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Lonely Man |
March 13th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
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I hate being Jealous. I hate myself for feeling that way. Nobody ever asks me if I want to go do things. Nobody ever does- not unless there is an ulterier motive. I am jealous of how easily Jessica and Jordan make friends, while I struggle with it constantly. I struggle with how they never seem lonely. Some nights, I feel so alone, I cry myself to sleep. I hate being jealous of Mike and Nate, and of Marga. I don't want to be. But I want to be their friend too, to associate with them. They have other friends. All I have right now is Jessica. I hate that, too. I hate needing her, feeling like a clingy desperate friend. It isn't her fault. I am just so lonely, and she is the only one around, and I need her company. Because without it, I am friendless. I spend monday through saturday, eager for the phone and internet, because outside of my family, it is the only companionship I get. And I hate myself for that, too.
I'm scared of losing her, feeling inadequate against the backdrop of all her fun new college friends. Me, a girl whose heart and mind are still in high school, who is more reserved, and less crazy. I am terrified that she will get bored with me, or decide that she doesn't have time for me anymore.
And I would understand it if she did. All I have to offer her is Remus Lupin, and I don't even like doing that.
How can a fictional character stand up against reality? |
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The Sun Will Rise |
June 5th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Well, I know that it has been a long time since I have posted, but I just really needed to blog somewhere where the people involved wouldn't see it.
I just returned from my Uncle's ordination in Atlanta. It made me realize just how much I miss the South.....and how much I miss the people there. I saw some old friends there that I haven't seen in quite some time. I realized just how much I missed them. My best friend and a guy that I am particularly close to were the two hardest to leave. The next time that I return to the south, I will not be able to come back. Every step that took us away from the Postlude felt that my heart was cracking and breaking. I was so heartsick that I could not even eat. Even talking was a hard thing. Anyone who knows me will know that that is never hard for me. Well, if you want the full story, you will have to contact me. Right now, i don't think that I could write it if I tried. |
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Dirty Little Secre |
January 20th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Frontline- Pillar
Feeling: alienated
Wow, it's been SO long since I've update here, and I got like three new blog sites...but this one is still my favorite- but that could just be Humphrey Bogart staring at me everytime I check this one....wow, I just really need to talk to someone right now, but there's no one around. Oh, well, that's life.... |
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Retrospect |
October 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Switchfoot
Feeling: addicted
Welcome to another edition of getting to know your friends. Okay here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun! Just
>
> copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste into
> a new e-mail that you
>
> can send. Change all the answers so that they apply
> to you (Just like
>
> always). Then send this to a whole bunch of people
> you know, INCLUDING the
>
> person that sent it to you. Some of you may get this
> several times. That means
>
> you have lots of friends..
>
>
>
>
>
> 1. What is your full name? Paula Annaliese Poff
>
> 2. What color pants are you wearing? Charcoal Grey
>
> 3. What are you listening to right now? Switchfoot and Sanctus Real
>
> 4. What was the last thing you ate? French Onion soup…it was really good
>
> 5. Do you wish on stars? Every night
>
> 6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
> Pine Green
>
> 7. How is the weather right now? Too freakin’ cold!
>
> 8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My Daddy……
>
> 9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? -
> I’d better say yes or she’ll kill me….
>
> 10. How old are you today? - 17
>
> 11. Favorite drink? Chai Tea Latte (From Panera Bread)
>
> 12. Favorite sport? – Rugby and Politics
>
> 13. Hair color? Red-Brown
>
> 14. Do you wear contacts – NO!
>
> 15. Siblings? - 1 brother
>
> 16. Favorite month? July…nice and warm and this July I can vote!
>
> 17. Favorite food? Bread of any sort
>
> 18. What was the last movie you saw? –The Untouchables
>
> 19. Favorite day of the year? July 4th
>
> 20. What do you do to vent anger? get Sarcastic
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> 21. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Popeye figurine
>
> 22. Hugs or kisses? – Um…I don’t like to be touched?
>
> 24. Chocolate or vanilla? CHOCOLATE RULES THE WORLD….I mean it cures everything…
>
> 25. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?
No, I write these things to see myself type…..
> 26. Who is most likely to respond? Nobody, ‘cause no one ever E-mails me….
>
> 27. Who is least likely to respond? Didn’t you read the last one?
>
> 28. When was the last time you cried? Last night, I hated that CSI: Miami!
>
> 29. What is under your bed? OSCAR THE GROUCH…..I mean dust bunnies?
>
> 30. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
> Anna
>
> 31. What did you do last night? Met with my math tutor and then watched a heartbreaking CSI: Miami
>
> 32. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? – BUTTER! BUTTER! BUTTER! CLOG MY ARTERIES AND KILL MY HEART!
>
> 33. Favorite car? Rolls Royce
>
> 34. Favorite flower? Tiger Lillies
>
> 35. Number of keys to your house and cars? –Four to house, and I can’t count how many car keys
>
> 36. How many years at your current job? Hehe….2 months, and I hope to quit soon!
>
> 37. Favorite day of the week? - Tuesday SPEECH PRACTICE!
