now. things can only go up. right?
i love the weekend. had FTC auditions this weekend and made it through. thats exciting. although, i wonder if this means i will no longer be living in New York for the summer. if wonder if that is ALSO a sign that I shouldnt be with jordan? ugh. im tired of these fucking signs. i just want jordan to come down here and rescue me. how pathetic am i? very.
i dont want a monday. |
| 9 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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failure |
October 30th, 2008 @ 9:36pm |
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well jordan and i have broken up. damnit. i mean, its my fault. i never realized how different our beliefs and morals were, but theres no reason we cant work past them. the distance is just too hard currently. he never expresses himself to me and i never know what he is thinking or feeling and jacob is the opposite. he tells me whats up in his head. its confusing. im still in love with jordan. a lot. im sad like every day because i miss his voice and his love and everything about him. i dont know...i dont know what to do. i want things to be back to the way they were, but i cant help the fact that i have changed. it sucks. a lot. uuuggghhh. i wish things werent so complicated. |
| 10 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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fuck |
October 19th, 2008 @ 12:06pm |
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fuck.
why is this happening? why am i in love with 2 different people. am i being challenged or am i being guided in a new direction that im supposed to go on? is this a kat/jordan endurance test or a chance at a completely new life? why do i like someone else?? i thought love was black and white. i love jordan. i really really do. but right now its out of sight out of mind for me...and jacob is IN sight...but i cant do this to jordan. i cant. which means i lose jacob. which hurts so bad. all of this hurts. when did this happen how did i get here!!??
FUCK |
| 31 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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i dont wanna fight this war |
October 12th, 2008 @ 6:51pm |
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gosh. college. life. ahh.
i dont know. i dont know anything anymore and I'm just going to let it be. All I know is, Hannah is coming to see me this weekend and I am getting good at guitar and I have a lot of homework im putting off. thats all i know. and thats fine. i also know that i love jordan and im not going to end it with him. just a rough patch. its normal. lifes never too easy. thats why its fun and why we even live in the first place.
the adventures of love and war. thats my life. ha. |
| 15 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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life doesnt have to be so hard |
October 7th, 2008 @ 9:30pm |
Listening to: the beatles
i dont even really know how to word what i'm saying in my head. ive been here before, i know how to deal with a long distance relationship thats going through changes. when he left for college, we went through these same dilemmas. and we made it just fine. well now its my turn. but how can i already forget how to handle this. or are the roles just switched around and maybe HE doesnt know. or maybe things are exactly the same and i've forgotten how hard it can be with conflicting schedules. when he's working all day and my friends wanna hang out at 11, we miss phone calls and web cam appointments and then we're upset and then things feel rocky.when i really shouldnt worry and just talk to him about this.
things are going to be ok. its so hard though. long distance is so. fucking. hard. i wish he was here so i could spend the nights with him instead of alone in my room wishing he didnt have to go to bed so early for work the next morning. but if we can make it through this, we can make it through anything. i've been worrying since things were easy, waht makes this any different? |
| 18 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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private update |
October 4th, 2008 @ 9:40pm |
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so its been a while. im a bad person. but i need to chill out and go to this party and have a good time and keep tabs on myself and remember that jordan loves me and everything will be ok. this will all blow over. and i love him. so its ok.
golly, so much drama where did it come from!!??!! |
| 17 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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ah life |
September 1st, 2008 @ 10:56pm |
Listening to: paper planes
i love life. im feeling entirely complete and i feel like i know where my life is going and what i need to do. im finally at a place where i KNOW jordan and i arent going to fall apart and i have confidence in knowing that at the end of the day someone cares about me most of all. and that i care about him. that i can go the day without freaking out thinking its over and worrying that we'll never see eachother and just know that we are meant to be. our lives will meet in one place eventually and we will be better for all this.
i love school. i have new friends that are better than any i've ever had. i love freedom. and yet, im surprised by how much i miss my family and my dog and my house. i'm getting excited for when i get to see it all again.
and as for the career, im the lead in Hush: and Interview with America. im the lead. ME! |
| 42 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
wanna buy a duck?
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