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I just got the thought that all of these entries are just numbers. Eventually, when I look back upon them, the emotion is gone. Of course I can tell if I was happy or sad or royally pissed off, but the emotion I felt at that given moment is lost. I don't feel the strength of it when I glance over my rants, my confessions, or my last attempts. I don't feel anything.
What is wrong with me?
I honestly don't know what to make of life anymore. Something is happening, I just don't know what. I know I am changing, and I'm scared.
I have no idea what I want anymore.
I can't make up my mind.
I hurt people.
I speak my mind
I don't know what kind of person I want to be. I'm not happy. What will it take to make me happy? I can be happy for a while, but eventually, I need something new. Something to excite me again. What will it take next time? Am I destined to be happy? Am I destined to go through life looking over and over again for the things that make me happy? For a little while at least? Am I going to be shown "the light" and love the person I am years from now? Am I going to die off and not even be remembered? What's it going to be?
I don't know... |