>
> 38. What did you do on your last birthday? –Worked at a summer camp
>
> 39. How many states have you lived in? – Virginia, Georgia, North Carolina, Indiana
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> 40. How many cities have you lived in? – Hampton, VA; Atlanta GA; Shelton Laural NC; Eden NC; Newport News VA; Greenville NC; Evansville IN; for a few months, Kokomo IN
>
> OK! your turn. See how many you get back
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A moment like this |
October 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Anything Jazz
Feeling: bemused
Hehe
I haven't posted in ages....my internet sucks
I am ill and on medication
I think that says it all |
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Exit Calypsan |
September 7th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Swing Music
Feeling: antisocial
Take the quiz: [url=http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=2573]Which of the three Fates are you?[/url]
[b]Atropus[/b]
You are Atropus! You are the cranky, bitter, eldest fate who secrety despises both her sisters but uses them for her own personal gain. You are manipulative and you enjoy bending others to your will. Atropus was the fate that cut the thread of life.
Take the quiz: [url=http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=989]What Celtic Diety are you?[/url]
[b]The Triple Goddess[/b]
(Pan-Celtic) The Triple Goddess is known and worshipped in Pagan cultures the world over. She is eternal, yet always changing. Like the moon which represents her, she shows a different face throughout her eternal cycle, yet she is always the same moon. At once she's the Maiden, Mother, and Crone, the creatrix who births all things into being, who devours all at its ending, and who provides life anew when the cycle begins again.Many different colors are attributed to her, but in Celtic Paganism they are white for the Maiden, red for the Mother, and black for the Crone. Throughout the Celtic lands many ancient remnants of her preeminence remain. One of the best examples survives at Corleck, County Cavan, Ireland, where an ancient and weathered stone is carved with three faces. Each face looks out to a different direction
Take the quiz: "Which Mystik Warrior Are You? (Girls w/Pics)" Elven ArcherYou are an Elven Archer! With your ancestrial background, you kill many at once with your wicked archery skills. You are quick-witted and clever and have great skill. Go you.
Take the quiz: "Which Star Wars Character are You?"Obi-Wan KenobiThe wise, and powerful Obi-Wan. You give your life to help Luke, and for this, gain immortality in the force. You were once a great Jedi Master.
Take the quiz: "Which Viking God, Goddess or Mythological Creature are you? (COOL PICTURES)!"ThorYou are Thor, the most popular God of them all! You relate well to people and are very strong and practical. Your giant hammer helps you as a blacksmith, and you can create thunder and lightning in the sky. However, what you like best is just a night of eating, drinking and partying.
Take the quiz: "What is your true element? (anime pics and detailed answers)"FireYou're typically friendly to most people, but when something bugs you, watch out! You're very short tempered and don't take crap from anyone. You have a lot of friends, some closer than others, but you're a free spirit that can't be tied down. This is great because it lets you be your own person, but it causes you to have a certain phobia when it comes to comitment. You're very strong willed, and always have to have your way This usualy isn't a problem, you can charm others into getting you what you want. Watch out, though, you may unknowingly hurt a friend or relative in all your mood swings.
Take the quiz: "What Mystical Creature Would You Be? (Girls Only)" FairyStubborn, beautiful, but still generous. You love to get your own way. You have a temper, At the same time you are generous. You are a hard worker and have a stick-to-it iveness about you. You never give up.
WEll, as you can see....I got bored. Nothing to really say tonight.... |
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Boom |
September 6th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Alone- Sanctus Real
Feeling: annoyed
Well, today was another wonderful day *sarcasm* I was sick on Friday, so I wasn't there in government to learn that our paper (that takes the place of a test), was due today, and I was too busy throwing up to go get my syllabus from my locker. Somehow, miraculously, I got it done before sixth period.Then, I went to Speech Practice after school. That was nice...it feels strange though because I'm a senior and the Captain.....and it's just odd. Then I went to church. That was a nightmare. You see, it's youth night, and I work there as a leader....but I was so tired I kept falling asleep...and so it was crazy. Then all the kids went psycho and started insulting my mom (Mama Poff), and it took everything I had to be christianlike and NOT wring their pathetic little necks....grrrr. Then on the ride home, they started insulting me. It didn't really hurt, because let's face it, I really don't care what a bunch of 9-12 yr. olds think of me. If I did, I would have quit working at camp. It was just a wonderful closing to a great day. Then I get home, and my parents yell at me because 1) I used too many minutes this month, though most of them were from me to them when I was out of town, 2) because I made like, six one minute calls to Jasper IN, and I don't even KNOW anyone there....(at least I don't think I do....)
So then I got online, and the first song that popped up on my online radio was 'Relearn Love' by Scott Strap, and it was....nice. It was like God was trying to cheer me up by giving me something I like to do: Learn.
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Grant |
September 5th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Layers of Grant
LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Grant
Birth date: May 30th, 1988
Zodiac sign: Gemini
Birthplace: Savannah Georgia
Current location: Georgetown
Hair: Short and brown
Righty or Lefty: Left
LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: Dutch and German.
Shoes you wore today: Dress shoes
Your weakness: my opinions
Your fears: Being judged and left alone
Your perfect pizza: ham and pineapple
Goal you'd like to achieve: Get somewhere in politics
LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your most overused phrase on AIM/MSN: brb
Your thoughts first waking up: I loved my dreams last night
Your best physical feature: My hands
Your bedtime: I have fits of insomnia, so it changes a lot.
Your most missed memory: Debating with my uncle
LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
Single or group dates: Single or Group, since I don’t date a lot, it doesn’t matter.
Adidas or Nike: I don’t wear a lot of tennis shoes
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I hate instant Tea
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino
LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: No.
Cuss: not usually.
Take a shower: Every day.
Have a crush: not at the moment
Think you've been in love: Yes.
Liked high school: It was ok
Want to get married: If it’s the right person? Yes
Believe in yourself: Mostly
Get motion sickness: No
Think you're a health freak: I guess so
Get along with your parents: My mother, yes; but my father…let‘s not go there.
Like thunderstorms: I love them
LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: Nope.
Gone on a date: No
Gone to the mall: No
Been on stage: Yes, tons
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No.
Eaten sushi: yes
Been dumped: No.
Gone skating: No, not much of a skater
Gone skinny dipping: No!
Stolen anything: No
LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No.
Been caught "doing something": Nope, haven’t even kissed anyone!
Been called a tease: Nope.
Gotten beaten up: Yes
LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: 27.
Number of Children: Depends on who the mother is and if she wants any.
How do you want to die: In my sleep.
What do you want to be when you grow up: politician.
LAYER NINE: THE OBJECT OF YOUR AFFECTIONS
Best eye color: green
Best hair color: red
Short or long hair: Depends on what looks best on her.
Height: shorter than me
Best first date location: Something fun and adventurous.
Best first kiss location: During a thunderstorm
LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people I could trust with my life: Not many
Number of CD's I own: None, I listen to the radio
Number of piercings: None.
Number of tattoos: None.
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper: A few times.
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Holdin' Out For A Hero |
September 4th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Broken Heart- Falling Up
Feeling: addicted
Where have all good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Wheres the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isnt there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need
I Need A Hero......
Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
Theres someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
Its gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet
(Chorus)
I need a hero
Im holding out for a hero til the end of the night
Hes gotta be strong
And hes gotta be fast
And hes gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
Im holding out for a hero til the morning light
Hes gotta be sure
And its gotta be soon
And hes gotta be larger than life
Up Where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that theres someone somewhere
Watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like a fire in my blood
(Chorus)x2
I Need A Hero
I know that I haven't posted in awhile, and I am sorry. Life has dealt me a lot of crap lately, and I haven't found the time to write. My friend Chris lives in New Orleans. He went to visit his Grandparents in Kansas two days before Katrina hit, he didn't hear from his folks for six days. He finally did, and they are staying with family in Houston.
I went over to Jessica's yesterday and had a blast. I was glad, because I really needed the time to unwind. Then Brittney came over and....
Well, the three of us cruising and listening to music from broadway musicals....need I say more?
Then we listened to a song that I hadn't heard in four years, not since I landed the part of Ariel in Footloose. It's called, Holding Out For A Hero, and the lyrics match me perfectly. I went to bed humming it and had a nice dream.....but we'll save that for a later entry ^_~
Jess and Britt are scaring me though. For Prom, they want to bring SOMEONE down from Minnesota.....and I must admit, I am a little frightened, but deep down hope that they succeed.....
'Cause after all, I'm holdin' out for a Hero.. |
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Let's pack up and move to California |
August 31st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Bittersweet- Falling Up
Feeling: abnormal
I’m not falling for anymore of these tricks
I’m so tired of everything here
These words are calling me to the east
Everyone’s debating out there
My bags are packed as I’m looking out the window
Everything is so modernized here
I wanna move east to where the music is playin’
I want my friends to all be there
Let’s pack up and move to District of Columbia
I’ve got lots of friends out there
We’ll never get bored cause we can go shoppin’
Let’s let the fun times take us there
I’m tired of taking it slow
So tired but I’m not sleeping
I’m wired about to pick up my shoes
Cause we’re all heading out for the weekend
Let’s pack up and move to District of Columbia
Hop on board before we get older
Raise your hands and shout for ‘Columbia
Come on, come on, come in, come on
Let’s pack up and move to District of Columbia
I’ve got lots of friends out there
We’ll never get bored cause we can go dancin’
Let’s let the fun times take us there
Come on, come on, come on, come on
Let’s pack up and move to District of Columbia
I’ve got lots of friends out there
We’ll never get bored cause we can go shoppin’
Let’s let the fun times take us there
Let’s pack up and move to Columbia!
We’ve got lots of friends out there
We’ll never get bored cause we can go singin’
Let’s let the sunshine take us there
Let’s pack up and move to District of Columbia
Hop on board before we get older
Raise your hands we’re heading for the border
Come on, come on, come on, come on
This is a ParadyI wrote to
'Let's Pack up and Move to California', by Hawk Nelson. The lyrics should say it all.... |
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